


I Love You Is Unspoken

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Age Difference, Codependency, Crime, Disturbing stuff, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Obsession, Riddler - Freeform, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, murders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2019-11-06 14:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 97,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17941901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Oswald Cobblepot needs to win the next elections. To gain sympathies among the voters, he decides to adopt a teenage boy from the Gotham Orphanage. However, Edward Nygma is anything but a normal fifteen-year-old. As their relationship undergoes considerable changes, Oswald finds himself struggling with the dangerous and unexpected new dynamic between them.---------Warning: Nothing about this story is healthy. The relationships here are not meant to represent healthy relationships.Important note: There's no pedophilia in this story! However, there is ephebophilia, more specifically lusting after and falling in love with a 16-year-old Edward Nygma. No actual sex with underage Ed, though.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Deutsch available: [Ich liebe dich bleibt ungesagt - Übersetzung](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20733488) by [Ronjale55](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ronjale55/pseuds/Ronjale55)



_“Mr. Mayor, to end our program, I think it’s only fair we ask you about your most recent decision to adopt a child.”_

_“Ah, yes,” Mayor Cobblepot nodded with a smile. “It may seem like a recent decision to you and to the people of Gotham, but it is something I have privately considered for quite some time now.”_

_“Oh, it is?”_

_“Yes. I’ve been blessed with amazing parents. Both my mother and my father loved me unconditionally. They showed me what a truly loving and supportive family is all about,” he was silent for a moment, looking quite serene as he paid respect to his parents. “They’re both gone now but their love stayed with me. In my heart. Now I wish I could give that to other orphans.”_

_“You are the youngest mayor Gotham ever had. Your remarkable landslide victory four years ago earned you a place in the history books. You are now nearing your thirties--”_

_“I’m 27.”_

_“Do you see it as a challenge to win another such victory?”_

_“It is victory enough to serve the people of Gotham,” Mayor Cobblepot said humbly but with dignity._

_“And what about this child you’re about to adopt? Wouldn’t that get in the way of your work?”_

_“When I do something I do it to the fullest and give everything I have. I am a mayor 24/7 and I intend to be a parent 24/7. Both are full-time all-consuming jobs that I feel honored to have.”_

_“Well, Edward Nygma is definitely a very lucky boy! To have a father like you,” the reporter grinned._

_Mayor Cobblepot’s smile widened. “Thank you, but_ ** _I_** _am the lucky one here. To have the opportunity to take this bright young man under my wing and give him what we all long for, a home. That is what’s truly lucky.”_

Jim turned off the TV and arched an eyebrow at Oswald. “So you’re adopting a kid, huh. Didn’t see that one coming.”

“You really see no human decency in me at all, do you, Jim?” Oswald sighed theatrically.

Jim lit his cigarette and smirked. “I just know there’s something else behind it,” he narrowed his eyes at him, amused, “What’s behind it, Oswald?”

Oswald suddenly became fascinated with the portraits on the wall in his beloved mansion.

“Oh, come on!” Jim wrapped an arm around the Mayor’s waist and pulled him closer. “Be honest with me. You really think there’s no other way to win this election but to get a kid?”

Oswald removed a few invisible specs of dust from Jim’s rumpled suit. “I do what I have to do, Jim.”

“Fine, but it’s gonna bite you in the ass one day,” Jim warned. “ _Mayor Cobblepot adopts a teenage boy._ You sure you want that in the papers? Your rivals will make it look like you’re a pervert or something.”  

Oswald huffed. “What was I supposed to do? Adopt a baby? I can’t be bothered with babies, they’re too much work!” he pulled away from Jim and waddled towards the bed. “It would be worse if I adopt a 10 year old. Then they’ll say Mayor Cobblepot is a pedophile.”

Jim chuckled, following Oswald to the bed and puffing smoke in his face. “You're lucky your teenage ward is a little bit on the ugly side from what I see in the papers. No one would suspect you got him for eye candy.”

“Really, Jim! You’re outrageous!” Oswald punched Jim's arm in retaliation but there was no real force behind it.

“Alright, alright. I was only teasing,” Jim raised his arms up above his head in defeat as he grinned at Oswald. “I'm sure you'll be a great parent. A great… _daddy_.”  

Oswald shook his head with a tsk. “You have such a dirty mind.”

“And you don't?” _That_ was a fucking joke.

Oswald rolled his eyes, then put his lips around Jim's cigarette, making a bit of a show before sucking in. The smoke hit his throat and made his eyes water. “God, Jim, those are horrible!” he coughed. “I should make a note to get you good cigarettes.”

“Just don't send them to the GCPD. I have enough problems as it is.”

“Right, I heard,” the Mayor nodded, relaxing on the bed. Jim followed, sprawled next to him. “That psycho that keeps hypnotizing people to jump off buildings. Anything I can do to help?”  

Jim shrugged. “Not really. It’s police work.”

“Yes, but I could pull some connections. Make people talk. You know I own the Underworld. I’m full of information.”

Jim frowned. “I got it under control.”

“If you say so,” Oswald shrugged. “In the meantime, you know I'd always gladly give you a …” he reached down for Jim's cock, “... _helping hand_.”

Jim put away the cigarette, grinning as he turned them over so that he'd be on top. “Oh, I’m well aware of how _accommodating_ you are, Mr. Mayor.”

Oswald giggled and pulled Jim into a bruising kiss. He allowed his hands to roam all over the other man’s back, just as they both liked it. There was something utterly profound about touching Jim. Perhaps it was their history together, the fact that Jim was Oswald’s first lover, or perhaps it was the shared secret of their relationship, but there was no denying it, Jim Gordon was very special to the Mayor of Gotham. So special, in fact, that Oswald wrapped his legs around him and bucked his hips upwards to get more friction as they both surrendered to their passion. All in all, it was a good day.

~*~  

Getting the papers prepared was easy. With Oswald’s currently outstanding record no one could prove anything untoward. He was single but wealthy, he could definitely provide a stable home, and he was constantly in the spotlight so people would notice if there was any mistreatment. He didn’t even need to pull strings in order to get the approval. He was still the people’s sweetheart, the beloved Mayor that stood up for them and saved them from the monsters four years ago. Whatever his rivals tried to pull with blackening his reputation before the elections, would definitely fail now. With the adoption story, Oswald had the electorate in his back pocket.  

What bothered the Mayor more was the fact that he had to _actually keep_ that kid, make accommodations for him, share a roof with him. If he were to welcome a stranger in his home, there were certain things that had to change. For example, him and Jim had to be more careful now that Oswald would no longer be alone in the house. Jim’s more private visits had to remain a secret, they did not need _that_ kind of press. He also had to be more careful with his work as kingpin of the Gotham Underworld. No more casually bringing work home every now and then. Not that he usually did that, he was mindful not to be too obviously involved in the going ons in Gotham’s criminal life. Those were his main concerns. Other than that the kid should be no trouble. Olga was there to look after him (perhaps the little brainiac would teach her a little English too). He’d be at school for most of the day and Oswald at City Hall, so it worked out perfectly. They would only have to meet once in a while so that the kid doesn’t complain to the press that his new father wasn’t paying attention to him. This could actually work. And his rivals would eat their own hearts out with spite that he actually pulled this off right under their noses! Once again, clean elections. Mayor Cobblepot was simply loved by the people! He, who had always been ridiculed, bullied, despised, neglected and mocked his entire life, was now Gotham’s favorite mayor! Who would’ve guessed? Another puzzling fact was that he was also the _only honest_ mayor Gotham had in its recent history. It was ironic really that despite his under wraps criminal activities, Oswald of all people was the mayor who _actually got_ the votes and didn’t have to _buy_ them. First clean elections Gotham had in ages! He felt strangely proud of that. He hoped his parents were proud of him too.

Another quick glance in the mirror and Oswald was ready. He had to make a good second impression to that kid, Edward. He seemed quite nervous, distant and jittery the first time they met. Oswald wasn’t sure how much of it was nerves and how much his actual personality. From what he gathered about Edward from the Orphanage he was a peculiar soul. His father died in a weird accident involving a ladder, his mother died shortly after in a psychiatric ward. Edward had been in the orphanage ever since. He kept mostly to himself, seemed quiet, socially awkward, obsessed with knowledge and reading, very intelligent, often bullied by his fellow orphans. In a way he reminded Oswald of himself. This wasn’t about bonding, however. Oswald wasn’t interested in actually making friends with some 15 year old. This was a business transaction, beneficial to both of them. Oswald would get re-elected, Edward would get out of the orphanage. Everybody wins! However, they had to keep up appearances, especially in the beginning. All of Gotham would be following the story closely and Oswald needed it to go smoothly. If he could get the youth to like him, that would make things even easier for him, so Oswald was prepared to buy off that kid’s love with presents and whatnot just to make sure nothing got in the way of his re-election campaign.

The press was already there when Oswald arrived at the Orphanage to take the kid to his new home. It was the press coverage he expected to get so he was pleased. With his 4 year of experience as mayor he knew how to play his part brilliantly. He smiled and waved, made the kid smile and wave too, presented a few gifts, smiled some more, waved some more. Edward remained silent for the most part, only thanking one journalist for wishing him a happy life with his new father. He seemed shy so in a way that had to be endearing for the public, right? Oswald himself wasn’t sure how to approach a shy teenage boy but how hard could it be? After all, he was once a shy teenage boy himself.

After allowing the press to take as many pictures as they wished, after a brief but emotional statement about hope and new beginnings, Oswald and Edward slid into the Mayor’s shiny black car and the driver took off for the Mansion.

~*~

“The Van Dahl mansion has been a part of Gotham’s history for centuries,” Oswald heard himself say during the car ride. He wanted to break the ice. He had realized that in his haste to complete the adoption procedure he had completely forgotten to actually spend time with the kid and get to know him. He hoped that would not be a problem in the future. Perhaps now was a good time to start. “It’s been in my family since it was built by my grand-grand-grand--”

“I know the story,” Edward interrupted. “I’ve read about it.”

One corner of Oswald’s lips quirked up as he looked at the boy. “You researched me? That’s sweet.”

“I didn’t,” Edward insisted, startled as if he were accused of something bad. “I just like history. And I read a lot. There were books in the library…”

“Ah. Well, I’m happy to inform you that there is a vast and impressive library back at the mansion, so you can find anything you want there,” he lowered his voice a bit, conspiratorially. “I know you like to read. _I did_ my research so I’m prepared.”

Edward looked at him sheepishly. Oswald was smiling at him, hoping to ease the kid’s mind but instead the young man only stared back.

“Right.” It would take time. But they will eventually fall into some kind of rhythm, a dynamic that would work well for both of them. “Anyway, feel yourself at home, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Why did you choose me?” Edward asked, ignoring the rest of what Penguin told him.

“What do you mean?” Oswald asked with that same fake smile plastered on his face. His _“work”_ smile.

“You’re the Mayor. You’re powerful, rich and influential. You could’ve chosen _any_ orphan you wished to adopt. Why me?”

“Why not you?”

“Well, for starters, I’m old. Weird. Unlovable. A freak. Not talkative. Awkward. Annoying. Irritating. I’m everything a parent would want to avoid.”

Oswald’s jaw nearly dropped. The words were uttered in such a detached fashion as if Edward wasn’t talking about himself at all. As if he were simply making an observation on the weather. What have they done to this boy if he seemed so resigned at the thought of being considered an unlovable freak. It was exactly the fact that Edward was different and rejected by his peers that made Oswald choose him. But he wasn’t certain if that was safe to mention to the boy in this particular moment. Taken aback, the Mayor wasn’t sure how to respond at first. But Edward was waiting for an answer, so he had to speak.

“Your intelligence impressed me,” he finally admitted. It was partly true. One of the reasons he wanted Edward instead of someone else was Edward’s obvious intellect. “As for your age… You’re only 15. That’s not old.”

“It is when you’re an orphan. Most people prefer adopting younger children, not teens.”

“Well, I’m not most people. I believe that anyone, regardless of their age, deserve a chance at having a happy home.”

Edward narrowed his eyes a little. “Is this what you want? A happy home?”

“Well, yes.”

“With me?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“So this isn’t just some publicity stunt to get re-elected?”

“Umm…” Oswald did not see that coming. He never thought that Edward’s intelligence would lead to him seeing right through Oswald. And so quickly, too!

“What happens if you lose the elections despite adopting me?” Edward persisted. “Would you send me back to the orphanage then?”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Oswald exclaimed passionately. He could feel his temper rising and he had to keep that in check now that he was a new parent. Damn it! This wasn’t easy.

“I just want to know where I stand,” Edward said. Suddenly he wasn’t at all as jittery as Oswald remembered. There was something different about him, as if there were two of him. It made no sense.

“I am _not_ losing the elections,” Oswald said firmly.

“I almost thought you were about to say you were not sending me back to the orphanage,” Ed chuckled bitterly.

“That too! Because everything will be perfect!”

“You actually believe that?”

“Yes! Failure is not an option!”

The car stopped and Edward glanced at the mansion. “It is as nice as in the pictures,” he muttered quietly.

Oswald was still too worked up from their little argument to pay attention to the magnificent architecture of his own home. A little shaken, he reached for the handle and pushed the car door open to leave as fast as he could. “Olga will show you to your room!” He called out, limping furiously towards his study.

Edward remained in the car until a blonde middle-aged woman with a heavy Russian accent and a maid’s uniform showed up. She seemed completely unimpressed by everything and everybody around her.

“Come,” she instructed and slowly walked towards the mansion.

Edward shrugged and followed. This was his new life now. He better get used to it.

~*~

“He’s insulting and demeaning and it’s only been an hour-- I don’t know what to do with him, Jim!”

 _“Calm down, Oswald. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”_ Jim’s reassuring voice came from the other end of the line. It had a soothing effect on the Mayor. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, the tension slowly leaving his shoulders.  

“I didn’t expect him to catch onto me so quickly,” Oswald admitted. “I knew he was clever but I assumed that would be a bonus so that I don’t have to deal with an idiot in my home. Do you suppose there’s a danger of him being _too smart_?”

Jim’s amused laughter made Oswald realize the ridiculousness of his own fears.

“You’re right, Jim. I’m going crazy, aren’t I?” he sighed.

 _“You’re tense. You need to relax,”_ Jim said. _“I’d gladly come help you with that, give you a nice long massage, perhaps a soothing bath. But I’m swamped with police work.”_

Oswald nodded understandingly even though Jim couldn’t see him.

_“I promise we’ll make up for it this weekend?”_

“Sounds really good to me,” Oswald sighed, imagining being in Jim’s arms again. “But perhaps I should come to your place this time? Or use one of my safe houses? I don’t want Edward to see you…”

 _“I thought you live in a huge mansion with plenty of room, Oswald,”_ Jim chuckled. _“But alright, if you’d feel more comfortable coming to my place, we can do that. We’ll arrange something, don’t worry.”_

“Good. That’d be good,” he pressed his head to the wall, resting his eyes for a moment. “Thanks, Jim. I lo--” he bit his lower lip, cursing himself for nearly saying _I love you_. That wasn’t what they said to one another, that wasn’t them. They couldn’t afford to say these things, even if they felt them. And Oswald wasn’t sure if Jim actually felt that way or their relationship was simply convenient for him. “I appreciate it,” he said instead.

_“Any time, Oswald.”_

He could hear the smile in Jim’s voice and the tension left his body completely. Yes, this was a strange and new situation for him. But perhaps it would still work out for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

“Vash zavtrak gotov,” Olga announced that their breakfast was ready.

“Thank you, Olga.” Oswald took his usual place at the head of the large dining table as Olga retreated back to the kitchen. It was just the two of them now. It was still a bit weird for Oswald to have a teenager around but it had to be a matter of time for them to get used to it.

Edward took the seat on Oswald’s left, his eyes cast down as if observing the food was far more interesting than making eye contact with his new guardian, the Mayor of Gotham himself. Oswald inhaled deeply, summoning all his patience. He spent the last couple of days quietly watching Edward from afar, leaving the kid to his own devices and giving him complete freedom in hope that this would make adapting to the changes in his life easier. Edward spent that time exploring the mansion and most specifically Oswald’s library. It seemed to be his favorite place, right after his own room. From Oswald’s observations he could tell that Edward had a curious mind, yet he was a quiet and shy thing, very closed off. Still there were glimpses of an excitable nature, struggling to come out, that Edward seemed very eager to repress. As if that same eagerness had caused him enough heartache already and he didn’t want more of it. Oswald wondered curiously about Edward’s past but he wasn’t sure it was the right time to ask questions about it yet. Losing your parents, being bullied in an orphanage, all alone in the world, scared and different from everyone else, that was not an easy childhood, not something one would just open up about to a near stranger. The transition to adolescence didn’t seem to go any better for Edward either. Hopefully this was a new start for the 15 year old.

Of course all that internal turmoil that was probably happening in Edward’s soul was mostly irrelevant to Oswald’s initial goal when he decided to adopt the young man. As far as Edward was healthy, seemingly happy and out of trouble, Oswald got what he wanted. Why worry about anything else?  

Edward dug in his breakfast energetically. At least he had appetite, Oswald thought. Perhaps now was a good time to try and talk to the boy again. Make things better after the fiasco of their first day at the mansion. That was what Jim would’ve advised.

The Mayor cleared his throat. “Do you like the food, Edward?”

Edward shrugged. “S’okay.”  

 _S’okay?_ That was all he got? A _“s’okay”"_? Olga was an excellent cook! Nearly as good as Oswald’s own mother had been. The Mayor and Kingpin of Gotham’s Underworld received only the best quality food, prepared just right, an exquisite assortment of delicious treats, and all the reaction that got from Edward Nygma was a _s’okay?_ What did the kid want? Jupiter on a plate?

“It is a very fine recipe, I’d say,” Oswald added, carefully urging Edward to elaborate more. However, Edward only continued to eat, not really paying much attention to Oswald’s efforts to communicate. It was getting a bit irritating and the Mayor remembered Edward’s warning from the other day. According to the boy’s own words, he was a nightmare for all parents. Oswald didn’t exactly feel like a parent but he didn’t want to prove Edward’s theory right. He still hoped they could find a way to make this experience easier for both of them. There was no reason why this couldn’t be a mutually beneficial arrangement. “If you prefer something else--” Oswald suggested but Edward cut him off quickly.

“No. I like it,” the boy nearly gasped, wrapping his arms defensively around his plate as if he were afraid Oswald would just snatch the food away from him. “Like I said, it’s okay.”

Their eyes met. Edward looked like a frightened little animal but there was hidden fierceness in the depths of his gaze. Oswald furrowed his brows a little.

“Alright. Whatever you like,” he said out loud, trying to sound reassuring and calm. Jim had warned him about that when they last spoke on the phone. Oswald often failed to control his temper which could make him appear intimidating, especially to a child. He had to keep himself in check around Edward if he wanted to earn the kid’s trust. For his own peace of mind, Oswald was willing to make the effort. Perhaps it was unwise but he was beginning to find that kid interesting. He was intrigued by how his mind worked, wondering what the world inside his head was like. There was clearly a lot under the surface and Oswald liked to know what kind of person he had to deal with. “So what do you want to do today? Any plans?” he asked amiably.

Edward shrugged and returned his attention to the food. “When do I start school?”  

Good question. “Next week. So there’s still four days of freedom. Woo-woo!” Oswald smiled cheerfully, imitating a train whistle with the appropriate gesture.

“I like studying,” Edward said seriously.

Oswald exhaled. “Of course you do. I was only making a joke.”

Once again Edward ignored Oswald’s attempts at breaking the ice and instead inquired about what he found more important than jokes. “Can I be homeschooled?”

That was an unexpected question. Oswald never even thought of it as an option. Big brown eyes awaited for his judgement with what looked like a mixture of hope and fear and Oswald just didn’t know what to do. His lips parted a little as he considered this. Edward being homeschooled ruined his brilliant idea of only meeting the kid for breakfast and dinner. If Edward were homeschooled he’d be around the house the entire time so Oswald would have to see him more often. On the other hand, having Edward spend more time at home could be a good thing. It considerably diminished the risk of Edward getting into trouble or causing undesired scandals. The mansion was big enough, Oswald would still be able to have his space, it was no biggie. Homeschooling could work for them but Oswald still preferred to go without it. The press could think it weird that the Mayor locked the teen inside his mansion. Edward going to school seemed more… conventional.

“Umm, why?” he asked out loud. “There’s a chauffeur who can drive you to school and back. And I’m told it’s the _best_ school in Gotham.”  

Edward swallowed, stirring his food with his fork, his appetite from a moment ago almost completely vanished. “I don’t really get along with others much… or more like, they don’t get along with me.”

Carefully Oswald leaned forward a bit so that he could look at the boy’s face better. “There won’t be any bullies in that school, Edward, I assure you. Everybody knows you’re the Mayor’s kid. They won’t _dare_ to hurt you. Trust me. And if they do, wait for them to turn their backs and push them down the stairs.” He winked and smiled just enough to make it seem like a joke yet Edward still gaped at him with uncertainty. Oswald cleared his throat. “The point is,” he continued when it became clear that Edward wasn’t going to say anything, “you won’t get bullied there. That’s a promise.”

Edward turned to his food again. “Okay,” he said, sounding detached. As if what they just discussed did not concern him at all.

But Oswald could see through that mask of indifference. He noticed how nervous and worried Edward was when he asked to be homeschooled. His current nonchalance was clearly an act and Oswald couldn’t help but wonder how long would it take for Edward to stop putting up walls between them and open up to him instead.  

“How about you try going to that school for a while and if you really don’t like it there, just tell me and we’ll figure something out,” Oswald suggested. “Perhaps even homeschooling.”

“Really?” Ed asked. He looked so hopeful at that moment. The mask of indifference was off at least for a few seconds and Oswald felt like he had really accomplished something.

“I can get you the best tutors. It won’t be an issue,” Oswald assured. “But,” he added, raising one finger, “promise me you’ll try the school first, okay? You might like it.”

Edward nodded, a small wavering smile hesitating on his face. “Okay. I will.”

“Deal?” Oswald offered Ed his hand.

Ed looked at it for a moment and then shook it. “Deal.”

Oswald smiled. There. Parenting was easy! Oswald could do this!

~*~

“Your place is a dump,” Oswald remarked as Jim let him in his small bachelor apartment.

“Thank you, Oswald. That’s very kind of you,” Jim replied, amused, closing and locking the door behind them. “Are you going to complain about it the entire time or was this just a part of the greeting?”

“Don’t take it personally,” Oswald cupped Jim’s cheek and leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of the detective’s lips.  

Jim hummed, closing his eyes. “You’re the one who didn’t want a hotel room,” he reminded, pulling Oswald closer to himself so that they’d be flush against one another.

Oswald’s breath hitched at that. “That would’ve been… too… careless…” he said in between kisses. It didn’t take long before he surrendered himself completely to Jim’s passionate embraces.

“I know. I agree. That’s why this has to do for now.”

Oswald sighed. “Olga could’ve made dinner for us at the mansion though. You’re missing out.”

Jim pulled away enough to look the Mayor in the eyes. “I don’t think I am. This may surprise you, Oswald, but I’m not visiting your mansion for the food. I have… _other_ … motives.”

Oswald bit back his own grin and pulled Jim into another kiss. “It’s so weird with the kid at home. He asked me about homeschooling the other day and I just panicked. He’s not loud or anything, he doesn’t seem to cause any trouble, but I can still feel his presence everywhere. It’s strange.”

“That’s really interesting, Oswald, but we can either talk about your teenage ward or make love. We can’t do both.”

Oswald chuckled. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I’m sorry. I’ll leave the Edward talk for later.” That said, Oswald started unbuttoning Jim’s shirt. He did not touch his own clothes because he knew Jim enjoyed unwrapping each of the layers himself. “I’ve missed you, Detective Gordon!”

“It’s only been a few days, Mayor Cobblepot,” Jim chuckled fondly. “Aren’t you a bit insatiable?”

“I’m addicted to you, James!”

As they kissed, Jim groaned into Oswald’s mouth, “I believe it. You were desperate enough to even come to my apartment. Talk about stooping low.”

It was meant as a joke but Oswald still pulled away, eyes big and filled with raw honestly. “This isn’t stooping low, Jim. Your place is a dump, that’s true, but it’s still yours and I love it because it’ll be filled with memories of us.”

“Someone’s the romantic today.” Jim smirked.

“I just wanted to treat you to dinner at the mansion, that’s all,” Oswald shrugged regretfully.

“We can still eat dinner here, y’know,” Jim reminded.

Oswald glanced at Jim’s small kitchen and sighed. “I doubt you have anything in that old fridge of yours. But next time I’m bringing food. And I’m cooking.”

Jim chuckled. “You cook?”

“Better than you think! My mother taught me.”

“Lucky me then.”

He rested his head on Jim’s shoulder. “It’ll be a nice distraction, too. For both of us.”

Jim rubbed at Oswald’s back gently. “Is it that bad with that kid in the mansion?” he asked, slightly concerned.

“Not necessarily _bad_ ,” Oswald allowed, “just… weird. I find myself in the strange position of actually wanting to get through to him. He partly reminds me of me, I suppose.”

“I get it. You want to help,” Jim couldn’t stop the fond smile that spread across his face. “You have a good heart, Oswald Cobblepot.”

“Stop it,” Oswald actually blushed. Having James Gordon praising him like this had that effect on him.

“Just talk to him. Be patient. Life hasn’t been easy on that boy.”

Oswald hummed. “True…”

“And don’t forget you’re not alone in this. If there’s anything I can do to help you with parenting, just let me know and I’m on it,” Jim reassured.

“Thank you,” Oswald smiled. It was really good to know Jim had his back, and not just when it came to Gotham and crime rates, but in their personal lives as well. Oswald was not used to having people he could trust. Jim was a lucky exception.

They spent the rest of the evening together. Proper dinner was out of the question under the circumstances (to Oswald’s great regret), but takeout and snuggling with Jim on Jim’s couch was nice too. Domestic. For a moment Oswald could close his eyes and imagine that this was his life. Domestic bliss with James Gordon. Not that he’d ever give up being the most powerful man in Gotham, he could never _not want that_ , but it was nice to take a break every once in awhile. Even Kings needed time off and what could be better than spending that time with Jim?

~*~  

True to his word, Edward started school without any unnecessary drama, whining or complaining. He was ready, punctual and prepared as one would expect from a responsible student like him. Oswald was relieved to see that. It was really mature of Ed to accept their deal and honor it. Oswald himself was usually in the habit of throwing tantrums whenever things didn’t go his way so it was ironic that his adopted 15 year old accepted things with such composure.  

Feeling too nervous to concentrate on work that entire day, Oswald spent most of his time pacing in his office at City Hall, wondering if Ed was alright. He understood the boy’s concerns all too well, having his fair share of bullies in his life. If he could spare Ed that same experience, he would do it without hesitation. Besides, he really didn’t need to deal with Edward’s problems on top of his own. With the elections coming soon Oswald just wanted this whole thing to go as smoothly as possible. He already had a chat with the Principal, explaining the situation to her and making sure she kept Ed safe from harm, both verbal and physical. Just in case, he also had people at the school premises at all times whose job was to discreetly check up on Ed. But was that enough? Bullies were sneaky, they always found a way to torture their victims. And Oswald would _not allow_ anyone to mess with him or Ed. All of Gotham had to learn not to cross the Penguin.

When school was over Edward was surprised to find that the Mayor had come to pick him up personally. It had to be a publicity stunt of some sort, why else would he leave his busy schedule for Edward? Yet, if it were a publicity stunt than he was doing it wrong because no one but Ed could see the Mayor in the back seat of the car. And there was no point in trying to impress Ed, he couldn’t vote yet anyway.  

“Well? How was it?” Mr. Cobblepot asked rather impatiently. “And please, don’t say _s’okay_.”

Edward bit his lip because that was exactly what he was about to say. “It went well,” he amended, sliding into the car next to Mr. Cobblepot. The chauffeur silently drove off, already familiar with his instructions.

Edward stole a quick glance at the Mayor. The man seemed strangely agitated today. Perhaps it was the elections. It had to be what with that ridiculous campaign. Ed wasn’t sure if he should mention it or not. Probably not. It wasn’t any of his business if Mr. Cobblepot’s advisers were idiots.

“Did anyone give you trouble?” The Mayor’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

Edward shook his head. “No, they were fine. Mostly they keep away. Which is good. I like that.”

He did not seem too happy about it but Oswald decided to leave that for another day. Too much digging for one day might scare Ed off. Oswald had to slowly build up to it. For now the important part was that Edward didn’t get physically or verbally abused. Perhaps later he could use some help learning how to socialize properly but Oswald was hardly the expert on that. He himself had not mastered that skill either. All his socializing was work-related. It was a miracle that he got Jim in his life.

He decided to change the topic. “I’m sorry I couldn't come in time for dinner last night. Late night at City Hall. I was very busy.”

Edward nodded. “With your election campaign. Yes, I saw. I watched you on the news.”

Oswald smiled a little. “You watched me on the news? What did you think?” he asked teasingly. Ed probably found it funny that his guardian was on TV. Oswald was willing to indulge the kid.

Instead of being amused, however, Edward hesitated for a moment before replying with a very serious look on his face, “The man who helps you is a bit too aggressive. He spends more time making personal attacks against your opponents than pointing out your good sides.”

“Butch can be a bit… antagonistic…” Oswald allowed, considering what Edward had just said. “But what do you suggest I do? Let others attack me?”

“No. But your campaign could send louder positive messages. You already have one very successful mandate, you could build on that,” Edward elaborated. “Concentrate on what you’ve done for Gotham so far. It is impressive enough. You managed to cut crime rates in half. Gotham hasn’t had such lower crime rates in decades. You’re the first non-corrupted mayor in recent history. You can stress more on your ideas for the future and continue in the same successful direction. Your opponents can’t compete with that. And, as a bonus, you have me now. With me in your life you could gain even more sympathy, get more votes,” he hesitated before adding, “Isn’t-- isn’t that why you adopted me in the first place?”

Oswald bit the inside of his cheek. “About that… That’s not the _only_ reason why I--”

“That’s alright. I get it. You want to be mayor,” Ed cut him off. “It’s fine. But since you went there, you can at least use me for publicity, instead of just flaunting the fact that you adopted someone.”

“Are you suggesting I talk more about you in public?” Oswald asked, his interest visibly piqued.

“No. On the contrary. Keep me to yourself. Keep this private. Say you don’t want to discuss your personal life with the media and that you’re devoted to Gotham entirely.”

“I don’t understand. How would that help with--”  

Edward was quick to explain, “Do that but then go to the park with me. Or any place where we could be seen. Play it off as if you don’t want the attention. We’re just spending time together, hanging out. But people will talk. They’ll see. A few strategically posted pictures and the people of Gotham will do your campaign for you. They’ll spread the word. It’ll be good for your public image, and build a more favorable character in their eyes. The “personal touch”, the non-political reasons people have when they vote. Your opponents would not be able to say anything to that. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of a loving father with his son is priceless and heartwarming. It can easily win you the people’s hearts, and their votes.”

Oswald was dumbfounded for a moment. He did not expect Edward to be so good at this. “You know, you’re making some really good points. This could actually work!”

“I-- I think it will.” Edward stuttered. He wasn’t sure how to react to praise but he liked it very much. People didn’t usually compliment his intellect but Ed secretly craved to be appreciated for his ideas and his mind.

They were nearing the mansion now. Edward could recognize the road.

Mr. Cobblepot turned towards him again, brows furrowed. He looked rather serious. “Edward, are you really willing to do this for me? To help with my campaign? Spend time with me and have your pictures all over the papers?” He licked his lip. “It may have crossed my mind that adoption would increase my chances at the upcoming elections,” he admitted reluctantly, “but I assure you I wasn't going to force you to _actively_ participate in this.”

“And I assure you I don’t mind,” Edward said. “I like being useful. I’d be glad to help with this. It’s interesting.”

A strange look crossed the Mayor’s face. A look Edward was not familiar with but it resembled pride or fondness. Either ways, it was a positive look and it made Edward feel all warm on the inside.

The car stopped in front of the mansion. “Ah,” Mr. Cobblepot smiled. “We’re home.”

And for the first time Edward thought that perhaps the Mayor was right. Perhaps this could be home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's another chapter! Your lovely comments inspire me to write more ;) Thank you!

“Pass the marmalade, will you?” Edward asked with a pleasant smile. They were outside, having a lovely picnic in the park. Oswald had to sit down on a blanket and stay in the sun, sweating in his three piece suit. “You could remove your jacket, y’know,” Edward suggested, accepting the marmalade jar from the Mayor.

“Out of the question,” Mr. Cobblepot said firmly. “I _always_ dress like this.”

“Not now. Take your jacket off.” Edward instructed.

They had a small stare competition which Edward eventually won.

“Fine,” the Mayor groaned, defeated. Slowly he removed his jacket and carefully placed it next to their picnic basket. Edward couldn’t help but feel amused at the loving care with which the Mayor treated his clothes. Like they were his beloved pets. “Happy now?”

Edward smiled. “Very much,” he said, nodding approvingly.

Mr. Cobblepot rolled his eyes but then returned the smile. He knew all this was for a reason. Edward’s advice was always for a reason, and always good. “Anything else, my Chief of Staff?” he asked, propping his cheek on his hand.

Edward bit back a grin. “I’m _hardly_ your Chief of Staff. But for now I think you can relax, just enjoy the fresh air and the nice weather.”

Oswald glared up at the sky, squinting his eyes. The weather really was nice, it was unnatural. Gotham was never this bright and sunny. Something had to be wrong. But it allowed great pictures so Oswald was not going to complain. Only endure whatever he had to.

“I feel naked,” he muttered.

“You’re very much dressed, fear not,” Edward assured. “This way you look more approachable, open and honest. Now, if you would just relax already. You’re too stressed. This is supposed to be a pleasant afternoon in the park.”

Oswald swallowed and lied down a little. “Is this better?”

“You want me to paint you, Mayor Cobblepot?” Edward teased.

Oswald frowned. “You said you wanted me to relax!” he nearly pouted.

Edward chuckled fondly. “That’s perfect.”

Oswald loosened up some more. Ever since Edward decided to help with the election campaign Oswald had been on cloud nine. The kid was so clever! He had a knack for this kind of work, it came natural to him. He was doing better than all of Oswald’s adult advisers combined! After less than a month working together Oswald already valued Edward’s judgement more than he did anyone else’s. And he made sure Edward knew that.

“I’d be lost without you, Ed. I hope you know that,” he said, trying not to look too stiff as he lounged on the picnic blanket. “You’re like a dream come true!”

The praise washed over Edward like a pleasant wave, engulfing him and making him feel light and carefree. “Thank you,” he muttered, still not entirely sure how to respond to compliments, even though he desperately wanted them.  

“The latest opinion polls show I actually gained more supporters for the last few weeks,” Oswald said, nearly melting at the news. “Your ideas work miracles.”

“That’s only because you’ve already done so much,” Edward replied. “It’s easy to sell a good product.”

Oswald chuckled amused. “Ah, not true. Sometimes people can’t see a good thing even if it hits them right in the face. So your strategy does more than you think. Give yourself credit for it. You’ve earned it.”

Edward looked down at his hands to hide his smile. “Thank you, Mayor Cobblepot.”

Oswald frowned. “Mayor Cobblepot…” he repeated. “That’s so formal. Shouldn’t you call me something else?”

“Like what? Mr. Cobblepot?”

“Everyone else calls me that. And it’s still terribly formal.”  

“Mr. C?”

Oswald grimaced and shook his head.

“How about your initials? OCC?”

“That’s just weird.”

Edward hesitated a little. “Father? Dad?” he swallowed, “Or daddy?”

Oswald froze. Was he ready to be called that? Technically he was supposed to be Edward’s father… but he did not feel parental. With Edward helping with the campaign they felt more like equals than parent and child. Edward was _not_ his son and no matter how much Oswald had grown to care for the boy in the last three weeks, he couldn’t make himself think of him as his son. Would Ed be hurt if Oswald just told him that?

“Umm…”

“I could just call you Oswald, if you prefer,” Edward shrugged, offering the Mayor a way out of his uncomfortable predicament.

Oswald swallowed. “Yes, that… that sounds good.” It wasn’t too strange, was it? “Unless you _want_ to call me dad, which would be fine too…” he added quickly, feeling obligated to give Ed that option even if he secretly hoped the teen would refuse.

“No. I like calling you Oswald,” Edward said confidently. “Besides calling you father or dad would make things more awkward when we’re around your campaign workers.”

“That’s true!” Oswald said relieved. He breathed out with a smile. “That’s good thinking, Ed. Once again your thoughts impress.”

Edward dared to show his smile at Oswald this time and the Mayor beamed at him in return. He was about to say something when his phone rang.

“Oh… it’s… it’s Detective Gordon,” he said, eyes locked on the screen. “It might be important. I should get that.” Giving Edward’s shoulder a light tap, Oswald carefully got up from the ground, mindful of his bad leg, and waddled away, stopping at a distance where Edward couldn’t overhear his conversation with the policeman.

Edward didn’t think much of it at first. He just observed the Mayor from afar with a small smile on his face. Being the Mayor’s right hand, even unofficially, gave Edward a good opportunity to get to know the man more. It turned out Oswald Cobblepot was far more interesting than Edward had first assumed. The more time they spent together, the more attached Edward felt. He liked being around the Mayor. He learned a lot from him but at the same time he could contribute as well so he didn’t feel useless or like a burden in some way. It was the perfect symbiotic system.

The Mayor glanced at Edward for a second and smiled back when Edward waved at him. Then he turned his back on him again as he continued his call. Edward frowned a little. What was taking so long? What did the police detective want with the Mayor that took more than 5 minutes? Oswald didn’t give his time freely to just anyone. Why listen to Gordon with such sudden interest? Slowly the smile on Edward’s face faded away and by the time the Mayor was back it was completely gone.

“Are you going to eat that tuna sandwich?” Oswald asked, taking his place on the blanket once again.

“What did Detective Gordon want with you?” Edward asked, instead of an answer.

“Umm, it was about work. Why?” Oswald said, reaching out for more food and popping it into his mouth.

“What kind of work exactly?” Edward insisted. “I might be able to help.”

The question took Oswald by surprise. He didn’t seem too willing to share. “It’s a different kind of work, you wouldn’t know about it yet. It’s not about the elections.”

“I could help if you let me--”

“I appreciate this, Ed, but there’s no need,” the Mayor cut him off. Then he smiled again to lighten up the mood. “These sandwiches are delicious. Well done, Ed.”

But this time the praise didn’t feel quite as good as it did earlier. Edward only nodded, looking down at his hands again. His good mood was gone. He hated to admit it but knowing that other people had access to Oswald’s ear irritated Ed. Why would Oswald need other advisors if he had Edward? Why would he need other people when he had Ed to help him? Oswald was pleased with Ed’s work, he said so himself! So why keeping anyone else at all? It made no sense. All other people were redundant. Oswald should see that too. Ed wanted to say something about it right now, make Oswald understand that he didn’t need Gordon, or Butch, or anyone really. They were nothing but pawns Oswald should use without listening to them. But it wasn’t the right time. Perhaps later. The Mayor would see reason eventually.

“How’s school?” Oswald asked, changing the topic.  

Edward suppressed a sigh. School seemed so mundane and boring to him now. Working with Oswald was much more exciting.

“S’okay,” he said, smirking a little. He was teasing the Mayor now in an attempt to remind him that he only needed Ed in his life. Ed was the one who could help him, work with him, organize his affairs, make him laugh, remind him to take off his jacket when it was too warm and it made him look too uptight in the eyes of the voters. Ed could do _everything_ , could _be_ everything for Oswald. “S’okay.”

“Not that again!” Oswald groaned and they both laughed. Edward was certain it was a genuine laughter. Oswald wasn’t just pretending for publicity like he did in the beginning, he was actually enjoying himself _for real_. Edward could tell.

“Sorry. But it really is okay,” Ed said, finishing up his own food. “My grades are good, I’m ahead of schedule…”

“You know I’m not asking about that,” Oswald said softly. He looked concerned.

Edward knew what he meant. He swallowed. “No one’s giving me a hard time,” he reassured. “If I had problems, I would’ve told you.”  

“I just want to make sure.”

“Or I would’ve told the people you placed around campus to watch me,” Edward added, eyeing the Mayor carefully.

Oswald’s jaw dropped a little.

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?” Ed asked amused. Oswald’s reaction was funny. He just had such an expressive face.

Oswald snapped out of his stupor. “I only did it because--”

“I know. You wanted to avoid scandal.”

“I wanted you to be safe,” he amended. “I-- I’ve been bullied myself, Edward. I got hurt multiple times and I wish I could spare you that.”

Edward’s face fell a little. “Perhaps that can’t be done,” he said quietly. “Perhaps we all have a pain tax we’re all obligated to pay during our lifetime.”

Oswald sighed. “I think the tax is unfair on some people.”  

“I’m alright, y’know.” Ed insisted. “My situation wasn’t half as bad as you think.”

“I admit I don’t know the details of your past. But I know you were hurt. I know you were alone and there was no one to help…” When Oswald reached down to cup Edward’s hands in reassrance he saw they were shaking. He glanced up and noticed the unshed tears in the young man’s eyes. “P-perhaps we should leave this conversation for some other time,” he quickly suggested. He didn’t mean to upset the boy in this fine day.

“Yeah.” Ed sucked in a deep breath, wiping at his eyes. “We don’t want people to think you hurt me.”

“This isn’t just because of the publici--”

But Edward was already up on his feet, taking in the view of the more distant parts of the park. “I think today’s picnic was a success. Don’t you agree?”

Oswald sighed. “Yes. Yes, it was.” He wished he could convince Edward somehow that he truly liked spending time with him.

Edward looked down at the Mayor. “Need some help? What with your leg and all…”

“I’m fine.” Oswald reassured. He didn’t like being treated like an invalid just because he had a limp.

“I know you are. But it’ll look endearing if someone caught it on camera.”

When Oswald looked up Ed winked at him and offered his hand. That cheered them both up and Oswald chuckled as he accepted the younger man’s help. “Just this once,” he said and let Edward pull him up to his feet.

“You should tell me how you got that injury. I’m curious to know,” Ed said as they gathered their things.

“I got beaten up by a girl,” the Mayor replied and Edward wasn’t sure if it was a joke or not.

~*~  

Edward wasn’t lying. School was boring compared to Edward’s other work but it wasn’t bad. He even made a few friends. Or sort of friends. He wasn’t sure if they were genuine yet. But they talked to him so he talked to them too. Working with Oswald and having authority over the campaign workers filled him with more confidence and it showed in his interaction with others. When Bruce, Selina and Ivy started talking to him more often, he did not make a fool of himself. He was chill and appropriately reserved for being “Mayor Cobblepot’s kid”. Not overly enthusiastic or too eager to be their friend, like he would have been in the past. They didn’t make him write their homework or anything like that either. They seemed to just want to be nice with him for some reason. It sounded fake but Edward tried not to think too much of it. It wasn’t that incredible that someone would want to be his friend, was it? Alas, it felt too fantastical and he knew there had to be a catch. Why would anyone want to be his friend?

“Bruce is having a party this Saturday and you’re invited,” Selina smiled. She was reclining on the fountain ledge in front of the school, playing with some little trinket between her fingers.

Edward held his school bag tightly. “I don’t think--”

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!” Ivy said excitedly, taking his arm and ignoring his protests.

“Umm, I’ll think about it. I’m not sure if I have time,” Ed said, trying to free himself from Ivy’s grip.

“There’s your father. We could ask him,” Selina inclined her head in the direction of the black car that stopped closeby.

Edward frowned. “He’s not my father,” he said firmly and headed to the vehicle.

“See you, Ed!” The two girls waved him goodbye.

He turned around enough to wave them back before quickly sliding into the car.

“What was that about? New friends?” Oswald asked with a smile.

Edward shrugged. “Not really.”

“They seem to like you,” Oswald said carefully, sensing that this was a delicate topic for Ed, apparently. Ed could be so mature about most things but the anxieties of a boy his age were not foreign to him, and he had to learn how to deal with them.

“I don’t think they do. They don’t even know me,” Edward muttered, looking away.

Oswald hummed. “Perhaps you should let them get to know you then.” Ed remained silent. Oswald continued. “What did they want?”

“Their friend Bruce is having a party this Saturday. They wanted me to come.”

“A party! Do you want to go?”

Edward shrugged, not really answering the question.

Oswald bit his lower lip thoughtfully. “You know, I think this weekend will be quite uneventful. There’s nothing left to do but wait for the elections on Monday, so it’ll be boring. You could go to that party instead.”

Edward looked at him with suspicion. “Why do you want me to go?”

“Well--” Oswald wasn’t sure how to explain to Ed that perhaps being around kids his own age would help him more than spending his free time with Oswald, watching old movies and discussing books. Oswald couldn’t teach Ed how to socialize; these kids could. It would do him good to relax more.

Edward huffed. “Is it because their friend is Bruce Wayne?”

And just like that an opportunity was presented and Oswald jumped at it instantly. “Yes! Of course, that’s the reason. The Wayne family is a pillar in Gotham. This Bruce can be a good connection. We could use him.”

“Well, that is true…” Edward said, ever the logician.

Oswald suppressed his amusement and nodded seriously. “Exactly. It’ll be good for you to get to know him. People like parties, so he’ll be more open than he is at school.”

Edward nodded. “Yes. I guess I could pop by for like an hour. Long enough for Bruce to see me there. It won’t be polite to refuse him.”

Oswald smiled approvingly. “Good. That’s decided then. Now I need you to help me with that interview tomorrow.”

“Right! I’ve prepared notes!”

Oswald grinned and tapped him on the knee. “You think of everything! I’m blessed!”


	4. Chapter 4

“You sure I can’t help you with that case?” Oswald asked once again. He was resting on his bed after a long day of work, caressing the phone against his ear as if it were Jim and trying to imagine the detective was there with him.  

 _“Mmm, I am sure but thanks for the offer,”_ Jim replied. _“When can I see you? When will you come back to my place?”_

“That sounds so corny, James!” Oswald laughed fondly.

_“What can I do? Missing you makes me corny. And I miss you a lot.”_

Oswald was never going to get tired of hearing that. “I miss you too,” he cooed. “But there’s no need to meet at your apartment. This weekend you’re coming to dinner at the mansion.”

 _“Oh?”_ Oswald could hear the rustling of sheets, like Jim was sitting up. His voice sounded rather cautious as he asked, _“What about your kid? You’re not planning a family dinner, are you?”_

“No, nothing like that. Edward’s going to be at a party this Saturday night so… I have the mansion _all to myself_ ,” Oswald grinned like a besotted teenager just at the thought of it. It was ironic that he, a grown man of 27, would get so excited about something as simple as having the house to himself to invite a boy over. “We can spend a cozy quiet evening together, have exquisite dinner, and then you can ravish me.”

 _“I love the sound of that,”_ Jim hummed in appreciation. _“You sure it’s okay?”_

“Absolutely. Ed doesn’t have a curfew so he’d probably be back late. Which would give us enough time to eat like civilized people at my dining table.”

_“I’d do a lot more at your dinner table.”_

“James!” Oswald gasped outraged but also so very pleased with Jim’s remark.

Jim cleared his throat and changed the topic. _“A teenager with no curfew? Oswald, you’re too good to that boy.”_

“I trust him. He’s very mature.” Oswald said, then added jokingly, “Often times more mature than me. He’s the teen but I’m the one sneaking in and out with my boyfriend.”

 _“It’s kinda exciting, though,”_ Jim chuckled. _“You make me feel like a teenager myself.”_

“Same, really,” Oswald bit his lips and blushed. “Although I’ve never had that kind of experience in my teen years.”

 _“I’ll help you make up for it. Show you all you need to know,”_ Jim promised, causing Oswald to giggle. _“It’s better when you do it with someone who actually matters to you anyway.”_

Oswald’s heart skipped a beat at that. Even after everything he and Jim have been through, he still found it mindblowing that Jim would be interested in him, let alone _care_ for him. “So is this a yes to the dinner?” he asked hopefully.

 _“It’s definitely a yes,”_ Jim assured. _“I can’t wait.”_

“I can’t wait either…” Oswald sighed.

They sunk in a comfortable silence for a moment before Jim asked, _“How did you convince him to go to a party anyway? I thought that wasn’t his thing.”_

“Oh, I have my ways,” Oswald grinned. “I’m _really_ persuasive.”

Jim snorted. _“You bribed him, didn’t you?”_

“James Gordon, I resent that!” Oswald pretended to be offended.

_“You’re being naughty, Mr. Mayor. If you keep that up I may have to arrest you for bribery.”_

“It’s a comforting thought to know that the Gotham Police Department still has honorable detectives such as yourself.”

_“Flattery won’t get you far.”_

“Mmm, it’ll get me into your pants.”

_“You make it really hard for me to wait till Saturday.”_

“Making things hard for you is what I do best,” Oswald teased. He heard Jim groan in reply and smirked. “But it’s time for bed now, Detective. You need your rest and so do I.”

_“Wait! Don’t go just yet. … Let’s cuddle.”_

“Over the phone? You’re insane.” Oswald chuckled.

_“Just stay until I fall asleep? I’ve done it for you.”_

Oswald sighed. “I don’t even want to think about the phone bill after that.”

_“It’s for the greater good. City Hall and the GCPD need to work closely together, remember? What we do here is improving relations.”_

“My, my, look who’s persuasive now,” Oswald chuckled fondly.

He heard Jim’s matching chuckle over the phone, even if it sounded kind of sleepy. Then Jim hummed. _“Good night, Oswald. I love you.”_

The words came so natural, so honest, Oswald’s heart skipped a beat. They didn’t usually say the _L word_ out loud. They did their best to keep it unspoken in order to avoid complications. But hearing it from Jim was the best feeling ever. Oswald relaxed onto his bed and let the pleasant warmth of hearing Jim’s voice wash over him. “I love you too, Jim. Good night.”

~*~

What happened at that party? Edward kept repeating frantic words to himself as he headed for the car that waited for him in front of Wayne Manor. His hands were a little shaky, knuckles scraped, nose bloody, but he walked fast, not willing to waste a moment.

“Edward! Edward, wait!” Ivy hurried after him. “Edward, please, stop!”

He glanced back at her, a frown settling on his face.

“Edward, we’re not mad at you! Come back, please!” Ivy called after him, speeding up her pace.

“Why? Why would I come back?” He nearly yelled.

She took advantage of his moment of stillness to quickly catch up. “Because-- what you did back there was amazing! No one’s ever done something like that to Harvey Dent!”

“Please,” he snorted.

“It’s true, Ed! No one ever stands up against him,” She took his hand in hers, fingers gently brushing against his hurt knuckles, mindful not to cause pain. “You were really brave.”

“I lost my temper. I _never_ do that. Not in years,” his frown deepened as he blinked rapidly, looking away from her.

“Harvey can be a jerk sometimes,” Ivy rolled her eyes, not releasing Ed’s hand. “Don’t mind him.”

“I hit him!” he said, staring at her in disbelief. “I clenched… my fist… and I just… I hit him!” As if to show his point he tightened his hand into a fist and nearly drove it into his own face.

“Ed! Stop this!” Ivy snapped him out of it. “Harvey was asking for it.”

“I made a fool of myself… I couldn’t even punch him the right way. He just laughed! And then punched me back much more successfully,” Ed hung his head, feeling utterly embarrassed by his own stupidity of allowing this to happen.

He hadn’t felt so angry with himself in ages. Usually he managed to keep his self-loathing to less violent, internal outbursts. But tonight… Tonight he screwed up! Tonight he got into a fight with the son of the man who was running for mayor against Oswald. How stupid was that! Oswald made Ed’s life so much better, gave him a purpose, gave him the closest thing to a home Edward ever had, treated Ed as an equal, as a friend, and what did Ed do in return?

“There’s gonna be a scandal,” he muttered more to himself than to Ivy. He was quite aware what a scandal this close to election day could do. Used skillfully by Oswald’s enemies, this could lose them the elections. After all a big part of Oswald’s new image rested on his good relationship with his adopted son. People liked Ed so they liked Oswald’s affection for him. It was endearing, proper, _good_. But if it came out that Edward got in a fight with another student at a party with underage drinking his good image would crumble, and Oswald’s with it! On top of that Ed couldn’t even land a proper punch because bloody Harvey Dent didn’t feel a pinch! “It’s gonna be all over the papers by tomorrow morning…”

“Don’t think about that,” Ivy’s voice pulled him out of his grim thoughts. “It wasn’t your fault. And he punched you back.”

“I had to control myself better. Idiot! How could I do that?”

“He provoked you. Your reaction was natural,” Ivy said soothingly. “Harvey gets really competitive and his family’s been trying to get into politics for years. His father’s running against yours, as you know.”

Oh, Ed knew. “He shouldn’t have insulted Oswald like that,” he said out loud, shaking his head. “It was low and demeaning and… and… _bad_ … _so bad--_ ” He trailed off, unable to find the words to describe how he felt about all this.

Ivy was rubbing at his arm to keep him calm. “Yes. Yes, it was,” she agreed. “He shouldn’t have done it. He deserved to be punched for what he said about Mr. Cobblepot. Like I said, he can be a bit of a jerk.”  

“Bruce likes him though,” Ed said. He still couldn’t understand why would Bruce, who’s been nothing but nice to Ed so far, be friends with someone like Harvey Dent.

“They have history, they practically grew up together,” Ivy explained. “Bruce has seen more sides of Harvey than the rest of us.”

“Surely Bruce isn’t so blind to his faults!”

“He’s not. But… he has a soft spot for him, I guess? Something to do with stuff Harvey’s been going through in the past… I don’t know much about it.”

Ed huffed. “I thought Bruce only had a soft spot for Selina.”

Ivy chuckled. “There’s no rule it can’t be both,” she winked.  

Ed smiled a little. Ivy’s friendly manner succeeded in cheering him up a bit. But he still wondered what would the papers say tomorrow. If this turned into a scandal and cost Oswald the elections Edward would never forgive himself.

“Come back to the party, okay?” Ivy nudged him playfully. “We’ll have fun, we’ll have a few drinks… No one will remember it by tomorrow.”

Edward hesitated. “Thanks but I think it’d be best if I just go home,” he muttered, offering Ivy an apologetic look.

Ivy didn’t seem too happy to let him go but she couldn’t keep him there by force either. So she sighed. “Alright. If that’s what you want.”  

“It is. I-- I need to rest and clear my head.”

“Yeah. Okay. Well, call me if you wanna talk. And Selina and Bruce, too. They’d wanna know if you’re okay. We’re friends now, aren’t we?”

Edward swallowed. _Friends_. “Umm, I don’t know. Are we?” he asked.

Ivy chuckled. “Of course we are!” she beamed.

Edward wasn’t sure why the three of them would want to be his friends. It sounded fake but he was too tired to dwell on that now. “I guess we are then,” he said out loud and waved at the chauffeur to start the engine.

“Okay,” Ivy smiled again. “Well… good night.”

“Yeah. Good night.”  

Edward slid into the car, craving the comfort of his room and the warmth of his bed. The chauffeur drove off without a word so Edward was left to his own thoughts. First he needed to find Oswald and tell him about what happened with Dent tonight. He needed to warn him before things got out of hand. A potential scandal was hanging over their heads and they needed a strategy. Possible headlines ran through his head.

_Mayor’s kid punches the son of the competition in the face. Campaigning with fists. Is Mayor Cobblepot raising a delinquent? Has the Mayor failed as a father figure to his newly adopted son? Are Edward Nygma’s violent tendencies a result of the Mayor’s criminal history?_

Those were just a few of the things those nincompoops could say about them tomorrow if this punching business turned into a hot story. Not to mention that they would paint Edward as the aggressor since he was the one who hit first. No one cared about Harvey’s provocation and verbal abuse. Stick and stones, right? No one gave a toss about how deeply cutting words could be? It was only abuse if it was glaringly obvious, if there was a bruise or blood. The rest was all harmless teasing for them. But a punch? Even a bad one? The public would gobble this up like warm bread. The Dent family could afford to pay off a few journalists to twist the story to their liking, Ed had no doubts about that. With his foolish behavior he had given them the perfect ammunition. So far him and Oswald had managed to create a shield around themselves. No one could break through it because until now the shield had no weaknesses. But now Ed was the weakness. Ed was the one who put a crack in their shield. And Oswald had to bear the consequences. It wasn't fair!

Ed exhaled loudly, running his shaky fingers through his hair. The most ridiculous part of it all was that before Harvey Dent showed up with his vile talk against Oswald, Edward was actually having a good time. True, the party was too loud for his liking, with too many people he didn’t know, but Ivy, Selina and Bruce were really nice to him and he stayed mostly with them. Then their little group was joined by an older kid, called Lucius Fox, who turned out to be a genius! Ed was most impressed with him. The two really clicked almost instantly, which was rare in Ed’s life. With Ivy, Selina, Lucius and Bruce, Ed actually had a really nice time once he let go of his own anxieties. It was almost like he was one of them, accepted and liked. He thought he didn’t need that anymore, but feeling included felt good. It was nice to enjoy other people’s company and have them enjoy his company in return. People who weren’t Oswald. Not that Edward needed _anyone who wasn’t_ Oswald. But it was good to feel he had this too, something that was only _his_.

Then Harvey Dent happened, with his rude comments and his mockery, and Ed couldn’t let him speak that way about Oswald! A strange urge to defend Oswald’s honor had taken possession of him and before he knew it he was swinging his fist at Harvey Dent’s face. Ed, who never resorted to violence, had attempted to punch a guy twice, no, three times his size! What was he thinking! What would Oswald think when Ed confessed to him?

The car pulled over in front of the Van Dahl Mansion but Edward couldn’t make himself move. For a long moment he just stared at the magnificent building, taking deep breaths and wringing his hands.

“We’re here, sir,” the chauffeur reminded. Perhaps he thought Edward was drunk and couldn’t tell. In truth Edward hadn’t had a sip of alcohol that evening. He had absolutely no excuse for his stupidity.

“Thank you,” he said out loud and reached for the door handle.  

The mansion was so quiet and peaceful at night, Edward’s own thoughts sounded even louder in his head as he walked towards Oswald’s study. It was past 2 am but Oswald wasn’t one to go to bed early. His remarkable ambition was fueling him to work all through the night sometimes. Ed sincerely hoped this would be one of those nights so he wouldn’t have to disturb the Mayor’s sleep on top of his other blunder.

The study was completely dark and empty, however, so with a heavy heart Ed headed for Oswald’s bedroom. This was an emergency, Oswald had to be told of the events at once. The thin streak of light under Oswald’s door indicated that he was still awake, and Edward sighed in relief. However, when he got closer he heard strange sounds coming from the inside. It seemed like Oswald was in some kind of distress, judging by his keens and the rhythmic thumps. Perhaps someone had broken in the mansion and taken Oswald hostage? Edward was instantly in protection mode. He grabbed the nearest vase he could find in the hall and quietly approached the door. His heart was beating fast, pulsing in his ears, as he walked with the light step of a cat. He wasn’t physically strong, he needed the element of surprise in order to knock out whoever was hurting Oswald. The vase would have to do. It might not remove the problem but it would still give Oswald and him enough time to get away and then take care of whoever the trespasser was.

Slowly Ed opened the door, ready to attack, when instead of a hostage situation he found an entirely different picture. His eyes went wide with confusion as he watched Oswald, stark naked, panting, sobbing and writhing, face pressed against the wall, blood sliding down the corner of his mouth as detective Gordon was plunging himself in and out of him at a brutal pace. Their noises and grunts were filling the room, stirring strange feelings inside Ed. For a long moment he had no idea what to do. He couldn’t stop looking at them, couldn’t make his legs move but couldn’t speak up either. He just stood there watching, mouth gaping stupidly as he witnessed whatever _that_ was!

Eventually Oswald’s eyes landed on him, letting out a worried little whimper, and suddenly Ed felt like _he_ was the intruder. Not Gordon, but _he, Ed,_ caught in the act of spying on the Mayor, and getting aroused at his undressed state. It was a nightmare! It was so bad! Ed needed to get away from here this instant! Without giving Oswald a chance to speak (or stop getting fucked, for that matter) Edward ran away, as fast as he could, not looking back.


	5. Chapter 5

Oswald had no idea how much he needed to blow off a little steam until he welcomed Jim in his mansion. All those months of hard work, his campaign, keeping the underworld in check, running the city, doing his best for Edward to stay ignorant of the less legal aspects of Oswald’s life, it put a lot of strain on him. He was exhausted both emotionally and physically, not to mention the effects of all that stress wearing him down. Always one to push himself to his limits, Oswald ignored his need to rest until it was no longer optional but rather a necessity for him to function.

However, the moment he showed Jim in, Oswald could feel the tension wash away from him, replaced instead by a pleasant feeling of serenity and warmth. The truth was, Oswald melted whenever Jim was around. Just being in the handsome detective’s company was enough to make him feel better, and there was always the promise of _more_ after dinner. The meal they shared was perfect, Jim was amazing, Oswald loved their little intimacies. He felt more relaxed and happy than he had in months. Then one thing led to another and eventually they ended up in Oswald’s bedroom, fucking like animals, just like Oswald wanted. He needed it, he needed Jim to fuck the stress out of him. And he could tell Jim needed the same thing. They were like clockwork, fitting together so perfectly, understanding each other without words. Somehow Jim knew exactly what to give Oswald and when. The Mayor was like putty in his hands and he absolutely loved it.

“You like this don't you, Oswald? Being my dirty little secret!” Jim groaned into his ear, biting at it a little. Oswald could only shudder and whine in return, back pressed against the detective’s front. “I bet no one could even imagine that their Mayor is getting fucked like that by the police detective.”

“Mgh!”

Jim went on, relentless and perfect behind him. Oswald reached up to dig his fingers in Gordon’s hair, loving the soft feeling of it. He twisted his head so that he could smash their lips together as they moved in unison.

“J-jiiim!” he moaned, closing his eyes for a moment as his mouth fell open in a silent cry of ecstasy. Resting his forehead to the cool wall, Oswald forced himself to look again, he wanted to see Jim, gorgeous beautiful Jim. Instead, when he opened his eyes he saw the face of his adoptive son, staring back at him.

In his disheveled state Oswald couldn’t even register what was Edward doing there or why was Oswald seeing him. Then suddenly it all fell into place and he gasped in terror. “No, Jim, stop!”

Jim instantly ceased his movements and slowly pulled out with a hiss. “What? Did I hurt you?”

“No. Edward,” Oswald reached for his robe and wrapped it tightly around his naked body, legs still wobbly. “I think he saw us…”

“Shit,” Jim muttered under his breath, tucking himself in and zipping his trousers back on. He went to check the door but there was no one there anymore. He turned back to Oswald. “I thought you said he wasn’t home.”

“I thought so too but I guess he’s back early,” Oswald started biting his nails, an old nervous habit of his that he was trying to grow out of. “I should go talk to him, I think...”

“You should,” Jim nodded, still panting a little.

Oswald did not make a move. He looked at Jim worriedly, needing his advice. “What do I even tell him? How does one-- I don’t know how to do this.”

Jim took a step closer and looked Oswald in the eyes. “Listen to me. You’re a good parent, Oswald. You’ll go there, look that boy in the eyes, and you’re gonna know exactly what to say to him.” Jim gently pushed a lock of Oswald’s hair out of his face and smiled. “I believe in you.”

Oswald leaned into Jim’s hand and closed his eyes. He needed a moment to compose himself. When he opened his eyes again, he was ready. Or as ready as he’d ever be.

“Wish me luck,” he said and wrapped the robe tighter around himself.

~*~  

Unsurprisingly Edward was in the library, hidden between the shelves, curled up on himself, trembling and scared. Oswald felt a pang of guilt for causing this much distress to this young soul.  

“Edward? Edward, can we talk, please?” He asked softly. He didn’t want to frighten the boy any further. He had to be careful. Gentle. This was a delicate situation.

“That was that police detective in your bedroom, wasn't it?” Edward muttered quietly. “The one I saw on the news? The Commissionaire’s right-hand man.”

“Yes… yes, that was him,” Oswald nodded. There was no point denying it after all. “But, Edward, you can't tell anyone what you just saw. Okay? Please, promise me.”

“He was hurting you!” Edward gasped astounded.

“No! No, he wasn't. We were… Umm…” He was struggling to find the right words. “Damn it, Edward, I think you're old enough to know what sex is!”

Edward looked at him with a deep frown. “You were _bleeding_ ! You _still_ are!”

Oswald quickly wiped at his mouth. True enough, the thin streak of blood was still there. He cursed himself for not fixing his appearance before searching for the boy, but he didn’t want to waste time. He was afraid if he didn’t find Edward quickly, the teen might run away from home. Oswald couldn’t risk that.  

“It’s not what you think,” he said, hoping to appeal to Ed’s reason. “Jim wasn’t hurting me, that's just the way he likes it.” He bit his lip and amended, _“I--_ _I_ like it that way, too.” His cheeks went bright red as he uttered the words. His arms wrapped around his body protectively. He suddenly felt utterly naked again, despite the robe covering his form. This whole predicament was so embarrassing!

Edward narrowed his eyes at him. “You like him to be so rough with you during sex?” He said it with distrust. It was revolting and dirty. Edward had spent enough years at the orphanage to understand that what he had just witnessed was evil and deprived. It was everything they’ve always warned him against. How could Oswald enjoy it? How could he even want…?

 _You're one to talk!_ **_You liked it too_ ** _when you saw him naked and coming apart like that. You_ **_wanted_ ** _to be in Jim Gordon’s place, didn’t you?_

Edward flinched at his own thoughts. Self-consciously he pulled his knees closer to his chest and hugged them tightly. What if Oswald could tell that Edward was aroused by what he saw in the Mayor’s bedroom? What would Oswald think about him then? Would he think Edward was sick? Would he be angry? Disgusted? Would he still want Ed in his home or would he be too repulsed to even look at him?

Oswald sighed, then slid down to the floor to sit next to Ed. “I know this is… strange for you… but we all have our little quirks. Jim knows mine and he understands that there are certain things I need sometimes. And I reciprocate for him when he needs things. Like favors we both enjoy. That’s how it should be in relationships.” He paused, letting that sink in, and then added, “It’s true that perhaps what he and I need isn’t always conventional but it feels good and we enjoy it.” He bit his lip again, frowning a little. “Please, don't make me talk more about that with you, Edward. It doesn't feel appropriate.”

“It doesn’t feel appropriate for you to talk to me about your private life but at the same time you expect me to open up about mine and share everything with you? You even have spies all over school. Doesn’t sound fair, does it?”

“That’s not just about my private life, though. Those are _intimate_ details about my sex life. There’s a difference,” Oswald said. “And my people at your school are there to protect you, not to spy on you.”

Edward looked at him intensely for a long moment. “So you and _him_ are a couple then?”

Oswald sucked in a breath. “We are. We don’t tell people though. It’s just between us two. And now you as well.”

Edward tried not to show how upsetting this piece of information was to him. Instead he tried to appear as composed as possible as he asked,  “When were you going to tell me?”

Oswald’s lips parted but he said nothing.  

“I see,” Edward said bitterly. “You _weren’t_ going to tell me at all, were you? And I thought I actually mattered to you.”  

“You do matter! You’ve been such a great help to me--” Oswald reached out for the young man’s hand.

“Please,” Edward snorted.

“It’s true!” Oswald insisted.

“I’m just here for your public image! The noble father of Gotham who adopts orphans and gives them a home! That’s all I am! A publicity stunt to make you look like you have a heart!”  

He knew his words would sting. But he wanted to hurt Oswald. If Oswald liked pain so much, then Edward would give it to him! Oh, Ed would hurt Oswald just as badly as Oswald hurt him when he decided to be with James Gordon! Edward could give Oswald everything Oswald needed and wanted! After all, he knew better than anyone what was best for Oswald Cobblepot. Better even than police detective James Gordon.

Oswald looked crushed. “Please tell me that’s not what you really think, Edward,” he said, visibly upset. “There’s so much more to what we have. You’re such a good friend to me. And I know that’s strange, you being my adoptive son and all, but it is the truth. You’ve wormed your way into my heart, Ed. Our friendship matters to me. _So_ much. And I trust you,” he made a small pause as if waiting for Edward to say something but when the boy remained silent, Oswald continued. “What you saw in there, with Jim and me, that has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t in any way diminish the friendship you and I have. It doesn’t change anything.”

“It has _everything_ to do with me!” Edward cried out, another fit of sobs escaping from his chest.  

Oswald wasn’t sure what to do with the crying young man. He remembered his mother always offered him warm hugs whenever he was feeling down. Perhaps Edward needed a hug too? Carefully Oswald wrapped an arm around Ed and pulled him closer so that the young man’s face would rest on Penguin’s chest. The boy instantly snuggled closer, as if he craved the warmth of the embrace too. The sobs didn’t instantly stop but they did become less frantic. He was calming down slowly. Oswald held him close, giving him as long as he needed to compose himself.

“It has everything to do with me…” Edward repeated, once he was able to talk again. “I want what’s best for you, Oswald. And you keep something like that from me. Something that concerns both of us,” he pulled away to look Oswald in the eyes, “If Detective Gordon is your life partner, _I_ should _know_ ! _I_ should _have a say_ in this! You were _supposed_ to tell me, Oswald! You were supposed to--”  

“It was a secret, Ed,” Oswald interrupted, desperate to go back to the way things were between him and Ed, to regain his trust. “I couldn’t tell you because it was a secret. It still is. No one knows about it and no one can know. And I think you’re clever enough to understand why,” he gave Ed a meaningful look. “We can’t have that sort of publicity. We don’t want our personal lives on the front pages.” Edward winced at the words and Oswald instantly softened his tone. “My relationship with Jim is very important to me. Yes, I suppose you’re right and it does affect us both. But I wasn’t ready to tell you yet. Perhaps I would’ve told you in my own time but I definitely wasn’t planning on doing so before the elections. My decision to keep it from you had nothing to do with me not trusting you, and everything to do with my personal emotions in this situation. I simply wasn’t ready.”

Edward was listening carefully, processing what he had just heard. “Do you love him?” he finally asked in a small voice.  

Oswald swallowed. “Yes, I do,” he said quietly. “I’ve loved him for some time now.”

Edward pressed his lips into a tight line, nodding with understanding. “How long have you two been together?”

“Since way before I adopted you.”  

Edward flinched slightly. “So he was here first…” he whispered to himself.

Oswald wasn’t sure what Ed meant. “Pardon?”

Edward waved it off. “Nothing.” He retreated to his own thoughts for a moment and then, wiping away the wetness from his face, spoke again, “You told me your secret. What if now I tell you mine? If I told you something horrible about myself, would that bring us closer together? Would it strengthen our trust if I… _reciprocated_ with a secret of my own?” Seeing Oswald’s obvious puzzlement at the suggestion, Edward explained further, “I know your secret, I have advantage over you. But I don’t want that, I want to balance the scales. I want us to be equals, Oswald. As we are.”  

Oswald nodded, still not quite following, but definitely intrigued. “As we are,” he repeated.

“I’ll tell you a secret in return for the one I just learned. I want to show you how much I trust you. And this will mark a new chapter in our relationship. One that brings total honesty between us. What do you say to that?” Edward’s eyes were intense on Oswald but he was completely calm. No sign of hesitation or distress. Edward was sure of what he was doing.  

Curious to see where this was going, Oswald said, “Sounds like a fair trade.”

“Very well.”Ed’s voice was surprisingly even when he uttered his next words, “Oswald, I’ve killed someone.”  

It took Oswald a moment to register the meaning of the sentence. “Sorry, what?”

“I’ve killed someone,” Ed repeated. “It happened a year before you adopted me.”

Oswald blinked. Honestly he did not expect that. Knowing Ed, he assumed the secret would be a dirty riddle book under his bed. Instead… a murder? “I-- I don’t understand. Who did you kill? And why? What happened exactly?”  

“Her name was Kristen Kringle. Miss Kringle…” His face softened as he uttered the name. “She was a librarian at the Orphanage Library. I… strangled her. And she died.”

Oswald sucked in a deep breath. His mind instantly went to work mode. “I need more details. _All_ the details, in fact. When, where, how? Did someone see you? What did you do with the body? Tell me _everything_.”

“Does it matter?” Ed’s voice wavered a little. Clearly he did not expect Oswald to be so casual about it. It threw him off balance. He had been prepared for a bigger reaction, it was what kept him from breaking until now. But Oswald being so cool like that, Ed wasn’t sure how to behave anymore. He was shaking again. “The point is, I took someone’s life and now you know that about me. Aren’t you freaked out?”

So Ed killed someone, so what? It was just _one_ person, hardly a big deal to Oswald himself. Being the criminal kingpin of the entire city, Oswald had seen and done worse. He was definitely not freaked out. But if this got out to the Gotham public it would be a scandal and they didn’t need that. Therefore, Oswald had to cover it up as quickly as possible, and make sure no one could trace the death of this Miss Kringle person to them ever. But for that he required all the information. Then he could take care of it, make it go away so that it doesn’t come back biting him in the ass. Edward would not have to worry about it ever again. As if it never happened.

“Ed. I’m not freaked out,” Oswald said calmly, sensing the teen’s distress and hoping to reassure him. This was no time for breakdowns. “You’re still the same Edward I know, you’re still my friend and trusted adviser. What I need you to do now is--”

“But I killed someone…”

It was _one librarian_ , Oswald really wasn't _that_ impressed. “We’ll discuss your emotional state later,” he told the boy. “I could even get you into therapy, if you’d like. But first I need to know all details about it. So, talk. Start by telling me who Miss Kringle was to you exactly.”

For a moment Edward was in awe that Oswald did not seem to look at him differently. As if what Ed had done to Miss Kringle was not a monstrous act but… an everyday happenstance. It was rather reassuring to witness Oswald’s loyalty and his utter acceptance. Ed felt like he could truly open up to him and tell him anything without fearing any judgement or resentment. So he told Oswald what he wanted to know.

“Miss Kringle used to go to the same orphanage as me. She worked part-time at the Library but when she was old enough to leave the orphanage she started working there full time. She was my friend. Well, she was nice to me. I liked going there to talk to her and… watch her from afar.”

“Mhm,” Oswald ignored the slightly creepy vibe that Edward’s words gave off and concentrated on the story instead.

“She moved in with her boyfriend. Dougherty,” Ed did not hide his contempt for the man as he uttered the name. “He was a police officer, actually. I didn’t like him. He was abusive to her. I saw the bruises on her wrists!”  

Oswald swallowed, pulling his robe even tighter around his neck, remembering the hickeys Jim had no doubt left there. He didn’t want Edward to remember those and get triggered somehow. “That’s-- you’re a very nice young man, Edward, to care about her like that.”

Edward shook his head. “You don’t understand. I didn’t just care about her. I _loved_ her.”

Oswald furrowed his brows. “She was… I’m sorry, but I understand she was older than you? Having left the orphanage and all.”

“She was eight years older than me, yes,” Edward confirmed. “But age doesn’t matter, right? I almost got her to like me back.”

Oswald froze. If Miss Kringle was eight years older than Ed that would make her in her early 20’s last year when Edward was only 14. “Ed,” Oswald said carefully, “was Miss Kringle improper with you in any way?”

Edward seemed enraged by that thought. “No! She wasn't! Never! How could you say that!”

“I’m sorry… it’s just, people can’t really surprise me anymore. I expect the worst.”

“She was very gentle and kind to me!” Edward insisted, voice wavering again. It did that whenever his emotions escalated with new force. “She wouldn't hurt me on purpose. She even kissed me!”

Oswald exhaled. That was already improper. Edward clearly had no idea what boundaries were. Oswald had to have another serious conversation with him about that but… not now. He was too exhausted to deal with it tonight. After the serious murder talk, they’ll have to have a serious boundaries talk too. Damn, being a parent was hard!

“Alright. I’m sorry I suggested anything against your Miss Kringle,” Oswald said, trying to placate Ed so that he could hear the rest of the story. “So how and when did she die?”

Edward sighed. “The whole thing is blurry in my head,” he confessed. “It took me months to start putting the pieces together. Fractures of memories, little clues, like a puzzle. I’m not sure how much of what I remember are actual memories from that night and how much of it is just my brain filling up the blanks. But I know Miss Kringle is dead and I’m fairly certain I’m the cause of it.”

Oswald frowned. “Fairly certain? You’re not sure?”

“I-- I told you I don’t remember it clearly,” Ed grimaced, visibly disturbed by the effort of remembering. “We were at Miss Kringle’s place… We had an argument. I confessed to her something that she didn’t like… I told her about…” he paled. “I think I told her I loved her.” he shook his head, grimacing at the memory. “She started yelling at me, called me names. I wanted to make her stop, I wanted her to listen to me and stop saying those things about me and then--” his voice broke but he quickly got it under control again. “My hand was on her neck to keep her from running away and my other hand was covering her mouth so that she would stop screaming…” It sounded really bad when he said it out loud. He swallowed. “I had no idea how tight my grip on her was. At some point she just stopped struggling, and-- she slid down to the floor motionless and cold…” Once the words were out Edward’s collected exterior crumbled completely and he started sobbing again, face hidden in his hands, shaking. He couldn’t stop. “I strangled her, Oswald! I strangled Miss Kringle! I killed the woman I loved!”

Oswald pulled him in for another hug, very careful not to upset him in any way. “It’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s alright,” he whispered softly. When Edward was calmer again, Oswald continued, “You said you two were at her place. Did she live alone by that time? Who found the body?”

“She lived with her boyfriend Dougherty but he wasn’t there then. He skipped town. She said he dumped her. But he was a bad, bad man!”

Oswald wasn’t interested in Dougherty in the slightest. Yet he patiently waited for Ed to get to the important bit in his own time.  

“He hurt her…” Ed said again, hands clenched into tight fists.

“So you and Miss Kringle were alone when this happened,” Oswald nudged him.

“Yes.”

“And what did you do with the body?”

Ed shrugged. “Nothing. I spent the night holding her, crying… at some point I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up she was gone. There was no sign of her anywhere.”

Oswald paled. “The body disappeared?” That was never good. Dead bodies did not just up and leave!

“Without a trace. I was confused too. But no body, no crime, right?” It was too soon for jokes so Ed looked at his hands ashamed of himself.

“No one wondered where Miss Kringle went? At the orphanage or the police? Any friends?”

“Well, I did ask about her the next day. The other librarians said she sent a letter, telling them Dougherty came to get her and they left town together--”

Oswald suppressed a chuckle. “So she could actually still be alive and well, with her boyfriend?”

Edward shook his head quickly. “No. No, she couldn’t! She’s dead. She has to be. I killed her! I saw it! That letter could be a fake!”

“But who would fake it, Ed? You’re the only one with a motive to fake it and you didn’t do it.”

Ed was confused, his head was beginning to ache again. “I-- I don’t know! But she was _dead_!”

Oswald spoke calmly. “She might’ve merely been unconscious, Ed. Dead bodies don’t just disappear. Frightened young women, however, do.”

“No! No, she’s dead! She has to be! Her glasses--”

“What about her glasses?”

“I found her glasses under my bed. I guess I kept them after…”

“You kept the dead woman’s glasses,” Oswald repeated evenly.

Edward nodded.

Oswald suppressed a groan. Why did some killers keep trophies Oswald would never understand. It made no sense. Murder had to be about power, revenge, or passion. Keeping a trophy was just… stupid.

“Why did you keep them?”

“I dunno. I must’ve gone insane,” Ed muttered, looking down at his feet. “Why are you asking me all that? It happened a long time ago and I didn’t get caught. No one would ever connect it to you. You’re safe.”

Oswald suddenly felt sick. “That’s not why I’m asking,” he insisted futilely. “It was your idea to trade secrets, remember?”

Edward sighed. “Yeah…” He looked up at Oswald.

“It’s okay. We’re good,” Oswald reassured again, holding Ed’s hand. “We’re good, aren’t we, Ed?”

Ed smiled softly. “We’re good.”

“But Edward, you can’t do that. You can’t keep trophies. That’s how you get caught,” Oswald let Ed’s hand go and got back up to his feet. “Come,” he said. “We’ll go to your room. You’ll give me the glasses. I’ll take care of it. You won’t have to worry about any of this anymore. Okay?”

Edward nodded and accepted the hand Oswald had offered him. He looked so small all the sudden, even if he was already slightly taller than the Mayor. A strange desire to protect him raised up in Oswald’s chest.

“I’ll find where Miss Kringle is now,” he said out loud. “I’ll find out if she’s dead or alive. And I’ll finally put your mind at ease about this.” He cupped Edward’s cheek with his hand and smiled reassuringly. That poor kid needed to chill. “From now on I want you to spend more time with your new friends, have fun, do the things you enjoy. I don’t want you to worry, okay? Do you promise?”

Friends. School. The party! Oh dear! It hit Edward like a lightning! The reason he was looking for Oswald tonight in the first place!

“Oswald! There’s something else I need to tell you! It’s about the party…” he said with haste but a knock on the door interrupted him.

Jim Gordon walked in, fully dressed and well groomed, as if Edward had not seen him pounding into Oswald just a few hours ago.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt but you have to see this, Oswald,” he said

“See what?” Oswald frowned.

“The news.”


	6. Chapter 6

Despite the obvious urgency of the situation Oswald did not make a move to leave Edward. “Jim, can’t this wait?” he asked.    

“Not really. Apparently Edward punched Dent’s son in the face last night,” Jim said quickly without preamble. “And it’s all over the news.”

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “What? Edward wouldn’t--” his questioning gaze turned in Ed’s direction. “Edward? Is this true?”

Ed suddenly felt put on the spot. “It’s true…” he managed to say. “That’s why I came to your room last night, to tell you,” he muttered nervously. Even though he never meant to hide this from Oswald,  _ he  _ wanted to be the one to tell him, not Jim Gordon. Oswald learning about it like this was just wrong. “At Bruce Wayne’s party Dent and I had an argument. And I punched him.”

“Ed…” Oswald sighed.

“I know I made a mistake,” Ed said defensively. “But he was bad mouthing you! I couldn’t just let him talk about you like that! I lost control. I’m sorry.”

Oswald ran his fingers through his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Alright, alright. Just… Let’s go see the damage, shall we.” He limped vigorously down the hall to the living room where the closest TV was, Ed and the detective trailing him. “Is it really bad, Jim?” he asked, glancing at the policeman’s direction.

“It seems pretty bad, I’m afraid,” Gordon replied, keeping up with Oswald’s stride.  

Edward was left to follow behind, like a puppy. It was infuriating and he hated it so he put his long legs to use, trying to overtake Detective Gordon. However, the policeman was walking right by Oswald’s side which didn’t really leave much space for Ed. He felt rage rising inside him. How could Oswald not see that James Gordon was trying to alienate them from one another? He was getting between them! Literally!

“Were there any eyewitnesses or is it just Dent’s word against ours?” Oswald asked and before Ed could say anything Gordon was already answering the question.

“A lot of witnesses. At least according to the news.”

Right. According to the news. Ed pursed his lips. He was  _ right there _ . He could tell them  _ first hand  _ what happened! But James fucking Gordon had to play the knight in shining armor, delivering all the information, being there for Oswald like a one-man support group. This was Edward’s story to tell, not James Gordon’s! Yet this useless policeman just kept getting in the way. First with his demands for sex, and then with his demands for Oswald’s attention. He was trying to take Oswald away from Ed and Ed wanted to scream, to make Gordon disappear. But he didn’t want to further upset Oswald so he had to content himself with just glaring daggers at the back of the man’s neck.  

The news channel was still on when they entered the room. Oswald increased the volume for them all to hear clearly as the news presenter delivered the story.

_ “... when the Mayor’s adoptive son attacked young Mr. Dent at a wild party in Wayne Manor…” _

Ed grimaced, shutting his eyes for a moment. Attacked? Edward and an attack? It sounded unbelievable. Anyone who as much as glanced at Ed and Dent could easily guess who the “attacker” really was. Yet here they were with Ed being painted as the violent aggressor and the Dent boy becoming the innocent victim.

_ “One wonders where does Edward Nygma get this violent streak from? Is this how our beloved Mayor Cobblepot is raising his child? Is he even fit to be a parent? If he can’t control his teenager, can we even trust him with our fragile city?” _

“Those  _ idiots _ !” Oswald cried out viciously, baring his teeth at the TV screen and glaring furiously. “They’re just waiting for an opportunity to turn against me! Traitors! All of them! Lying traitors!”

His entire body was trembling with frustration, hands clenched tightly into angry fists. The vein on his forehead was visibly pulsing. He was having one of his fits, Edward realized. He’d seen the Mayor get angry before so it wasn’t new to him. Oswald’s tantrums were quite famous at City Hall. Yet, Edward’s actions had never before caused such fits of temper. It made Ed feel so much guiltier, knowing that he was the true reason for Oswald’s distress.

He expected Oswald to turn around and shout at him but nothing like that happened. Oswald only screamed at the TV, as if his rage was solely directed at the media rather than Ed himself. His great frustration was understandable. The coverage was  _ bad _ . The whole account of the events was twisted. As if it aimed to harm Oswald’s reputation personally. Ed himself wasn’t even the center of the scandal, Oswald was, despite the fact that he wasn’t even at that party. They were clearly using this as an ammunition against the mayor. They found the crack in Oswald’s shield and they went for it. Just like Edward thought they would.

Ed’s cheeks burned with hot rage. He was mad at his own weakness for letting Dent get to him, for giving Oswald’s enemies that ammunition. He was also mad at Jim Gordon. If only he hadn’t been at the mansion tonight,  _ hadn’t been with Oswald _ , then Edward would’ve warned the Mayor in time and perhaps together they could’ve softened the blow or perhaps even prevent the scandal from coming out altogether. They would’ve had time to damage control. Instead they gave Dent and his son the opportunity to get their side of the story to the reporters and twist it so that it would fit their purposes. And now Oswald was in a very tricky position because of it.  

“Oswald, calm down,” Jim Gordon spoke, voice soothing. He looked like he had practice calming Oswald down and that only annoyed Edward more. “Breathe.”

Oswald did. Slowly his body relaxed. He just looked sad now.

“This-- this is going to lose me the elections,” he muttered in revelation, and Edward simply couldn’t look at him like that, so broken. He knew how important being Mayor of Gotham was to Oswald. It was painful to see him so shattered. Edward preferred it when Oswald was screaming angrily.

“Oswald, there’s still a chance to retaliate. This doesn’t have to damage your reputation,” Ed said quietly, desperate to make things right again. “You can go on record saying you don’t condone my actions, you could reprimand me in front of everyone. Ground me even. M-maybe ask for parenting advice? People would love that sort of mushy stuff. This could be a good thing if only we twist it right--”  

Ed was trying hard to find the silver lining but Oswald lifted his hand to stop him, not even looking at him. “Be quiet, Edward, please,” he said, voice barely a whisper. “There’s no time to turn this around.”

Edward opened his mouth to speak but Jim Gordon beat him to it. “Edward isn’t wrong, Oswald. Perhaps you’re overreacting. You can still make this work.” He put his hand on Oswald’s shoulder, giving it a little squeeze and Edward glared at the policeman again. How  _ dare  _ he  _ touch Oswald _ ! “You’ve handled worse.”

Realizing that Ed was right next to them, Oswald carefully pulled away from Jim’s touch, giving him a silent sign that they should refrain from any physical contact in front of the adoptive son. It was still too soon after their little mishap and he didn’t want to upset Edward further. Instead he turned to look at Jim.

“I know the people of Gotham,” he said with dignity. “No matter how I try to turn this around, it won’t work. Perhaps if we had more time. But we don’t. The elections are tomorrow and in the meantime there’s no campaigning. The only thing the voters will be listening to would be this scandal. And their loyalty is fickle. There’s nothing I can do.”

“Have hope in the people of Gotham, Oswald. They know you. They know what you’ve done for this city. One scandal doesn’t change that.”

Oswald smiled sadly at the Detective. “Thank you, Jim.”

The tenderness in Oswald’s eyes made Edward flinch. He had  _ never  _ looked at Edward the way he looked at Jim Gordon! It was unfair! Why was Gordon the one to comfort Oswald! Ed could do that too!

“Oswald, I--” he said, taking a step closer but Oswald cut him off.

“We’ll talk about this later, Edward,” he said tiredly, giving Ed’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I need a moment to myself.” Then he turned to Gordon again, “Goodbye, Jim. I’m sorry this evening went… differently than what we planned. I’ll see you later.”  

Jim gave him a nod and a small smile and Oswald left left them alone in the living room. For a moment they just stood awkwardly a few steps apart, with the news channel as their background. Then after some hesitation Gordon finally spoke.

“Oswald told me so many good things about you, Edward. It’s good to finally meet you in person.” He offered his hand for a shake. “I’d like to do this right. I’m Jim. Jim Gordon.”  

Edward’s instant association was  _ Bond, James Bond.  _ Ed never liked James Bond. He gave Gordon a fake smile but refused to shake his hand.  _ Pleased to meet me, my foot _ , he thought. Gordon was as pleased to meet Ed as he would be to meet a poisonous snake. He didn’t need  _ “Oswald’s kid”  _ around when he came over for a quick fuck. Edward wasn’t blind. He knew Gordon’s kind -- corrupt, smug bastards, thinking they can have anything and anyone they wanted, everybody else be damned. The GCPD were all bullies like Thomas Dougherty and Jim Gordon was no different, Edward was certain of it. If only Oswald could see it too… But Oswald was blindly fond of the man for some reason. Perhaps it was just physical attraction. What else could it be? Edward was suddenly filled with genuine hatred for the detective. He refused to play this game, refused to be the weak one again.  

“Funny,” he said out loud. “Oswald never mentioned  _ you _ .”

Gordon’s face instantly turned to stone. “I get that you’re upset but there’s really no reason why you and I can’t get along. For Oswald’s sake.”  

“Oh, is that so?” Ed tilted his head, his words biting. “Why? You want to be my father now?”

“I--” Gordon nearly stuttered, taken aback by the remark, but Edward pressed further, glaring at the other man. He was as tall as Gordon, if not a bit taller already, so he had that advantage at least.

“Oswald and I are  _ family _ ,” he said, stressing the last word. “Where do you fit in, Detective Gordon? The guy who fucks the Mayor? I’m not sure what that makes you.”

Gordon sucked in a sharp breath. “I love Oswald. You should know that. I love him very much. And he loves me back.”

Edward’s lips were a tight line. He knew that was true because Oswald himself had confessed it to Ed. It didn’t change the fact that Edward hated it.

“I can see you clearly care about Oswald very deeply,” Gordon continued. “That’s why I think we’re on the same side. We both love Oswald so we both want what’s best for him. There’s no need for hostility.”

Hostility? Edward couldn’t stand the man! Even if Gordon was being genuine right now and truly offering a hand of friendship, Edward could not accept it. He could never be friends with the man Oswald loved.

He took a step closer, staring James Gordon directly in the eyes (eye contact was considered a show of dominance in the animal kingdom, Edward had to try if it worked on humans too). “Boyfriends come and go,” he said, deadly calm, “but I am forever.”

~*~  

Another knock on the door. “Oswald? Can we talk please?”

Ed was standing in front of Oswald’s bedroom. Jim Gordon was long gone so it was just the two of them now. For a moment Ed thought the Mayor would spend the entire day in solitude, but then Oswald finally emerged from his room. He looked even more exhausted than before but his damp hair and the fact that he was still wearing his robe told Ed that the true reason he took so long to open the door was because he had just come out of the bathtub.

Oswald made way for Ed to enter and walked back into the sanctuary of his bedroom. “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” he said, climbing on his bed and wrapping a blanket around himself. He looked so small…  

Ed closed the door behind them. “I’m not here just for that,” he replied. “But I am very relieved you’re not mad at me.  _ I’m  _ mad at me…”

“I know you are,” Oswald sighed with a nod. “But we all make mistakes. Getting so angry that you lose control? It happens. I should know,” he sucked in a deep breath, then looked back up at Ed. “We are what we are. And I accept you for what you are, Edward.”

Ed did not expect hearing those words would affect him as much as it did. His throat did something strange and he nearly gasped but he managed to regain control. “I need you to do something,” he said, assuming that discussing work would make it easier for him to handle his emotions. “I arranged an interview for you.”  

“An interview? Wouldn’t that be considered--?”

“Campaigning during election silence? No,” Edward elaborated, rather excitedly. “Because you’re not going to talk politics, you’re going to talk about me,” he sat down at the edge of Oswald’s bed. “It’s actually more of a talk show than an actual interview but it’s enough to get people’s attention.”

“A talk show? I’m not sure--”

“They’re mostly women discussing housewife issues, problems with kids, that sort of thing. All you need to do is show up, talk how upset you are with my behavior, and win them on your side. I guarantee that the public would vote for you after that. The concerned father seeking advice on how to deal with his unruly teen? They’re gonna love it!.”

Oswald frowned. “I’m not sure. This talk show sounds misogynistic. What is this, the 1950’s? And I don’t think a cheap publicity stunt like that is my M.O. I’m sorry, Ed, but the answer’s no.”

Edward huffed. “Says the guy who adopted a teenager for publicity,” he reminded pointedly.

Oswald groaned. “You’ll never let this go, will you?”

Ed smirked. “Not a chance. It’s too good and perfect to throw back in your face on special occasions.”

Oswald couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped him at that remark.

“Come on, Oswald. Do this for me. For us?” Ed said, softer. “You worked so hard for this. You can’t just give up now. That’s not you.”

Oswald thought about it. “You’re right. Giving up is not me. I never accepted failure as an option.”

“Exactly!”

“Alright. You want me to go play a housewife in distress, I’ll do it. What next?”

Edward was visibly relieved. “That’s all really. This should put the public back on your side.”

“And you’ve already made the arrangements? Even before I agreed to it?”

“I had to go over your head. We don’t really have time to waste,” he said. “Oh, and I introduced myself as your secretary so that they don’t realize it was the delinquent calling them.”

Oswald groaned again. “You’re not a delinquent, Ed. I hate that they’re attacking you over this.”

Ed shrugged. “It’s not the first time.”

“I still don’t like it that I have to speak against you. I’m not really mad at you.”

“I know that,” Edward smiled. “And knowing that is more important to me than what you have to say in public.”

Oswald leaned in to pull Edward in a gentle hug. Ed could smell Oswald’s soap. Usually Oswald washed well but still ended up sort of smelly? This time he was fresh from the bathtub and it felt really lovely to be in his arms. Edward relaxed there, the stress from the previous night slowly leaving his body. He wanted to thank Oswald, share with him more, but there was no time. And Ed wasn’t that good at opening up anyway so perhaps it was just as well that Oswald had to get ready for the talk show and win Gotham all over again.

~*~   

For obvious reasons Edward was not going to accompany Oswald for his interview. In fact, Edward was not allowed to go anywhere, not even to school. Oswald insisted on it for Edward’s safety. He didn’t want the media to attack him so he deemed the mansion as the safest place for the young man. He was determined to keep Ed from having to deal with journalists, paparazzi, and angry public. Edward did not protest, understanding Oswald’s point of view and even slightly flattered that Oswald was so protective of him.

Of course, that shielding had its down sides too because it meant Edward had to stay in his room and wait instead of act. There was nothing more he could do for Oswald under the circumstances, nothing but to observe from afar.

The talk show was about to start at 4 pm. Edward spent the time till then pacing nervously in his room, unable to put a bite in his mouth. He received a few texts from Ivy and Selina, asking if he were alright and if he needed something, but he ignored them. No way he could be concerned with texts at a time like this. Oswald’s career was at stake!

Finally it was 4 pm. Ed couldn’t sit still even when he turned on the TV. The two female hosts seemed slightly hostile towards Oswald at first but that was to be expected. Once Oswald actually showed up and started charming them things got less chilly. Oswald was quite good with words and he had this amazing ability to twist everything in his favor. Edward admired that quality in him and wished he himself could learn it one day.

He watched.

Oswald looked very dashing on camera. His suit was the perfect combination of class and elegance. Edward swallowed. Anticipation was building. They started off with greetings and general questions about Oswald and his decision to adopt. Then they led into the main reason Oswald was there. Edward held his breath. He knew that what Oswald was about to say about him would be what they both had agreed on just so that he doesn’t lose votes. Yet, a part of him dreaded having to hear Oswald speak against him. He had to remind himself several times that this wasn’t real, that it was only for the sake of positive publicity, that Oswald wasn’t truly mad at Edward and that Edward wasn’t being rejected on national television.

He watched.  

_ “Mayor Cobblepot, I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room,”  _ one of the talk show hosts said.

_ “Careful! Do elephants bite?”  _ the other one added, no doubt for comic effect. A few members of the audience laughed and so did the hostess herself but then they were all quiet and suddenly all eyes were back on Oswald.

_ “The scandal with your son. The son you’ve always spoken so fondly about, with such affection,”  _ she looked at Oswad with an expression of pity, like she was sorry he had Edward for a son.  _ “What happened to that nice young man? And how did you feel when you heard the news?” _

_ “Yes, I was very upset when I heard what happened,”  _ Oswald said, making his face look regretful. Like they talked. It was all according to their plan. It wasn’t real. Oswald was pretending. He wasn’t angry at Ed, not really. It was all pretend.

_ “You don’t deny Edward Nygma punched Mr. Dent’s son at that party?”   _

_ “I’d never deny the truth, no matter how painful it is to me. I believe the people of Gotham deserve to always be told the truth,”  _ Oswald said earnestly. The words seemed so heartfelt that Edward nearly believed him.  _ “So no, I’m not denying that Edward did, in fact, punch someone.” _

The audience seemed supportive enough when they heard that. Oswald’s performance already gaining their sympathy. The plan was working! Oswald was winning them back! Ed felt ecstatic! If they pull this off, this would prove them to be the two most brilliant minds in Gotham!

_ “Teenagers!”  _ the “comedic” hostess said with a chuckle.  _ “What can we do with them?” _

_ “Edward is a very good boy,”  _ Oswald added, looking sad again.  _ “I’ve no idea what came over him. Why would he do that? I’ve told him not to use his fists.” _

Ed chuckled. Oswald had indeed said that to him. The context being that Edward’s brain would be a better weapon against his enemies. However, the people of Gotham didn’t need to know  _ that _ .

_ “Like you said, what to do with him? Does anyone have any idea?”  _ Oswald continued and shook his head. _ “I’m a parent since a relatively short period of time, and with Edward being already a teen when I adopted him it’s like I skipped a few grades and now I’m trying to catch up with all the other parents.” _

The audience and the two hosts laughed approvingly at the joke.

Oswald continued,  _ “But really, I welcome any advice. Obviously, I do not approve of violence. In all its forms.”  _ It sounded a bit rehearsed but it worked fine with Oswald’s previous statements. Edward nodded in approval.

And he watched.

_ “That is perfectly understandable, Mr. Mayor.”  _ The hostess said.  _ “Now we’re asking our dear audience members to come forward to the microphone and give their own advice. Many of them are probably going through similar issues with their own children.” _

_ “That’s very kind of them,”  _ Oswald said with one of his forced smiles.  

What followed was basically a round of short Edward Nygma hate speeches, mixed with advice on how to deal with delinquent teens. Oswald endured those with admirable patience. He only nodded to each advice, thanked the audience member for their opinion, waited for the next one to express a similar opinion. He was following Edward’s instructions to the letter. Right until it became too much.

_ “I actually have a question for Mr. Cobblepot,”  _ the latest audience member said.  _ “I heard some people claim your son attacked Mr. Dent Jr. because of you. Is that true?” _

Oswald was quiet for a brief moment before replying,  _ “I understand Mr. Dent Jr. spoke some… harsh words about me,”  _ he said.  _ “I guess that triggered Edward to respond the way he did.” _

Edward frowned a little. Oswald wasn’t supposed to find ways to excuse Ed’s behavior. He was to be fully against him. That was the only way to deal with the situation under the circumstances.

The audience member at the microphone arched an eyebrow.  _ “Are you saying your son  _ **_was right_ ** _ to resort to violence?” _

Oswald quickly shook his head.  _ “No, no, of course not. I’m merely stating facts.” _

_ “It sounds to me what you’re saying is that your son had the right to punch someone in the face just because he didn’t like what they were saying.” _

_ “It wasn’t a matter of whether or not he liked what Harvey Dent was saying, it was a matter of Harvey Dent provoking Edward by verbally harassing him. That’s called bullying, you know. Another thing I’m very passionately against.” _

No, no, no, no, no. Oswald was starting an argument with an audience member! That wasn’t good! It would put the rest of them against him too!  

_ “Okay, let’s calm our spirits a little bit, shall we? Perhaps going into commercials…?”  _ one of the hosts suggested but the other nudged her in the ribs. Of course, they wanted the drama! What commercials, they wanted blood!

_ “You just said punching someone is okay because, why, your son did it?” the audience member persisted. “Is your son above the law, Mr. Cobblepot?” _

_ “We abide the law!”  _ Oswald insisted, baring his teeth a little as he spoke.  _ “But how has this entire event been presented by the press? No one even mentions that Dent’s kid verbally abused Edward! You’re all just quick to charge on him like vultures!” _

“Oh, no, Oswald, don’t attack the media!” Edward gasped.

_“Edward is not the villain here!”_ Oswald kept talking. Why was Oswald still talking! _“You’re all ganging up against_ ** _one teenage boy_** _while ignoring the real issues in our society! That bullies come in all shapes and forms! Some forms of bullying don’t leave visible bruises, that doesn’t mean they don’t damage our children! Shouldn’t_ ** _that_** _be the problem we deal with here?”_

A jumble of comments followed, none of them clearly heard, until finally one of the hosts spoke above everyone else,  _ “Are you going to reprimand your son, Mayor Cobblepot?” _

Oswald’s lips were a tight line.

_ “Our sources say that so far Edward Nygma’s been staying in the comfort of your big home, not really facing any consequences of his actions,”  _ she continued _. “How can he learn right from wrong if you don’t show him his actions have consequences?” _

“Placate them, Oswald! Stop fighting a losing battle! Conform!” Edward muttered under his breath, staring intensely at the screen and waiting for Oswald’s reply.

_ “Edward’s been through enough already,”  _ Oswald said and Edward shut his eyes. They lost.

_ “Mayor Cobblepot,”  _ the hosts said astonished,  _ “what are you saying?” _

_ “I’m saying--”  _ Oswald bit at his lip. He was visibly trying to fight his own temper but Edward already knew it was a losing battle. It was too late, Oswald was too far gone in his rage to stop himself now.  _ “I’m saying that if Edward punched that young man in the face, that young man probably deserved it!”   _

The audience gasped in outrage.

_ “Mayor Cobblepot! You can’t possibly condone such behavior!” _

_ “Edward was provoked! He’s a good young man and all of you treat him like he’s some kind of a juvenile criminal! No one thinks to look into Harvey Dent’s after school activities and I can tell you what those are. Bullying! Dent’s a bully! Just like his father!” _

_ “Mayor Cobblepot! The people of Gotham demand that you reprimand that little--” _

_ “To hell with the people!”  _ Oswald blurted out, jumping out of his seat.  

Yes. All was lost now.

~*~

When Oswald finally returned to the mansion Edward was waiting for him at the front door.

“Oswald… why?” Was all he could say.

Oswald looked exhausted and still quite angry from the long day he had. He inhaled deeply. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let them talk about you like that. I guess… I guess you of all people should understand that.”

Edward chuckled sadly. Yes, he understood. Much like Edward himself, Oswald lost control when everyone attacked Ed. It was sweet in a weird way. “I do understand. But you sacrificed your career for me.”

Oswald smiled softly and reached out to squeeze Edward’s hand gently. “We’re family, Ed. I haven’t had a family since my mother died. And now I have you. That’s more important than some stupid elections.”

Edward was completely in awe. His heart was about to burst and he could not find words to express his feelings so he just wrapped his arms around Oswald in gratitude. They were a family. And Oswald felt it too! Now the only thing in their way was James Gordon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was exhausting for me to write. I don't know why but it was. I hope it turned out okay. What kept me going was the thought of all your lovely comments! Your comments give me life! Thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos, commenting! It means the world to me!


	7. Chapter 7

“He hates me.”

Oswald rolled his eyes fondly. “You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not. He hates me,” Jim insisted.

“He’s adjusting to the news,” Oswald explained. “It’ll take some time but he’ll accept you.”

They were in Jim’s apartment again, snuggled together on Jim’s bed. Oswald still didn’t want to risk Edward seeing Jim at the mansion. He didn’t want to push him too much.

“No, Oswald. He  _ hates  _ me,” Jim said for the third time. “You weren’t there, you didn’t hear him. The way he said  _ ‘boyfriends come and go but I’m forever’ _ .”

Oswald chuckled. “That sounds so dramatic, really. Ed can be a real drama queen.”

Oswald’s voice was still full of fondness so Jim sighed. “You may find it amusing, Oswald, but he sounded pretty genuine. He hates me.”

Oswald wrapped his arms tighter around Jim and pressed a kiss to the man’s beautiful lips. “Ed’s not used to seeing me with other people. That’s why he acted like that. And you have to admit it was pretty shocking for him to see us the way he did.”

Jim had to agree there.

“So far I’m all he has,” Oswald continued with feeling. “It’s normal that he’s so attached. But I’m doing my best to encourage him to make other friends too. Once he does, he’ll understand and he’ll be less protective of me.”

Jim wasn’t convinced. “I don’t think it’ll be that easy. I’m telling you, your kid would kill me if he could.”

Oswald pulled away with a frown. “Why would you say that?”

“It was just a figure of speech,” Jim said slowly, not sure why Oswald got so upset by his choice of words. He reached out to pull the smaller man back into his embrace but Oswald wiggled out of it.

“Don’t say such things about Edward anymore, Jim. Please,” he entreated, his frown deepening. “He’s not a killer.”

“I know, Oswald. I was just--”

“I mean it,” he insisted, looking pleadingly at Jim. “It’s not something to joke about.”

Jim nodded, realizing this was important to Oswald. “Alright, yeah, okay, I won’t. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Oswald said heartfelt and wrapped his arms around Jim again, needing to feel his warmth.

Jim hugged back, pressing his lips to Oswald’s forehead and wondering what was up with Edward. Something felt off, in a strange way, but Jim couldn’t quite figure it out yet. It was just a gut feeling he had. But he didn’t want to worry Oswald with it, and Oswald clearly didn’t like to entertain the idea that something was wrong with Edward. Not that something  _ was  _ wrong, just… odd. Then again, Edward was in _ that  _ age. What did Jim know about teenage boys anyway? It’s been years since he’d been one. Ed had a lot to deal with, perhaps that was just his way of coping.

“Does Edward know about your--  _ other  _ job?”

Oswald shook his head. “No. And I intend to keep it that way. I’m not sure it’s appropriate to let him in on that yet. He thinks I’m just a club owner.”

Jim hummed. “That’s wise,” he said, deciding to drop the whole Edward subject for now and enjoy his time with Oswald instead. They didn’t have much left before he would have to go back to the mansion. “How can you be both so wise and so sexy at the same time, Oswald?” he teased with a smirk.  

It was a rhetorical question but Oswald blushed and giggled anyway. “Hush, you.”

“Make me, why don’t you?”

Oswald was always up for a challenge like that and soon all thoughts of Edward were forgotten. At least for the time being.

~*~  

It’s been a week since Oswald lost the elections. Edward felt pretty bad about it. He knew he was the reason it happened in the first place. He tried apologizing to Oswald again but Oswald only shushed him, claiming that it was fine. And it seemed to be fine. Their lives continued almost the same way as before with the one difference that Oswald no longer went to City Hall or had any of his mayoral duties. He still kept busy, however, conducting work from his study at the mansion. Apparently he had a club he was running on the side. Edward was glad they weren’t suddenly broke. Oswald was rich and they could still afford their usual lifestyle. Not that it matter so much to Edward -- he’d been poor before and he’d managed. But it was a relief that Oswald didn’t lose absolutely everything when Dent Sr. was voted mayor. It would've been too unbearable for Ed to have that on his conscious as well.

The scandal was slowly dying down, the entire public outrage lasting a total of three to four days. People went about their usual lives and no one gave a second thought about what happened with the former mayor’s boy. Apart from a few idle mentions here and there, Edward as a sensation was forgotten.

Still there was the matter of returning to school… They even had a special conversation about it during breakfast one morning. Oswald thought it would be better to wait another week and then continue as usual.

“What about homeschool?” Edward suggested instead. “We could do that.”

Oswald looked at him for a moment, curiously as if trying to read him. “I thought we were past that idea already. Why are you bringing it up again?”

“Just with the scandal and all… I assumed… I dunno.” Ed shrugged.

“I thought you liked your new school, Edward.”

“And I do,” Ed assured.

“Then I don’t understand. Is there a problem? If there is you should tell me so we can take care of it.”

“No, there’s no problem, just,” Ed sighed. “It’s just nice to be here, at home.”

Edward seemed rather shy when he said it, like it was a very personal confession he felt uncomfortable sharing.

Oswald leaned in over the table to take the young man’s hand in his. “I know it’s nice to stay home, Ed, it feels safer,” he said out loud, making sure his voice was soft and understanding. “But it’s also nice to go outside. I know the urge to hide away and not have to deal with… with people. Trust me, I do! I used to do that  _ a lot  _ back when I was your age. My mother, she… she was really good to me. She understood. She never forced me to do anything I wasn’t ready for.”

Oswald was smiling, that faraway look back on his face again. Edward had noticed that whenever he spoke of his mother Oswald would have that look. The soft bittersweet smile was laced with sadness from the loss, but it was still a smile, and Edward wished that one day he would smile like that because of Ed. Was it strange that Ed wanted to be as important to Oswald as Oswald’s mother used to be?

Oswald looked Ed in the eyes. “The point is, I was very depressed when I was your age. I even--” this next bit wasn't easy to say. Edward suspected Oswald hadn’t really told anyone so much about himself and his past. “I even harmed myself a few times and my poor mother, she was horrified. I scared her so much… I don’t want you to scare me like that. I don’t want you to be hurt again. I want you to be able to pursue your passions, to have friends who appreciate you for who you are.”

Edward frowned. “I’m not a social person, Oswald. I feel nothing for those drab, boring people.”

“I’m not saying you have to befriend everyone, or become like your fellow students to fit in. I wouldn’t do that to you, I want you to be yourself. But it’s a truly wonderful feeling to have people you can trust.” Oswald smiled softly. “And perhaps among the Harvey Dents of this world you’d find someone really nice. Someone special.”

Ed looked hopeful. “Like you?”

Oswald shifted in his seat a little awkwardly. “I’m not really-- I’m not that special.”

“You’re my best friend, Oswald. Of course you’re special.”

Uneasiness was oozing from Oswald’s face and body, and for a moment Ed was worried he had spoken too much and made Oswald feel uncomfortable. But then the older man smiled again and it warmed Edward’s heart.

“You’re my best friend too,” Oswald said out loud. “And that will  _ never  _ change,” they shared a smile. Oswald leaned back in his chair. “But it doesn’t mean you can’t have other friends as well. Don’t think you’re doomed to be alone forever,” his face turned a little more tentative. “It seemed to me you really enjoyed the company of those young girls you mentioned before. Ivy and Selina. If that is so, then perhaps you should spend more time with them. What do you think?”

Edward mused. What Oswald said made sense, he supposed. He enjoyed Ivy and Selina’s company and he still received regular and quite thoughtful texts from Ivy. He even responded to some of them. Perhaps hanging out with them wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. Ed could use the change. His mind had been a very uneasy place lately with the thought of James Gordon hanging over his head like an evil shadow. The detective hadn’t visited the mansion since that unfortunate Saturday when Ed caught him in Oswald’s bedroom, yet Ed could tell he and Oswald were still in touch. Ed could tell when they texted each other, or when Oswald talked to Jim on the phone. Ed could tell. It was written all over Oswald’s face, the way it lit up at each message, or how his eyes sparkled, his good mood afterwards. It stung. It stung that even from a distance Gordon had such a powerful effect on Oswald. That he could make him smile like that with just a few written words. Ed tried to suppress the ugly feelings of pain, anger and hatred, but they weren’t easy to shake off. So perhaps hanging out with Ivy and Selina would be a good way for Ed to get out of this mindset. Perhaps their company was what he needed to cope with all the stress he’d been under these last weeks.  

Perhaps. But he still wasn’t sure.  

He didn’t quite want to leave Oswald alone. After the elections Oswald seemed mostly himself -- definitely not as upset about his loss as Edward expected him to be -- but could appearances be trusted? It seemed like once the “people of Gotham” rejected him, Oswald’s own desire to be their mayor dissolved too. However, Edward suspected this could be a mask Oswald put on for Ed’s sake, to ease the guilt. The thought made Ed feel like a burden. A stupid, silly part of him feared that Oswald no longer needed him. After all, Oswald wasn’t mayor anymore, perhaps he no longer needed a son. It was unfair to think that, Ed knew. Oswald had shown him multiple times that he truly cared about him. But the irrational part of Edward, the part that was painfully familiar with rejection in all its forms, that part often spoke louder in his psyche, even when he was desperately trying to silence it. He didn't want to mention those particular fears to Oswald. He could only imagine how hurt Oswald would be if he knew what thoughts Ed entertained on occasion, how betrayed he would feel if Ed told him his doubts.

Yes, he needed to clear his head. That was very important.

“I’ll call Ivy then,” he said out loud.

Oswald seemed glad to hear it. “Of course. Do call her. Enjoy yourself. You’re only young once,” he smiled, waving his hands about as if to encourage Ed to go. “I misspent most of my youth. Don’t do the same to yourself. You can’t quite make up for certain things you’ve missed.”  

There was a certain sense of serenity in knowing that Oswald was so much like Ed when he was his age. It was nice to know they shared that. It showed how connected they were, and it made Ed feel closer to Oswald. He smiled back, but then his face froze. Oswald seemed a little  _ too  _ eager, his smile a little  _ too approving _ .   

“You’re not going to invite James Gordon here again while I’m away, are you?” Ed asked with suspicion. “Is that why you want me out of the house?”

Oswald’s lips parted in surprise. “No, Edward,” he shook his head. “That’s not what I had in mind at all.”

“But you must miss him?” Ed prompted.

“I see plenty of Jim Gordon, Edward. Just not here,” Oswald replied casually. Ed’s eyes went wide and Oswald chuckled amused. “Well, don’t be so surprised. We meet at his place. It’s not like we’re confined to this mansion.”  

Edward swallowed. An unpleasant bile was rising to his mouth, threatening to make him vomit.

“Jim is very important to me, Ed,” Oswald said softly. “I know you’re not very comfortable with that yet so I asked him not to come here. But I do still love him. Nothing’s changed there.”

Edward was looking down at his hands under the table.

“Edward? You do understand that, don’t you?”

Edward nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered quietly.  

“And you can eventually accept Jim?” Oswald asked, his voice sounding almost sheepish. “As my… my partner? I know your first impression of him wasn’t the best but if you give him a chance I’m sure you’d like him.”  

Edward knew he never could but Oswald was waiting for his answer with such hope in his eyes Ed couldn’t let him down. “Yes. I’ll give him a chance. For you.”

Oswald looked very relieved. This was clearly what he wanted to hear. “Thank you, Edward! You really are the best.”  

Edward forced himself to smile but on the inside he wanted to scream. James Gordon was poison running through Oswald’s veins. The question was, how to administer a cure?  

~*~  

Ed decided deserved a little enjoyment in his life so when Ivy and Selina came to pick him up he gladly hopped in.

Ivy and Selina, and Bruce. That was how he spent his time lately. With Ivy and Selina. And Bruce. Bruce was not a part of their small friend group but he wasn't not a part of it either. He was… optional. Brooding and quiet, serious to a fault, he rarely participated in any of their activities. He clearly preferred to keep to himself. Unless Selina was involved, in which case he stuck close to her like a good little lapdog, waiting for her to pay attention to him, there for her in case she needed anything. He wanted to help her at all the times.

Unfortunately Selina was not one to need or accept help easily. Edward learned that about her quickly. Ivy told her bits and pieces of Selina’s story, how her mother left and how she was only in this school because of some anonymous benefactor whose name she never learned. Edward’s first thought was Bruce Wayne, -- the guy’s infatuation seemed serious enough for him to do something like that, -- but Ivy instantly denied the possibility. Apparently the benefactor was in Selina's life from an early age, way before she met Bruce. So it was probably her rich father who wanted nothing to do with her personally but didn’t want to abandon her on the streets of Gotham either. Whoever he was Selina hated him. But she accepted his money anyway.

Ivy, too, had a tragic past. She was an orphan, like Ed. Poor and unwanted, she got a scholarship in order to afford this school. That in turn made most of the other students look down on her, rich snobs that they were. Selina (and by extension Bruce) were her only friends, but she claimed she needed no one else.

Edward liked Ivy’s tender kindness, the way she cared passionately about the things and people she loved. But most of all he liked Selina’s take-no-shit-from-anyone attitude. It was something he hoped to learn too. Selina was the exact opposite of the sacred gittery boy Edward was on the inside. She was fearless and proud and Ed loved that. As for Bruce… well, him and Ed weren’t that close yet. They never spent much time together so they didn’t really know each other. Whenever Bruce was around he mostly stayed by Selina’s side, otherwise it was just Ed, Selina and Ivy. Bruce didn’t seem like a bad guy, though, which made Ed even more puzzled as to why would he be friends with someone like Harvey Dent. However, that was a puzzle for another time.

For now Ed concentrated on loosening up a little and finding a good outlet for all that pent up rage he was harboring inside. Ivy and Selina were great for that. They were by his side no matter what crazy idea the three of them were up to. It was liberating, having no restraints, following no rules. The media was not after Ed anymore, he didn’t have Oswald’s reputation to consider, so he was free. Even more so with Ivy and Selina as his friends.

"Lookie here!" Selina purred, letting a pretty necklace dangle from between her fingers. "Precious, isn't it? I took it from an asshole who cheats on both his wife  _ and  _ his lover. No offense, Ed, but men are pigs."

Ivy snorted amused. She definitely shared Selina’s opinion.

Ed frowned, slightly taken aback. "Wait. You  _ took  _ it?"

"Oh, yeah. Selina has this thing she does," Ivy shrugged nonchalantly.

"What thing?"

"Stealing.”

Ed laughed. "You're joking, right?"

But both girls looked quite serious and Ed's eyebrows went up to his hairline. "You mean it? You're actually stealing from people?"

"People, a few shops, anything really.”  Selina played with the necklace like a cat would with a string. “I'm not that picky.”

"Wow!” Ed had no idea. For all the stuff they did together, he had no idea Selina was a thief. “Why would you do that?" he asked genuinely curious.

Selina snapped her little toy between her fingers and looked intensely at him. "You know how sometimes there's this hole inside you? And it's either empty and dull or filled with anger you don't know what to do with?"

Her words hit too close to home. Edward swallowed and nodded silently.

"Well, this is what I do with it,” she said simply. “I steal things. Trinkets mostly. Sometimes jewelry from rich assholes. I don't steal from orphans or something, so don't look at me like that."

"I wasn't..." Ed stuttered.

"The point is,” Selina continued, “this world sucks. And sometimes to survive it you just need to--"

"-- kick its ass," Ed finished.

Selina grinned approvingly. "I knew there was a reason I liked you, Ed. You're like me, more or less. You look like this nerdy know-it-all guy but deep down you're just like me. An orphan who needs to show this city that it can no longer kick him around."

Edward nodded slowly, her words striking fire deep in his soul.

“Also it’s fun,” Selina smirked.

Ed laughed. He could now see why of all people at school Ivy and Selina were the ones he felt connected to. The three of them were made of the same cloth. They understood each other, felt pain in similar way. His eyes landed on a police car, parked nearby and he glared at it. He would no longer be kicked around.

~*~  

“Edward, we need to talk,” Oswald’s firm voice startled him.

It was his parental voice, the one he used when he was going to scold Edward for something. Those were rare events for them but they’ve happened enough for Ed to recognize  _ the voice _ .

“Come to my study, please.” Oswald left Edward’s room, leaving the door ajar, not even questioning that the teenager would follow.

Power play, then, Ed smirked. He had to give it to Oswald, he was good.

Ed got up from his bed, putting his book away and following Oswald to the older man’s study, curious to learn what this was about.  

“Close the door,” Oswald instructed.

Edward swallowed. All these orders, Oswald didn’t usually boss him around like that. It made Ed wonder if he really was in trouble this time. He closed the door and stood in front of Oswald’s large desk, waiting for the storm.

“First I need to ask. Is there something you want to tell me, Edward?” Oswald said with deceptive calmness.

“Mmmno,” Ed shook his head. “May I sit down?”

“Mmmno,” Oswald said, tilting his head and smirking a little. He was mirroring Edward’s behavior for some reason and it was unsettling. Damn, he was  _ really  _ good! His eyes looked earnest though, trusting. “Are you sure you have nothing to tell me?” he asked again. “Remember we agreed on full trust.”

Ed was getting tired of all this theatrics. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Oswald. I haven’t done anything,” he said impatiently.

Oswald hummed. “Alright. If that’s how you want it.” Ed swallowed again. His mouth was suddenly dry. Whatever this was about Oswald was making him really nervous. “Then I’ll start.”

“Okay…”

“Care to explain why you’re spray painting green question marks on police cars?”

Oh, shit. So this was about  _ that _ . Ed had forgotten about  _ that _ . It was a couple of days ago and he never expected it to come bite him in the ass.

“Why do you think it was me?” he nearly pouted. “Did Detective Gordon give you that idea? He clearly wants to get me in trouble! He hates me!”

Oswald raised his hand to stop Ed from word vomiting. “Jim doesn’t hate you. And no, he didn’t tell me anything, he didn’t have to. There’s a CCTV footage of you doing it, Ed. And it’s not just one car either. It’s several cars over the last 4 days. You’re not very subtle, are you?”  

Ed pursed his lips, remaining silent. What was there to say? He was caught red handed. Honestly he had no idea why Oswald was making such a big deal out of it? It was only a bunch of police cars. But he seemed serious about it.

Oswald leaned forward to look at Ed more closely. “It’s almost like you  _ wanted  _ to get caught. Which makes me wonder why. Why are you acting up like this, Ed? I thought-- I thought we were good. Did I do something? Have I upset you in any way?”

Ed felt a little guilty. This wasn’t  _ Oswald's  _ fault. Ed wasn’t doing these things  _ because of Oswald _ . He was doing them because-- he wasn’t quite sure but he was just--

“I’m just so angry all the time,” he heard himself blurt out, his hands gesturing wildly on their own volition. “I think about what happened, about how you lost the elections because of me, and I get so angry! And then I think about Jim Gordon and how he’s taking advantage of your vulnerability, and--”

“Hey, hey, wait a second there,” Oswald stopped him promptly. “Why do you think Jim’s taking advantage? And why would you call me vulnerable? I’m not vulnerable!”

Edward gave him a look. “Come on, Oswald. Don’t try to fool me. You’re upset because of the election results, I know you are. You play it cool but deep down it bugs you. And I wish you’d share that with me, not with Gordon.” He couldn’t keep the disgust from his tone when he spoke the policeman’s name. “It’s frustrating the way he’s acting all supportive and nice! It’s  _ so  _ frustrating!”  

Oswald seemed amused. “And you decided spraying question marks on police cars would be a good idea?”

“I wasn’t thinking anything. I just saw a police car and I thought…”  _ How do I cure Oswald of his stupid love for Gordon _ , was what he thought. But he couldn’t say that to Oswald now, could he?

“You thought?” Oswald encouraged.

Ed shrugged. “I dunno. I just wanted him to stop.”

Oswald inhaled deeply. “Edward, are you jealous of Jim?”

Ed’s eyes went wide, his heart beating furiously in its ribcage. “Jealous? Me? Why would I be jealous! Why would you even say that!”   

“Over the last months you and I became really close,” Oswald explained with surprising calmness. “Neither of us are used to having someone like that in our life. So I suppose it’s only natural to feel a bit possessive over that person.”

Edward was silent. What could he say to that?

“You saw me with Jim and that threw you off balance. It’s understandable,” Oswald continued when it was clear Ed wasn’t going to reply. “But I want you to know that Jim isn’t your enemy, or a competition. I care for Jim and I care for you. Those are strong but very different feelings. So there’s absolutely no need for you to feel threatened by Jim.” Oswald let that sink in then proceeded, “Now, I understand you need to work through this on your own. But if you let me help, I gladly will. And don’t take it out on unsuspecting police cars, okay? It’s really-- I mean, I’m no longer mayor so it doesn’t matter if you want to be a vandal but do you really want that? You’re such a clever young man, Ed. Is this really what you want to be doing with your intelligence and your time?”

Ed thought about it. He  _ was  _ jealous of Jim Gordon. But he didn’t want to be petty about it. He didn’t want to be a vandal when he could be so much more! Oswald had taught him that. He could be anything he wanted.

“No. That’s not what I want,” he said out loud, shaking his head.

The corners of Oswald’s lips quirked up in an approving smile. “Good. Because I think you can do better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Ioe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ioe/pseuds/Ioe) for giving me the idea that Edward could act up after finding out about Oswald's relationship with Jim. It fit so well with the rest of the plan I had for the chapter :)


	8. Chapter 8

After “the talk” Edward stopped taking out his frustrations on unsuspecting police cars. Oswald’s words really affected the young man deeply. The way Oswald believed in him even after everything he knew about Edward and his past was truly inspirational. It was all Ed needed to pull himself together and throw his abundance of energy into something more productive. He decided to start with the school labs. Working on his Chemistry skills was always useful so he dedicated his free time to that cause. He was deep in the zone one afternoon when a voice from behind startled him.

“Hey, I know you. You’re Edward Nygma, aren’t you? I’m not sure if you remember me…”

Edward groaned with exasperation and turned around to face the intruder. He expected some idiot who still remembered the papers from last month but to his great surprise the person in front of him was anything but a random fool.

“Foxy?” Ed muttered to himself, then quickly shook his head, realizing his faux pa calling him ‘foxy’. It seemed like a funny word play with the older student’s name at the time so it sort of stuck in Ed’s head. “I mean, Lucius Fox. Yeah, I remember you. From Bruce’s party. You, umm-- you guessed all my riddles.”

Lucius chuckled at that. “I’m glad I made such a good impression. I don’t consider myself a particular fan of riddles but I do enjoy a good brain teaser.”

Ed nearly laughed at that. “Yes, that’s what you said then too.”

“You remember that too,” the smile lingered on Foxy’s lips and Edward wondered why. After all, it wasn’t that big a surprise that Ed remembered.

“Well, yeah, of course I do,” he shrugged. “I have an eidetic memory. I remember everything.”

“Ah.” For a moment Lucius seemed disappointed but Edward didn't think much of it. If he had to be honest with himself, he wasn’t very big on social cues.

“So what brings you here? No offence but no one comes to the Chemistry lab willingly.”

“Apparently you do,” Lucius said with fond amusement.

Ed shook his head. “I don’t count.”

“Oh, I think you count.”

There was something strange about Lucius’ voice and face when he said that. It puzzled Edward but not in a thrilling and exciting way. It was more like feeling lost and unable to find a way out, unsure of what to do or say, not knowing what was happening around him. It was something he couldn’t solve with his brain so it left him feel vulnerable and exposed. Whatever Foxy was doing, Ed wanted it to stop.

“I meant, I didn’t expect anyone at the labs at this time of day,” he muttered quietly, awkwardly.

“Well, Ed, if memory serves, you take advanced Chemistry like me. Which means,” he smirked a little, “we have chemistry together.”

Ed nearly dropped the tube he was holding. What was that supposed to mean? Was Lucius…? What was he doing?

Noticing Edward’s uneasiness, Lucius continued with less teasing and more seriousness, “With that big test coming up soon I came here to practice.” He took a quick glance at Edward’s work. “Mind if I join you?”

Ed hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t sure he wanted the company. Lucius was fun to be around at the party but this was school. Their interaction felt odd in this surrounding. Then again, Ed needed someone to be his lab partner for his Chemistry class and better Lucius than some random student the teacher would pick for him.

“No, not at all. Be my guest,” he said out loud, making more space for Lucius at his table.  

Fox beamed and instantly got started on work. His quick grasp of the subject impressed Edward immensely and for once he didn’t feel like a freak for knowing more than his classmates. Having Lucius around was like finally finding someone who spoke his language. Ivy and Selina understood him emotionally, most of the time at least, but Lucius could understand him intellectually. Together the three of them almost managed to sort of fill Oswald’s shoes. Edward chuckled at the thought. Oswald was so special for him that it took three different people to only kinda make Ed not miss having him around.

“Edward, that’s enough! It’s gonna blow!” Lucius gasped, pulling Ed back to reality.

“Oh, crud! Sorry, I-- got distracted…” Ed muttered and concentrated more on the chemicals they were working with.

“That’s alright, it happens. Distractions are a thing,” Lucius said relieved. “Just, let’s not have some freak lab accident, okay? We won’t really make good superheroes,” he jested.

Ed chuckled at the joke. It wasn’t particularly funny to him but something about the way Foxy said it, like they were old friends hanging out and having fun with Chemistry, put him at ease. “Yeah, that would be unfortunate,” he smiled back.

~*~

There were a few awkward dinners this month. Edward wanted to show good will so he encouraged Oswald to invite James Gordon over a few times. Oswald was pleasantly surprised at the request and gladly obliged. Gordon didn’t stay the night (Edward was grateful for that!) but the three of them had to spend the evenings playing board games and charades, pretending they were normal people. Edward found it tiring but seeing how happy it made Oswald he had to keep his own feelings on the matter to himself and put Oswald’s emotions first. It was the least he could do after turning the man’s life upside down. It was worth it. It was also his idea so he couldn’t knock it in front Oswald. He had to play the part.

Oswald was beaming at him like Edward had done something wonderful.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Edward,” he said heartfelt while they were preparing the popcorn for their movie night with Gordon. “It means so much to me that you’re putting effort. You and Jim… you’re the two most special people in my life now that my parents are gone. I appreciate it.”

Edward smiled back. Having Oswald look at him like that, with so much feeling, felt awesome. Even if Jim Gordon was the reason for it. “It’s nothing,” he said out loud and decided not to mention that the mere sight of the policeman made his stomach turn. That was a conversation for another time. For now he was content to see Oswald this happy. That was good enough for Ed.

Jim Gordon looked very awkward throughout most of their dinners. He clearly wanted to make this work, for Oswald’s sake like he said, but at the same time Ed could tell it was all pretend. Gordon was onto him. Gordon  _ knew  _ something was off. He  _ knew  _ Edward hated him. He knew the two of them wouldn’t be able to work things out and become friends. Not even for Oswald. Yet there he was, being nice and polite to Edward, as if waiting for  _ him  _ to make the first wrong move. So that Edward would be the bad guy in Oswald’s eyes when it all goes to hell. But Edward wasn’t going to give James Gordon the satisfaction. He was not going to be the moody teenager here. He returned the policeman’s politeness in kind, even going as far as smiling at him. And when it was time for the man to leave, Ed gladly offered to see him out.  

~*~

Oswald was very busy. He was swamped with work, the criminal world desperately craving his attention, however, what was on his mind currently was something completely different. For that he called his best man -- Victor Zsasz.

There were two things one needed to know about Zsasz. One was that his name was Zsasz. The other was that people usually did not live long enough to learn the second thing.

Victor Zsasz was a killing machine. He was fast, creative, and he loved his job. Shooting and blowing things up was his favorite thing to do and he got paid for it generously because he was the best of the best. Oswald was extremely pleased when he managed to recruit Zsasz on his side. There was a peculiar thrill in the thought that he had such a remarkably capable assassin under his sway. Being his boss, Oswald also had the privilege to know that Zsasz liked disco, milkshakes, guns (of all shapes and sizes), and he also had a thing for handsome men. That, however, was totally irrelevant when it came to Zsasz in work mode because even the handsomest man disco dancing covered in milkshake with a gun in hand wouldn't be able to stop the assassin from doing his job.  _ That  _ was how good Zsasz was. And that was the sort of thing Oswald respected about him the most. That was why he trusted Zsasz with the truly important assignments. Like the current one.  

“Is everything ready?” Oswald asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Totally. It’s gonna be so much fuuuuun,” Zsasz reassured with an approving lopsided smirk.  

Oswald nodded. “Good. Make sure no one shows up uninvited. I don’t want any unpleasant surprises. Or press.”

“I’m not dumb. It’s invitation only, and no press.” Zsasz glanced at Oswald’s desk where Penguin was having his lunch today, and licked his lips. “You gonna eat all that, boss?”

Oswald gave him a look. “Duh.”

Zsasz shrugged nonchalantly. “Just saying, you better watch your figure.”

Oswald glared. “Is there anything else you want, Zsasz?”

“Nope,” Zsasz grinned innocently.

“Good,” Oswald said pointedly. “What about the other issue? The one with the two disappearances?”

“I handled that with great care and secrecy, as you asked. No one’s looking into Kristen Kringle. She’s not even a missing person. As for Thomas Dougherty. No one’s heard anything about him either. For all Gotham knows, they’re living happily in another town.”

Oswald hummed. “Alright. Thank you for that.”

“It’s what I do,” Zsasz smirked. “That and spy on your kid.”

Oswald inhaled sharply, trying to be patient. “It’s not spying, it’s-- I’m just making sure he’s alright.”

“Sure.”

“Has he sprayed any more cars lately? Or… done anything weird at all?”

Zsasz shook his head. “Not since the last time. He’s busy with Chemistry these days. And that black boy he spends time with.”

“What black boy?”

“His name’s Lucius Fox. He’s a year older but they have Advanced Chemistry together. Gotta love that. Chemistry is so explosive. I heart it.”

“Huh.” Edward hadn’t mentioned that boy. Oswald wondered why. He talked about Ivy and Selina all the time.

“He’s also hanging out with these two girls,” Zsasz continued conversationally, “only now Bruce Wayne’s joining them more often. I think he and the curly one are an item now. Finally! I’ve been rooting for them to get together since day one. Can’t wait to see what happens next. So much drama.” He wiggled his bald eyebrows and after some hesitation popped a cucumber from Oswald’s salad into his mouth. “What? You’re just eating the chicken anyway. It’s gonna go to waste.”

Oswald ignored Zsasz’ appetite or his remark. His mind was occupied with something more important than cucumbers. It was Edward’s 16th birthday this week. Quite an important age. Oswald wanted to make it special. He knew if he left it to Edward, the boy would choose a quiet evening with Oswald to celebrate his birthday, but Oswald wanted to commemorate the moment with something grander than that. It wasn’t going to be a big, loud party -- neither he, nor Ed enjoyed those -- but it would be nice to get a few of Edward’s new friends together, with some music and good food. Perhaps Oswald would even close his eyes for a little underage drinking (within reason, of course). The theme of the event, naturally, was riddles and puzzles. He wanted Ed to enjoy this after all. For that reason he had Zsasz prepare what Oswald called “the Riddle Factory”, with a huge fortune wheel and lots of fun games. It was quite sparkly too. Edward would love it! The whole thing was very elaborate. Oswald had spent a lot of nights coming up with the details and he hoped it to be a good surprise. He put a lot of effort into it, which didn’t leave much time for him to meet with Jim lately and discuss their “family dinners”. He hoped Jim was taking those well -- he had been quite nervous about them. Oswald wanted to make sure things were alright. Jim hadn’t replied any of Oswald’s messages in the last two days which was unusual for him. Even when he was swamped with police work he still found time to at least send a text.  

“Any news about James Gordon?” Oswald asked Zsasz, casually.

Zsasz shrugged. “He won’t be a problem. I’ve made sure no cops would get in the way for any of our operations.”  

“I didn’t ask that, did I? I asked if you’ve heard anything new about him,” Oswald snapped impatiently.

“Well, then, no. Nothing new,” Zsasz replied. Unfazed about Oswald’s outbursts, he popped another cucumber in his mouth. “Want me to ask around?”

Oswald hesitated. Jim didn’t like it when Oswald sent people to watch over him. Reluctantly he had to decline Zsasz’ offer. “No. Leave it be for now. But keep your eyes and ears open if there’s anything new.”

Zsasz nodded, reaching out for Oswald’s salad one last time.

“Just, take the whole damn thing!” Oswald threw his hands in the air exasperatedly.

Zsasz grinned. “Thanks, boss. That’s why I love you. You feed me well.”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Since when do you like salads so much?”

“Healthy food is happy mood!”

Oswald groaned. “Forget I asked.”

~*~  

“Do you have a… Lucius Fox in your class?” Oswald asked casually while he and Ed were watching some TV show Ed was sort of fond of these days.

“Umm, yeah, I do. He’s, umm, we have Chemistry together.”

Oswald glanced at Ed. The boy blushed as soon as he uttered the words. Oswald couldn’t help but smirk a little at that. It was so cute! Could this Lucius guy be Edward’s new crush? If so, that was a really good thing. After Edward’s unhealthy feelings for Kristen Kringle, having someone responsible, dependable and in the right age group in his life was a blessing. Oswald had to handle this with care, make sure he doesn’t spoil things by accident.

“Chemistry’s good. I heard it’s-- explosive.” Where did that come from? Explosive?  _ Well done handling things, Oswald.  _ He wanted to slap himself. Damn it, Zsasz!

“Why do you ask?” Ed sat more comfortably to look at Oswald with those big curious brown eyes.

Oswald chuckled. “I read he won some kind of science fair for your school. First prize. I was just curious if you knew him, that’s all.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“Well, maybe you should ask him. If he’s so good with science, he’s gotta be smart, right?”

“Yeah, he is,” Ed smiled softly.

Yes, Oswald was  _ definitely  _ inviting that boy over for the riddle birthday party!

~*~   

“Olga, any messages from Jim Gordon?”

“ _ Nyet _ .”

Oswald sighed. It was a long shot but he still had to try. Maybe Jim was undercover and couldn’t really get through to Oswald? Perhaps it was time he asked Zsasz to actively look into it… Or maybe give Jim more time. He had dumped a lot on him lately with the dinners. It was rather a shock to suddenly have to win over your boyfriend’s teenage adoptive son. Maybe Jim got spooked by that? Afraid of the commitment? Maybe things suddenly got too real and serious for him? It was all fine and dandy while they were shagging in secret but now that time seemed to be over and maybe… maybe Jim wasn’t ready. Oswald sighed again. He really had let his imagination run wild with thoughts of a happy family life. It was ridiculous how idealistic his fantasies could be. Almost white picket fence.

He cleared his throat. “Is everything ready for the party?”

“ _ Da _ .”

“Where’s Edward?”

“His room.”

“His room… good, good.” Oswald nodded and dismissed Olga, who left him alone in his study, pacing nervously.

He hoped this wasn’t a mistake. He really wanted Ed to like his surprise. Zsasz had followed his instructions to the letter; Ivy and Selina helped too with a few ideas when Oswald shared his plans with them. Both girls were positive that Edward would love everything but Oswald still couldn’t help feeling anxiety over it. Any time now he’d have to go to Edward and take him to west wing of the mansion which was reorganized as the “Riddle Factory”. And then…

“Alright, Oswald, I’m all yours!” Edward sing-songed from the doorframe, snapping Oswald back to reality. He grinned at Oswald’s confusion and walked into the study. “Come on. I know you better than anyone. You’ve been planning something for my birthday these last two weeks so bring it in! Surprise me!”

Oswald shook his head with an exaggerated sigh. “It’s not fair. You weren’t supposed to  _ know  _ about it.”

Edward seemed even more amused and pleased with himself. “We’re connected, Oswald. I can read you like an open book,” he bit his grin back and met Oswald’s gaze. “But. Fear not. Even though I knew you were up to something, I respected your privacy. _ I didn’t peek.  _ I didn’t even try to figure out what you were preparing. So technically, you’ll still surprise me.”

Oswald chuckled rather nervously. “That should make me feel better, I suppose.”

Ed hummed.

“Come with me, then. Birthday boy.”

Edward grinned again, genuinely curious and already excited about it.

~*~  

As he walked by Oswald’s side he could tell Oswald put a lot of effort into this special surprise. The little nervous twitches in Oswald’s hand every now and then, the wavering voice, they all spoke of how anxious Oswald was for Ed to like his gift.  _ Silly little Penguin!  _ Didn’t he know Edward would like  _ anything  _ as long as it came from Oswald? He couldn’t help smiling at the older man, thrilled at being the center of Oswald’s attention for so long. It was a wonderful feeling to be in someone’s thoughts, especially if that someone was as special as Oswald.

Edward bit his grin back, trying not to skip like a child as they walked to the west side of the mansion. _ Clever, Oswald.  _ Ed rarely went there because he preferred to hang around in the more habitable part where the library was. Where  _ Oswald  _ was. So he had been to the west side a few times before and then stopped going there. Oswald knew that because  _ Oswald knew Ed _ .

It was tempting to investigate though. The moment Ed realized Oswald was planning something, his natural curiosity urged him to solve the puzzle. But he didn’t want to spoil this, he wanted to give Oswald a genuine reaction. So he suppressed his curiosity and pretended he hadn’t noticed that Oswald was working on a secret project. He played the part just to give them this -- a birthday celebration the kind Oswald wanted for them. Sixteen years. Edward was no longer a child! He was a man! Or… soon to be one. Sixteen years was a lot! Surely Oswald noticed that too. Noticed that Ed had grown…

“Almost there,” Oswald smiled excitedly at Edward and Ed’s heart leapt.

“Oh, we’re almost there,” Ed replied, biting back his grin again.

Oswald opened one of the doors and…

“SURPRIIIIISE!”

~*~

Oswald was carefully observing Edward. He didn’t want to miss the young man’s reaction so he watched as for a moment Edward just stood there, blinking confused at the view before him. Green party lights sparkled throughout the large space, once used as a ballroom no doubt. It was now decorated with balloons and question marks, envelopes hanging from the ceiling with riddles inside, waiting to be solved. There was a stage in one corner of the hall with a huge wheel-of-fortune-like contraption with a big neon question mark on it. The music started the moment Ed entered the room and Edward’s friends -- Ivy, Selina, Bruce and Lucius -- were all there for him, smiling, clapping and singing, happy to see him.  

Oswald waited. Would Edward like it?

“It’s-- it’s a party,” Ed finally said. He still sounded rather dazed. His questioning gaze turned to Oswald. “You’ve thrown me a surprise party?”

Oswald nodded energetically. “It’s a  _ riddle  _ birthday party, actually. With your closest friends and games and puzzles… We-- we planned it together.”

“Mr. Cobblepot did most of the work though,” Ivy added with a smile. “But we were happy to join in!”

“I didn’t expect that,” Edward confessed, still too shocked to process everything. No one had ever thrown him a party before. He wasn’t sure what to do. This was his first real birthday celebration, and if he had to be honest, he didn’t know the protocol.

“Well, happy birthday, Ed! We’re so proud of you for not being a baby anymore,” Selina teased, pulling him into a tight hug. Ivy followed, Bruce gave a reassuring handshake and Lucius offered a genuine smile with a slightly awkward tap on the shoulder.

Slowly, Edward came out of his stunned surprise. “Thank you! Thank you, all of you! For this and for…” his eyes landed on a pile of boxes, each wrapped with a cheerful bow on top, “... for the gifts! Wow! That’s a  _ lot    _ of gifts!”  

“We have _ a lot  _ of love for you,” Ivy grinned.

“Wow! I’m speechless! Oswald! I’m speechless!” He turned to Oswald, smiling at him widely. “Thank you.”

Oswald exhaled in relief. He had no idea he’d been holding his breath all this time, but he was so glad Edward liked the surprise! Birthday or no, Ed was rather peculiar when it came to spending time with people so Oswald didn’t want to accidentally upset him by throwing a party or trigger him somehow. Luckily Ed felt comfortable around his friends. They were nice kids, good to him, and Oswald was glad Ed had that in his life now. “I’m just glad you like it,” he replied with a smile.

“Like it? I love it!” Ed said excitedly. “And look at all the lights! And… is this glitter?”

“It might be,” Selina allowed.

“Well, I love it! I love all of it! Especially the question marks. Green is my favorite color, you know.”

“We know,” they all said as one, causing Ed to laugh again.   

“And that wheel over there is a riddle/puzzle game too, like most stuff here, so there’s no escape for us today. We  _ have  _ to endure your brain teasers. No way out,” Selina added with fond amusement.

Ed chuckled. “No escape!”

“Well, I actually  _ like  _ your riddles so that’s gonna be heaven for me,” Lucius said with a smile, lifting his hands up in defeat.

Ed’s grin grew wider. “What about you, Bruce?”  

“You know me. I love a good riddle. Makes me feel like a detective,” Bruce shrugged.

Selina snorted. It made Ed wonder if they weren’t finally together. It was always so hard to tell with Bruce and Selina -- he claimed they were dating, she claimed he was an idiot. One did not necessarily exclude the other, of course, but still. Ed made a mental note to ask Selina about it later.

“This is by far my favorite party,” Ed said. “No offence, Bruce.”

“None taken.”

“We haven’t even started yet!” Selina complained. “You really take your sweet time expressing gratitude instead of having fun.”

“Right. Sorry. Okay, so. First…” he glanced around and frowned. “Where’s Oswald?”

“Umm, I think he left a couple of minutes ago,” Lucius said.

Ed’s frown deepened. “But why?” he sighed. “Never mind. I’ll go get him. You start without me, okay?”

“Don’t be late or we’ll burn the riddles,” Selina warned.

“Haha, she’s only joking,” Bruce shook his head fondly.

“No, I’m notttt,” Selina sing-songed.

Edward wasn’t listening anymore. He hurried out the hall and down the corridor, calling after Oswald.

“Oswald! Oswald, wait! Come back!”

A beat later he heard a reply. “Ed?” Oswald was limping back in Edward’s direction, confusion written all over his face. “Why aren’t you at the party?”

“Because!” Ed chuckled in disbelieve. “Oswald, why did you leave?”

“Well, it’s  _ your  _ party. I’ll just be in the way,” he explained.

“Nonsense!” Edward waved it off. “It won’t be my birthday without you. Come back.” Oswald did not move so Edward added a hand gesture as he insisted again, “Come back.”

Oswald bit his lower lip. He looked rather awkward and uncomfortable. “Umm, Ed? I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s not really my place there, with your teenage friends. I’m…”  

“What?”

“ _ Your father _ , Edward,” It still sounded weird to say it. “What would your father do at a party with your friends? I’m out of place.”

“Oswald, you’re  _ not  _ my father, and we both know it,” Edward said in a low voice. “You’re my  _ friend _ . We’re  _ partners  _ and you organized this beautiful thing for me. It won’t be the same without you. Please. Stay,” he pleaded softly.

Oswald swallowed. “I-- I’m sorry. I can’t. I should go. And you should enjoy your party with your friends.”

“But--” Edward grabbed Oswald’s wrist, terror in his eyes, as if Oswald would somehow disappear into thin air if Ed let go of him.  

“It’s for your own good, Edward. You deserve some unsupervised fun. You’re a teenager, you need your space.” Oswald pulled his hand out of Edward’s firm grip with some difficulty and walked away.  

“Is this about James Gordon?” Edward called after him. Oswald stopped in his tracks. “It’s about James Gordon, isn’t it?” Ed continued. “You want to go to him while I’m busy celebrating? Distract me with riddles and games, and poor weird stupid little Ed would just fall for it.”

“Edward…”

“You won’t find him!” Ed raised his voice, getting all worked up. “Or haven’t you noticed that he stopped calling after a few proper visits? He can’t get sex from you anymore so he ditches you! Can’t you see that? He  _ won’t commit  _ to you, Oswald! He’s  _ not worth your trust!  _ ”

It was hurtful to hear Ed say those things. Especially when Oswald’s insecurities were making him think the same. But this was Edward’s special day. Oswald had to be the adult here.

“Please, Ed, let’s not do this now,” he finally said, trying to sound calm. “This is your birthday, don’t spoil it. I wanted you to enjoy this so please… enjoy it and leave Jim and me alone.”

Ed clenched his fists tightly as he watched Oswald go. He didn’t run after him even though he really wanted to. He knew chasing Oswald would be the crazy thing to do. And Edward wasn’t crazy. So he didn’t do the crazy thing. Instead he suppressed that urge and joined his friends. This was his birthday surprise after all. And the riddle party was just getting started!


	9. Chapter 9

It was fascinating the way humans communicated and socialized, the way they interacted. Even when it was his own friends, Edward still felt kind of isolated at times. Perhaps that was because his friends had more experience in being social. Hanging out or chilling with people, partying, socializing in general weren’t things Edward Nygma usually got to do in his life. Those were all very distant for him. There was this type of people who just  _ knew _ . Socializing came naturally to them. With a simple word or gesture they could create clusters of humans around themselves. Those people always knew what to say or do. It wasn’t like that for Ed. He tried imitating others and their carefree approach to socializing; he tried the smiles, the jokes, the small talk. Briefly he thought his beloved riddles could be good icebreakers. He tried everything but it all came out twisted somehow, when he did it. He was like those funhouse mirrors that reflected things the wrong way. Only no one found it funny, hust worthy of mockery. Ed was alone. Whether by choice or by circumstances, he was alone. And that feeling of loneliness remained with him like a constant companion throughout the years. It was the sort of feeling that never really went away. He still felt it even now, even when he was among others. In his heart of hearts Edward would always feel  _ odd, weird, alone _ . The only times he didn’t feel that way was when he was with Oswald.  

Oswald made things  _ so much  _ better. Edward never expected this when he first met the man but now Oswald was his everything. The feeling was so overwhelming and strong it reminded Ed a bit of what he felt for Miss Kringle. The intensity was similar, yet there were differences. Mostly because  _ Oswald was better than Kristen _ . Ed could admit that to himself now. Kristen used to be his shining sun, bright and beautiful, warm and life-giving. Yet she was selfish. She never let that warmth reach anywhere near Ed, not even close. She always chose the wrong guys to give her affections to. She lacked good judgement. Edward hoped Oswald was smarter than her in that department. True, Oswald was in love with a very unsuitable man, but Ed couldn’t blame him for that. Oswald, like Ed, had been alone for most of his life, unloved, unwanted, an outcast. Yes, he had his mother when she was alive, but that was a different type of affection. It could only fill so much of the void inside Oswald’s heart. This left Oswald vulnerable to men like Gordon. The Detective was handsome, Ed had to give him that. Charismatic and charming with that knee-weakening smile and his heavenly blue eyes. It was no surprise lonely inexperienced Oswald was instantly swooned. He was an easy prey. That, combined with Gordon actually paying attention to him, was enough to make him fall hard. Ed understood that, intellectually. But that was in the past. Back when Oswald was alone, when he had no protector and had to fend for himself. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had Edward. And Edward could offer a cool logical decision for all important issues in Oswald’s life. Ed truly thought he was competent for that. Until he himself was faced with a particularly difficult decision of his own…

It happened after the party. After the riddles. The girls were giggling with Lucius who had agreed to let them put makeup on him to find “his look”. So they were now having fun experimenting with different styles for his face and hair. It was rather tragic but deep down Ed had to admit Foxy pulled off nearly every look they tried on him.

Tired from worrying about Oswald, Edward was safely reclining on the couch. His head was a little heavy from the few beers the girls convinced him to try. As he just laid there, he saw, or more accurately  _ felt _ , a dark shadow over his head so he looked up to find Bruce Wayne, watching him with intense concentration. He seemed different somehow, not his usual self, the persona Ed usually saw at school. There were layers to him now.

“Bruce?” It was actually a question because for a moment Ed was genuinely confused who the guy before him really was.

“Can we talk? Please?” Bruce asked, calm and serious. “I feel we should clear the air between us.”

Ed frowned a little but sat up, nevertheless, making room on the couch for Bruce to join him. “Yes, of course. By all means,” he cleared his throat. “I, umm, I didn’t know we had any air to clear between us.” He really didn’t. He thought they were fine.

“That’s partly true. But there’s something we should talk about that we’re both avoiding.”

Ed furrowed his brows. Did Bruce mean…?  

“Harvey Dent,” Bruce confirmed out loud.

Well, yes, he went there. Ed nearly shivered with disgust. Why did Bruce want to discuss Harvey? And on Ed’s birthday, no less. Ed was really in no mood to talk about that brute.

“Bruce, you really don’t have to--” he tried but Bruce interrupted him quickly.

“You’re one of Selina’s closest friends. She talks about you a lot, she likes you, and that means something. She doesn’t get attached to people easily, she won’t let people get close to her. But she lets you in. That makes you special.”

Ed made sure his face conveyed his appreciation and reciprocity to Selina’s feelings of friendship. She was truly amazing and he was glad she felt that way about him too.

Bruce inhaled deeply and continued. “So you being one of her best friends, I feel we should get to know each other better.”

“Right. Yes. Okay,” Ed nodded eagerly. He wasn’t sure what Bruce expected from him with this conversation but he wanted to show he was on board with whatever he was suggesting they become. Get to know one another? Be friends? Bring it on! Selina was worth it. And it was always a good idea to have Bruce Wayne in your circle of close friends.

In the other end of the hall the girls were still experimenting with Lucius’ complexion, making him gasp in surprise and claim he had never looked so good in his life.

“I know my party was tough on you,” Bruce said. “Don’t deny it. It caused a lot of problems for you and your father--”

“Oswald isn’t my father,” Ed said quietly, by instinct.

“Your… adoptive parent,” Bruce corrected himself. Ed tried not to flinch. Thinking of Oswald as his parent felt wrong. But Bruce didn’t know that and Ed didn’t want to get into long explanations, so he let Bruce proceed. “I never got to apologize for what happened.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Bruce. You can’t control your friends’ behavior,” Ed reassured. Never had Ed thought Bruce was to blame for Harvey’s bullying. It was ridiculous that Wayne would be the one to apologize, when Dent was the villain of the story.

“That may be so but I feel like I have to offer an explanation and an apology.”

“Thank you, Bruce. That means a lot. I know Harvey is your friend so this mustn’t be easy for you.”

Bruce gave a slight nod. “It really hasn’t been easy,” he admitted. “Especially since I know Harvey since we were kids. He’s important to me.”

Ed wanted to hold his tongue -- they weren’t  _ that  _ close yet for him to ask -- but his curiosity got the better of him. Or maybe it was the beer? “I heard about that,” he heard himself say before he could even register it. “But why? I honestly don’t see you two having anything in common. You’re not a bully, Bruce. And I’m sorry but Harvey is. Why would you still be friends with him?”

There was sadness in Bruce’s eyes and for a moment Ed nearly felt bad for speaking his mind. But then the vulnerable look was gone from Bruce’s face, replaced by something far more resilient.

“I know him better than anyone. Better than his own family knows him,” he said with determination. “I know what he’s dealing with so I understand certain aspects of his behavior better than you or anyone else at school.”

“I’m sure that’s true but still it makes no sense that you’d excuse--”

“He is under a lot of pressure, Ed,” Bruce interrupted. “From his parents. Well, his father, mostly, but his mother’s no help either. Expectations, restrictions, secrecy. Things that weigh on him every day. It’s hard to deal with that and sometimes he snaps.” Ed was frowning at him, looking rather unconvinced. Bruce sighed. “I know this is no excuse but I don’t aim to justify him. I just want you to understand him.”

Ed didn’t know what to say. He could  _ not  _ understand Harvey Dent. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to. But Bruce seemed to genuinely want to extend a hand of friendship and it felt wrong for Ed to refuse it. So he remained silent instead, carefully observing Bruce’s face and trying to figure him out, trying to uncover who he truly was. Because the young man before him was different than what Ed was used to. He seemed so mature, as if he were already an old man. It was strange. Even more so since Ed had seen Bruce act like a careless emptiheaded rich kid more times than he could count! Was that all an act? Who was  _ the real  _ Bruce Wayne and which of his faces was a mask? Ed was intrigued. This had suddenly become a puzzle.

“I can see what you’re thinking,” Bruce said with a small chuckle. “You doubt anything could possibly make you understand or empathise with Harvey Dent.”

Bruce wasn’t wrong, Edward couldn’t deny it.  

“He has a problem, Ed.”  

“And by a ‘problem’ you mean that he’s a major jerk?”

Bruce gave Ed a slightly scolding look. “An  _ actual  _ problem.” After a small hesitation he continued. “As I said before, Harvey’s father is very strict. He insists that Harvey is the perfect son with the perfect life. He’s forcing so many rules on him, expectations, commands, and he insists Harvey follows them without objection. All that puts Harvey under a lot of pressure.”

“Demanding father.” Ed had to admit that was rather stressful but it was hardly an excuse to terrorize people.

“Harvey’s been to a mental institution, Ed. He had a severe mental breakdown when we were kids so they put him there. But he didn’t even have time to get better before his father got him out, claiming no son of his belonged to the looney bin. He claimed it was all made up diagnoses and Harvey should stop with the nonsense and man up.”  

Ed swallowed, face pale. “Harvey’s father sounds exactly like my father,” he said quietly. Bruce looked at him alarmed and Ed quickly clarified. “Not Oswald! Oswald’s  _ very  _ good to me! I meant my biological father. Before he died. He was… a hard man.”

“I’m sorry.” Bruce said with compassion.

“It’s over now. I’m with Oswald. Things are much better.”

Bruce nodded.

“But what about Harvey? How is he coping?” Ed asked.

Bruce sighed. “He doesn’t really. And it’s only getting worse. Whenever the stress is too much he sort of dissociates. Most of the time he tries to act the way his father wants him to but then it gets too much and he just… breaks.” He sounded even more sad now. “Sometimes he’s not himself. He’s told me about it. I’ve seen it… It’s like there’s this other person inside him, a darker version who takes control. Harvey can’t really help himself when this happens. There’s no warning or anything. It just happens and… Afterwards he’s a mess again. And he has to hide it because he’s afraid of what his father would do.”  

“Bruce… I had no idea.”

“No one knows about it. It’s a secret.” Bruce cleared his throat. “I’m not sure I should be telling you this. I’m only doing it for Selina. She asked me to prove to you that I want us to be friends. And I know that if I want you to be a true friend to me, I have to show you my true face. So this is what I’m doing now. I’m giving you an explanation why I’m friends with the guy who screwed up your fa-- Mr. Cobblepot’s career.”  

It was a lot to take in but Ed got it. He understood. “Thank you for that. I admit I was puzzled why you’d stick around Harvey even after everything he does to all those helpless students. I mean, forget about me, but he’s done far worse to others.”

“I try to be around to stop him. He appreciates it when I do that. He hates to wake up to see the damage he’s done during one of his… fits.”

Ed furrowed his brows. “This sounds like a serious mental disorder, Bruce. Is Harvey getting help for it?”

“Unfortunately… no,” Bruce sighed. Ed could see he was genuinely concerned with his childhood friend’s mental health and that made him respect Bruce more. “Harvey’s father won’t let this information leak out to the press so all Harvey gets is a few private sessions with a therapist. Someone trusted who basically does whatever Harvey’s father tells them.”

“But that’s not really helpful.”  

“I know. Harvey doesn’t get the treatment he needs. I’ve tried talking to his father but--”

“People like that can’t be reasoned with,” Ed nodded in understanding.

“There’s nothing I can do to fix this,” Bruce said and he sounded so heartbroken. “I’m his oldest friend and I can’t do anything to help!”  

Ed glanced at Bruce’s hands. He was clenching them so tightly, Ed was sure his nails must have broken the skin. Carefully he reached up to put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry this is happening to your friend, Bruce,” he said. “I understand how you feel. When you want to help someone, and make things right for them, but it’s just so hard to fix it using the proper channels. And you feel so helpless you want to scream.”

Bruce swallowed but nodded. Ed did not leave his side.

He felt closer to Bruce after their conversation. He even understood Harvey Dent better now, going as far as sympathising with him a little bit. He still disliked the guy though. But most of all he understood Bruce. He could relate to that deep desire to help the one you cared about. Bruce wanted to help Harvey much like Ed wanted to help Oswald. And then it hit Ed. He had the perfect ammunition against the new mayor. If Dent Sr.’s abuse became public knowledge that could ruin the man’s career. Oswald would get his revenge. He could even get his old job back, if he so wished! And it was all in Edward’s hands.

But Bruce shared that information in confidence. Ed would be breaking Bruce’s trust if he told Oswald the secret he’d learned. Apart from it being a really sly move, did Ed really want to throw away Bruce Wayne’s friendship? Especially now when he and Bruce finally connected? And if Ed betrayed Bruce’s trust, that would also hurt his relationship with Selina. She’d be  _ furious!  _ And with her Ivy, too. Probably Lucius as well. Was Ed ready to lose  _ all  _ his friends just to ensure Oswald had his revenge? It was a difficult choice, indeed.

~*~  

Oswald stared at his phone. He’d been staring at it like that for the last 15 minutes, wondering if he should call again or not. He didn’t want to seem too desperate but then again, Jim knew him well enough by now. Why hide anything from him at this point? Besides, he needed answers. So finally he pressed dial and waited. The call went straight to voicemail, again, and Oswald sighed.

“Jim, call me, please,” he said, willing his voice to stay calm. “If you want to end this, you can, but don’t ghost me like this. It isn’t funny. I’m worried sick about you! At least let me know you’re alright, okay? And then you don’t have to see me ever again, if that’s what you want. … Bye.”

He let the hand holding the phone drop lifelessly by his side. It was difficult for him to stay strong, to not crack. The ball was in Jim’s field now. There was nothing more Oswald could do. He couldn’t fix this if Jim was unwilling to communicate. Relationships required reciprocity. One-sided efforts were no good here. He needed to actually talk to Jim in order to make sense of all this and make it work.  _ If  _ Jim still wanted to make it work…

His heart was breaking at the thought that perhaps Jim was sick of him. Maybe Jim didn’t love him anymore. It was miraculous enough that Jim as much as  _ looked at  _ Oswald, let alone  _ cared about  _ him. Maybe it was all just a dream and now was time for Oswald to wake up alone.

Of course, there was another, even more grim possibility -- Jim was hurt. Maybe even  _ dead _ . In Jim’s line of work it was a perfectly plausible thing to happen. But Oswald still hoped that his people would’ve heard something about it if James Gordon was kidnapped or murdered. The fact that there were  _ no news whatsoever  _ from Oswald’s sources was a good thing. No bad news was good news.

However, the uncertainty was killing Oswald! And on top of that, Edward was acting strange too. He was rather distracted these days, as if his mind was somewhere else. Or as if he was  _ hiding something  _ from Oswald. It could just be normal teenage things, perhaps his crush on that young man Lucius Fox was developing into something deeper. But still Oswald couldn’t push down a worried feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. He had to be sure.  

“Thanks for coming, Edward,” Oswald said, sounding somewhat formal.

“It’s breakfast time. Where else would I be?” Ed replied.

They were indeed at the breakfast table. It seemed to be their thing to have serious discussions here.

Oswald continued, “I would like to ask you something. Something very important.” Edward looked at him, waiting for the question. Oswald suddenly felt sick that he was even considering this but he had to know. “Have you spoken to Jim after our last dinner together?”

“What?”

“You saw him out that evening, the two of you alone…” Oswald licked his lips nervously. “Did you tell him something? Is that why he hasn’t been calling?”

Edward stared wide-eyed for a long moment and Oswald nearly expected him to get mad for even being asked that. But then Edward burst into laughter instead.  

“You think I scared off your boyfriend?” he snorted. For some reason he found that thought so hilarious he couldn’t stop cackling over it.

Oswald pursed his lips. “Well, what am I supposed to think? He  _ always  _ finds time to contact me. But after a few dinners with you, he suddenly stops? I just want to know the truth.”

In an instant Ed’s face became deadly serious. “Oswald, I understand this is hard for you. And I hate to be that person, but  _ I told you so _ .”

Oswald groaned.

“Jim Gordon is no good. I tried to warn you,” Ed went on with passion. “He left you, Oswald. Without a word. Without even a goodbye. What kind of a person does that?”

Oswald’s frown deepened. It took all his self control not to start screaming and sobbing desperately in front of the kid. He really was pathetic! But he had to be strong. He had to be the adult here.

Edward’s hand was on his, thumb gently rubbing Oswald’s fingers. “I know what heartbreak feels like. But you’re not facing this alone. I’m here for you, Oswald. I’m  _ always  _ here for you.”

Oswald inhaled deeply. It was very sweet of Ed to want to help but… this wasn’t something he could just make go away. Oswald was broken, and no matter how loving Edward was, it was going to take time to recover.

Edward sighed loudly. “Okay. I see I’m gonna have to take out the big guns here.”

Oswald frowned in confusion.

“I have a confession to make,” Ed announced, rather officially. “Over these last few days I’ve been having a dilemma. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you or not. But now… seeing you so sad because of  _ him  _ … I’m gonna tell you Oswald. And you're gonna love it!” Ed’s grin grew wider as he continued, “I came across certain information that could be used in our favor. I have a way to topple Dent. He’s going to be sorry he ever spoke a word against you.”

~*~  

Edward told Oswald everything. The news was no doubt  _ huge! _ In the old days Oswald would not even hesitate whether or not to use that information against Mayor Dent. Edward had a point, this really was the perfect revenge. No one would stand for a child abuser to be their Mayor. Dent would fall off his grace in a blink of an eye. It would hit the bastard right where he would hurt most -- his mayorship that he so desperately wanted all these years, and his seemingly perfect family life. Edward might as well have given Oswald a bazooka. All Oswald had to do was pull the trigger. So why wasn’t he overjoyed at the opportunity? Why was he so unsure?

Because there was a catch. Edward got this information from Bruce Wayne, in confidence. Sharing it with Oswald already broke that confidence. But sharing it with the press would make things even worse. Bruce would know where the information came from and Edward would most likely lose his friends. Was getting revenge on Dent worth jeopardising Ed’s friendships? As a legal parent Oswald had to put Ed’s needs first. It was what his mother would do too. Ed had a nice life currently. Oswald didn’t want to ruin that.

It was very tempting though. Being a Mayor of Gotham used to be Oswald’s dream. He liked having the people’s respect and love. He liked being their beloved mayor, their hero. Using this information would give Oswald both revenge and possibility to be mayor again. But hurting Ed in the process? Oswald didn’t want that.

He needed Jim. Jim always knew what the right thing to do was. Also he had this exceptional ability to calm Oswald down and Oswald really needed that. He needed Jim’s council, Jim’s affection, Jim’s wisdom and his warmth. But Jim wasn’t around and it felt like a part of Oswald was missing with him, torn away from him with agonizing brutality.   

He told Ed he needed time to think about it. He thanked the boy for the sacrifice he was willing to make just to cheer Oswald up. And he asked him not to act on this information until Oswald agreed to it. Being the good boy he was, Edward agreed to all of that, bless him.

In the meantime, Oswald went to the one place he thought he’d never go willingly. Desperate times truly did call for desperate measures.

"Harvey Bullock. Long time, no see," he greeted.

Detective Bullock turned around, surprised written all over his face before it shifted to mockery. "Well, I'll be damned! If it isn't Ex-Mayor Chickenpot!"

Oswald was used to Harvey’s jabs by now. He hated them, of course, but they did not come unexpected.

"Detective Bullock, always  _ so  _ humorous,” Oswald said with fake politeness. “The circus has indeed lost a great clown."

Bullock’s eyes blazed with anger and he nearly jumped at Oswald, jabbing a finger in his face. “Listen to me, you little twirp! I don’t know why you’re here but if you dare--”

“James Gordon,” Oswald said quickly.

Bullock froze. “What about Jim?” His face became more vicious as his mind provided a possible explanation. “You son of a bitch! Do  _ you  _ have Jim? Are you holding him hostage?”

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “What? No! Why--” he paled. “You don’t know where Jim is either, do you.” It was not a question. The way Bullock reacted, it was clear he had no idea where Jim was. It was pointless to even ask. As Oswald realized that the detective was just as worried about Jim as him, his tone softened. “I just want to know if he’s okay.”

Bullock took a step back, worried lines creasing his forehead. “I wish I knew. But no one’s seen him in a week. No calls, no texts, nothing. It’s like he’s disappeared. No one knows where or why. I even asked Lee, I thought he might have gone back to her… but she’s in the dark too.”

Of course, Harvey had no idea Jim and Oswald were secretly dating. Yet it hurt to hear that the first place Jim’s friends would look for him was at Lee’s.  _ This wasn’t the time. _

“Jim is my friend,” Oswald said. “I want to help you find him. You can have as many of my people as you need. The best of them. And…,” he lowered his voice a little bit, “I see the GCPD is keeping his disappearance under wraps. I assume it’s for Jim’s own safety, so you have my word, none of my people would talk.”  

Bullock looked at him with suspicion and Oswald knew he had to present some kind of explanation for his concern. He hated to bring this up, especially to Harvey Bullock, but it would appear to be his best move under the circumstances.

“I owe Jim my life, detective. I’m sure you remember. At that pier? All this time ago?” Harvey was there. Harvey saw Oswald all bloodied and beaten, begging Jim for his life. Harvey knew how it all started. “I just want to repay the favor. That’s all.”  

It was a lie. Oswald had already repaid that favor. The day he asked Don Falcone to spare Jim’s life. There was no debt between Jim and Oswald when they started their relationship. Only love. Jim still loved him, Oswald believed that now. Something else, something terrible, had happened to him and Oswald was going to find out what. Jim would be safe and back in Oswald’s arms. Where he belonged. Oswald had to believe in that. Because if he let doubt enter his heart, even for a second, he won’t be able to survive it. He’d break and crumble instantly. What good would life be without Jim in it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the amazing comments! I mean it, they make me want to write more and more every time I read them! Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

It’s been nearly two weeks and there were still no news about James Gordon. Oswald wouldn’t rest, wouldn’t sleep or eat, he completely neglected himself. It was getting kind of scary, Edward thought. He tried to make the man eat but Oswald wouldn’t budge. It was worrying and Ed wasn't sure what to do. So he went to Oswald’s study one afternoon, hoping to cheer him up with plans of revenge on Harvey Dent’s father when he heard voices from the inside. Carefully he waited in the hall, listening. The topic of conversation was, surprisingly, James Gordon.

“Still no news?” Oswald asked, upset. “Is Bullock even letting you help?”

“He hates it but he knows he can’t do it alone.”

“This is  _ very  _ important to me, Zsasz! You have to find Gordon.”

“I know, boss. The best people are on it. It’s like he disintegrated into thin air.”

Edward’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly knocked on the door, interrupting whatever Zsasz was about to say next.

“Oswald? Oh… sorry. I didn’t realize you were busy.”

“That’s alright, Ed. You may come in,” Oswald waved at him to join them.

Ed entered and closed the door once again. As he approached he eyed Zsasz several times with a mixture of curiosity and uneasiness. He wasn’t sure what exactly Zsasz did for Oswald but there was something about that guy that put Ed on his guard.

“What is it then?” Oswald asked.

“Um… can we talk in private?” Ed prompted.

“Zsasz is trusted, it’s fine.” Oswald waved it off.

Ed wasn’t too pleased with this development but he didn’t want to upset Oswald more so he continued. “I wanted to ask you if you’ve made a decision. About what we talked about the other day?” he said, mindful of the other man’s presence in the room. Oswald may deem him “trustful” but that did not mean Ed trusted him too.

“Umm, yes, I have actually,” Oswald replied carefully.

“And?” Ed urged.

“I’ve decided not to go through with it.”

Ed was visibly surprised. “But why? It’s served on a silver platter for you!”

“I know. And I am grateful to you for providing me with that information but I believe it’s best not to use it.” Oswald explained with surprising calmness.

“Is this because of me? Are you rejecting the idea because of me?”

“That’s not the only reason. I’ve thought about it and that’s what I decided.”

Edward inhaled deeply. “Alright. If that’s what you want.”

“It is. I’m happy as I am, Edward,” Oswald smiled. It seemed like he meant it.

Edward nodded. “Good.”

“Anything else?”

Ed glanced at Zsasz once again and then shook his head. “No, that was all. See you at dinner.”

“Yes, see you then.”

As Ed headed for the door Oswald continued his conversation with Zsasz, “I want results. He can’t just disappear! You have to find him.”

“If he’s in Gotham, we’re gonna find him. If he’s outside Gotham,” Oswald gave Zsasz a stern warning look, “we’ll  _ still  _ find him. Might just take a bit longer.”

“Just… bring him back!” Oswald threw his hands in the air impatiently.  

Ed closed the door quietly and frowned. Wouldn’t Oswald give it a rest already? Gordon was gone. It was good riddance. Why couldn't Oswald see it as the blessing in disguise that it truly was and move on with his life? It would seem he needed closure.

~*~  

Ed was hanging out in the labs again -- alone this time because Lucius had to attend some extracurricular activity that day -- when Bruce Wayne surprised him.

“Hello, Ed. Can I have a moment?”

“Sure, Bruce,” Ed smiled. He felt more bonded with the young Wayne heir after their last conversation. And the fact that Oswald didn’t go through with Ed’s plan only made it easier for Ed to continue being Bruce’s friend.

“I see you haven't told my secret to anyone," Bruce noted, going straight to the point.

"Well, of course not. You trusted me with it,” Ed replied, still smiling.

"I did, yes,” Bruce nodded and locked his eyes with Ed’s. “But I didn't expect you'd actually keep it."

Ed frowned. "What?"

"I gave you the perfect payback for what Dent did to your father."

"Oswald is not my--"

"And you didn't take it. Why?” Bruce tilted his head as if trying to figure something out. “If you’re not interested in revenge, then doesn't your blood boil knowing that a man like Dent is Mayor of Gotham instead of Oswald Cobblepot?"

Ed's cheeks started heating up as understanding dawned on him. "You  _ wanted  _ me to talk,” he said bitterly. “That's why you shared the secret with me, isn't it? You wanted me to be the one to tell the press.”

"I needed to help my friend. Harvey couldn’t stand up to his father on his own, and all other things I’ve tried backfired. What Dent did to him, what he  _ still does _ , can’t stay a secret. But I can’t be the one to make it public so that’s where you come in. You were supposed to be my way to stop Dent once and for all.”

“You _ manipulated me,  _ Bruce! You-- you  _ used  _ me!"

“If I told the press, Harvey would be upset. But if it comes from you, everything works out. The public will know what kind of monster Dent Sr. is, Harvey will get over it and he’ll finally be free of his father."

But Ed wasn’t listening to Bruce’s explanations. Rage was filling his heart, pumping through his veins like poison. He was shaking with it. He needed to let it out or he would burst! “You used me, Bruce!” he gritted through his teeth. His fingers we're twitching nervously, frantically, itching for action. Before he knew it his hands were around Bruce's neck, squeezing tightly, with desperation. "You  _ lied  _ to me!  _ Manipulated  _ me! _ Used  _ me!" He hissed in Bruce’s face, hands not letting go.

For a moment, Bruce was frozen before him, clearly not expecting this kind of violent reaction from Ed. But he was no Kristen. He didn't just stand there for long, he fought back. He fought back vigorously, nearly overpowering his attacker. Test tubes and filtering flasks flying down to the floor, breaking into tiny pieces. Bruce was no doubt sturdy, but Ed gave as good as he got. His rage filled him with more strength, as if he were two people in one, or perhaps someone else entirely, someone  _ stronger _ .   

Bruce was gasping, his movements losing their energy as his face slowly changed color. His eyes were starting to pop out and he was on the verge of losing consciousness. Ed started laughing hysterically as his hands kept squeezing Bruce’s throat. And then there were arms around him, expertly pulling Ed away from Bruce, saving the boy billionaire from Ed's deadly grip. Bruce gasped for air, dropping down to the floor, as Ed struggled against the man holding him.

Everything was a maze. Ed could not understand what was happening. His blood was pumping in his ears, dimming his eyes. The world around him was consumed by fog. And then everything went wight.

~*~  

When Ed woke up he was in his bedroom. His head was dizzy and he was  _ so  _ tired. He saw Oswald, sitting in an armchair next to the bed. He seemed lost in thought, his brow creased with concern, eyes fixed on the floor. Zsasz was standing close behind him, guarding. Guarding who? Oswald? From Edward? That was insane!  _ Edward wouldn't hurt Oswald!  _ What an idea!

How did he get here? He was at school. In the lab. Bruce… Their conversation. The arms holding Ed down... Did those arms belong to Victor Zsasz? Was Zsasz the one who stopped him from strangling Bruce to death?  

"What... What happened?" Ed asked, throat dry from misuse. Seeing that he was awake, Oswald quickly offered him a glass of water which Edward gladly accepted. Once it was empty, he put it back on the nightstand.

"What happened, Oswald?" he then asked.

Oswald swallowed. "You don't remember?" he asked quietly, concerned.

Ed shook his head. It wasn't a lie. He had… some weird foggy memories but he couldn't tell which was reality and which a dream. He needed Oswald to make things clear for him, to help him figure it out.  

"I'm not sure what was real and what just a fantasy..." He tried to explain. Tears were welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks, as the dread that Oswald won't forgive him this time settled in his stomach.

Oswald ran his fingers through his face and sighed. "That would be all, Zsasz,” he said, not looking at the man. “You can leave now."

"But, boss!" Zsasz protested, visibly surprised.

"I said thank you Zsasz. Go have a milkshake or something."

His voice did not allow any further arguments. Zsasz clearly understood that because he only nodded and left, but not without giving Ed a stern look first. What was that look supposed to mean? Was it a threat? Was it fear? Ed was too tired tell. And he had bigger worries than Victor Zsasz’ disapproval.

When Zsasz closed the door, they were alone in Edward's bedroom. Heavy silence surrounded them, neither willing to break it.  

Finally Oswald inhaled deeply and spoke. "Zsasz told me you attacked Bruce Wayne. You wanted to strangle him.”

"I did?” Ed muttered. Then, as the memories slowly became clearer in his head, he nodded. “I did…” Oswald waited for him to say more so he continued, “Bruce… he told me something. He-- he used me.” It was hard to talk about this for some reason. Edward wasn’t sure why. He also couldn’t look Oswald in the eyes. “He lied to me. He only told me about Harvey Dent because he wanted me to snitch on him. He expected me to betray him and go to the press."

"Which you would’ve done had I not stopped you,” Oswald deadpanned. “You were indeed planning to use that information against Mayor Dent. Bruce didn't misjudge you."

"But he manipulated me!" Ed gasped helplessly, eyes finally meeting Oswald’s.

The corners of Oswald’s lips quirked up slightly, as if that was just the reaction he was hoping to get. For Ed to talk back and look at him instead of curl in on himself and avoid Oswald’s gaze.

“Not manipulating. Not really, no,” Oswald shook his head. “Bruce Wayne simply knew you well enough to predict your actions. He knew what you would do. He figured you out.”  

Ed pursed his lips and clenched his fists.

“Are you sure that's not the real reason why you’re so angry at him? Because you couldn't be a friend to him and he knew it?"

"Oswald, stop! Why are you being cruel?"

Oswald’s voice was low and urgent. The false calmness was gone in an instant as he spoke very quickly. "You nearly killed someone, Ed.  _ Again _ . I can't close my eyes to that. Not when you’re in  _ my  _ charge!”  

"So that’s it, then?” Ed said bitterly. “You're afraid for your reputation? Worried of what people might say about you? Terrified I’d cause another scandal?”   

Oswald leaned in closer to take Ed's hand in his. "You know me better than this, Ed. I don't care about anyone else but you. I lost everyone I loved, but you." Ed's eyes went wide. Oswald  _ loved  _ him! That's what he just said! "Are you listening to me?" Ed nodded energetically, heartbeat elevated. Oswald was so close to him! If Ed moved just a little he could...he could  _ kiss  _ him... "I worry about you, Ed. I don't want you to get in trouble. I want you to be happy and...stable.”

Oswald sounded so earnest, he truly meant what he was saying and the words washed pleasantly over Ed’s entire body.  _ Oswald wanted him to be happy!  _ Just like Ed wanted Oswald to be happy.

“I'm trying to give you a home. To give us  _ both  _ a home. We deserve that, don't we, Ed? Don't we?" Ed nodded again. "Good. You have to  _ promise me  _ you won't let anything like that happen again. Ever. Please."

Ed's breath hitched.

"Promise me, Edward!" Oswald insisted.

Ed swallowed. “I... promise."

Oswald exhaled, relaxing back into his armchair. “Okay. Good.” After a small pause he added, “Because I have another request as well."

"Oh?"

"Jim's ex-girlfriend, Leslie Thompkins, is a doctor. A good doctor. I trust her, respect her."

"Gordon's ex? You like Gordon's ex?" Ed asked, not sure he could understand that.

"She's a good woman. Compassionate. Capable. She's a lot like Jim… Maybe that's why they couldn't make it work, they were too much alike,” he shrugged. “I don't know, really. But that is irrelevant here. The point is, I want you to talk to her."

"Talk to her." Ed repeated, still not getting it.

"About life, about how you feel. You can talk to her about anything.” Oswald bit his lower lip for a second. “Talk to her about these episodes you get sometimes. The blackouts.”

Edward felt as if a bucket of ice cold water had just been poured over him. "I don't--"

"I want you to get therapy, Ed,” Oswald clarified. “Lee Thompkins is the perfect choice for it."

“No!”

“Before you start protesting, I want you to remember that this is for your own good. It’ll make you feel better.”

"No! You're doing to me what Dent does to his son!"

"It's not the same at all!” Oswald argued, insulted that Ed would think that about him.

"You think I'm crazy!" Ed cried out, hurt.

"I don't think that, Ed! I just want you to be able to talk to someone about these things. Someone who can help you. Therapy is the best option."

"Don't make me do this, Oswald" Ed said, desperately trying to hold back his tears.

Oswald shook his head, sad eyes boring into Ed. "I'm not making you, I expect you to agree to it.” He shifted in his seat a little and tried to sound more cheerful as he continued, “And to show you that I don't think you crazy, I'm going to share with you a secret of my own. About my business and what I really do for a living,” he smiled softly. “You'll see that we’re not that different, you and I. But you have to learn when to strike and when to keep calm. If you want your enemies on their knees, you have to be smarter than them, not stronger. You have to pull their strings without them knowing it was you. Until you want them to know. Then you can reveal yourself with a ta-da. But no more Bruce Wayne incidents.”

Ed did not expect that interesting twist in the end of Oswald’s speech. His curiosity was piqued and once again he was in awe with that man. Oswald who even now could teach him something. So many layers to him, Ed was  _ dying  _ to strip them down one by one and finally bare Oswald before his eyes, both figuratively and  _ literally _ . He  _ wanted  _ Oswald. With desperation he had never felt before. Not even for Kristen.

He licked his dry lips. "I'll do whatever you ask me, Oswald," he said out loud. "Show me everything!"

“Tomorrow,” Oswald said, getting up from his chair. “You get some rest first and tomorrow I’ll show you the ropes.”

~*~  

Zsasz was waiting for him outside Edward’s room. As if he expected Oswald to call for help.

“I told you it was fine, Zsasz. Ed won’t attack  _ me _ ,” he rolled his eyes.

"What are we gonna do about that boy?" Zsasz asked, following Oswald down the corridor and pestering him about it.

"Nothing. Ed’s fine.”

“You didn’t see him there. He was wild,” Zsasz insisted. “I don’t trust him. I think he’s probably even sneaking out. I'm gonna put someone to watch him at night."

"Don't be ridiculous, Zsasz. I only told you to keep an eye on him so that he doesn’t get hurt or in trouble. You don’t have to  _ watch him _ . Besides. If he really is sneaking out, I’m sure it’s for a  _ very  _ different reason than whatever you think.” Oswald smirked a little, thinking of that nice young man Lucius Fox.

“I think you’re too soft on him,” Zsasz remarked and Oswald tried to summon his patience for this.

“He's my adoptive son, Victor. He tried to strangle someone, no big deal. We do it all the time."

"That was different.  _ He  _ was different. He just snapped. Like a madman. I’ve seen it before. That boy’s not okay.”

“Don’t you _dare_ , Victor!” Oswald warned, hissing at the taller man. “ _Ed’s_ _fine_. He’s just under a lot of stress lately, that’s all. I've been there too. I've killed a man for a sandwich once."

Zsasz still seemed unconvinced.

“I’m glad you interfered before he did something stupid, like killing Bruce Wayne of all people, but you have nothing to worry about. Ed’s fine.”

“You know the kid’s in love with you, right?” Zsasz blurted out.

Oswald stopped in his tracks. “What?”

“The kid. He loves you.”

“Well, of course, he loves me, Zsasz. We’re family. I love him too.”

"No, not that kind of love. The other kind. He’s  _ in love  _ with you.  _ Actually  _ in love.  _ Obsessively  _ so. I’m not sure it’s healthy…”

Oswald glared, furious at the suggestion. "You say _ one more word  _ like that, Victor, and it'll be your last! Understood?"

Zsasz looked at Oswald for a long moment. Was it possible to cure blindness in those who did not wish to see? Victor only nodded silently.

~*~   

The next day after breakfast, Oswald, true to his word, took Ed to the Iceberg Lounge -- his club. Edward was so happy that Oswald was sharing something with him, his head was filled with pleasant memories from when he and Oswald were working together on the election campaign. Those were good times so Ed expected this to be a great new beginning for them.

The club was very stylish and elegant. Ed could tell Oswald decorated it himself. After the tour Oswald explained some of his legitimate business to Ed, then, carefully, moved on to the not so legal stuff. Edward was astounded.

“Wait… so those rumors are true? You  _ are  _ a gangland kingpin?”

“You could call it that,” Oswald admitted. Briefly he wondered if this wasn’t too much for Ed but then the young man beamed at him.

“This is so exciting! Not only are you getting away with your criminal activities but you even got voted for mayor! Oswald! I’m in awe of you!”

Oswald chuckled. “Thank you, Ed,” he said with a smile. That smile wavered a little as Zsasz’ poisonous presumptions found their way back to Oswald’s mind.  _ You know the kid’s in love with you, right?  _ He quickly shook it off. That was ridiculous! Zsasz was the crazy one. “Thanks, Ed.”  

They spent the day together, Oswald showing Ed the ropes, as he promised. He was considering making the young man his heir one day. Ed had the guts, the brains, the ambition. All he needed was a little polishing and he’d be perfect. Oswald’s empire would be in safe hands.

When the day changed into night and clients started arriving to the Iceberg Lounge, Oswald told Ed it was time for them to leave. He didn’t want people to see Ed here. Not yet. They slipped through the back entrance Oswald had made just for himself for when he didn’t want to be seen, and got in the limo that waited for them.

On their way back home, Ed finally asked a question that had been bugging him since yesterday. "How come the Bruce Wayne incident hasn’t come out in the press yet? Why hasn’t Bruce told anyone about it? Journalists or the police…?”

"I talked to him,” Oswald said. “We reached an agreement. I'm going to help him with his friend’s daddy issue and he’ll keep quiet about what happened between the two of you yesterday.”

“Oh.”

“Bruce is a really good businessman, as it turns out. I can see the two of us getting along splendidly in the future."

For a moment it seemed like a pang of jealousy crossed Ed's face but Oswald was certain he was just imagining it. Stupid Zsasz with his stupid remarks! False accusations! Impossible! Absolutely impossible! Taking the one pure thing in Oswald’s life and trying to twist it into something ugly! Oswald won't allow it! He had a long day, all he wanted now was a bath and then straight to bed.

But it wasn’t meant to be. When they returned home another surprise waited for them. Harvey Bullock, pale as a ghost, standing in their doorway.

“Oswald?” he said. “We found something.”

A feeling of inexplicable horror settled in Oswald’s stomach. Bullock called him by his name this time. No mockery, no insults. Just  _ ‘Oswald’ _ . There could only be one reason why Harvey Bullock would miss an opportunity to annoy Oswald Cobblepot and Oswald wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zsasz' line "You know the kid's in love with you, right?" came from the lovely [Ioe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ioe/pseuds/Ioe) and I just loved it so much I had to slip it in the chapter ;) 
> 
> As always thank you, everyone, for the AMAZING comments! You inspire me! :') Thank you so much for being so invested in this story!


	11. Chapter 11

Oswald’s mouth was dry. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. This was what he wanted these last two weeks -- to find Jim, to know what happened to him. Yet, now, when the mystery would finally be solved, Oswald was so infinitely unprepared for bad news he could hardly stand on his feet. Bullock’s face, his even more than usually disheveled appearance, the way he looked at Oswald, none of this spoke of a happy conclusion.

Oswald limped in the policeman’s direction, feeling like he was an observer to all this, as if someone else controlled his body, not him. He cleared his throat. “Detective Bullock,” he uttered, trying to somehow urge the man in front of him to speak. Whatever the news was, Oswald had to face it. “What did you find?”

“Jim, he… We had an anonymous tip,” Bullock said. He was still not giving the vital part of the information. As if he was trying to avoid uttering the words.

“Anonymous tip about what, detective?” Oswald forced himself to ask. His hands were trembling now. Was Jim--?

Bullock’s face became even paler. “We found Jim’s body in the river, Oswald.”

And there it was. Oswald had his answers. And every last shred of hope in his heart died. Like Jim.

“No,” he whispered desperately. “NO!” he then cried out, tears streaming down his eyes. He didn’t care who heard or saw, and who thought what. Let them all know! None of it mattered anymore. Their secret relationship? Why did they even bother to hide it? What did any of it even mean? Everything was so stupid now that Jim was gone. God! Jim was  _ gone _ ! Oswald still couldn’t believe this. It couldn’t be true. “No! No, you’re obviously wrong! You’re wrong all the time!”

“Oswald…” Edward’s hand reached out for his but Oswald pulled away without as much as a look.

“You found someone else’s body in that river, Bullock. Not Jim’s!”

“Oh, it was Jim’s. I saw it with my own eyes,” Bullock replied, voice cracking a little.

“ _ Who  _ put him there?” Oswald hissed, taking a few steps closer to Bullock as if the threat was directed at him. “Who  _ dared! _ ”

“We’re still looking for more evidence. The river washed away most of it. No fingerprints or anything. All I can tell you for now is that Jim was--,” he swallowed around the lump in his throat, “strangled to death.”

Oswald felt sick.

“By the looks of it, he’s been dead for a while before he was thrown in the river.”

Oswald had to actively force himself not to imagine Jim as a strangled bloated corpse. The image too grotesque and hurtful in his mind. He had to think of something else fast or else he’d go crazy. “You said there was an anonymous tip?” He asked.

“Yeah. We don’t know who it was yet but they told us where to look in the river.”

“It’s like they knew,” Oswald muttered. “They probably know what happened to Jim too.”

“We’re working on that. Trying to find out the person’s identity. But no luck yet.”

“Well, work harder!” Oswald yelled.

“You think I don’t want to catch the bastard who did this to  _ my best friend _ ?” Bullock snapped. “I’ll tell you one thing, Penguin, you may be genuinely upset about this but what  _ I  _ feel is gazillion times worse! So don’t you  _ dare  _ telling me how to do my job! Jim was  _ my  _ friend and I won’t rest until I find who did this to him!”

Oswald nodded, sucking in a sharp breath. “Very well, detective.”

Harvey had no idea how Oswald felt about losing Jim. But it didn’t matter. At least the man was dead set on solving the murder. That was all Oswald wanted from him. Not sympathy or understanding but progress.

Oswald licked his pale dry lips. “I want to see him,” he said with determination. Tears were still sliding down his cheeks, but Oswald was actively ignoring that.

Edward took a step closer but did not try to touch Oswald this time. “You want to see him?” he nearly exclaimed. “Oswald, are you sure?”

When Oswald looked at Ed his face was blank. As if he wasn’t really there, a shell of a man. “I’m positive,” he said, then turned back to the policeman. “I need to see him. Take me to him, Detective Bullock.”

Bullock furrowed his brows. “There’s no need for identification. I already did that. It really is him.”

“That’s not why I want to see him,” Oswald said quietly. Then he added even quieter, “Please.”

Harvey sucked a deep breath. “Seeing how upset you are over this, I gotta warn you this ain’t gonna be pretty. Maybe you’re gonna want to sit this one out.”

Oswald swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I am aware of it. I want to see him.”

There was no arguing with a determined Penguin. Harvey knew the stubborn bastard wouldn’t budge. He sighed. “Fine. Come with us to the morgue then and… say your last goodbyes.”

~*~

Edward did not leave Oswald’s sight. He came with him to the GCPD. Of course, they didn’t let him actually get inside the morgue and see Jim’s dead body with his own eyes -- he was technically a minor -- but he was waiting outside, there for Oswald whenever he needed him.

It hurt. Seeing Oswald so sad, so heartbroken and angry.

It hurt. Knowing that Oswald was grieving a man who did not deserve him.

It hurt. Being treated like a child when in reality Edward was smarter than most people at the GCPD.  

He waited, glaring at the black grim letters  M O R G U E on the glass window of the door. He waited for Oswald to come out of there, ready to move on with his life. Now that he had his closure with Jim Gordon he could do that. Naturally, with Edward’s help.  _ Always  _ with Edward’s help…

It took longer than expected, yet no one bothered Oswald or urged him to hurry up. Oswald took his time and when he finally came out of the morgue, he looked as a ghost himself. Paler than usual, hands cold as ice, gaze sort of not-all-there.

“Let’s go home, Edward,” he said quietly, his voice wavering slightly.  

Ed gave a silent nod and went with him. He did not speak until after they were in Oswald’s limo on their way to the mansion.

“Well?” he urged, hoping Oswald would talk to him and not bear this heavy burden alone. Edward could be a shoulder to cry on. Edward was reliable.

Oswald did not reply. Instead he shifted in his seat a little and took out a crumpled old tie out of his inner pocket.

Edward frowned, not understanding what Oswald was holding at first, but then both his eyebrows went up as he realized.  

“I bought him this tie for our anniversary,” Oswald said softly, eyes cast down at the tie in his hands, fingers brushing gently against it, caressing it with so much love Ed felt jealous of that piece of cloth.

“Oswald, did you-- did you  _ steal his tie! _ ” Edward eyed him incredulously.

“He was wearing my gift while he was dying,” Oswald continued, not really answering Edward’s question. “He was--” It was difficult for him to speak when there was so much sorrow and pain in his heart. “He was strangled with my gift…”

Oswald couldn’t take it anymore and burst into tears, pressing the dirty tie to his face and kissing it. The dirt from Gotham River mingled with his tears, got on his face, leaving  _ even more of Jim Gordon  _ imprinted on him.

Ed just sat there awkwardly, not sure how to deal with this.

“Umm, aren’t you supposed to give that back? I mean, isn’t it evidence or… something?” It wasn’t the best response in this situation but he had nothing better to say.

Oswald’s eyes remained shut as he stroke his cheek over the tie of death. “I don’t care. It was in the box of his belongings and I just couldn’t leave it there. I needed something of his… a proof that what we had wasn’t just a dream I imagined. That it was real… That he loved me and I loved him.”

Another fit of sobbing and crying followed. Oswald was wailing in the car like a wounded animal and Edward had no idea what to do with him. He had never seen him like that before, he was utterly lost.

“I  _ swear  _ whoever did this will  _ pay! _ ” Oswald gritted through his teeth, fire in his eyes. “I will find them and cut them to million pieces!”

Edward swallowed.

“Jim may be dead but he won’t go unavenged!”

Ed clenched his jaw, eyes falling down to Oswald’s lap where his hands were still clenching the tie. He swallowed again.

_ Jim Gordon’s eyes were beginning to bulge as surprisingly strong hands squeezed his neck. He was tired after the long day at work, yet he did not give up without a fight. It was not in his nature to accept defeat. He kicked his attacker and managed to push him away enough to see his face. _

_ “No…” he gasped. It was the last person he expected to see yet somehow it made perfect sense. “I won’t let you hurt  _ **_him_ ** _!” Jim tried to sound intimidating but with his hoarse nearly absent voice threats were hard to manage. _

_ As he stared back in shock at the figure before him, those same hands reached out for him with the speed of a cheetah. They grabbed hold of Jim’s tie and  _ **_pulled_ ** _. _

“Are you going to keep that tie?” Ed asked, throat suddenly dry.

Oswald looked at him. He seemed dizzy, like it took effort to actually make sense of what was happening around him. “It’s the last thing he wore. Of course, I’m keeping it.”

“Yeah, but… he  _ died  _ in it.” Ed tried to dissuade him but he should’ve known better than to expect to achieve something with this.

“You kept Miss Kringle’s glasses, didn’t you?”

Ed paled. Oswald  _ never  _ brought up Miss Kringle in conversations.

“You needed a memory of her. I need a memory of Jim. Besides…“ the fire was back in Oswald’s eyes, “When I find his murderer, I’m going to need this tie to  _ strangle  _ them with it! For Jim!”

_ The hands pulled harder, and harder, choking Jim with the tie until he could no longer breathe, oxygen supply cut off, arteries bursting, movements slowing down as the life was leaving his eyes. And then he was gone. _

“Yes,” Ed repeated, “For Jim…”

~*~

The first few days after Detective Gordon’s official death were agonizing. Oswald wasn’t himself, and after the funeral he was straight out unstable. His moods would go from shaking with anger and shouting at everyone, to sobbing helplessly in Edward’s arms, unable to pull himself together. He would be ready for battle at one moment, and completely neglecting himself, his needs, and his appearance the next. He would work 24 hours without rest, then not bother to get out of bed for days. It was very unsettling and if Edward wasn’t so determined to be Oswald’s only support in times of trouble, he would’ve called a doctor. But things being as they were, it was just the two of them. Olga didn’t really stick her nose in her employer’s business, so she mostly just brought Oswald meals, and then shook her head disapprovingly when Penguin returned the plates full of uneaten food. Zsasz visited often to keep Oswald informed on how their investigations were going. Unlike Olga, he  _ did  _ like to stick his nose in his employer’s business. However, after one remark too much, he got scolded by Oswald and decided to let it go like Elsa.  

All of Oswald’s people were working on finding James Gordon’s murderer. It was like the entire criminal world of Gotham didn’t matter as long as that one person was walking the streets alive and free. There was a huge prize on their head, and they were to be brought  _ alive _ . Oswald had plans for them. He was dead set on revenge, bloody and cruel. The Penguin believed in an eye for an eye so Edward should’ve predicted this development. Yet he hoped Oswald would come back to his senses. There was  _ literally  _ nothing else he could do. He had exhausted all legal  _ and  _ illegal channels to make this work. All he could do now was wait for results. However, the waiting seemed  _ painful  _ for him.

As time went by Edward got increasingly more depressed and grim too. Eventually his friends started worrying about him so one afternoon Ivy and Selina came to the mansion unannounced -- through Ed’s window.  

“Your room is  _ so  _ cool,” Ivy admired when they were both inside.  

“Why are you here?” Ed muttered, frowning. “And how did you even get in? This place is supposed to have impeccable security.”

“Selina has this thing she does,” Ivy explained casually.

“What thing?” Ed asked.

“Breaking and entering.”

“Of course she does,” he sighed.

“Hey, I don’t break anything. I just enter,” Selina winked.

“Why are you here?” Ed asked again, going directly to the point. He was in no mood for jokes and giggles.  

“We were worried about you,” Ivy explained. “We hardly see you at school. Lucius said you don’t even come to the labs anymore. We’re all very concerned.”

“I’ve been busy. Oswald needs me,” Ed replied, voice an octave lower. He was biting his lower lip nearly to the point of breaking skin. Oswald needed him, alright, but Edward couldn’t really deliver. He wasn’t helpful. No matter what he tried Oswald seemed inconsolable.

“Oswald is a grown-up. I’m sure he can take care of himself, Ed,” Selina said pointedly. “You on the other hand…”

“I can take care of myself too,” Ed insisted stubbornly.

“We know that. But…” Ivy sighed and glanced at Selina as if asking for help, or perhaps permission.

Selina huffed a breath and said as bluntly as she could, “Bruce told us what happened.”

Ed froze. Bruce told Selina that Ed nearly suffocated him to death? What about his arrangement with Oswald? Didn’t telling his sorta girlfriend count as breaking their deal?

“He didn’t want me to hear it from you, I guess, so he confessed,” Selina continued. She didn’t seem too upset about it but Edward knew her well enough to tell that this was an act and that the situation had affected her deeply. “He told me everything. About what he did. How he shared stuff about Harvey with you because he hoped you’d go to the press and rat him out. That wasn’t cool and I told him so.”

“Bruce is in trouble,” Ivy added with a supportive nod. “Selina is so mad at him. And so am I.”

“I just told him to learn to respect my friends,” Selina added quickly. It was the first time she showed a true emotion since the beginning of their conversation. Then she sighed. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, Bruce behaved like a jerk. So I’m gonna teach him a lesson not to do that anymore.” Her hand rested on Edward’s, a worm and gentle touch Ed was surprised to get from her. Selina was like a cat. It was on rare and special occasions that she openly showed affection. “I’m sorry, Ed,” she said, heartfelt. “I’m sorry Bruce did this to you. I’m sorry he upset you.”

Ed swallowed, looking down at their hands. “Yeah, I-- I’m getting over that now. I admit I was very-- affected at first. I was so angry…” A part of him wanted to tell Selina and Ivy what he did. How he lost control, how he nearly  _ killed  _ Bruce. But the more rational part of him forbade it. It was a very bad idea to tell them, or even hint at it. He couldn’t drag them into the mess that was his head and expect them to stay! Besides, the Bruce incident was in the past, already dealt with. Why open old wounds? Why causing more trouble? He cleared his throat and continued, “I was very angry and frustrated at first. So mad at Bruce for using me. But I’m fine now. I see things from a different perspective. So you don’t have to keep him in the dog house or whatever.” The girls were still not fully convinced so he chuckled weakly. “  _ I may only be given but never bought; sinners seek me but saints do not. What am I?  _ ”

Ivy bit back her grin and Selina rolled her eyes with a fond smirk. “It’s not your birthday anymore, Ed. No more riddles.”

“Forgiveness,” Ed smiled back at them. “The answer is forgiveness. I forgive Bruce. Perhaps you should too.”

Selina inhaled deeply and gave it some thought. “Yeah, maybe. But not just yet. Let him stew in his own juice for a bit longer first,” she winked at Ed.

“Well, I’m all for that,” Ed replied, amused.

It was rather weird how a few minutes with Ivy and Selina made Ed feel better than he had in weeks. Locked up in the mansion, trying to deal with Oswald’s depressive moods, his only passtime --  _ school _ , had him mentally exhausted. But a few laughs with the girls helped more than he could ever imagine. And he was surprised to find that he meant what he said about Bruce and forgiveness. Ed realized he was no longer angry at Bruce. Suspicious and distrustful of him, yes. But not angry. He finally got to see the true colors of the boy millionaire. He got to see the  _ real  _ Bruce Wayne and peek into his head. And Ed appreciated the intellect he found there. Bruce Wayne, the machiavellian, the schemer, the manipulator. The guy who was ready to do whatever it took to achieve his goal. Yes, messed up as it was, Ed respected the cold logic in Bruce’s mind. And he appreciated that Bruce did not lie about one thing -- he really did open up and let Ed see him. That meant something.  

Ivy and Selina hung out with him till it was dinner time. Ed offered them to stay and dine with him but they refused. He suspected they didn’t feel too comfortable around Oswald but were polite enough not to point it as a reason. He didn’t insist.

Before leaving back the way they came -- through his window and who knew what else -- Ivy gave him a small smirk and said, “Lucius seems pretty worried about you too. He doesn’t want to bother you but you should call him. Or text him at least.”

“Oh. Okay, I will if I don’t forget,” Ed replied. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was busy.”

“Busy’s all good and fine but don’t neglect poor Lucius.”

“Why?”

“You know. He  _ likes  _ you. And he’s a real nice guy.”

Ed smiled. “I like him too.”

Ivy and Selina grinned at one another and exchanged a knowing look.

“Well, we don’t want to make you late for dinner. See you around, Ed!” Selina waved goodbye and the two girls disappeared into the shadows.

~*~  

He got down for dinner and once again found Oswald’s chair empty.

“Oh, no he won’t!” Ed gritted through his teeth and headed back upstairs to Oswald’s bedroom. After one quick knock on the door he went straight ahead, not waiting for Oswald’s permission to enter. “What do you think you’re doing, Oswald? Not coming to dinner again? You need to eat! You need food!”

Oswald was hidden beneath a pile of blankets on his bed. He lifted his head a little when Ed burst into his room but other than that remained unmoveable. “I’m not really hungry, Ed. I’m sorry,” he managed to say and let his head drop back down on the pillow.

Ed wrinkled his nose. “You also need to take a bath. It stinks in here.”

Oswald groaned. “Then go outside. I haven’t asked you to come.”

Ed gaped. Oswald had no idea how much his words were hurting him. Of course, he wasn’t doing it on purpose, Ed knew Oswald would  _ never  _ consciously upset him, yet here they were. It was all Jim Gordon’s fault. Even in death this man was a nuisance!

Ed strode towards the window to let some fresh air in. Oswald was obviously in one of his lows again. But Edward was determined not to leave him like this tonight.

“You can’t spend your days like that, Oswald. You need fresh air, you need food, you need a bath. You need life. Jim may be dead but you aren’t.”

Oswald frowned, sitting up in his bed. “It’s like a part of me died with him, Ed. You know that.”

“You weren't  _ married  _ to him, Oswald! It’s time you stop mourning like a widow,” Ed blurted out irritably. He realized his mistake the moment the words were out. He went too far. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he turned around to face Oswald, "I didn’t mean--"

Oswald’s eyes were on him, sad and deep. The dark circles under them were very prominent, making him look even more pale and sickly. "You're right,” he said, cutting Ed off. “We weren't married. But it  _ felt  _ like we were. Jim was like a husband to me. Possibly my one true love.”  

Ugh. Ed wanted to throw up!

“So yes, I am grieving. And in mourning, like a widow. Because in my heart, that’s what I am. A widower. I _ lost  _ the man I love, Ed. I will never see him again, never be with him, never hear his voice… He’s gone and all I have left now is memories. And they’re like daggers in my heart”

His voice was soft but the tears were still falling down his cheeks and the sight hurt Ed even more. He sat on Oswald’s bed, hoping to comfort the other man.

“He wasn’t good for you, Oswald…” he heard himself say, as if his soul was trying to speak directly to Oswald’s soul, desperately reaching for what he was beginning to fear he may never have. “You loved him with all your heart, gave him your everything, but what did he give you in return? Too ashamed to admit his feelings for you, determined to  _ change  _ you. You deserve better than that, Oswald. You deserve to be loved and accepted for the person that you are. You deserve someone who’d do  _ anything  _ for you. Someone who loves all of you unconditionally. That someone wasn’t Jim Gordon.”

Oswald sighed. “Edward…, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but please don’t talk about him like that. Jim was a good man. A brave man.”   

“I know. And I know how deeply you cared about him. I know your sorrow and I’m here for you. Please, let me help you get through this. That’s all I want.”

Oswald smiled at him through tears and snuggled trustingly in his embrace. Feeling so cold and alone for so long, he thrived on Edward’s warmth. “I miss him so much…” he sobbed quietly.

Ed wrapped his arms tighter around him. “I know,” he said softly. “But you still have me.”

“I’m glad I have you, Ed. And I’m  _ so  _ sorry I’ve been such a drag lately. It’s just-- I can’t… I’m sorry, I just can’t.”  

“You’ll be yourself again, Oswald,” Ed said, stroking Oswald’s dark hair as he spoke. “Soon you’ll realize this loss only made you stronger. Unencumbered. You may feel alone and hurt right now but you’re not. You have me. You’ll  _ always  _ have me.” Oswald looked up and their eyes met. "It’s time you stop mourning him, Oswald," Ed whispered, glancing down at Oswald’s mouth. His hand on the back of Oswald’s neck pulled the older man closer, tilting his head a little and then Ed pressed their lips together.

For a strange,  _ insane  _ moment Oswald actually returned the kiss. His eyes closed, cheeks wet with tears, heart heavy with so much pain and utter exhaustion. Edward’s hands were warm around him, his lips soft as they caressed Oswald’s. After more than a month of torment it all felt too good to be rejected. But then suddenly cold realization hit Oswald hard and he pushed Ed away, staring at him with round terrified eyes.

“Edward! What are you doing!” he cried out, shocked.

“I can make it better, Oswald. If you’d just let me--” Ed said pleadingly and leaned in for another kiss but Oswald put his hand on the younger man’s chest to stop him from getting any closer.

“Wait, Ed! This is crazy!” he gasped. His own breaths were coming fast and shallow. “What-- why would you-- This is crazy!”

“Crazy isn’t so bad,” Ed chuckled helplessly. He licked his lips, still tasting Oswald there and loving it.

“Edward, I am your father!” Oswald exclaimed, his voice going comically high.

Edward snorted. “My father? Oswald, you’re many things but you’re  _ definitely  _ not my father. You could be my daddy if you’re into that sort of thing…”

“No! Stop this! I don’t want to hear it!” Oswald slid to the other corner of his bed, putting as much distance between them as he could. This was insane! Jim was dead and what was Oswald doing? Kissing in bed with his teenage adoptive son! What was happening!

“Oswald, don’t be scared,” Ed said, carefully crawling closer to Oswald, taking the older man’s hands in his. “You know we both want the same thing. It’s okay. We’re meant for each other, you and I. You  _ know  _ it.”

Oswald was shaking his head frantically, still too appalled to form proper sentences. “Edward, this… This is wrong! Please, just… Go to you your room! We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Ed arched both eyebrows. “Am I being grounded for kissing you?”

“You’re not grounded but we can’t-- I can’t deal with this right now! I’m not thinking straight. Please, just-- leave!”

Edward slowly slid off of Oswald’s bed. “I understand you need time to think,” he said with surprising calmness. “I can give you that. Because I love you. I love you more than you can imagine, Oswald. And I intend to keep proving it.”

That said, Ed left the room, leaving Oswald shaking and sweating in his bed.

~*~

_ In the cold Gotham night, Edward opened the truck of his car. He clenched his jaw and inhaled deeply. It had to be done. His fingers twitched, adrenaline rushing through his veins as he caught his mind wandering back to memories he thought he had lost. Having a dead body in front of him reminded him of Kristen. He remembered her face as she choked. He tried to shake that image off but instead his mind provided him with more -- Kristen Kringle in the distance, staring back at him,  _ **_watching him_ ** _. She looked so  _ **_real_ ** _. As if she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.  _ **_She knew_ ** _ what he had done.  _ **_She knew_ ** _ he’d killed someone again. _

_ It had to be done. Ignoring the accusing gaze of Miss Kringle, he looked down. In the truck James Gordon’s cold lifeless eyes stared back at him. _

_ “Right. No body, no crime,” Ed muttered to himself as he got down to business _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! After reading all your amazing comments and seeing how invested we all are in this story, I just want to write and update all the time! 
> 
> A lot of things happen in this chapter. Get ready for many, many emotions! I am sorry about all the angst but we all knew this story wasn't going to be a healthy one. Yet, I hope it is still interesting to read and you enjoy it!


	12. Chapter 12

Oswald hugged his knees close to his chest, trying to make sense of everything that just happened. It seemed too fantastical for him to actually believe it.

_ I love you more than you can imagine, Oswald.  _ The words reverberated in Oswald’s mind, haunting him. Did Ed really say that? Did he  _ mean  _ it?

Oswald’s trembling fingers traced his lips, but the moment he pressed them to his mouth he jumped as if the touch had burned him. He could still  _ taste  _ Edward, feel his warmth. Even his  _ skin smelled  _ like Edward. His  _ entire bed  _ … It made him sick.

In a fit of anger he started rubbing his face, desperate to scrub away every trace of the young man. He got gradually more frustrated when it didn’t seem to work and he could still  _ feel  _ Edward’s presence  _ everywhere   _  -- in his bed, on his skin, in his thoughts, burning and poisoning like venom. It made him want to scream, to break things, to kill.  

He couldn’t stay in that bed another second, couldn’t remain enwrapped in Edward. Quickly he slid off of it and frantically started removing the sheets, as if they too had somehow preserved Edward’s scent, Edward’s touch, Edward’s soft lips…

This time he did not even try to restrain himself. He screamed, letting out all his pent up rage and pain, letting it bleed out into the open air. He screamed and screamed until he had no strength left. Then he went to the bathroom, prepared the bathtub for himself and soaked in it quietly, pensive.

He was disgusted with himself for allowing this to happen. He had to stop Edward sooner. Why didn’t he?

Zsasz warned him about this. Was Zsasz right this entire time? Had he seen something Oswald was blind to? If Edward felt that way about him, how come Oswald never noticed the signs?  _ Were  _ there any signs at all? Looking back at his time with Ed, from the fresh perspective of a man who’d just been kissed by his teenage adoptive son, he could see it now. Edward’s attachment to him had always been a little too intense, a little too much. Oswald assumed it was a lonely orphan’s need for affection and parental love but maybe he was wrong. Maybe that platonic feeling had developed into something different. Something dangerous… Edward already had a history of falling for older people. Kristen Kringle was older than him and Edward was nearly obsessed with her. Was he obsessed with Oswald too?

Oswald sighed. What would Jim say if he could see all this? Would he even be surprised? Jim had felt something was off; he couldn’t put it into words the way Zsasz did, but  _ he knew  _ something wasn’t right. He tried to warn Oswald about it too but Oswald didn’t listen. Oswald never listened… And now… what was he supposed to do with Edward now?

He frowned worriedly, sinking in deeper in the water of the bathtub, craving oblivion. Baths have always been therapeutic for him. Not only did they relieve the pain in his muscles and his bad leg, but they also had a calming effect on his nerves, relaxed his mind. Oswald needed that sort of relaxation. He needed his mind fresh so he could think right. This could not be ignored any longer. It was time to face reality. Or else Edward’s feelings could turn into a bigger problem.

~*~  

Edward was frantically pacing in his bedroom, wearing out the carpet and biting at his nails. This was  _ not _ how he imagined their first kiss. But Oswald was confused, that was normal. He needed some time to accept their feelings for one another. It had all came out as a shock to him, too soon after Jim Gordon’s death. Edward had made a miscalculation. He had to wait a bit longer before making a move, but Oswald had been so sweet and soft in his arms Ed couldn’t resist. He wanted to show the man he loved that he was there for him. Besides, he  _ really  _ wanted to kiss Oswald after restraining himself for so long.

His frantic pacing stilled as he replayed the kiss in his mind over and over again. Oswald had kissed back. Granted it was only for a brief moment but he  _ did  _ return the kiss and it was magical! Edward’s fingers traced the lines of his own lips and his smile widened. He could still  _ feel Oswald _ . That meant Oswald could probably still feel  _ him _ . The mere thought of it sent a jolt of thrilling excitement through his body and he grinned wildly. Their first kiss! That was pretty special. Ed wanted to memorize the feeling of Oswald’s lips on his, Oswald’s body snuggled in his arms. It wasn’t the perfect timing but he wanted to preserve that memory forever as a precious memento.

Things were going to get better. Yes, Oswald was probably in shock -- he definitely looked shook when he pulled away from Ed -- but that was a reaction Ed had to anticipate. Once Os cooled down and assessed his own feelings properly, he’d understand and everything would fall into place. Ed was certain of it. But for that to happen he had to be patient with Oswald, give him time to come to terms with his own feelings and desires. Oswald had to accept himself and sometimes that took longer. Good thing Edward was a patient man.

~*~

Oswald did not come down for breakfast the next morning. Edward was surprised by that. Many of their more serious conversations took place at the breakfast table, before the day officially began. A part of Edward expected the same to happen this time too. But Oswald wasn’t there. That could only mean he was going to summon Edward in his study and talk there, pretending to be the parental figure to scold or reprimand him. Was that the game he wanted to play? That was rich. Didn’t Oswald know that this tactic wouldn’t work? They were  _ equals _ . Oswald may have freaked out, claiming he was Edward’s father, but they both knew this was a load of crap. But fine, if that would make Oswald feel more comfortable, Edward would oblige. Once again proving  _ he  _ was the more mature of the two of them.

~*~  

Taking one last look at his reflection in the mirror, Oswald felt sick with himself again. At least he did look the part. Very grown-up, very sophisticated. He was wearing one of his most elegant suits, his hair carefully styled, his eyeliner in place. Everything about his appearance screamed  _ Don’t mess with the Penguin _ . He exuded authority and control. He needed both if he were to handle this conversation properly. He had to send the right message for both Edward’s sake and for his own. Edward needed to be reminded that Oswald was his legal parent, no matter what their dynamics had been in the past. Oswald, on the other hand, needed to remind himself that, despite what he felt in his heart, Ed and him were  _ not equal _ . Edward was a teenager, only 16 years old, whereas Oswald was nearing his 30’s. Even if at times it was very tempting to let Edward mother him, take care of him, be his moral support, that was  _ not  _ how things were supposed to be. Oswald  _ had  _ to be the adult here and his appearance was meant to suggest that.

He got down to his study and asked Olga to call Edward for him. The woman was, luckily, oblivious to what had happened between the two of them last night, otherwise Oswald really wasn’t sure if he could look her in the eyes. Never in his entire life had Oswald  _ ever  _ been a predator in  _ that  _ sense. He was many things -- criminal, murderer, liar, manipulator, deceiver, even a thief -- but there was a line and being a sexual predator was where Oswald Cobblepot drew that line. He was raised to be a gentleman and taking advantage of people like that, forcing himself on someone, was not in his nature. The fact that he allowed himself a moment of weakness only made him feel more disgusted with himself.

He heard footsteps and his heart skipped a beat. It was ridiculous how nervous he was. It was only Edward, _ his  _ Edward. Why was he nervous? He  _ knew  _ Edward so well. Then again, maybe not well enough…

He swallowed, his lips going dry with the anticipation. He really hoped this would go well and he would be able to help Ed get through… whatever this was. The footsteps stopped in front of his door and Oswald swallowed. It was time.

~*~  

Edward let himself in and was instantly amused by what he saw before his eyes. Oswald was sitting in his chair, behind his huge desk as if putting a barrier between them. Or was this a fort? Was he trying to be intimidating or did he simply need to hide? The moment Ed noticed Oswald’s clothes he knew the answer.

“Good morning, Oswald,” he greeted with a smile, taking in the view appreciatively. “Looking good. Is all this effort for me? I’m flattered.”  

Oswald sucked in a sharp breath and pressed his lips tightly together, getting that constipated look he sometimes had. As if Edward’s words had burned him.

“I missed you at breakfast,” Ed added softer.

“Take a seat,” Oswald said, ignoring the remarks. He was trying to have the upper hand. It was cute.  

“Where?” Ed asked, rather smugly. He felt… powerful, somehow.

“Pardon?” Oswald asked confused.

“Where do you want me to sit? On the desk or in your lap?”

Oswald’s eyes went wide and he gasped. “Edward, I forbid that kind of talk!”

“Aww.”

“I mean it!” Oswald warned.

“Alright,” Ed smirked. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather stand then.”  

Oswald’s breaths were shallow and fast. It was clear he wanted to appear calm and cool for this conversation, putting so much effort to remain in control, but Edward knew how to make him all hot and bothered. Not exactly in the sense he wanted it but they would get there too. With time.

“You’re upset, aren’t you, Oswald?” Ed said, making sure he sounded understanding, soft. He didn’t want to scare Oswald off even more. He wanted to make him feel safe again, to restore the trust they had. “And I get it, I totally do,” he leaned on the desk a little, mindful not to actually sit on it and further alarm Oswald. He had to be the perfect balance of seductive without invading Oswald’s space.

“First, you need to explain to me what that was last night,” Oswald insisted. “Was it some kind of… teenage hormones? I am aware this is a delicate age. Perhaps you were overwhelmed by… by--”

“Passion for you,” Edward supplied, voice low and sensual. He had  _ never  _ heard himself sound like that before. If he had to be truthful, he was just as surprised as Oswald. It encouraged him to proceed with more confidence. “I was filled with passion for you, Oswald. And love.  _ So  _ much love.”  

Oswald paled. His lips parted a little, then he quickly pursed them into a tight line again. “Sometimes we get overwhelmed with our feelings and we have sudden urges and impulses to do things we normally wouldn’t. That’s perfectly natural and--”

Ed chuckled fondly. “You think this is recent? That last night was just a moment of weakness? Aww, Oswald. I’ve been in love with you for months.”

Oswald gaped at him. “Umm,” he swallowed nervously. “You’re confused, Ed. What you feel for me may seem like love, and it probably is, but not the sort of love you think. It’s not a romantic love, but more like-- it’s the sort of love a son feels for--”

“Don’t go there, Oswald. Just don’t.” Ed warned.

Oswald sighed, defeated. Good. At least he wouldn’t keep insisting they were like father and son.

“Alright. I admit we’re not exactly ‘parent and child’.”

“Hardly,” Ed interjected.

“But we  _ are  _ friends,” Oswald continued. “What you feel for me is close friendship.”

Edward frowned thoughtfully, pretending to consider this notion. “So you mean it’s a friend love? As in… we’re brothers in arms?”   

“S-something like that,” Oswald nodded rather hesitantly.

“Mhm,” Ed furrowed his brows some more, then placed his palms on the desk, towering over Oswald as he looked him in the eyes. “So… explain this to me, please, because with my stupid dumb teenage brain I have difficulties understanding.” Oswald rolled his eyes. “Do all ‘brothers’ feel sexual desire for one another?”

For a moment Oswald was rendered speechless, unsure how to respond to this.

“Well?” Ed urged.

“Whatever you feel or want from me, Edward,” Oswald said slowly, “it’s just a phase. Being a teenager-- hell, being a human, is confusing sometimes.  _ Sex  _ is confusing. I should’ve talked to you about this earlier, I suppose, but I just--” he sighed. “The point is, you are  _ not  _ attracted to me, Ed. This is crazy.”

“I’m not stupid, Oswald, I know what I feel,” Ed insisted, getting a little frustrated that Oswald would choose to treat him like a child now. “I’m not mad or a freak, I just love you!”  

“I know you’re not-- Listen to me. It is  _ completely  _ normal. You-- you are developing sexually, you’re just confused. It’s silly. We’re just people. On some level like animals, instinctual. So maybe you notice something about my appearance once in a while. Big deal! It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re in love with me.” He made a small pause then continued, “You and I, we clicked, Ed. I admit that we did. We understand one another so well, and we are very close. Neither of us ever had that sort of friendship before in our lives. So it’s normal to get a little confused about it sometimes. To blur the lines. And that’s what happened last night.”

Edward stared at him, his face expressionless. “You kissed back, Oswald,” he said, voice even.

Oswald’s breath hitched.  

“You.  _ Kissed _ . Back.” Ed repeated. “Don’t deny it.”  

Oswald was visibly flustered. “Yes, fine, I did. I know I did. I got confused too. It happens. Like I said, we’re human. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I’m without flaws. We are what we are.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to prevent a headache. “I was lonely and vulnerable, and when you kissed me it stirred something inside me. I wanted the warmth.  _ I miss Jim!” _

Edward glared, eyes ablaze. “You were thinking about  _ him  _ when you were kissing  _ me?  _ ”

“No! I wasn’t!”

“Then what are you saying, Oswald? You were aware it was  _ me  _ you were kissing, right?”

“Not exactly…” Oswald mumbled.

“What then?” Edward insisted.  

“You took me by surprise, Ed, and it felt good!” Oswald blurted out.

Silence fell between them. Edward felt triumphant but Oswald seemed miserable so he remained quiet, reminding himself to be more patient with the other man.

Finally Oswald slumped back into his chair, letting out a breath that sounded a lot like a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice broken. “I should have  _ never  _ kissed you back. I made a mistake. Edward, please forgive me?”

Ed was taken aback. He did not expect Oswald to feel guilty about it. Shocked and freaked out, yes, but not guilty.  

Oswald continued, “Can we forget it? Pretend that nothing happened and go back to the way things were?”

He sounded… hopeful. He  _ really wanted  _ them to go back to being… whatever they were before last night. But why…? He  _ had  _ kissed back! That  _ must’ve  _ meant  _ something! _

Their eyes met. Edward wanted to press further, to insist more passionately, to  _ make Oswald see _ . But perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps Oswald wasn’t ready. Ed had to wait but how long would it take? It was already agonizing to not be with him. How long before Ed could collapse in Oswald’s arms and hear him say the words --  _ I love you, Edward. You’re the only person I’ll ever love.  _ Oh, how he longed to hear that from Oswald!  

He sighed. “You’re my best friend, Oswald. The best friend I ever had.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Yes,” Oswald nodded. “And so are you. I don’t want to lose you, Ed. But you understand that what we did last night, that kiss, it can never happen again. Ever.”

Why was Oswald so persistent about this? “I think you’re lying to yourself.”

Oswald shook his head. “No. I’m protecting us.”

“From what?” Ed asked with passion. “There’s nothing wrong with love. We kissed. We liked it. We wanted more--”

“Edward.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t want more. I could feel it radiating from your body.” He leaned over the desk again, his gaze filled with heated intensity. “You miss Jim Gordon? I can give you what he gave you, and more! Anything you want, Oswald, I’d give it to you. You like it rough? I can do that! You want me to pull your hair and bite, I’ll do that! You want gentle and sweet, I can do that. I’ll love you the way you want and deserve, if you only let me!”  

“Edward, please, stop! This is  _ very  _ inappropriate!”  

“Why? Do my words turn you on?”

“What!”

“Is this why you’re hiding behind a desk? So that I don’t see?”

“Edward, you’re forgetting yourself!”

“I’m not a child, Oswald, I’m 16!”

“That  _ is  _ a child! I refuse to be--”

“A child? Are you seriously calling  _ me  _ a child?” He laughed. “A child cannot give consent because they don’t know their own mind. Do you really think that  _ I  _ of all people  _ don’t know my mind _ ? I ran your election campaign for you, Oswald! I made all the grown-up decisions! I took care of the actual work while you were too busy throwing tantrums like a child! So who’s the adult here, Oswald? When have  _ you ever  _ acted more rationally than me?”  

Oswald’s hands were shaking, tears glistening in his eyes, and Edward could tell he was on the verge of breaking. This conversation became  _ slightly  _ more intense than Ed had planned. Oswald needed to breathe and compose himself, to think about what Ed told him and come to him willingly. Ed had to cool it down. Had to get his feelings under control. He was letting his emotions take the better of him and that could lead to mistakes.

He sighed. “I’m sorry, Oswald,” he then said, voice considerably softer now. “I never meant to hurt you. I just want you to see and accept reality. And the reality is that we’re meant for each other. It’s fate. I know you feel it too.”

Oswald swallowed and straightened his back. It made him look very serious and determined. “I want you to start therapy with Dr. Thompkins, Edward.”  

“What?”

“You promised to talk to her but with everything that happened with Jim…” he trailed off. “But that’s over now. I want you to start your sessions with her as soon as possible. I’ll contact her and make an appointment but you need to actually open up and work out these feelings you have. Because we cannot continue like that.”

It felt like a punch in the gut. “So what does that mean? You’re too afraid to admit your own feelings for me so you’re gonna put me back in the orphanage?”

Oswald exhaled. “Of course not, Edward, we’re a family. I would never abandon you. I care about you very much. But I can’t allow this to go on. You want things that cannot happen,  _ mustn’t  _ happen.”

“I love you,” Edward said, fighting back tears, hands clenched into tight fists.

“You think that now but after a while it’ll go away. When you work on it and let it go--”

“I don’t want to let it go. I love you. I like being in love with you. We can be happy. Don’t you want that?” he was nearly pleading. What was happening to him? He had to pull himself together!

“Oh, Ed… We cannot be happy like that. If we don’t address this problem in time, it’ll fester inside us and ruin what we have?”

“Problem?” Edward repeated, suddenly choking on the word. “You think my love is a problem?”

“No, of course not. I’m happy you love me. But not like this.”

“Why not?”

“Because it can’t be that kind of love. And if I let you convince me that this is more than just a passing fancy then I’ll be in trouble.”

Ed frowned. “You mean, because of the law?” Oswald was a crime lord. Ed never thought fear of the law would be an issue for them. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. It will be our secret. You’re already experienced in having secret relationships, aren’t you?”

The last words had a little biting edge to them but Oswald only sighed, exhausted.

“That’s not the sort of trouble I meant,” he said but did not elaborate on that any further, leaving Ed to wonder what he really meant. “Please, Ed. Do this for me?”  

If that was the only way to preserve peace between them, perhaps it was worth the try? Oswald would see reason sooner or later. In the meantime, therapy. Who knew, it might even be helpful to him on some level.

“If I do it, do you promise to not shut me out? Don’t avoid me, or treat me differently.”

A soft smile spread across Oswald’s lips. Perhaps he took this as a small victory. Ed would let him have it for now. This was only the first battle. Edward would be the one to win the war.

“I promise,” Oswald said and they shook on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several readers pointed out that they get Norman and Norma Bates vibes from Oswald and Edward’s relationship in this story. Now, I didn’t do that intentionally but I totally see it! So in honor of those two crazy psychos from Bates Motel, and for the amusement of my beloved readers as well as my own amusement, I added a Norma Bates quote in this chapter. Let me know if you can find it ;) 
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for your comments and for sticking with me for the crazy ride that is this story :D A lot is yet to come ;)


	13. Chapter 13

Lee Thompkins, Jim’s ex-girlfriend, Jim’s ex-fiance, the woman Jim was very deeply in love with before he started dating Oswald, the woman who almost gave birth to Jim’s child, that Lee Thompkins was standing in front of them. They were in the Narrows where she was conducting her practice. Her office consisted of a small waiting room, a restroom, and a bigger room where she treated her patients. It was hardly much but Oswald had heard rumours she was about to open a clinic soon too. It was a strange place to choose for a clinic, the Narrows being one of the worst neighborhoods in Gotham, but Oswald wasn’t surprised. It was the worst places that needed the most help, and Lee had always been strong-willed and determined. She was willing to fight for people. Despite the slight discomfort at being reminded of her history with Jim, Oswald couldn’t help but admire her. She stood tall, powerful and strong after everything life threw her way. She lost so much yet there she was, not giving up. Not only did she survive, she also managed to preserve her kindness. She didn’t allow live’s pain and cruelty to break her. Oswald found that inspiring. He, too, was a survivor, but unlike Lee he had succumbed to the darkness in his soul. Lee somehow managed to fight that off. And she wasn’t stupid or naive either. Her head wasn’t in the clouds. She was quite practical, realistic, and perfectly aware of Gotham’s reality. Yet she did not let that turn her into a villain or a cynic. On the contrary, she fought with claws and teeth to make their city a better place, to help those who could not help themselves, to reform those who would reform. It was admirable indeed. Leslie Thompkins was the sort of lady Oswald’s mother would approve and that thought always rang in the back of Oswald’s head whenever he saw Lee.  

“Dr. Thompkins,” he said, shaking her hand, “thank you for having us.”

“Thank you for coming,” Lee smiled back. There was sadness in her eyes. She was mourning Jim too, Oswald realized, and it made his heart ache. “So this is the young man in question?” she asked, looking amiably at Ed.

As expected Edward’s smile was forced and tight, definitely not from the heart. Oswald was slightly irritated because he had warned him to be nice to Lee. Nodding, he wrapped his fingers around Ed’s arm and gave it a light squeeze as a silent reminder to be polite. “Yes. This is Edward. And he’s  _ very happy  _ to be here.”

Getting the message, Edward’s smile became more genuine and he gave Dr. Thompkins a proper greeting. He then glanced at Oswald.  _ Happy now?  _ Oswald tilted his head only slightly.  _ Better. _

“Wow,” Lee chuckled, gaze shifting from Oswald to Ed and back to Oswald again. “You two understand each other without a word. I am impressed.”  

Before Oswald could reply, Ed was already talking, “Yes, Oswald and I share a deep connection.”

It was at that moment that Oswald realized his hand was still lingering on Edward’s arm. He quickly pulled it back to himself, fidgeting rather awkwardly. “Mhm,” he cleared his throat.  

Edward gave him an accusing look.  _ You promised not to treat me differently. _

He truly  _ had  _ promised that and he intended to keep his word. But it was more difficult than he imagined. There was no avoiding the uncomfortable feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach whenever he was around Ed, even though he tried, he  _ really  _ tried, to not let his awareness of Ed’s feelings affect their relationship.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then, shall I?” Oswald told Dr. Thompkins. “I’ll be back to pick him up in an hour?”

Lee nodded. “An hour.”

“Thank you again, Dr. Thompkins. It’s  _ much  _ appreciated. Especially in light of--” he trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. Neither of them wanted to talk about Jim’s death. Neither of them were ready. Oswald instantly regretted even hinting at it but luckily Lee understood him and was quick to pull him out of his discomfort.

“I know. Indeed, it’s not easy,” she agreed.

“No, it isn’t,” Oswald’s throat was tight. In the periphery of his vision he noticed Edward roll his eyes, thinking nobody saw him. Poor kid was surrounded by people who loved James Gordon so this was probably not easy for him either.

“Come with me, Edward,” Lee said encouragingly and showed Ed to the ‘room with the therapist couch’.

Ed gave Oswald one last glance --  _ see what I’m willing to do for you?  _ \-- and then went with Lee.  

~*~  

“I admit I expected this to go much worse than it actually did,” Ed said when an hour later they bid their goodbyes to Dr. Thompkins and were back in the car.

Oswald was pleased to hear that. “So you agree to continue your therapy?”

“I didn’t think I had a choice but yes,” Ed said and then chuckled with a slight smirk. “You know,” his voice dropped to a quiet whisper, mindful of the chauffeur despite the separation wall. He leaned in closer to Oswald which somehow made the conversation feel all the more intimate, “before my little chat with Dr. Thompkins I was planning to present you a list of countries where the age of consent is 16--”

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “There are countries where the age of consent is 12, it doesn't mean anything,” he interrupted irritated. “Doesn’t make it right. It’s still highly disturbing.”

Edward smirked amused. “Someone’s done their research. No way you knew that if you haven’t checked.”

Oswald huffed. “You should find someone your own age, Edward. That nice boy Lucius Fox, for example. I thought you liked him.”

“Foxy is just a friend,” Ed waved it off, a little irritated at Oswald’s suggestion.   

“Yet you call him  _ ‘Foxy’ _ .”

“That’s just a nickname,” he said quickly.  

“Oh,” Oswald smirked a little. “And who else calls him by that nickname?”

Edward opened his mouth to reply but couldn’t really come up with anything to say.

“My point exactly,” Oswald grinned.

Was Ed really the only one who called Lucius  _ Foxy? _ Still it was a friend thing, an inside joke. What was Oswald’s deal?

“I think he’s a much better choice for you than me,” Oswald continued, the smugness replaced by that soft concerned voice he sometimes used when talking to Ed.

Ed’s frown deepened. “Why? Because of my age?”

“For starters.”

“You’re not a pedophile, Oswald, if that’s what got you so worried,” Ed shrugged casually.

Oswald gaped. “How can you even joke about that!” he exclaimed. “This is a serious issue! Besides, it’s not even just about your age.”

“What is it about then?” Edward insisted curiously. “You don’t like me?”  

“It’s  _ my  _ age as well,” Oswald said, not answering directly to Edward’s question.

“You’re not  _ that  _ old. You’re still young, Oswald. You’re not even 30 yet.”

“But I’m much older than  _ you _ . So there’s still the age difference, and the fact that I’m  _ legally your father _ . That messes things up even more. I’m sorry, Edward, but it’s just… wrong. And we also need to consider balance of power, maturity, that sort of thing.”  

Ed snorted. “Balance of power? Are we a state now?” he rolled his eyes. “As for maturity… If maturity was a requirement for having sex, most people on this planet would have to be celibate for the rest of their lives.”

Oswald huffed.

“But fear not,” Ed went on, putting a little more space between them again. Oswald let out a small sigh of relief. “Dr. Thompkins and I talked and I feel much calmer now.”

Oswald looked hopeful, even if a bit surprised. He didn’t expect such speedy results. “You do?”

“Oh, yes. Even after only one session. She’s really good. I like her. She’s not what I expected her to be. She’s kind. And she smells nice.”

Oswald was a little puzzled by the last remark but he supposed a therapist’s scent was something important for Edward who was usually very observant. “I’m glad you approve of her,” he said out loud. “I think proceeding with your therapy is the right decision.”  

“Oh, definitely!” Ed nodded eagerly. “I can tell it’s doing very good things for me.”  

~*~  

Edward’s life continued as usual. Attending therapy wasn’t as big a catastrophe as he first assumed it would be. Oswald seemed much calmer knowing that Ed was willing to cooperate, and as a result he stopped acting so weird around him. They were rebuilding their trust, which was a wonderful thing. School was going fine. Edward even went back to his after school visits to the chemistry labs where Lucius waited for him faithfully almost every day. It got Ed slightly disconcerted because he still remembered that Oswald was kind of rooting for him and Foxy to start dating. Which was, naturally, utterly unacceptable. Foxy was just a friend. A really nice friend. But a friend. Oswald had no idea what he was talking about. Still, just in case, Ed refrained from calling Lucius  _ Foxy _ . He didn’t want to give the wrong impression. All in all, Edward was on top of everything these days. Things were going well for him and for once everything was normal in his life.

He was eating lunch with Ivy at the cafeteria when Selina showed up, pulling a chair for herself and sitting opposite the two of them.

“So Bruce wants to make up for his major screw up and gave me this,” she slapped a big brown envelope on their lunch table. Both Ed and Ivy brought their heads together to examine it.

“What is it?” Ivy asked.

“Information. He found the name of my anonymous benefactor for me,” Selina shrugged. “Apparently, he thought  _ that  _ would make me forgive him for the way he treated Ed.”

“Forget about forgiving Bruce, let’s see who’s been paying your tuition all this time!” Ivy gasped curiously, pushing the papers back to Selina. “The mystery is finally solved! Why haven’t you opened it already?”

“I wanted to open it with you, guys,” she said as if it was obvious and her friends both aww-ed.  

Selina swallowed, glancing down at the envelope in her hands. Ed could tell she was trying to be cool about it but naturally she was as affected by this as him and Ivy. Possibly even more.

Finally she tore the envelope and pulled out the folder inside it. “This is it,” she said and opened it, eyes skimming down the papers. As she read on her face paled.

“Well? Who is it?” Ed and Ivy asked urgently.

“It’s… James Gordon,” Selina said with a frown, then looked up at her friends confused.

“The dead cop from the news?” Ivy gaped.

“You-- You know Jim Gordon?” Ed asked, voice wavering a little.

“He arrested me once when I was--” Selina looked more stunned than Edward had ever seen her.

“Wait. Does this mean Gordon is your father?” Ivy’s voice went comically high as she asked the question. Ed shuddered at the thought.

Selina looked like she was about to throw up. Suddenly she pushed her chair, ignoring the screeching noise it made and all the looks she received because of it, and ran out of the cafeteria.

“I got this!” Ed told Ivy and rushed after their friend.

He knew most of Selina’s hiding places at school (at least the ones she had trusted him and Ivy with) so he quickly determined where she could be at this time of day. Eliminating all the impossibles, he decided his best option would be to try that corner behind the football field that she had proclaimed her unofficial lair.

He found Selina curled up on herself, crying. Ed had never seen Selina cry before. He swallowed and carefully approached.

“Why would Gordon do that?” She sobbed. “I was a brat to him, why would he even care and want to help me?”  

Ed knelt down by her side, putting a hand on her shoulder. He didn’t know what to say but he wished he could at least make this easier for her.

Selina curled up in his arms, hiding her face in his chest as she kept sobbing. “I hate this. I hate  _ feeling _ ,” she said, voice muffled from the fabric of Edward’s clothes. “He’s an idiot.”

“Who?”

“Gordon! Gordon’s an idiot!”

“No argument there,” Ed mumbled to himself.

Selina either didn’t hear him or decided to ignore the remark. She slowly pulled away from Ed and wiped her eyes.

“I was 12,” she said. “Jim Gordon caught me stealing food, so he took me to the GCPD, tried finding my parents, realized I was basically an orphan, even though I-- I never thought of myself as an orphan. I  _ have _ a mother. She just… isn’t reliable. She doesn't care about me.” Ed knew a few things about mothers who didn’t care. Selina chuckled, tears still sliding silently down her cheeks. “Gordon failed to find my mother, of course. She didn’t show up. As usual. And my father… well, who knew about him?”  

“You’re sure Gordon isn’t--?”

“No, he’s not. He would’ve told me if he were-- And the papers Bruce found don’t mention any blood relation between us whatsoever. I dunno. Besides, I remember my mother claiming my father was some big shot mob boss. Not a cop.” She exhaled loudly, running her hands through her curly hair. “It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. I honestly don’t care. I told Gordon to just leave it but he’s a stubborn guy.  _ Was  _ … he  _ was    _ a stubborn guy.” She swallowed. “He took me in for awhile. Made sure I had a roof over my head, food, clothes, that sort of stuff. He wanted to enroll me in a school and give me a ‘normal life’. It freaked me out. It was too much all at once and I… I couldn’t take it. So one day I just-- left.”

“You… left.”

“Yes. It was suffocating! Having someone else around… I wasn’t used to it. I freaked out. I’m usually alone and I needed to breathe. I didn’t trust him. I can’t trust anyone…” She grimaced as if trying to hold back the tears that were budding in her eyes again. “I ran away from him but of course he knew where I was the entire time, he’s a detective. I was fooling no one.”

Ed swallowed. “He was a good cop, from what I hear,” he heard himself say.

“Yeah. Apparently. So I thought he forgot about me but turns out he tracked me down. I guess, he didn’t want to crowd me or freak me out again so he helped from a distance.  _ Idiot _ ,” she sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “He should’ve  _ said  _ something! But with the way I acted…” She shook her head. “Anyway, a few months after I ran away I started receiving these gifts, meals, clothes. Then I got accepted into this school. I had my ‘secret benefactor’. An anonymous rich friend. I didn’t suspect it was Jim Gordon, not for a second. Honestly, I just thought it was my mysterious mob boss father so I accepted the money. I became more confident, I found the courage to go to my mother and finally made my peace with her not being a part of my life. I got her to sign the emancipation papers and here I am. Finally free. All thanks to him.” She inhaled deeply. “It was Gordon all this time. He was helping me and I-- I escaped from him and now he’s  _ dead _ .”

“That’s not your fault…”

“He was a good man, Ed. And I can’t shake the feeling that if I hadn’t ran away from him, perhaps we could’ve been… a family. Maybe? I dunno. I keep saying I don’t want a family and I always avoid everything that even remotely resembles a family, but… Maybe if I’d stayed with him, he’d still be alive!”

“I doubt it.”

“You think they would’ve killed him if I were around?” She chuckled bitterly. “Perhaps you’re right. It’s Gotham. There’s all kinds of monsters lurking around here. But at least he wouldn’t have been alone. He would’ve had me.”

Ed was silent. He had nothing to say. He had no words for Selina but he wrapped his arm around her and waited with her until she calmed down more.

“Are you still staying at school now that Gordon’s--?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I want to do things right. For him. And I’m still getting the money, so it’s pointless to throw it away. I guess Gordon had a rich family and he used his inheritance to set up a fund for me. So the money’s mine now.”

“Huh. That was smart of him,” Ed said.

“Yeah…” Selina smiled sadly. “I should visit him. His grave. Get flowers or something. He deserves it. He won’t be alone anymore.”

Ed nodded. “That’s a nice idea,” he said. His thoughts found their way to Oswald again. Oswald went to the cemetery every month, bringing flowers to his mother, his father, and to a mysterious grave with a carved fish on the headstone. Now he would probably add another bouquet for Jim Gordon’s grave too. All this attention to people who were already dead and couldn’t appreciate the effort. Was it sweet or was it a waste of time? Edward wasn’t sure. But he sincerely hoped if Selina ever ran into Oswald she would keep all this information to herself. He really didn’t want Oswald finding out about how ‘noble’ Jim Gordon was. No need to turn the man into a saint now that he was dead. Oswald would never be free from Gordon’s shadow if Gordon’s past deeds kept resurfacing.  

“I think I’m going to forgive him,” Selina said, pulling Edward out of his thoughts.

“Who?”

“Bruce. I think it’s time I stop pushing him away.”

Ed nodded thoughtfully. “Deep down he’s a nice guy. Smart too. Perhaps it’ll be a good thing for both of you.”

“Yeah…” Selina rested her head on Edward’s shoulder. “Thanks, Ed.”

“For what?”

“Just… thanks,” she smiled and hugged him again.

~*~   

It’s been a month since Edward started therapy and it seemed to be working well for him so far. Oswald had to admit that at first he had his doubts whether therapy would even help Edward at all, but seeing how much calmer and better adjusted he seemed nowadays he grew more optimistic. Whatever Lee was doing, it was in the right direction.

And it would seem Edward was happy with Lee too because he wouldn’t stop talking about her. Dr. Thompkins this, Dr. Thompkins that. Nearly every second word coming from Ed’s mouth these days was about how amazing Dr. Thompkins was. Oswald was surprised to find that he was getting rather irritated by all that praise Lee was getting. It was weird because Oswald himself held her in very high esteem, not to mention that it was a good thing Edward liked his therapist so much. But perhaps it was a bit  _ too  _ much? Was Ed falling for another age inappropriate person? His therapist, on top of it? First his adoptive parent, now his doctor? Was there a pattern? Or was Oswald being paranoid and reading too much into it? It was possible Ed simply liked his therapist, as a professional, as a person. It didn’t have to go beyond that. Yet, a worried feeling was pooling in the pit of Oswald’s stomach and he needed to be sure. Whatever the reason for this new excitement Lee probably knew about it -- she was a professional, after all -- so perhaps Oswald had to pay her a visit and discuss Edward’s progress. He arranged a meeting at the Narrows after Lee’s working hours but just when he was about to go through the front door Edward’s voice surprised him from behind.

“Where are you going?” He sounded alarmed, scared even.

“Edward!” Oswald exhaled, turning around. “You startled me. Is everything alright?”

“Perhaps if you weren’t sneaking out you wouldn’t be so startled,” Edward said pointedly, ignoring Oswald’s question.

“I’m not sneaking out,” Oswald frowned, shifting his weight from his bad leg to his good one and closing the door. “I have something to do. Work.”

“At this time of night?”

“It’s not that late. Besides, I can work after sunset, you know.”

Edward narrowed his eyes distrustfully. “You look funny.”

Oswald snorted with an eye roll. “Well, thank you for that.”

“No, I mean-- Where are you going, Oswald?” Ed’s voice wavered a little as he spoke. All the sudden he looked so unsure and vulnerable. Oswald couldn’t just leave him like that.

“Why are you so worried, Ed?” he asked, concerned.

Edward hesitated. He seemed so small and afraid, Oswald felt the strange urge to press him close to himself and keep him safe.

“Ever since--  _ the kiss  _ … I’m just waiting for you to leave,” Ed confessed.

Oswald’s lips parted a little in surprise. He took a step away from the door. “What do you mean, leave? I said I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, you did, but… I don’t know,” Ed swallowed. His eyes were blinking unnaturally often as if he were trying hard not to cry. “I thought with everything that happened these last months you might be overwhelmed, and-- I just thought you’d want a few days off. Away from Gotham, away from… from  _ me  _ …” His voice cracked and he bit his lips. “... And then I was afraid you might  _ like it  _ and never come back…”  

Oswald’s heart was in his throat. “Oh, Edward…” He whispered and before he knew it he was already crossing the distance between them with a confident stride and pulling Edward into his embrace. “I am not leaving. I am  _ not  _ abandoning you. We’re still a family, that hasn’t changed,” he reassured, not letting go of Ed. “You don’t have to worry about that, I  _ promise _ .”

He felt Edward slowly relax in his arms. Then the younger man hugged Oswald back, holding him tightly. “Thank you, Oswald! Thank you so much!” he whispered with feeling.

They remained like that for a moment, peacefully hugging in the middle of the corridor, neither wanting to break the spell. Then finally Edward whispered. “Must you leave tonight? I-- I don’t want to be alone…”

Oswald glanced at the grandfather clock. He could still make it in time for his meeting with Lee.

“No, of course not,” he said out loud, letting go of Ed and smiling up at him. “It’s not that important anyway. I can stay with you.”

The warmth in Edward’s eyes warmed Oswald’s heart too.

“Thank you,” Ed said smiling. “We can have a nice and cozy movie night. I’ll prepare the popcorn, you slip into something more comfortable, and we can watch Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart.”

Oswald laughed. “Again? We’ve watched it so many times, don’t you know it by heart already?”

“I do,” Ed grinned. “But some things just get better and better with time.”

Oswald chuckled amused. “Okay then. Sabrina it is.”  

Taking off his coat, Oswald headed for his room to call Lee and apologize that something unexpected came up and he wouldn’t be able to make it tonight. He hoped she’d understand. What was he supposed to do? Leave Ed at the door when he was so upset? Oswald couldn’t do  _ that! _ If anyone in the world knew how difficult it was to feel lonely and downcast it was Oswald. If there was a slight chance to prevent Ed from feeling that way, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Oswald changed into his favorite robe and came down to watch a movie with Ed. He felt silly for his previous suspicions. What was he thinking? They had a misunderstanding, but now Edward was working on it with Lee and things were going back to normal. There was no cause for alarm.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s what you need to know about [Sabrina (1954)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabrina_\(1954_film\)), since it’ll come up in the beginning of this chapter. If you haven’t seen it and you enjoy old movies, or you’re just curious, I recommend it. It’s a really nice film :) 
> 
> So Sabrina is the young romantic daughter of a rich family’s chauffeur. Ever since she was a kid she’s been in love with David, the playboy son of her father’s employers. But David sees her as a child so he doesn’t pay attention to her. One night she gets so depressed about it she tries to kill herself but Linus, the family’s older brother, manages to save her. Concerned, Sabrina’s father sends her to Paris, away from David, hoping that she’d forget about him. Two years later Sabrina returns from Paris, more beautiful than ever, and still very much obsessed with David. However this time David notices her. It’s like a dream come true for Sabrina but it’s a nightmare for Linus. He runs the family business and he relies on David to marry an heiress to seal an important merger deal. In order to get Sabrina out of the way he decides to woo her so that she leaves David and David would agree to marry the heiress. However, at some point he stops pretending and they actually fall in love with one another.

_ Sabrina was dancing with Linus on the small silver screen. As their gazes locked, he leaned a little closer and pressed his lips to hers, leaving her completely breathless and at a loss for words. _

_ “It’s all in the family,”  _ Edward said the line at the same time Humphrey Bogart’s Linus did. He then sniggered and snuggled closer to Oswald, stealing from his popcorn.

Oswald chuckled and tsked. “You’re incorrigible.”

Ed grinned at him. “You mean because I know every line of this movie, or because I eat your popcorn?”

“Both,” Oswald replied and stuffed his own mouth with popcorn before Ed ate them all. His mind couldn’t help but going back to similar pleasant cozy evenings he had with Jim. Those were his happiest moments, when there was just the two of them in the entire world. The feeling of closeness, the warmth, the pleasant company, the funny comments and giggles. It was all so familiar, yet different because this wasn’t Jim next to him but Edward. Was it strange that his cozy evenings with Jim were so much like his movie nights with Ed?

Perhaps his face showed some of his mixed emotions because Edward put a hand on his knee with a slightly concerned look on his face. “Are you alright?” he asked. “Do you want me to stop the movie?”

“No, no. I just got a bit--” he waved it off. “I’m fine, Ed. Don’t worry about me.”

But Edward was worried already. He paused the movie and put away the popcorn, giving Oswald his full attention. “Talk to me,” he said.

Oswald shook his head with a lazy smile, sounding a little tired. “Is this something you learned in therapy? How to be a good listener?”

“I’ve  _ always  _ been a good listener,” Ed stressed. “Now talk to me.”

Oswald glanced at the TV, subconsciously avoiding Edward’s gaze when he was looking at him like that with those deep brown eyes filled with affection. “Do you think Linus was selfish?” he asked out loud.

Ed frowned a little. “How do you mean?”

“He knew Sabrina was in love with his brother but he pretended to woo her just to confuse her and save his precious merger.”

“Yes,” Ed allowed, “but then they fell in love for real so it doesn’t matter.”

Oswald did not seem convinced, “Does that really make up for past mistakes though? Does love clear you of all accountability?”

Ed furrowed his brows a little, thoughtful. “He meant well. And yes, perhaps at first Linus’ intentions were not entirely honest -- being the crazy workaholic he was, he wanted to do what was right for his business. He wasn’t even thinking about Sabrina’s feelings at first. But then things changed… Their relationship changed.”

“I suppose. Getting to know someone can change you. But Sabrina would’ve been better off with--”

“Don’t say David!” Ed gasped in mock horror. “David’s a playboy! He’s already been married three times and he never really loved anyone. If you ask me, he just likes to conquer women and then gets bored of them.”  

“Yes, okay, not David,” Oswald agreed. “But… someone else. Linus is--” He swallowed, inhaling deeply. “Linus is much older than Sabrina. And they’re total opposites. He’s all serious and work-obsessed, emotionally drained, always carrying his briefcase and umbrella with him as if they were his chains. He’s kind of dead on the inside, while Sabrina is a ray of sunshine, with her curiosity, her passion. She’s life itself. Linus knew she would’ve been better off in Paris with someone new, away from that stupid family of his, but he couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t let her have this. Instead he went after her and pulled her back into his world.”

“But Sabrina  _ wanted  _ that. She  _ loved  _ him. And not with that foolish girlish love she felt for David, but with actual  _ real  _ love. Linus wasn’t selfish, he was  _ kind _ . Sabrina would’ve cried her heart out in Paris. She wouldn’t be able to just move on. She loves deeply, she falls hard.”

“Gets obsessed, you mean,” Oswald corrected.

“I wouldn’t call what she felt for Linus obsession. It was mature, honest, and very much real. She wouldn’t have been happy without him. She needed him just like he needed her. What’s the point in both of them suffering apart when they could be happy together?”

Oswald made a strange sound in the back of his throat and shifted in his seat, turning his attention back to the TV. “Let’s keep watching, shall we?”

“Oswald…”

“It’s a good movie, let’s keep watching.”

Ed nodded, slightly confused. “Yeah, okay. I can’t refuse, you know it’s my favorite.”

Oswald smiled softly. “My mother used to love it almost as much as you do.”

Ed beamed at the remark and unpaused the movie.

_ “Why're you looking at me that way?” Linus asked, eyes on the rode as he drove them back home from their latest date.   _

_ “All night long I've had the most terrible impulse to do something,” Sabrina replied, slight mischief gleaming in her eyes. _

_ “Oh, never resist an impulse, Sabrina, especially if it's terrible,” Linus was quick to say. _

_ “I'm gonna do it,” she announced. She reached out and turned down the brim of Linus’ bowler hat. “There!” _

_ “What's that for?” Linus asked, helpless. _

_ “We can't have you walking up and down the Champs-Élysées looking like a tourist undertaker! Another thing, never a briefcase in Paris and never an umbrella. There's a law.” _

_ Sadness reached Linus’ eyes when he uttered, “How am I ever going to get along in Paris without someone like you?” It was still him playing the part of a lover. Or at least he convinced himself that he was still pretending. Truth was… he had stopped pretending a long time ago. “Who'll be there to help me with my French, to turn down the brim of my hat?” _

_ “Suppose you meet someone on the boat the very first day out? A perfect stranger.” Sabrina suggested, trying to encourage the man to enjoy life, to not shut himself in and only live for his work. _

_ “I have a better suppose, Sabrina,” Linus replied, still watching the road. “Suppose I were ten years younger. Suppose you weren't in love with David. Suppose I asked you to…” he stumbled at the words. “I suppose I'm just talking nonsense.” _

_ Brows furrowed, Sabrina replied, “I suppose so.” _

_ “Suppose you sing that song again. Slowly.” Linus said.   _

As Audrey Hepburn started singing  _ La Vie En Rose  _ in French, Oswald swallowed. In his mind he couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like if Edward was ten years older. Would Oswald refuse him then? If they were similar in age as they were similar in heart, soul and mind, would Oswald be able to turn him down?

Those were dangerous thoughts and Oswald had no idea where they came from all the sudden. He tried to concentrate on the movie instead but it was already too late. The thought was inside him, like poison. Linus got his Sabrina despite everything that was standing in their way. He couldn’t let her go even if perhaps, in Oswald’s mind, it was the better option for her. But loneliness was a strange thing that made people selfish. When they finally met someone special they connected to, they didn’t want to let go. For people like Oswald and Ed who were not like everyone else, who were different, outcasts, loners, rejects, forming a deep attachment like the one they had meant  _ so  _ much more than they could explain! It was exceptional, it was allconsuming. It was the Sabrina to their Linus. How could one deliberately give that up?

“She shouldn’t have forgiven him this quickly,” Ed shook his head, pulling Oswald out of his brooding. “But then again, she understood him better than anyone. She knew what was in his heart. I guess that’s why she accepted him for who he was.”

Oswald nodded thoughtfully, “Yes. Makes sense.”

~*~  

He couldn’t get round to arranging another meeting with Lee for another week. They were both very busy so it was difficult to find a time that was convenient for both of them. Or perhaps Oswald just wasn't so sure if he had the energy for a serious conversation about Edward’s mental health. Things between them were really good these days and he didn’t want to spoil that. He enjoyed their little routines and how everything seemed to be back the way it used to be. Maybe it was merely wishful thinking but Edward seemed  _ fine  _ so Oswald didn’t feel the urgent need to talk to Lee anymore. However, he had already asked for an appointment once so it would’ve seemed odd if he just canceled a second time. Yet, when he finally did meet her, he was considerably calmer and not so emotional as he was when he first sought her help.

“Dr. Thompkins, thank you for agreeing to see me again,” he greeted politely. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it for our first meeting.”

“I wouldn’t turn you down, Oswald. Jim’s always spoken very fondly of you,” Lee replied with a smile that told Oswald that perhaps she had an inkling about his real relationship with Jim. Or maybe he was imagining it. Maybe he just wanted someone else to know about it too so that Oswald wouldn’t be so alone in this now. He shook off those thoughts. He was here about Edward’s therapy, not his own.  

“Yes, I, umm,” he cleared his throat, “I wanted to talk about Edward.”

“I expected as much,” Lee said with a small smirk.

Oswald chuckled. “Yes, it’s rather obvious, isn’t it. So how is he doing in your opinion?”  

“He’s doing really well,” Lee said, offering Oswald a seat and a cup of tea, “for such a short period of time, that is.” Her voice was calm and soothing when she spoke but there was slight concern underneath the peaceful exterior. The sort of undertone that showed she truly cared about Ed’s wellbeing. “You and I are both aware that Edward is a very sensitive young man. His past has left him with a lot of unhealed scars. We’ve started working on some of them but it’s a gradual process. It will take time. It’s good that he’s so eager to cooperate, though.”  

“His past?” Oswald asked with a frown. “I understand that is important, but to be honest, I’m more concerned about his current state of mind, not so much about his past. He  _ is  _ talking to you about that, right? About his life now?”

“I can’t share with you what Ed tells me during our sessions, Oswald. I’m sorry. Therapy is a private matter.”

“Yes, I know, of course it is, but… he  _ does  _ talk about me, right? I mean… does he mention me at all?” He saw the look on her face and sighed. “I’m not asking out of curiosity, this is actually important.”

“He talks about you often, yes,” Lee affirmed. “And that’s normal. You’re such a big part of his life.”

Oswald sighed. “Yes. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t made it worse for him…”

Lee laced her fingers together in her lap. “What do you mean?”

She was in her therapist mode now, Oswald could tell. Usually he wouldn’t indulge, but he needed someone to talk to about this too. Someone trusted. Someone who knew both him and Ed.

“We had certain issues recently…” he gave Lee a look, hoping that she’d know what he was hinting at without him having to actually say it, “I just wanted to know if he’s working to overcome them. Because I was concerned.”

“Concerned?”

Damn it, why did she insist on him speaking the words? This wasn’t easy to say! Oswald didn’t want to say it because saying it would make it real, and if it became real then the family he had created with Edward would be tainted. Things were just going back to normal between them, Oswald didn’t want to lose that.

“Well, he tends to get a little overly attached, doesn’t he?” he blurted out impatiently. “Sometimes possessive, even.” He glanced cautiously at Lee. “Isn’t he sort of getting this way with you too?”

“Ah,” Lee nodded knowingly. “That is called transference. And it is normal in some cases. Happens more often than you think. The mind unconsciously redirects a person’s feelings and emotions onto someone else. Usually a therapist, but it depends on the circumstances. It’s usually in therapy because this is a safe space where we allow the subconscious to really speak, to emote. That’s what Edward’s doing and it’s a good thing that he’s opening up. Perhaps something about me reminds him of someone else and he’s projecting these feelings onto me. That’s why it seems to you like he’s, how did you phrase it? Overly attached?”

“He hardly stops talking about you,” Oswald said, pouting a little.

“That is transference. I had my suspicions about it but he hasn’t brought it up in our sessions yet. It would be good to work through it together. It’s even healthy.”

“So you’re saying it’s under control?”

“Control is an illusion, Oswald. If you chase after it you’ll go mad,” she smiled fondly. “But if you’re asking me if I’m aware of the situation and working on it, then yes, I am.”

Oswald was slightly reassured by Lee’s words. At least he knew now he wasn’t imagining things and Edward really had stuff to work through. “It’s good to know you’re on top of this. I really don’t want to mess things up for Ed.”

“I understand your concern, Oswald. The relationship between a parent and a child can be tricky,” Lee said, and the way she said it made Oswald wonder if Edward had even mentioned his true feelings for Oswald at all. Perhaps they haven’t gotten to that yet in therapy. It was an odd thing to miss considering that it was the biggest reason for Oswald to send Ed to therapy in the first place. Lee continued, “Add Ed’s previous experience with family and you have an even more delicate situation.”

Oswald frowned. “His previous experience?”

Lee seemed a little surprised. “I-- Ed told me you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“About his parents.”

“Ah! You mean the accident! Yes, yes, I know all about that,” Oswald waved it off. “Is that really relevant though? I mean, yes, his parents are dead but he never seemed particularly bothered by the… unfortunate events.”

“That’s probably because he’s been suppressing it. People tend to do that in such cases. The guilt is sometimes too much to bear.”

Guilt? Why would Ed feel guilty about his parents’ deaths? It wasn’t Ed’s fault his father fell off the ladder, literally, and his mother committed suicide in a lunatic asylum.

“The point is,” Lee interrupted his thoughts, “Ed’s been traumatised by what happened and by his own actions. His mind is trying to shove that shock further down into his psyche but it resurfaces in odd ways. Which explains his violent behavior.”

“What?”

“With Bruce Wayne?”

Oh. So Ed had shared this with her.

“He told me you hushed it up but… Oswald, he needs to face his issues, not cover them up.”

Oswald swallowed. “What happened with Bruce Wayne was provoked. Edward isn’t violent. He gets angry when he’s provoked but don’t we all?”

“We do,” Lee allowed. “But we usually try to control it before it gets to strangulation. Don’t we?”

“Not me,” Oswald joked to lighten the mood. It did not work so his smile died down awkwardly. “Right. Of course, we do.”

“He may have been provoked but his lack of self-control comes from deep-seated issues that we need to approach. His father’s abuse, his mother’s neglect, all resulting in his violent outburst that unfortunate day when his father died, those are all issues we need to address. So that they don’t become a pattern for his future. And that’s what we’re currently working on in therapy.”

Oswald could hear his heartbeat in his ears.  _ Oh, Ed…, what have you done? _

“Thank you, so much, Dr. Thompkins. I  _ really  _ appreciate what you’re doing for us.” Oswald said quickly, gathering his cane and coat. He wanted to be away from this place, he wanted to go somewhere with air. He was suffocating in here. The office seemed to be spinning before his eyes, the entire room blurred and hazy. Oswald felt as if he were trembling.

Lee was watching him, concern written all over her face. She reached out and placed a hand on top of his. “If you need to talk, Oswald, I’m here for you,” she said. Her voice came from a distance, through cotton walls. “I know this is a lot to process. It must be difficult for you too.”

He was shaking his head. The feeling of Lee’s hand on his, that touch of kindness, felt so foreign and unexpected, it disconcerted him. “Are you offering me therapy, Dr. Thompkins?” he asked, only half-teasing.

Noticing his discomfort, Lee retreated her hand back to herself. “Only if you’re interested,” she added.

Was Oswald interested? He definitely had a lot of things to process. The most recent being the possibility that Edward had something to do with his own father’s death. Accidental murders had happened in Edward’s life before. Perhaps Kristen Kringle wasn’t the first. But why hadn’t Ed shared that with Oswald? They agreed no secrets!

Oswald felt betrayed, and alone, and confused. Yes, there was definitely enough material in his life for dozens of therapy sessions. Jim’s death, all the drama with Edward, Oswald’s childhood and even his adulthood… But did he really want to talk about any of that? Did he want to dissect each sore point of his life? Was he ready to face his own darkness? It was much easier to bottle it all up, put it in a box, and never take it out.

He smiled at Lee, desperately trying to hide his troubled state from her. “No, thank you. But I’ll keep it in mind.”

~*~

It was a fun afternoon for Edward. He was conducting his own little experiment with stab wounds in the kitchen. He had to use watermelons, of course. He wouldn’t stab an actual person in Oswald’s kitchen, he wasn't crazy. What would Oswald think? Although Ed knew for a fact that Oswald himself  _ had  _ killed people before. Perhaps even in this very kitchen. Who knew? It was rather thrilling to imagine the things Oswald had done, the various ways in which he had killed. It was a shame that whenever Ed tried to get more information about it from Oswald, Oswald would deny him that privilege. As if blood and gore would disturb Edward instead of fascinate him. He promised to himself to ask Oswald for more details the first chance he got.

He let his mind wander for a moment before he brought his attention back to the watermelon. “Interesting,” he said as he leaned closer to the now completely deformed fruit and examined it. He put one small piece of it in his mouth. “Yum!”

Suddenly the door flung open, startling him.

“Oswald!” Ed nearly gasped. “You scared me. I thought you were Olga. She hates when I--” he waved his hands in the direction of the watermelon on the table and shrugged, “--do this.”

“What even  _ is  _ this!” Oswald cried out. “What have you done, Ed! And why?”

Ed was confused. “I was-- this is an experiment. With watermelon. For school.”

“For school?” Oswald pressed, taking a step closer. He looked like a wild animal, ready to attack.

Edward hated the way he stuttered and how insecure and weak his voice sounded. “Y-yes?”

“And what class is this then? Herbology?”

“It’s-- alright, it wasn’t for school, per se, but it’s still important! To me,” Ed tried to explain. “I was curious to see what kinds of marks are left by different techniques of stabbing.”

“Why would you care!” Oswald’s voice went higher in his astonishment.

“I-- I like it? It’s curious. It’s forensics.”

“And you like forensics now, I take it?”

“Oswald, why are you acting like this? I don’t get it. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that you’re lying to me!” Oswald hissed.

Edward froze. Did Oswald know about--?

“How did your father die, Edward?”

_ Oh. That? Really? That was the important thing that got Oswald so furious? Pfft. _

“He fell off a ladder. Why do you ask?” Ed replied casually, crossing his hands over his chest, his brief panic from earlier slowly evaporating.

“Did he? Did he really, Ed?” Oswald insisted. “Or did you make sure he fell off that ladder?”

Edward deflated. “Dr. Thompkins talked… She wasn’t supposed to.”

“Apparently you told her I knew about it.”

“I was just--” he huffed, not finishing his sentence.

“So it is true…” Oswald whispered disappointed. “You really did kill your father? That wasn’t just some story you fabricated to entertain Lee?”

Ed was silent for a moment. He could lie to Oswald, it would be the easier way out considering how worked up Oswald seemed about it. Ed chose to be truthful. “I didn’t make this story up. Every word is true,” he admitted, then added to lighten up the mood, “I didn’t kill my mother, though.”

“Well,  _ that’s  _ a relief,” Oswald interjected sarcastically.

“He was abusive, Oswald. He deserved it” Ed was quick to say. “It was a way out for me, the  _ only  _ way out I could come up with at the time. I tweaked with the ladder a little bit before he climbed it. Technically I just aided his murder.”

Oswald’s lips were pursed into a tight line. He still looked stern but not so furious. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we shared this sort of things now. Why did you keep it from me? You told me about Kristen but you forgot to mention your father?”

Ed swallowed and licked his lips. “I didn’t want you to hate me…,” he confessed. “I know how you feel about family. How much it means to you. I didn’t want you to think it didn’t matter to me. But your parents were different. They loved you unconditionally. I was a burden to mine! They hated me! They thought I was a freak. My father would regularly abuse me, both physically and verbally, and my mother would just  _ let him! _ They deserved what they got!”

He was breathing sharply, unaware that he was clenching his fists so tightly his nails had broken the skin of his palms, leaving angry bloody marks there. He was probably shaking too but he paid no attention to that either. In his mind he was reliving the nightmare that used to be his home life all those years ago. In his mind Hell was back.

It took a moment of silence but then Oswald took a step in Ed’s direction, then another one until finally he crossed the distance between them.

“That’s in the past, Ed,” he heard Oswald’s voice, kind and accepting once again. Oswald’s fingers wrapped around Edward’s arms, rubbing gentle circles there with his thumbs. “They’re gone now, they can’t hurt you. You’re safe here with me,” he was pulled into Oswald’s arms and instantly the anger evaporated. He felt like he could melt in Oswald’s embrace. Eyes closed, he hugged back. “You can tell me these things, Ed. No more secrets. Please.”

Edward nodded wordlessly. No secrets? Sounded easier than it actually was.

“I’m sorry, Oswald,” Ed replied. “I’ll tell you everything from now on.”

Technically it wasn’t a lie. Ed really was going to tell Oswald everything he did from now on. Fortunately Jim Gordon was in the past and like Oswald said, the past was gone. No need bringing that up then.


	15. Chapter 15

He was holding Edward in his arms, comforting him after a bad dream. The hug was pleasant for both of them. It lingered on, prolonged to an extend where neither could tell if time was passing at all. Everything was still in the world and the only two people in existence were suddenly just the them. Oswald couldn’t help but notice that Edward smelled nice. It felt so _ warm and good in here _ , like Edward’s entire being was participating in the hug. It wasn’t just his arms or torso, it was his heart and soul poured together into this perfect embrace.

Oswald inhaled deeply, taking in Edward’s scent, then let the air out in the form of a sigh. His fingers clung to the young man’s shoulders, pulling him closer like he needed him desperately. Closing his eyes, Oswald let the feeling consume him -- the feeling of having Edward in his arms, the feeling of resting in Edward’s arms and knowing how much Edward wanted this in return. That same feeling was flowing from Oswald to Ed, the same affection, the same need, the same  _ want. _ It was so mutual, it was almost like they were already  _ one. _ Before he knew it Oswald was kissing Edward’s shoulder through the robe he was wearing.

“What are you doing, Oswald?” Edward hummed. His voice sounded pleased with the direction their hug was taking and Oswald  _ wanted it so desperately. _

“You smell nice,” he replied and buried his nose in the crook of Edward’s neck right before he planted a kiss there too.

Edward let out a breathy moan and tilted his head, giving Oswald complete access to his neck.

“Oh, Edward!” Oswald’s voice was shaky, broken,  _ needy. _ He kissed again, licking the skin,  _ tasting it. _ It was   _  magnificent _ , it was  _ sublime. _ It was the best Oswald felt in months!

“I’d do  _ anything  _ for you, Oswald,  _ anything _ ,” Edward whispered passionately, his own hands traveling down Oswald’s back, sending jolts of electricity to the older man’s brain.  _ God, this was so perfect! _

“Ed!” Oswald gasped and without wasting more time he straddled the younger man. They were suddenly on that couch again, the movie they were watching either paused or over, -- Oswald wasn’t sure, didn’t care, -- alone with no one to stop them, no one to know. “Ed! I want you!” Oswald’s voice was a passionate whisper, hungry and possessive.

“You have me, Oswald! I’m yours! Just take me!” Edward replied in kind.

Oswald pulled away just to look into the younger man’s big soulful brown eyes. He loved that look Ed had whenever he was in awe of Oswald. Oswald loved the adoration he saw there. The pure admiration.

“You’re  _ mine! _ ” he groaned, running his hands down Edward’s chest, baring it and reaching down to untie the belt of the robe. He knew Edward was naked underneath, he just knew it. He could  _ feel  _ it. And it was intoxicating! “All mine! Only mine!”

“Yes, yes,” Edward repeated, kept nodding, wanting.

Oswald slid down to the floor, ignoring his bad leg and the pain he would no doubt feel the next day, and started kissing down Edward’s magnificent chest. “So good…” he muttered to himself, eyes closed, cock filling and pulsing in his own trousers. “So good, Edward…”

“I thought  _ my  _ chest was oh so good,” a familiar voice said accusatory from the couch and Oswald’s head snapped up.

“Jim?” he gaped. “This cannot be, you’re-- you’re--”

“Dead?” Jim supplied, then gave a casual nod. “Yeah, that’s true. But you know me, I’m stubborn. Even in death.”

Oswald’s lips were still parted, eyes round and confused. His erection was gone. He looked in front of himself where Edward was still bare and ready, head thrown back, biting his lips and waiting with ecstatic anticipation for Oswald to  _ do  _ something.  

“Jim, this isn’t what it looks like…” Oswald mumbled, fingers clumsily pulling the robe over Edward’s chest as if trying to cover up a crime scene. “I wasn’t--”

“Oh, you were. You dog,” Jim smirked a little but there was no real mirth in his eyes. “And here I was thinking you were still missing me…”

“I am! I do miss you, Jim! So much!” Oswald pleaded desperately. “Losing you was the worst thing to ever happen to me since losing my parents!”

“Oh,  _ please. _ You’re already trying to get into someone else’s pants. Your  _ son’s _ , on top of it all. Tell me, Oswald, who does that? Did  _ your  _ father ever do this to you? Just because Ed’s adopted and you don’t share the same blood, doesn’t mean he’s not your boy.”

“Jim, I’m sorry! I wasn’t-- I didn’t mean to! Jim!”

Jim leaned in so his face was now right in front of Oswald’s, their noses nearly touching. “Keep going,” he enunciated, voice low.

“W-what?” Oswald stuttered.

“I know you want him. So take him.” Jim shook his head bitterly. “I made you a better man, Oswald. But now with me gone… you’re going back to being the monster you were when we met. There’s nothing stopping you anymore now that I’m dead. Tsk. Pity. For a moment there, I actually believed you were capable of being a good person.”

“Jim…” tears were falling down Oswald’s eyes. “Jim, please… I want to be good! I can change! I can--”

Edward laughed at that, looking down at Oswald. It was the first time he even acknowledged the conversation. “Oh, Oswald. Who are you kidding? You can  _ never  _ change. You’re selfish, you’ve always been selfish. You’re not capable of real love, familial or otherwise. You’re  _ a greedy glutton  _ and right now all you want is me. So  _ do it! Take me! Make me yours!  _ ”

Oswald struggled to get back up on his feet but he couldn’t. Invisible weight was holding him down. So he just crawled away from both Jim and Ed, pleading with both of them, claiming he could change, that he wasn’t  _ that  _ abominable.

“Weren’t you  _ just  _ about to deflower your teenage adoptive son?” Jim asked, tilting his head.

“No! No, I was-- I wanted to comfort him…”

They both laughed at him.  

“In his defence,  _ that would’ve  _ comforted me,” Edward told Jim and they both chuckled at Oswald’s expense. 

Oswald was curling up on the floor, feeling disgusted with himself, terrified of his own actions. His hands were trembling, his legs couldn’t move, he was completely crippled now.

“I wonder what your mother would think about this, Oswald,” Jim added and that was the final straw.

**“Nooooo!”** Oswald woke up scared, covered in sweat, sitting in his bed, screaming and panting as the air was seemingly absent from his room. He couldn’t get enough oxygen, he couldn’t breathe, his heart was beating violently in his chest.

It was a dream… It was all a bad dream. A  _ horrific  _ dream. What even  _ was  _ that dream! Why?

He couldn’t go back to bed, not after  _ that. _ He couldn’t even stay in his bedroom at this moment. He took a shower, scrubbing himself off of the dirty thoughts that had invaded his dreams. He didn’t allow himself the pleasure of a bath -- not when he clearly didn’t deserve it.

When he was done with his shower, he got dressed quickly and headed out. Where? He wasn’t sure. Just _ away. _ It felt too much like sneaking out of his own home, which was ridiculous but not far from the truth. He dreaded the idea that Edward might have heard him screaming. It would’ve been terribly awkward to explain to him what his bad dream was about, especially when he himself had no idea where it came from.

~*~  

Lucius Fox was watching him with concern. Those worried looks that he thought were very subtle, were in fact glaringly obvious and frankly tiresome. They were beginning to irk Ed. If Foxy had a problem, he should’ve just spilled it out. Looking at Edward with those worried eyes was  _ not  _ helping either of them.

Ignoring Lucius, Ed let his mind wander in a different direction. He had concerns of his own. Oswald was acting really weird these last three days. And just when things were getting so good between them. Edward could feel them going back to their old dynamics, only it was even better this time because he got more contact with Oswald -- little innocent touches, brush of fingers, grooming, the sort of gestures that suggested intimacy without actually being intimate. Edward liked those. He also liked the hugs. It was becoming natural for them to hug often -- a lot of the times by Oswald’s own initiative -- and it was _ heavenly. _ Edward loved it when Oswald pulled him into his arms and held him tight. Ed was already quite taller than him and the feeling of having the older man tucked under Ed’s chin, or snuggled close to his chest, was truly amazing. He was getting a bit ahead of himself but all those little things made him feel like he was Oswald’s life partner, Oswald’s  _ husband. _ They were united in one and undefeatable together. What could ever be better than that?

But for the last three days Oswald was… weird. It wasn’t like he was angry, because he wasn’t. Edward knew what a mad Oswald looked like and this wasn’t it. He wasn’t sad either because Edward’s been there for that too. He was just… distant. Different. It was disturbing. Especially since Edward  _ knew  _ Oswald too enjoyed their recent dynamics. It was written all over Oswald’s face and his body language that he felt comfortable around Ed, safe and even happy. Yes, Edward dared to claim that he had made Oswald happier over the last week. Even the terrible blow that was Jim Gordon’s death was becoming more bearable for Oswald with Edward around. The sadness was nearly gone from Oswald’s eyes. He was finally moving on after months of mourning the annoying detective. Edward was beginning to hope that Jim Gordon’s presence would finally stop looming over his head like a dark shadow. But now suddenly Oswald pulled away for no apparent reason, and Edward was worried.

“Edward?” Foxy was trying to get his attention. By the looks of it he had been repeating Edward’s name for some time now.

Ed snapped back to the present moment. “Sorry, what?”

“I was asking if everything’s alright? You look kind of… absent.”

“Absent?” Ed chuckled a little. “That’s an interesting way to put it. But no, I’m all here, Lucius. I assure you.”

He glanced around. It was just the two of them in the lab again. Ed was certain there used to be this other kid here too a moment ago, in the far corner, tall and skinny, a few years younger than them. Jonathan Crane was his name but everyone seemed to call him Scarecrow because of his sunken eyes and peculiar physique. Also the fact that no one ever saw him smile. He was an odd one, this Jonathan. Keeping mostly to himself but Ed had seen him spend a lot of time in the Chemistry lab these days. He couldn’t tell what the kid was up to -- they never talked when they met, usually only scowling at one another from afar and then busied themselves with their own thing -- but his Chemistry projects seemed quite unconventional and definitely not in any school book they had in their classes, but Edward was nothing if not supportive of student initiative when it came to gaining more knowledge and experimenting with chemicals. Anyway, the kid wasn’t here now and Ed suddenly felt nervous that Lucius would take this opportunity to “have a talk”. Ivy and Selina had warned him that Foxy was worried about him, and they were right judging by Foxy’s behavior. Ed wasn’t sure what the older boy could possibly want from him though.

“Everything’s right as rain. Now, I need a sulfate...,” Ed said out loud, hoping this would stir the conversation back to Chemistry instead. It didn’t.   

“Ed, you don’t have to hide from me,” Foxy interrupted. His hand cupped Edward’s, causing the younger boy to jump with a small start. Lucius swallowed, glancing down at their hands, then pulled away. “Sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Ed, I hope you know that. I respect you and your mind so much, I hold you in a very high esteem.”

Typical Foxy! He couldn’t just say ‘Hey, dude, you’re cool, I like you. Let’s hang out in the chemistry lab together”; it had to be ‘I respect your mind. I hold you in high esteem’. Ed appreciated that about Foxy. If only more people were like him. Ed smiled a little but then the conversation took and unexpected alarming turn and he froze.

“I  _ really  _ like you, Edward,” Foxy continued. “I was hoping perhaps we could go out on a date sometimes.”

Ed felt dizzy. Why was Foxy talking to him like that? They were friends. Buddies. What was this conversation for? Ed found himself gaping a little at the other guy, unsure of what to do. It was like his brain -- the same one Foxy respected so much -- had suddenly decided to take a vacation.

“I realize you’ve been through a lot,” Lucius elaborated when Ed did not show signs of replying anytime soon.” You haven’t had an easy life. With all the stress you’ve been under, I didn’t want to disturb you so I waited for the right time to ask you out. But you don’t seem to be getting any better, Ed. You feel… distant these days. Something’s bothering you. Either that or you’ve just been distant _ to me _ , in which case I need to ask. Have I done something to offend you?”

It took Ed a moment to realize that Foxy was actually expecting an answer. He cleared his throat and shook his head, “No, you didn’t do anything.”

“Then I hope we can perhaps be more than friends?” Lucius took a step closer and Edward instinctively retreated a step back. This did not go unnoticed by Foxy and he frowned. “Edward… I thought we had a connection. Or was it just me?”

Ed opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t quite form what he wanted to say into words. He had so little experience with such things he felt utterly unequipped to deal with this properly. It wasn’t like that when he was with Oswald. He always had the right words with Oswald. But with Lucius? Things were different. Weirder.  _ Unnatural. _ Ed didn’t feel like he could express what was going on in his mind and heart with Lucius. He swallowed.

Lucius deflated but he remained calm. “I see. Must’ve been me then. I apologize.”

A sudden dread filled Edward’s heart. Like if he didn’t say anything now, he’d lose Lucius as a friend and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to lose friends. It took him long enough to get friends in the first place, he couldn’t just let them slip through his fingers now!

“No, wait!” he croaked. It sounded pathetic but it got Lucius’ attention. The older boy stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at Ed again. Ed licked his dry lips. “I-- We do have a connection. I like you very much, Foxy,” he flinched. It was a mistake to call him Foxy when he was going to reject him, but the silly nickname had just slipped out before he could stop himself. “I mean, Lucius,” he corrected quickly. “The point is, I do like you. You’re a really good friend. And I haven’t bonded with others on such an intellectual level as I have with you…”

“Intellectual level,” Foxy repeated.  

“You know the brain is the most important thing for me,” Ed clarified, even though Foxy seemed quite aware of that.

The older boy chuckled softly, fondness in his lingering sad smile, “Yes. I know that. And while I share your appreciation of the brain, I was hoping we could--”

“But we can’t!” Ed interrupted quickly. “I’m so sorry. I really like you and you’re really good looking. I’ve always thought that about you. But I have feelings for someone else. Very… very strong feelings.”

Foxy seemed both disappointed and surprised to hear that. “Oh?”

“Yes. So you see, I can’t go out with you because… there’s someone else.”

Foxy nodded, eyebrows knitted together. “Of course. I’m sorry, Ed, I didn’t know you were in a relationship.”

_ Oh boy. “  _ Not entirely?” Ed said, hoping this would make sense. “I mean, it’s complicated. We both have feelings, he just hasn’t come to terms with his yet.”

“Closetted, is he?”

“S-sort of?” How could he explain this to Foxy? Would he even understand what Oswald and Ed had? No, Ed couldn’t explain it. In fact, he couldn’t tell anyone because this was between Oswald and himself, and Ed didn’t want to get Oswald in trouble. Technically, there wasn’t anything to tell anyway. Nothing happened yet. But Ed had hope that even if Oswald wasn’t ready to accept their bond yet they were still endgame. “The point is,” he changed the subject to something less complicated, “I can’t be with anyone else when my heart belongs to another.”

“Of course not. I understand.”

“I’m not saying he’ll be in my arms by the end of the day but…” Ed smiled softly at the image of Oswald in his head, “he’s worth the wait. As long as it takes.”

Foxy nodded. “I know the feeling. When you would do just about anything for that one special person.”

Edward felt uncomfortable by Foxy’s words, and the way he was looking at him wasn’t making it any better. It was like while Edward was pining for Oswald, Foxy was pining for Ed. It was unsettling, even if it tickled Edward’s vanity. Foxy was a friend and hurting him was never something Edward wanted to do. Unfortunately, there were times when those things were beyond a person’s control.

“I’m really sorry, Lucius,” Ed tried to make it better. He knew how badly a broken heart hurt so he wished to ease the pain somehow.

“That’s alright,” Lucius reassured. “You can’t help these things. It’s fine, Ed. Really.”

“I hope we can still be friends?” Ed asked hopefully.

Foxy hesitated for a moment. “I hope so too. But I think I’m gonna need a little time before I can go back to the way things were.”

Edward nodded. That was understandable and he appreciated Foxy’s honesty. “Take as long as you need.”

Lucius smiled that sad smile again where he thought he was concealing his feelings, and bid Ed goodbye. After he left Edward didn’t want to stay at the lab anymore. He suddenly felt so empty on the inside, he needed to go somewhere louder, where he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. He needed to silence their loud booming voice. He gathered his things and went outside. He didn’t have any classes for the afternoon, and he didn’t feel like hanging out with Ivy and Selina either, so he headed to the car that was waiting at his disposal at all times. Oswald really did pamper him too much. Yet, still not in the ways Ed wanted to be pampered by him.

Speaking of Oswald…

Edward’s conversation with Lucius did one good thing, if nothing else. It made Ed realize that things needed to be spoken. Letting Oswald just drift away from him like that was no good. It had to stop. They needed to talk and if Oswald had something to say, now was the time to say it. No more secrets had to go both ways.

~*~

It wasn’t right. To feel that way about Edward, it wasn’t right. After the dream Oswald had he needed to get away but he couldn’t because if he did, Edward would feel abandoned, and Oswald had promised to be there for him. So he couldn’t leave. But he couldn’t in good conscious stay either. He couldn’t allow himself to get comfortable with their dynamics when clearly it was wrong.

It was insane. The whole thing was insane. Oswald wasn’t sure where it came from all the sudden. It was like a forbidden door was unlocked inside him and now he couldn’t close it. He liked Edward, cared about the boy deeply ever since he got to know him better. With time the two bonded, they became friends. Of course, Oswald loved Edward, that went without saying. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to notice how handsome Edward was, how grown over the last year. Oswald wasn’t supposed to notice such things, or even look. Yet he was noticing. He even caught himself looking once or twice and he instantly felt disgusted with his own urges. Edward was 16, only just beginning to form like an adult, and Oswald was already ogling him? It was perverted! Oswald was a grown man, for crying out loud! He should know better! Yes, he was very broken after Jim’s death. Yes, he was very lonely and rarely connected with people the way he connected with Ed, the two just sort of clicked. But that was no excuse! Oswald had to fight this, whatever it was.

Yet each time Edward hugged him, each time he as much as smiled at Oswald, their time together, the way they understood each other, everything about the relationship they had, it all felt so natural, so easy, so _ perfect _ . Like they were meant for each other. When it was just the two of them it was getting harder and harder for Oswald to remember why being with Edward in this way was wrong. And that scared him. It scared him so much he needed to escape. He had keep his distance until this whole thing went away. He didn’t trust himself anymore, he didn’t want to break and do something he wasn’t supposed to.

The memory of the taste of Edward’s kiss was still lingering on his lips even weeks after the event, strangely enticing, despite being so sinful. Oswald was terrified when it happened, he didn’t want it to happen. Something changed that night, something Oswald was unknowingly trying to suppress ever since. He insisted it was all a misunderstanding but perhaps he was only fooling himself. Perhaps he was only denying the true nature of Edward’s feelings because he was uncomfortable with the reality of his own.  

Whatever this strange disease was that he had somehow contracted he needed to figure it out and deal with it on his own. He needed to keep Ed away from all this, to keep him safe. Oswald was clearly sick, and Edward was a vulnerable individual at a tricky age with unpleasant experience with family. He didn’t know what was good for him. But Oswald, being the adult  _ and  _ Edward’s legal parent, was supposed to know. Unfortunately, Oswald felt just as broken and damaged as Ed, if not even more so. Lee’s invitation for therapy came to mind again. It would’ve been the healthy response to his problem. Lee might know what to do with him, help him process through this and cure him. Maybe it wasn’t too late. But Oswald couldn’t talk about this, not with Lee, not with anyone. He wasn’t sure he could even talk to Jim about it if Jim were still alive. The mere thought of speaking the words and witnessing the disappointment and disgust in the eyes of the man he loved was too unbearable. Ironically, the one person Oswald did feel close enough to open up to, even about this, was Edward. They knew each other so well, even their faults and the darkness that lurked deep in their souls, that they didn’t need to hide from one another. They accepted each other as they were. But Edward was  _ precisely  _ the person to whom Oswald should  _ not  _ mention  _ anything  _ about this. So he spent his days away, excusing himself with work, in hope to not have to spend too much time with Edward. He left home early in the morning and returned late in the evening. He avoided long conversations, shunned their cozy evenings and all the activities they usually enjoyed together, and he was even planning on skipping movie night, too. He couldn’t have Edward suspect that he-- that he had these inappropriate feelings. With Edward’s impressive observational skills and his brilliant knowledge on Oswald, he would’ve seen right through him. Oswald couldn’t risk that. Edward was in therapy, he was healing. Oswald couldn’t ruin this for the young man. Edward deserved a chance for a good future; a future untainted by Oswald’s own issues and perversions.  

His plan worked so well for the first three days of implementation that Oswald thought he might just get away with it. Edward never mentioned anything about his absence, busy with school, or with therapy, or his friends. It almost seemed like he  _ hadn’t noticed  _ any difference in Oswald’s behavior. Which was a good thing! In theory… However, Oswald felt even sicker with himself because a part of him was rather disappointed that Edward hadn’t demanded for his attention yet. That same sick, perverted part of him also felt jealous at the thought that Ed was too busy with other people to notice Oswald. The emotion was so twisted and ugly Oswald wanted to shove it deep down in his psyche and keep it there under lock and key until it suffocated and died. All he wanted was to be free of it. All he craved was for things to go back to the way they were, innocent and simple like in the beginning.

But it was not meant to be. On the late evening of the third day of Oswald’s efforts to subtly avoid Ed he got caught. Edward was waiting for him in the living room, book in hand.

“Good evening, Oswald,” he greeted. Glancing at the clock, he added, “Or is it just night already? It’s so late, it’s definitely not an evening anymore.”

“Edward,” Oswald breathed, trying to sound natural. “You’re still up? I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Well, I’m not.” He put the book on the coffee table and rose to his feet, gazing intensely at Oswald. “Come in. We need to talk.


	16. Chapter 16

“Come in. We need to talk.”

Edward stood tall before him, hands in his pocket in a cool and collected manner. He looked so in control, almost intimidating, and wasn’t that ironic considering that until recently it was Oswald calling Edward for similar talks.

Oswald swallowed. “It’s late,” he said out loud. “Isn’t it better if we just go to sleep and talk tomorrow?”

Edward shook his head. “I don’t trust you to  _ be  _ here tomorrow,” he said, accusation laced in his voice, “so no.”

He was firm and determined, and a part of Oswald couldn’t help but be proud of him. At this moment there was no sign of the insecured nervous scared boy he used to be. Instead he seemed mature, less jittery and more self-assured,  _ grown. _ And those were dangerous thoughts.

Oswald flinched. “I still think we should sleep first and then--”

“I  _ tried  _ sleeping!” Edward interrupted him. “But I was too worried to shut my eyes even for a few minutes.”

Oswald frowned. “Worried? Why were you worried?”

Ed huffed. “You really need to ask me this, Oswald?  _ You were  _ **_late_ ** ! Have you  _ any  _ idea what thoughts went through my head while I waited for you? In your line of work you could’ve been dead, for all I knew!”  

“I’m a difficult man to kill,” Oswald hoped the remark would cheer Edward up but it didn’t, so Oswald deflated. “I have a lot of work these days, Ed. It happens.”

“You had a lot of work before too, yet you never disappeared like that without a good reason.” He paused for a moment, his eyes examining Oswald with surgical precision, searching as if looking for a hidden answer. Then he sighed. “You work too much, Oswald. You need to rest.”

“I will, I will,” Oswald assured, avoiding Edward’s gaze. Those eyes!  _ Oh God _ , those eyes! “I just need to finish up with something first and then I’ll rest.”

Edward was frowning, not buying one word of what Oswald was saying. “Did I do something to upset you?” he asked earnestly. He didn’t sound so stern anymore, just hurt. And that made it all the worse for Oswald’s conscience. Edward continued with his plead, “If I did something to upset you, you need to tell me, Oswald. I promise, I didn’t do it on purpose! I would  _ never  _ upset you deliberately!”

This was bad. This was very bad. Edward was blaming himself for Oswald’s perversion. It wasn’t Ed’s fault and it wasn’t fair, yet the young man was suffering, despite Oswald’s efforts to keep him safe. “Edward…” he sighed. He never expected to become the very thing he needed to keep Edward safe from. “No, you didn't do anything to upset me. I  _ assure  _ you. I just need a few days to myself, that’s all. I’m really tired and it’s beginning to take a toll on me.”

It was the truth. Oswald had considered stress, depression and exhaustion were the reasons he had such twisted desires about Edward. If that really was the case, then maybe a good rest would work a miracle and cure Oswald of this horrible illness.

Edward, however, did not seem convinced. He narrowed his eyes. “You’re lying,” he said, voice even. He wasn’t questioning it, he was certain of it. “I can tell that you’re lying. The question is,  _ why. _ Why are you lying to me, Oswald? What’s  _ really  _ bothering you?”

Oswald’s breath hitched. It was unfortunate that Edward knew him so well it made it harder for Oswald to conceal things from him. “Nothing’s bothering me, Ed. Now, please, it’s late. Let’s just go to bed,” he suggested one more time.

“We’re not done with this conversation and we’re talking about this whether you like it or not!” Edward insisted, raising his voice and taking another step in Oswald’s direction.

Oswald reflexively took a step back. “I’m very tired.”

“Then I suggest we better stop wasting our time with lies and get to the point. No secrets, remember?” Ed threw Oswald’s own rule back at him. “It works both ways. I tell you the truth, you tell me the truth too.”

Oswald pinched the bridge of his long nose, exasperated. “What do you want to know, Edward?”

“Why have you been acting weird these last three days? I thought we were happy.”

“We were. We  _ are. _ ”

Edward’s lips were a tight line, his brows knitted together. “I don’t know about you but  _ I’m  _ not happy. Not with  _ you missing  _ all the time.”

“It’s been only three days!” Oswald gasped helplessly. “And I told you, I was working.”

“You used to work from home.”

“Not everything can be done from home. Besides bringing work here isn’t good. Especially with a teenager around the house. I’m trying not to do that anymore.”

_ A teenager around the house. That was a good one.  _ If Oswald repeated it to himself often enough that Edward was still a teenager, then perhaps he would come back to his senses and put a stop to this nightmare. It would be a constant reminder for him why what he wanted was wrong.  

Edward’s frown deepened. Clearly he could feel something was off but, luckily for Oswald, he couldn’t pin down what yet. There was a moment of silence and then finally Edward groaned with annoyance, throwing his hands in the air with flare. “This is  _ exactly  _ what Dr. Thompkins is talking about! I should  _ always  _ listen to her.”

Oswald’s eyebrows went up to his hairline. “Excuse me?”

“Never in my entire life has anyone made more sense than this woman. She always draws the best conclusions and knows what’s to be done. She has  _ such  _ a beautiful brain! Why couldn’t you see things as clearly as she does!”  

Oswald clenched his fists without realizing it. “What has Lee told you?”

“Many things. But the one that comes to mind right now is the importance of communication,” Ed replied. “She says you and I should communicate more. And I agree with her. I trust her judgement.”

Oswald hated the way his blood boiled at Edward’s words. Hearing his praises for Lee again was stirring unpleasant anger inside him, the sort he couldn’t really keep in check.

“You want to know what’s bothering me?” he hissed, losing his temper. “ _ This  _ is what’s bothering me!  _ You!  _ Talking about Lee Thompkins  _ all the time _ , like she’s a god!”  

“I thought you liked Dr. Thompkins…” Ed pouted.

“I do! I like her and I respect her deeply but you never shut up about her!” He was yelling now. Yelling at Edward. Like they were having a lover's spat. This wasn’t a parent scolding a child, this was a full-blown couple’s quarrel. And it was wrong on so many levels. This wasn’t the shape their dynamic was supposed to take. But somehow their relationship had modeled itself into  _ this  _ and now Oswald couldn’t regain control over it.

Edward was looking at him kind of funny. “What’s wrong, Oswald?”

“Nothing’s wrong! I just need to know what’s going on with you. It’s my job as a-- as a--”

“Yes?”

Oswald’s lips were a tight line. He wanted to scream again, frustration practically vibrating inside him. “You’re awfully attached to her,” he finally settled on saying.

“I suppose I am,” Ed agreed. “She is a good therapist. I like her.”

Oswald narrowed his eyes. “But is that all there is to it? Are you sure you’re not just transfering your feelings to--”

“Oh! You’ve read about transference? That’s nice. I didn’t know you were that interested in Psychology.”

Oswald exhaled sharply. “What are you up to, Ed?”

“I don’t understand you, Oswald. I thought this is what you wanted from me. To talk to Lee,”  _ Lee? What happened to Dr. Thompkins? _ , “to be in therapy, to figure things out.” He gestured in Oswald’s direction with both his hands. “I’m doing this  _ for you. _ Do you now want me to stop?”   

Oswald sucked in a sharp breath. If he had to be honest, he wasn’t sure what he wanted exactly. All he knew was that he was not feeling well.

“No, of course, I don’t want you to stop,” he finally said, resigned. “Therapy’s good for you and Lee is a good doctor. But, Edward, you can’t be in love with your therapist.”

The words just came out of his mouth on their own. Like he had no filter. He regretted them only for a moment before coming to the conclusion that this was important and it had to be said.

“I  _ like  _ my therapist,” Edward replied. “Why is that so wrong?”

“You’re too intense about it!”

“Oh, so I have to be the ‘right amount of intense’?”

“Yes!”

“Oswald, this is insane,” Ed huffed. “You’re not making sense. Do you even hear yourself?”

Oswald really wasn’t. He was tired emotionally, mentally and physically, and the more he talked to Edward, the less sane he felt. All he wanted was for this to end, to be left alone. Instead he was shouting and throwing a tantrum like he always did, and most likely ruining everything he and Ed had build over the last year. It was pathetic.

He sighed. “How do you feel about her, Ed? Can you please explain it to me because it’s-- it’s worrying me.”

“Why?”

_ Why. _ That was a good question. If only Oswald could articulate his answer into words that made sense. “I’m in charge of you whether you like it or not,” he said instead. “I have a right to ask these questions.”

Edward straightened his back. “Fine. Lee and I are ve--”

“There you go calling her Lee again!” Oswald gasped, losing his calm once again. “What happened to Dr. Thompkins? Are you two on a first name basis now?”

“I call  _ you  _ Oswald all the time,  _ Oswald. _ ” Edward rolled his eyes. “Why are you getting so upset over this? I don’t get it!”

“Isn’t it obvious why?” Oswald asked helplessly.

Edward shook his head, putting his hands on his beautiful hips. “No, not really,” he said, shaking his head. He seemed so cool and collected about it, it drove Oswald crazy. Oswald himself was already yelling with frustration and unable to keep himself under control but Edward? He was like ice! “I think you’re overreacting.”

“I’m not overreacting!” Oswald insisted, stomping his foot and suddenly feeling like a 5-year old. He groaned. “Just tell me, are you in love with her? Is that it? You’ve convinced yourself you love her?”  

“What?”  

“You used to claim you loved me but now apparently you’ve changed your mind! Did you even tell Lee about the kiss? It’s what I sent you to her for. Or did it slip your mind?”

“What I discuss in therapy is between Lee and me,” Edward said firmly, emphasising on the use of Lee’s first name. “So I cannot satisfy your curiosity about that.”

“It’s not about my curiosity, it’s about your mental health.”  

Edward was about to argue that too but then suddenly his face cleared up, his lips quirked into a smile. “Oh my God,” he said, eyes glistening. “You're jealous.”

"What!” Oswald exclaimed. “I am  _ not! _ "

"You  _ so  _ are!" Ed grinned. “You’re jealous! You want me  _ all  _ to  _ yourself _ , don’t you, Oswald?”

The words hit too close to home and Oswald felt helpless again. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ed!” he huffed.

“Oh, but I’m not being ridiculous. I’m right. Aren’t I?”

Oswald wished he could wipe that smile off Edward’s face.

“And you know it,” the younger man continued. “That’s why you’ve been acting so weird. Now I have my answers.”

Oswald was glaring at him. He couldn’t really say anything because he was afraid that if he opened his mouth he’d say something he wasn’t supposed to. So instead he just chewed at his lips furiously, and remained quiet.

Edward approached him, a spring in his step. He was still beaming with smugness, so pleased with himself. “ _ Now  _ I can sleep well,” he told the older man. “Good night, Oswald. Sweet dreams.”

~*~

Oswald was mad. In all senses of the word. He was angry, crazy, frustrated, he was  _ furious. _ He couldn’t calm down, he couldn’t stop pacing, he was  _ fuming. _ He needed to kill someone or-- or--

Zsasz opened the door to his office, popping his head inside.

“Knocking, Zsasz! What have I told you about knocking!” Oswald barked.

Zsasz shrugged and let himself in. “That it’s a thing and people should do it?”

“So? Why aren’t you doing it then?” Oswald asked, hardly containing his rage.

“I’m not people,” Zsasz grinned ear to ear. He was probably the only person who always stayed unphased no matter how angry the Penguin looked. Oswald could point a bazooka in Zsasz’ face, or chain him to a guillotine, and Zsasz would probably still be cracking jokes. It was both infuriating and in a strange way refreshing.

“What do you want?” Oswald asked exasperated.

Zsasz started his report, divulging all the relevant information of the day, mixed with a good measure of gossip about the other mobsters in Gotham’s Underworld. Oswald couldn’t follow one word of what the other man was saying. Like he had completely zoned out and couldn’t tune himself back in again. The lack of concentration was alarming, not to mention dangerous for someone in Oswald’s line of work. He couldn’t allow himself to be careless or unfocused.  

It was all Edward’s fault! Or more accurately, Oswald’s desire for Edward. His jealousy had already been discovered, which was a setback but still not the biggest of Oswald’s problems. What was bothering him more was that he was falling harder for Edward with each passing hour. His lust wasn’t merely a physical one, it was emotional too. He wanted  _ all  _ of Edward and wanted to give Edward his all in return. He craved the emotional intimacy they had but taken to a whole different level. He wanted them to be one in body and soul. Edward seemed to understand that because he offered Oswald exactly what he needed, making himself even more irresistible to the lonely older man. The emotional connection being more seductive to Oswald than any physical temptation ever could. It was making his life really difficult. He couldn’t stop thinking about his adoptive son. His very handsome and intelligent adoptive son! He wanted to touch him, feel him, taste him… Oswald was far from being a saint but he never expected to stoop so low. He needed to get Ed out of his mind as soon as possible. He needed a distraction. Something to give him what he wanted without taking what he shouldn’t want.

He eyed Zsasz from head to toe, sizing him up. “You’ve always wanted me, haven’t you, Zsasz?”

“Been low-key flirting with you since day one, boss,” Zsasz confirmed casually.

Oswald’s lips were a tight line. “It’s your lucky day, then. Follow me,” he instructed and headed for his bedroom.

~*~  

_I’m in a_ ** _great_** _mood. Wanna do something fun this weekend?_

Edward was grinning at the screen of his phone, waiting for Selina to reply.

_ Sounds good. I’ll text Ivy. I just hope you two don’t drown me in green. _

Ed chuckled. A few moments later his phone buzzed with another text.

_ What got you in such a good mood anyway? Was it a  _ **_really_ ** _ good riddle? _

Ed snorted with an eye roll.

_ Haha. Very funny,  _ he typed.  _ But if it  _ **_were_ ** _ a riddle, then it’s a very difficult riddle that I couldn’t crack until now. _

He really liked the metaphor.

_ So you cracked a hard riddle?  _ Selina typed back.

_ You could say so. And now I’m happy! I feel like there’s hope in my life again, sunshine and rainbows and flowers and all that. _

_ Wow. You’re cheesy. But I’m glad you're happy, Ed.   _

And he knew she truly meant it.

He put the phone away, lying down on his bed and smiling at the ceiling. A hard riddle indeed! But now things were clearing up. Oswald wasn’t such a mystery after all. Ed figured him out. Almost all of him. And he liked what he uncovered. Knowing that Oswald was  _ jealous  _ whenever Ed paid attention to other people was invigorating! Oswald wanted him all to himself just like Edward wanted Oswald all to himself! It was amazing that they were so alike! Even in his wildest dreams Edward never expected his little scheme to over-exaggerate his affection for Lee to actually work so well! He was hoping to stir  _ something  _ in Oswald, yes, but he never dared to even  _ hope  _ for jealousy. Perhaps a sort of melancholia for the days when it was just the two of them. But jealousy? Possessiveness? Beautiful! It filled Edward’s heart with hope that soon his beloved Penguin would finally return his feelings, without fear, without self-repression, just allowing himself to love back. They could truly be happy then.

Ed propped his head on the windowsill, taking in the view and smiling at what he saw. Even Gotham’s usually dark sky seemed brighter today. As if Nature itself was happy with him, encouraging him and sharing his enthusiasm. The meadows around the estate looked greener, the trees more luscious than before. Magnificence all gathered in one perfect harmony just for Edward’s delight. He admired it for a long moment before suddenly a strange shadow caught his eye. It looked like someone was standing among the trees in the distance, looking back at Ed. It startled the young man because this land belonged to Oswald Cobblepot and who would be stupid enough to trespass on Penguin’s property?

Ed narrowed his eyes, leaning a little bit further to get a better look. The figure was still too far in the distance for him to make it out clearly but there was no doubt  _ someone  _ was there. The shadow moved slowly, approaching, as if it wanted to be seen. Edward frowned, heart hammering in his chest. Who was he expecting? James Gordon? Returning from the dead to take Oswald away from Ed again? It made no sense. Edward did not believe in ghosts. They weren’t real so who was this?

“Kristen…”  

The name escaped his lips in a quiet whisper. Kristen Kringle was walking towards him, out of the shadows, watching him. She was still too far for him to be sure but the resemblance was uncanny!

Edward swallowed and took off his glasses too rub at his eyes. He must’ve been imagining it. Kristen was dead. Whatever this was it had to be a figment of Ed’s troubled imagination. When he put his glasses back on and looked for the shadow again, it was gone without a sign of ever being there in the first place.

Ed pushed himself away from the window, still a bit shaken from what he thought he saw. It took him a few minutes to collect himself and normalize his breathing. Whatever that was, it was gone and Edward could not allow it to ruin his perfect day. This was about Oswald and how happy they’d be soon, not about the nonexistent ghost of Kristen Kringle. Ghosts weren’t real which could only mean one thing. Edward was having hallucinations.

It was a rather peculiar time to hallucinate. It had happened in the past but usually only when Edward was under a lot of pressure, stressed and disturbed. He was happy now. So why would his mind play such tricks on him? He couldn’t figure it out on his own but this time he had someone who could help. Of course, he couldn’t tell Lee  _ everything. _ One accidental patricide may be regarded as a misfortune; a second murder, however, looked like carelessness. Confessing about both would be a mistake. His father’s accident had made him more or less a victim in Lee’s eyes than anything else. But it was different with Miss Kringle. When Edward decided to tell Lee about the events of his father’s death, it was mostly to have something to discuss in therapy without talking too much about what was truly on his mind. But Lee was clever. It took skill to fool her. Ed still had to be careful to not overshare and give her reasons to doubt him. He never expected therapy to be helpful to him but for Oswald’s sake he agreed to it. Now, ironically, therapy was the thing that could actually be useful. He couldn’t mention Kristen, but he could still tell Lee he’d seen his father, and ask for her professional advice.

Pleased with his decision, Ed went to the bathroom to freshen up and then headed for Oswald’s bedroom. Now that their relationship was progressing so well Ed didn’t want to lose a moment. He craved to be near Oswald all the time and he was encouraged by the knowledge that Oswald more or less felt the same. He couldn’t rush into it though, he had to be very careful not to scare the other man like he did when he kissed him too soon. He had to be patient with Oswald, slowly ease him into allowing himself to get comfortable. It was only a matter of time for the older man to admit the true extent of his feelings.

Cheerful, Ed nearly skipped as he walked down the corridor to Oswald’s bedroom when the door opened before he could even reach for it and Victor Zsasz exited, buttoning his black shirt.

Edward paled. What was the meaning of this? Did Oswald--

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you. Penguin’s tired. He needs to get some sleep,” Zsasz winked and Ed wanted to throw up. “Don’t be so gloomy, kid,” the assassin added, tapping Edward’s shoulder as he walked away. “You’ll find someone to have fun with too.”

It was difficult to suppress the sudden urge to strangle Victor Zsasz. Ed felt his fingers twitched with it. But it wasn’t really Zsasz’ fault, was it? Oswald was the one who allowed this. What was he thinking? Edward thought things were good between them but it would appear they needed to have another talk. 


	17. Chapter 17

Oswald had hoped once he was done with this his body would calm down already and he’d stop obsessing over his 16-year old adoptive son. Yet there he was, lying in his rumpled bed, a sheet half-covering his naked body, hair tousled, eyes drowsy, smelling like sex, and  _ still  _ Edward was all he could think about. 

He was desperate. So desperate it hurt. It was very alarming that his feelings for Ed were so strong and all-consuming. He couldn’t quite understand how this happened, it caught him by surprise so quickly and unexpectedly. Something inside him just broke and things were no longer the same. Like he was caught in an avalanche and it was too late to save himself now. Looking back, he tried to pinpoint when exactly it all started. When was the first time those dangerous forbidden thoughts crossed his sick mind. He couldn’t figure it out. One moment things were fine, the next something snapped, or burst inside him and he couldn’t hug Edward without wondering what it would feel like to press tightly against him, to taste him and be close to him. He was  _ addicted _ . His body may have accepted Zsasz, but his mind made it glaringly obvious that he couldn’t be with anyone who wasn’t Edward. He couldn’t even cum without thinking of his teenage adoptive son. It was a sickness. A sickness that made him reject pleasure and intimacy from anyone but that one particular person he was not supposed to be with. It was a torment and Oswald wished he knew how to stop it, how to be strong and fight it. He was a mess. And he had no idea what to do to fix it.  

Victor Zsasz was a mistake. All the time while it was happening Oswald couldn’t stop thinking about Edward anyway. So hooking up with Zsasz was hardly helpful. If anything it had the opposite effect. Instead of forgetting Ed, now Oswald wanted him more than ever. Not that Victor wasn’t an amazing lover. Because he was. Definitely. He was passionate and quite enthusiastic, and at times oddly gentle. Physically it was exactly what Oswald needed. Not as good as it used to be with Jim, of course, but Oswald was in love with Jim. That changed things for him. Oswald needed the emotional connection. There was no love with Zsasz. Trust, curiosity, perhaps even admiration and a certain dose of attraction, but not love. Oswald felt comfortable enough with Zsasz to allow the physical intimacy between them but they both knew that was all there was to it. Nothing more than a physical act, a one-time thing to help clear their heads and blow off some steam. Zsasz had no expectations. He didn’t want it to be more than sex which made things so blissfully uncomplicated (unlike everything that had to do with Ed). When they were done, Zsasz kissed him on the forehead, thanked him, and talked about work while getting dressed. Then he asked if Oswald needed anything else, which Oswald didn’t. And that was that. They were still the Penguin and his top assassin once they got their clothes back on. It was clear Zsasz wouldn’t mind doing it again, no strings attached. The straightforward arrangement was supposed to give the feeling of freedom, but it wasn’t what Oswald needed. Oswald wasn’t just horny. He realized what he truly wanted from Ed was his heart and soul, his affections. Oswald wanted love, not just sex, and that sort of hunger was much more difficult to sate than the needs of the flesh. 

After Zsasz left, Oswald remained in bed, relaxing. His body was pleasantly exhausted and satiated, unlike his mind which was troubled and anxious, when he saw Edward burst through the door, nearly knocking it down from its hinges. He looked downright furious and for a moment Oswald laughed maniacally, thinking he was hallucinating the young man. It was the next logical step in his slide down the mental instability slope, so he wasn't surprised. But then the hallucination spoke and Oswald gradually came to realize that this was the  _ real  _ Edward in his bedroom.  

“What the hell, Oswald!” the young man gritted through his teeth, glaring at him. His long arms dangling near his lithe body. 

Finally registering that this was actually happening, Oswald tried to make himself at least somewhat more decent, covering as much of himself as possible with the thin sheet. “Edward, this isn’t the best time,” he warned. 

“Oh, I can see that,” Edward retorted, not bothering to hide his disdain, and definitely not looking away from Oswald’s undressed state. “Zsasz?” he exclaimed. “Really? What were you thinking!” 

“This is a private matter, Edward.” 

It would seem Ed had no understanding of ‘privacy’ between them. He insisted on knowing everything, and being part of everything. His gaze did not waver from Oswald, not even for a second. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to  _ us _ ?” he asked, and he sounded hurt. “I know you care about me, Oswald, so why are you so stubborn?” 

“Why are  _ you  _ so stubborn?” Oswald said in return. 

“I’m trying really hard to make things good for you but you keep hurting me over and over again!” 

“I just want to do the right thing. What you want us to be is--” 

“What?” Ed urged when Oswald trailed off. 

“...  _ sinful _ .” 

Edward snorted. “Sinful? You talk about sinful? Oswald, you’ve  _ murdered  _ people. You’re the Penguin. You’ve done so many horrible stuff and you dare say  _ love  _ of all things is sinful?” 

“When it’s not in the right place, yes.” 

“But it  _ is  _ in the right place!” Edward insisted. “We’re _ right _ for each other!” 

Oswald shifted in his bed in an attempt to pull another blanket over his body -- having Edward’s eyes on him was getting rather uncomfortable -- but instead he grimaced with a little jolt. 

“What’s the matter now?” Edward huffed annoyed. 

“My leg… It hurts,” Oswald said, rubbing at his knee in a futile effort to ease the pain in his injured limb. 

“What, you put too much pressure on it while fucking Zsasz!” Ed bit back pointedly. “You should know your limitations, Oswald.” 

Oswald sighed. “Alright. I deserve this.” 

“You do!” Ed nearly pouted. Then after a few moments of silence, he climbed on Oswald’s bed and knelt in front of him. “We belong together, Oswald,” he said, reaching for the older man and pressing their foreheads together. “When will you finally accept this? Stop fighting it. We are what we are. It can’t be changed.”  

Oswald breathed in and out deeply, eyes locked with Edward’s. He was suddenly very calm with Ed’s hands on the back of his neck. Like the touch had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders and he could finally be light and free again. “It can’t be changed,” he repeated, closing his eyes and nodding slowly. “Can’t be changed… can’t-- can’t be changed,” his lips found Edward’s, and he drunk from them, as if dying of thirst. 

“It can’t be changed,” Ed muttered against Oswald’s mouth as their kisses became gradually more heated. He wrapped his arms around Oswald, keeping him close, as if afraid the spell would be broken. “We’re meant to be,” he said. “We’re one. Together. Always.” 

“Always…” Oswald whispered as he melted into Edward’s embrace. 

~*~  

It was rather a downside that Oswald still smelled like Victor Zsasz when he finally accepted and admitted his feelings, but Edward tried to concentrate on the positives. At least now they were finally honest with each other about what they truly wanted. It was about time! Edward felt like he’d been waiting for  _ ages _ . But it would appear Oswald was his now. No obstacles, no one to stand between them. Just like Edward always wanted. 

After their passionate make out session, they eventually pulled away from one another. Oswald went to take a bath, relax his muscles a little in the pleasantly warm water and wash away the smell of sex from his body; while Edward popped down to the kitchen to make them something nice for breakfast. It was good. It was domestic. It was beautiful in its simplicity. 

After breakfast they spend their time together talking, joking, laughing, smiling at one another, and holding hands. It was almost innocent. They didn’t instantly jump in bed together as one would expect after all the pent up sexual tension between them. In reality, sex wasn’t even among the first things they discussed. Instead they enjoyed each other’s company in a much more harmless way. They were simply  _ together _ , sharing little intimacies that they both loved and felt comfortable with. 

When they did eventually return to Oswald’s bedroom, it was to snuggle, the feeling familiar, cozy, and so perfect! It was everything Ed hoped it would be. They kissed. Oswald no longer fearful or hesitant to touch Ed now that he had finally surrendered. It was a bliss! Edward loved how his darling Penguin would just smile at him and then press a gentle kiss to his cheek, or his lips, or on a few occasions even his neck, without holding back. It was just the two of them in the whole world, and being in Oswald’s arms, holding him close to his heart, was the safest and happiest Edward had ever felt in his entire life. It was like he had finally returned home after long years of exhausting wandering. 

“You know, I never thought I’d ever feel like this,” he confessed to Oswald, tracing the lines on Penguin’s palm. “So calm and relaxed. So…  _ happy _ .” 

Oswald hummed, a soft smile gracing his face. He was looking at their hands, fingers intertwined, making them one. His head rested on Edward’s shoulder, their legs tangled together. “I’m glad you’re happy, Ed,” he said. “I want you to be very happy. I never meant to hurt you. You understand that, don’t you?” He looked up and gazed into Edward’s eyes, searching for the answer.  

Edward smiled. “Yes. I know,” he reassured. “It wasn’t easy for you. And it wasn’t easy for me either. I never meant to put you through all this.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Oswald was quick to interject. 

Edward inhaled deeply. “It’s all in the past now. Our struggles made us stronger.” 

“Our struggles unite us and make us stronger.” 

“I promise I wouldn’t hurt you, Oswald,” Edward vowed. “I’d do  _ anything  _ for you.” Of course, Edward had stated that before. But it would seem it was only this time that Oswald truly understood the promise for what it truly was. A confession. A love vow. 

Oswald looked at him as if he couldn’t put his emotions into a sentence. When words failed him, he pulled Ed into his arms again and they remained embraced like that for what could’ve been minutes or hours. 

All in all, this was the best day in Edward’s life so far, and he never wanted it to end. 

~*~ 

Talking to Lee wasn’t helpful at all. If anything, it frustrated Ed more than it helped him. When he told her about his occasional hallucinations -- claiming he’d seen his biological father, not Kristen, of course, -- she replied that it was probably a manifestation of his suppressed guilt. When he asked what would she recommend he do to make those hallucinations stop, she suggested deep soul-searching and talking about his feelings to resolve his inner issues, perhaps even a bit of hypnosis, although she wasn’t a fan. Ed hated the advice. It made no sense and it darn right wasn’t going to solve his problem. Hypnosis was definitely out of the question. The mere idea of not being in full control of his own words and actions was terrifying enough. Ed valued his brain too much to allow such frivolity. As for talking about his feelings? That was useless. Besides, Lee’s entire standing point was false. She assumed he had regrets, when in reality he didn’t. He felt no guilt, suppressed or otherwise. Yes, of course at first when he realized he had killed Miss Kringle he was upset. But soon those feelings of fear and panic morphed into something that resembled confidence, courage, and even excitement. He was  _ glad  _ he got away with it. It was flattering and so very thrilling to know that he fooled everybody. Lee was wrong in her diagnosis and it was clear to him that her therapy wouldn’t be able to help. Which was bothersome but still didn’t answer his question. Why was he seeing Kristen? 

To clear his head, Ed decided to pay Oswald a visit in his study where the older man was working. The door was closed but Ed didn’t bother knocking anymore. He felt like he had the right to interrupt Oswald whenever he pleased now that they were practically one soul in two bodies. As he entered the study he overheard parts of Oswald’s conversation with none other than Victor Zsasz. 

“And your own investigation? Any leads?” Oswald asked. 

“Another dead end. But we did listen to the anonymous tip again, and--” 

Ed cleared his throat. “Oswald, can I take a minute of your time?” He was already halfway inside Oswald’s study. “There’s something important I need to discuss with you.” 

“Umm, yes, sure,” Oswald nodded. “Zsasz, leave us.” 

“I’ll tell you about the recording later then,” the assassin said and left, closing the door behind himself. 

As soon as they were alone, Ed was quick to straddle Oswald on his huge chair. “I always wanted to to this,” he said, placing his hands on each of Oswald’s shoulders. 

Oswald chuckled amused and wrapped his arms around Edward’s waist, smiling up at the younger man. “I take it  _ this  _ is the important matter you needed to discuss with me?” he smirked a little. 

“Don’t be smug. It’s very important,” Ed insisted. Then he frowned a little. “What did Zsasz want?”

“He was telling me what he discovered about Jim’s murder,” Oswald said, only slightly hesitant to mention his dead boyfriend. 

“Oh. And what did he discover?” 

“Absolutely nothing,” Oswald sighed. “Apparently whoever did it was really good at covering their tracks.” 

Ed couldn’t help but feel that familiar thrill run through his body.  _ He got away with murder. Again.  _ The mere thought of how clever he was to not get caught was making him horny. Without thinking, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Oswald’s, kissing him senseless. It seemed like a peculiar reaction to what Oswald had just said about the lack of news on the murder investigation, but luckily for Ed, Penguin didn’t find it weird. In fact, he thought Edward was merely trying to cheer him up after the mention of Jim’s death and found the gesture quite sweet. 

They kept kissing like that for a while, until Edward became gradually less enthusiastic. The change did not go unnoticed by Oswald and he quickly pulled away, concerned. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, instantly removing his hands from Edward so as not to touch him. 

Edward immediately regretted letting his mood slip into their kiss. He could tell Oswald was worried he’d done something to upset Ed and they couldn’t have that! He couldn’t allow Oswald to retreat into his doubts again, not after everything they’ve been through to get where they were now.  

“Nothing’s wrong,” he said quickly. “Just--” a sigh. “Oswald?” 

“Yes?” 

“Could you perhaps  _ not  _ keep Zsasz around all the time?” He bit his lower lip nervously. “I know it’s stupid but I just-- after what happened between the two of you…” 

“Oh! Of course,” Oswald reassured, his voice gentle. “Of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” 

“I know. And I didn’t think it would bother me but here we are.” 

Oswald’s eyes met his. The next words sounded like a promise. “Ed, I assure you what happened with Zsasz didn’t mean anything. Just a one-night stand. Now everything is back to the way it used to be with him and me.” 

Ed smiled and cupped Oswald’s cheek. “I know. And I trust you. Thank you.” 

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I understand. And I’ll keep my work meetings with him to a minimum from now on.” 

“You won’t fire or kill him?” Ed asked rather surprised. 

Oswald chuckled. “Well, no. I can’t do that.” 

Ed tilted his head. “Why not?” 

“Zsasz is really good at what he does,” Oswald explained and noticing the look on Edward’s face, quickly clarified, “ _ professionally _ . I meant professionally, not-- in bed.” 

“Right,” Ed said, voice even. 

“It’s good for me to have a man like that under my sway. He’s got a reputation too, keeps people afraid,” Penguin added. “But he won’t be in your face anymore, I’ll make sure of that. I’ll conduct my business with him from a distance.” 

Ed kissed Oswald’s cheek. “Thank you.” 

“It’s the least I could do.” 

“Oh, there’s _ far more _ you could do!” Ed smiled widely, his good mood returning.   

Oswald actually blushed at that. “Is there?” 

“Definitely!” Ed purred and leaned a little to press a kiss to Oswald’s neck. 

Ed loved a neck. Especially Oswald’s neck. There was no denying that. They were taking things painfully slow in the bedroom, but Ed still didn’t want to deprive himself of a good opportunity to get a taste of Oswald’s neck. He shifted a little in Penguin’s lap, wiggling around and trying to make himself more comfortable, when Oswald suddenly stiffened. They both did, even though for very different reasons. Oswald froze because he was mortified. Edward, on the other hand, was delighted. 

“Oh!” Ed grinned slyly. 

Oswald helplessly looked down at his lap with a guilty expression on his flustered face, and swallowed, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean for this t--” 

“No, no, no, I like it!” Edward was quick to say. “I  _ really  _ like it.” He wiggled his ass some more in Oswald’s lap, providing delicious friction for the other man. His grin grew wider as his eyes hungrily took in every look on Oswald’s face. “Do  _ you  _ like it too?” he inquired innocently, as if he were asking if Oswald enjoyed a meal Ed had prepared for dinner. 

Oswald swallowed again, even though his lips were visibly dry. “Yes,” he choked out. “Ed, I really do but we shouldn’t. Not like-- mmm, not like this.” 

Ed stopped to examine Oswald curiously. “Does this mean you’ve given some thought on what you want it to be like? Our first time?” 

_ The little minx! _ Oswald was completely under his spell. “A little bit…” he confessed. 

Ed wrapped his long arms around Oswald’s shoulders and neck. “I’m listening.” 

Oswald knew he’d regret this but he couldn’t be bothered to stop now. “Well, we’d be in a bed, for starters.” 

Edward actually giggled. “That can be arranged. What else? Tell me.” 

“No.” 

“Oh, come on, tell me,” he pleaded, beaming at his beloved. 

“I can’t really talk about that, Edward, it’s embarrassing,” Oswald complained and his cheeks became an even more delicious shade of crimson. 

Ed was ecstatic. “You’re adorable, Oswald!”  

Oswald never thought anyone would ever think him  _ adorable  _ but then again, he never expected any of the things that recently happened in his life. 

~*~  

It was awkward standing in Lee’s waiting room, pretending to be Edward’s father figure when clearly he was anything  _ but  _ that. It was at times like these that Oswald’s affection for Ed wavered with doubt. When it was just the two of them in the sanctuary of Oswald’s large mansion, things were easy. All guilt and fear were banned from their little kingdom. Nothing entered past those walls other than what Ed and Oswald allowed. But here, in Lee’s office, reality was fervently knocking on the door. In fact, it was  _ breaking  _ the door, threatening to crash Oswald and take control over his senses. At home they were just two lovers in love. Here it was Oswald, all alone against the world, after recently having his teenage adoptive son’s tongue down his throat. The thought had the effect of a cold shower. Oswald felt as if he were shot in the gut and pushed into the freezing waters of Gotham River. 

He quickly tried to calm his mind and ease his conscience as much as possible. It was no use making Lee suspicious.  

Perhaps it was unwise what he was here for but Edward had asked him to do this for him and Oswald didn’t want to disappoint. So there he was, about to end Edward’s therapy for good. At the young man’s request. 

“Oswald!” Lee’s surprised greeting pulled him out of his musing. “It’s good to see you again. Is everything alright?” 

Oswald had enough time to snap back to his usual demeanor and muster a polite smile for her. “Dr. Thompkins. I’m sorry I come unannounced. Everything is alright. This would only take a moment.” 

“Of course,” Lee gestured for him to follow her into her office and offered him a seat.

He shook his head. “I’d rather stand. Like I said, this won’t take long.” 

“Very well,” Lee remained standing too, waiting to hear what Oswald had to say. 

He hesitated. A part of him was unsure if it was the right decision. “Dr. Thompkins, I came to inform you that Edward and I decided to stop his therapy. For now.” 

The surprise on Lee’s face was visible. “Why?” she asked, puzzled. “I thought he was pleased with his progress.” 

Oswald bit his lower lip. 

_ But why do you want to stop it? I thought you liked therapy. I thought you liked Lee.” _

_ “I do. But I don’t feel like it’s helping me anymore,” Ed replied honestly. “Therapy gave me all it had to offer. The rest is just a waste of time.”  _

_ “I’m not sure. Lee said--”  _

_ “Lee means well. But I don’t need her.” A gentle touch of lips that took Oswald’s breath away. “I’ve got  _ **_all I need_ ** _ right here, in your arms.”  _

_ Oswald exhaled shakily. “I can’t really tell you what to do, can I?”  _

_ Ed grinned. “No, not really.”  _

“Oswald? Are you listening to me?” Lee seemed concerned now. 

“Right. Yes. I am,” he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry but Edward won’t be coming to therapy anymore. That’s his decision and I support it.” He felt he had to say more but all logical reasons he had prepared on his way here were in and out of his head just like that. “He’s swamped with school this semester. It’s hectic. You know teachers these days, they don’t give these kids a break!” Lee wasn’t buying it, Oswald could tell. He swallowed. “The point is, this is our decision and I wanted to let you know personally. Because I’m grateful for your help.” 

Lee nodded slowly, thoughtful. “I see,” she said. “Well, if that’s your decision, there’s nothing I can do about it.” Oswald swallowed again. He felt like a guilty student, silly as that was. Lee continued, “But, Oswald, as a friend who cares about you and Ed, I need to warn you that stopping therapy so abruptly is not advisable. There needs to be a transition. Your son is nowhere near fine. Recently he’s made some revelations that lead me to believe th--” 

“Ed says he’s alright,” Oswald interrupted quickly, not ready to hear what she had to say. “He claims he doesn't need therapy for now, when he has all those other responsibilities hanging over his head, and I trust his judgement. He knows what he wants.” His voice wavered a little. “Of course, if need be, you’ll be the first person we call.” 

“I wouldn’t turn down someone in need of help,” Lee said firmly and wasn’t that just typical for her? It reminded Oswald of Jim and that made his stomach turn a little. Ever since falling in Edward’s arms, deep down Oswald felt unworthy of Jim anymore. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you--” Lee pulled him out of his dark thoughts. 

“Nothing happened…” 

“-- but I strongly recommend Ed continues his therapy. He’s not ready to stop yet. Only a session ago he mentioned hallucinations.” 

Oswald made a note to himself to ask Edward about those. Was this just another story he made up for therapy? Or was it true? 

“There are deep wounds in Edward’s mind,” Lee warned. “If left untreated they might resurface.” 

Oswald’s mouth went dry. What if Lee had a point? What if Edward really was unwell? He looked  _ fine  _ to Oswald. He was happy.  _ They  _ were happy. Each other was all they needed. They were what they were. It couldn’t be changed. He promised Edward, he had to keep his promise. “Thank you for your help, Dr. Thompkins,” he managed to say. “I’ll make sure to call if he gets worse.” 

That said, Oswald bid Lee goodbye and headed for the door, hoping she won’t persist further. 

“Be there for him, Oswald,” Lee said just before he walked out. “Ed needs affection. He needs to feel accepted. It’s good to show him he’s not alone anymore. But be careful. He doesn’t see the world like other people. He has his own reality.” 

Oswald looked at her and smiled softly. “That’s what I like about him.” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! 
> 
> This chapter is slightly longer than usual but I preferred that to cutting the scene and keeping you waiting, so here you are. I hope you enjoy it :) 
> 
> As always, your comments inspire me so thank you so much for them!

They were sleeping in the same bed. That was just a thing they did now, apparently. It wasn’t a conscious decision, they didn’t really discuss it or anything. It just happened a few nights in a row and after that Edward sort of permanently moved in Oswald’s bedroom. Snuggled close, it was very difficult to send him away. Oswald didn’t really want to ask him to leave. As guilty as he felt, the pleasant feeling of having Edward’s warm body sleeping next to him at night prevailed. Oswald was weak, when it came to love. He craved it too badly to listen to his head instead of his heart. It was in his nature to give fully and love unconditionally. 

Edward was taller than him, blessed with incredibly long legs, but he insisted on being the little spoon, which made it slightly awkward at first but still very nice. Oswald did his best to hold Ed close and tight, like the younger man wanted. As if Ed were a touch-starved little bird, craving warmth and affection. Perhaps it was an accurate description of him. Having never experienced familial love before, Ed was most likely in desperate need of it, without even realizing. From what Oswald heard about Edward’s father, the man was a brute, abusive and hurtful towards his son, never showing care or affection. That topped with Ed’s mother being practically absent with her inability to be there emotionally for her son left poor little Nygma all alone in the world. He had no family to depend on, no friends to count on, he had no one. Oswald was well aware of how desperately children needed love and affection. They needed an emotional attachment and someone they could trust. He himself got that from his mother, God bless her soul. But Ed? Ed had nothing but his riddles and puzzles while growing up. That begged the question whether Edward’s love for Oswald wasn’t simply a twisted craving for paternal affection by a boy who never had a real family before. Were Ed’s feelings for Oswald nothing more than some misguided familial love? Was Oswald benefitting from Ed’s daddy issues?  

With thoughts like these in his head, it was no wonder Oswald couldn’t sleep. He watched Edward for a moment. The younger man seemed so peaceful, his chest rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. Oswald couldn’t find such peace in his own heart. He blamed Lee for it. Things were fine before their conversation reminded him of why this was wrong. Spending a few hours away from Ed and talking to Lee was like a reality check. Now he couldn’t quite go back to enjoying Edward’s affection without feeling bad about it. 

He was afraid to touch him. But he  _ wanted  _ to. Was it okay that he managed to keep things between them mostly platonic if in his head he craved more? Was it okay to keep asking Ed to wait before they plunge into a more physical form of intimacy, when secretly he’d been wanking on thoughts of them together? He felt like a hypocrite. He was leading Edward on and that was not okay. None of this was okay, really. Deep down Oswald knew that. He was a sinner in his mind, his own soul already damned, but this wasn’t about him, this was about what was best for Edward. And the best for Edward was to find someone his own age, and have this experience with someone who was his equal. In a weird way, however, Oswald did feel like Ed’s equal. Strange as that sounded given the age gap, they were still kindred spirits, despite the situation they were in. Oswald did not feel like he had the upper hand over Edward. It was like the age gap didn’t even exist when they were together. Oswald’s attraction had nothing to do with Edward’s age; Oswald had never looked at other teenagers in that way. It was something else that appealed to him so strongly. Something that was particularly  _ Ed _ . He was different than anyone Oswald ever knew. If only that were enough to make things right. Perhaps it was. Perhaps if they just waited till Edward was older, things would be better and they could be together without Oswald feeling like a cradle robber. True, their age difference was rather big, but it didn’t matter with two consenting adults. All they had to do was wait for a few years and then everything would be…  

A strange thought entered Oswald’s mind. He imagined introducing Edward to his mother. What would Gertrud Kapelput say if she knew what her son was up to? There were many things Oswald never told his mother. For example, he insisted he was a respectable club owner, while ardently keeping his criminal activities a secret. She never knew he’d killed people. Even if she suspected at times that something wasn’t quite right, he always denied everything. There were certain things about him he could never tell his mother. Not because he didn’t trust her but because he didn’t want to hurt and disappoint her. He wanted to make her proud. He wanted to make his father proud, too. That was a great part of why he needed to be a good mayor to this city. But how could his parents be proud of him if he was in bed with a teenager? Oswald never expected he’d find someone to share his life with, someone special who’d love him back. Yet, he’d always assumed if he ever met that person, provided they even existed, he’d want them to meet his parents. Especially his mother. When he was secretly dating Jim he was never once ashamed of it. If anything, he was proud of Jim. Oswald was certain he did not deserve a man that wonderful, but he wished his mother had the chance to meet him. He was sure she’d love the handsome detective if only she were alive to talk to him. But with Edward… for the first time in his life Oswald was  _ glad  _ his mother wasn’t around to see this. 

Was he ashamed of Edward? No. Definitely not. Edward was amazing. Yes, he was a little troubled, but all the best people were. It was weird and suspicious to be perfectly sound mentally. But Ed was clever, crazy intelligent, funny, thoughtful, kind, sweet, good-looking. Oswald was not ashamed of Edward. Oswald was ashamed of himself. He was ashamed of allowing their relationship to go in this twisted direction. Sometimes he wondered if this whole thing would’ve been avoided if only Jim were still alive. Perhaps Oswald’s confusion about love and sex came as a reaction to Jim’s death. It had left Oswald completely shattered. Perhaps he needed someone to put the pieces back together and Edward being the only other person Oswald unconditionally trusted became the object of that new need for affection. Yet even if that were true, it was no excuse. Oswald had allowed this to get out of hand. He felt Edward’s warm arms embracing him and he pressed closer instead of pulling away. He felt Edward’s soft lips on his and he kissed back with hunger he hadn’t known even in the early days of his intimate relationship with Jim. He wasn’t thinking, but how could he when all he wanted was to sink deeper in that amazing connection he had with Ed? He was to blame for things getting out of hand. Maybe he didn’t start or encourage this but he sure as hell didn’t stop it. 

Edward shifted in bed next to him, wrapping his arm around Oswald’s waist and pulling him closer. “What’s wrong?” he muttered sleepily. 

“Nothing,” Oswald lied. He wasn’t ready to have a conversation about what was troubling him. “I just can’t sleep, that’s all.” 

Ed’s lips quirked up into a smile, eyes still closed. “Can I help with that?” he nuzzled Oswald’s neck. 

Oswald felt even more sick with himself. He was determined to keep things platonic for now, for his own peace of mind, as well as for Edward’s sake, but it wasn’t easy. Not only because of his own desires but also because Edward was a teenager, curious and very much enamored with Oswald. It was hard to keep things PG with such an eager and affectionate young man. 

“No. Go to sleep, Ed.” He reached out to stroke Edward’s hair. It was soft and pleasant to touch, and Oswald wished he didn’t enjoy it as much as he did. “I promise I’ll wake you up if I need you.” 

Seemingly reassured by the words, Edward relaxed and once again fell asleep. Oswald continued to stroke his head, hoping it would have a calming effect, then he pulled away, eyebrows knitted together. It was too late to stop this now. He had already confessed his feelings to Ed, admitting that he wanted this. Taking it back now or putting distance between them would only hurt Ed. It would be too much like abandoning him and betraying his trust. Edward trusted Oswald with his heart and Oswald had to treat it with care as the precious gift it was. He didn’t want to be like everyone else in Edward’s life who abandoned and disrespected him and his feelings. No, Oswald couldn’t stop what they were doing, even if it were dubious at best, but he could slow it down, keep it in check and under control. This wasn’t just about sex. Surely they could be celibate for now and still enjoy their love for one another. 

~*~ 

“You’ve been so weird these days,” Selina observed. They were hanging out together in her dorm room, doing homework. She didn’t seem too interested in the homework, though. “Spill the tea.” 

“There’s nothing to spill, really,” Ed tried to avoid the questions but he knew better than to expect it to actually work. Selina gave him a look and he sighed. “What do you want to know?” 

“I want to know about your favorite riddle,” she grinned. 

“Since when do you care about riddles?” Ed teased. 

“You know what I mean. I want to hear all about that bird that caught your attention.” 

Ed tried not to laugh at her choice of words. He knew Oswald’s nickname in the underworld was The Penguin, which made Selina’s statement all the more amusing. “I told you that in confidence, Selina,” Ed reminded. 

“And it’s just the two of us here anyway,” Selina shrugged. “I haven’t told anyone, so don’t worry. You can talk to me. I mean, if you need advice, I’m really good with matters of the heart and romance.” 

Ed snorted. “You? Have you seen the way you act with Bruce?” 

“Well, I must be doing it right, if he keeps coming back!” she exclaimed.  

That was a good point. Ed chuckled. “It’s really personal, so I can’t share the details, but what I can tell you is that I think I’m in love,” he grinned like a fool. He knew he was grinning like a fool but it didn’t bother him.  _ That  _ was how much in love he was. 

“Wow! I never thought you of all people would lose your head!” Selina said in awe. “Love seems to be having a good effect on you. You’re glowing.” 

Ed blushed a little. “Am I?” 

“It’s sweet,” she announced, propping her head on her hand. “So do I know the lucky person?” 

Ed bit back his grin. 

“I know them, don’t I!” She gasped. 

“Perhaps. A little.” 

“Oh, my God, Ed!” she punched his arm playfully. It still hurt but he tried not to show it. “Now I’m so curious who they are!” 

“Curiosity killed the cat,” Ed observed. 

“Are you saying you’re gonna kill me if you tell me, Mr. Bond?” she teased.  

Ed rolled his eyes. He was never much of a James Bond fan, so the comparison felt wrong to him. 

“At least tell me if it’s Lucius,” Selina said, sitting more comfortably on her bed, her notebook tossed aside, completely forgotten. 

Ed frowned. “Why do you ask that?” 

“Come on, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The guy’s so smitten, it’s sad.” 

“Oh…” Was Edward the only person who never noticed Foxy had feelings for him? “Well, no, it’s not Lucius,” he said, rather awkwardly. 

“Ah,” Selina deflated. “Well, I’m sure you two can still be friends.” 

“Yeah. Well, he needs time away from me but we’re still friends,” Ed said, tightly. The topic made him uncomfortable so he quickly changed it, “You’re right about it being a  _ him _ , though.”  

Selina’s face cleared up quickly. “Oh! Good! A lead!” 

“You’re quite the detective now, are you?” 

“I’m spending too much time with Bruce,” she rolled her eyes. “He’s, like, obsessed with detective novels and mysteries.” 

Ed smirked. “Oh, I don’t know. You seem to be  _ glowing  _ too,” he said, throwing her own words back at her. 

She smiled. “Alright, you got me. I really like Bruce. He’s a nice guy, not like the rest. Even if he is an idiot sometimes. But we’re not talking about Bruce and me now, we’re talking about you and your mystery man!” 

Ed grinned. “I like it when you call him my mystery man,” he confessed. 

“When did all this start?” she asked curiously. 

“Well, I’ve been crushing on him for some time now but he finally confessed to having feelings the day I texted you.” 

Selina nodded approvingly. “When you cracked the riddle,” she supplied. 

“Yes,” Ed returned the smile but then it sort of faded. 

“What’s wrong?” Selina frowned. “Things are still good between you two, right?” 

“Oh, yes,” Ed was quick to assure. “It’s all good but… Well, there’s this one thing that’s bothering me and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about it.” 

“Best friend, here to listen!” 

Ed sighed. “Well, he’s lovely, and  _ so  _ amazing, and I love him. But he won’t take things to the next level…” 

“Oh. And you want that? To take things to the next level?” 

“Well,” Ed blushed a little. “Yeah… But whenever we get close to--  _ something _ , he always finds some excuse to stop.” 

Selina bit back her grin. “Look at you. Still waters really do run deep, don’t they?” 

“Stop teasing me, Selina, please,” Ed sighed. “This is important to me.” 

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” she furrowed her brows. “Okay, so you want to get physical but he doesn’t?” Edward nodded. “Perhaps he’s just not ready yet. Maybe he wants to take things slow.” 

“It’s not like he’s a virgin. I know for a fact that he’d had other lovers,” Ed said bitterly. 

Selina huffed. “You men!” she groaned. “Being a virgin is not _ the only _ reason for a person to want to take things slow. He could not be ready for it emotionally. It doesn’t have anything to do with if he’s had sex before or not.” 

“Yeah, but he trusts me,” Ed insisted, “he confessed he loves me, he definitely wants it. I mean, I’ve  _ felt _ how much he wants it, if you know what I mean. And I’m fairly certain he touches himself with my name on his lips, even if he’d never admit it.” 

“It’s one thing to want it or fantasize about it, and quite a different thing to actually do it,” Selina said. “It seems he loves you and wants you but he’s not ready to actually do it yet, Ed. You need to respect that.” 

“I  _ am  _ respecting it!” 

“You sound quite impatient though.” 

Ed couldn’t deny that. He  _ was  _ impatient. He wanted to have Oswald in every way possible. Make him his. 

“Perhaps you two should talk about this,” Selina suggested. “Discuss what you both want from your relationship. Talk about sex.” 

“You want me to talk about it?” Ed asked confused. 

“Yeah. Why not?” 

“It’s a rather… awkward thing to talk about, isn’t it? Shouldn’t love be made not discussed? Actions speak louder than words, and all that…” 

“You need to have the sex talk before actually having sex,” Selina said. “It makes things easier and avoids a lot of confusion and awkwardness later on.” 

“How do you know all that?” Ed asked astounded. He couldn’t help but feel too inexperienced about relationships. Jim Gordon definitely knew what topics to discuss with Oswald first. Compared to him Edward must seem so silly to Oswald! So childish! What if  _ that  _ was the reason why Oswald wasn’t allowing things to go further between them physically! Edward wasn’t following the proper relationship rules and Oswald thought Edward wasn’t ready! 

Selina chuckled. “You’ll learn, Ed. Don’t worry. No one’s an expert.” 

“Yeah but I seem to just lack so much in that department,” he sighed. 

Selina put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s rather endearing. And if that guy doesn't show understanding for your lack of experience, then he doesn’t deserve your love.” 

Ed smiled. “Thank you, Selina.”

“What are best friends for?” 

~*~ 

Talking things out with Selina was more helpful to Ed that any of his therapy sessions with Lee. He decided to follow his friend’s advice and discuss things with Oswald. And what a better way to start a conversation about sex than over a nice candlelit dinner? 

Oswald had to spend the afternoon at the Iceberg Lounge to take care of some new deals he needed to oversee, and that gave Ed plenty of time to get ready for tonight. He had big plans so he dismissed Olga for the evening, giving her a night off, and prepared everything by himself. For obvious reasons, he couldn’t take Oswald to a nice restaurant, like couples usually did, but if he had to be honest, he preferred it this way. The intimacy of a homemade meal was much cozier than any restaurant food. Besides, Edward was quite confident in his culinary skills. He knew Oswald loved his cooking! Having all that in mind, what could possibly be better than staying home?

When everything was done, he put on one of the dark green suits Oswald had specially made for him, combed his hair and styled it back to try something new with his look, and checked himself in the mirror. He had to admit he was quite impressed with himself. He felt more mature somehow, more confident too. Like a new part of him was unlocked and ready to come out. For the first time he smiled at his reflection instead of feeling fearful or awkward about it. 

The sound of the front door getting unlocked, opened, shut and locked again, made Ed spring up to his feet to greet his man. “Oswald! You’re home!” he beamed. Oswald looked tired but his face cleared up when he saw Edward. 

“Ed,” his lips parted in awe as his wide eyes took in the view, “you look amazing!” 

Ed beamed even more. “Thank you, Oswald. You’re too kind.” 

Oswald seemed dumbstruck, standing awkwardly by the front door, coat in hand, unable to tear his gaze away from Edward. It was very flattering and Ed couldn’t help but feel proud for having such an effect on the older man. 

“I’ve prepared a dinner for us,” he said, taking Oswald’s coat from him and hanging it. “Come with me.” He took Oswald by the hand and led him to the dining room. 

Oswald’s eyes fell to the table. “Aww, Ed. It’s wonderful. You shouldn’t have…” 

“I wanted to. You deserve to have a lovely dinner.” 

Oswald frowned a little. 

“What’s wrong?” Edward asked alarmed. He wondered if he’d done something wrong. He so desperately wanted to get it all right! 

“How did you know?” Oswald asked quietly, almost embarrassed.  

“How did I know what?” Ed was confused. 

“How did you know it’s my birthday?” 

Ed nearly gaped, his face showing his surprise. “It’s your birthday?” he gasped. 

Oswald swallowed. “Yes… I thought you knew and that was why you prepared the dinner…” 

“No,” Ed shook his head. “Oswald, I had no idea! Had I known, I would’ve made this a hundred times better!” 

“You don’t have to, Ed. Just forget I mentioned it,” Oswald muttered.

“But this is important! Why didn’t you tell me your birthday was today?” 

“I don’t really celebrate it…” Oswald confessed rather sheepishly.  

“But I would’ve given you a gift and made it special for you,” Ed insisted. 

“It’s just me getting a year older,” Oswald shrugged. “I hardly want to make  _ that  _ special. Besides. I used to celebrate my birthday with my mother. Now that she’s gone, I just don’t see the point anymore.”   

Edward wrapped his arms around Oswald. “I will make you see the point again,” he whispered. When he pulled away his eyebrows were knitted together. “I’m sorry I didn’t prepare a cake.” 

“Ed, that’s hardly necessary--” 

“But we can still have an amazing evening!” Ed promised. “I cooked your favorite meals. And after that, who knows? Maybe I’ll have a special gift for you after all,” he added rather breathlessly. 

Oswald visibly tensed. “What do you mean?” 

“Well…” Ed tried to not to grin ear to ear. He didn’t want to seem childish about this. “I think this could be a good night for the two of us to be intimate for the first time.” 

Oswald’s lips parted a little and he paled. “There’s no need for such gifts,” he said, putting more distance between them. 

Edward frowned. “Why? Don’t you want to be with me?” 

“Oh, I do,” Oswald’s breath hitched. He cleared his throat. “I do. But there’s no rush.” 

_ Yes, there is!, _ Edward wanted to scream but he controlled himself. “Of course, we have plenty of time,” he said out loud, smiling. “I just thought this would be a nice time for it.” 

Oswald bit his lower lip. “I’m rather tired tonight. So perhaps not the best time. I want this to be good for us,” he said and took his usual seat at the head of the table. 

“Okay. I want the same,” Edward said, following Oswald’s lead and sitting at his left. 

While setting the table Ed had decided against putting his plate opposite Oswald’s as one would expect for romantic dinners. That setting, although conventional, would’ve left too much distance between the two and Edward wanted them to be close to one another. So he prepared everything in the same way they had their breakfast -- with Oswald at the head of the table and Edward at his left. 

“So,” Ed took a bite from his salad, “I didn’t think you’d refuse me tonight. But I’m glad you did.” 

Oswald was a little surprised to hear that. “You are?” 

“Oh, yes,” he said softly, calmly. “It gives us a chance to have a conversation about it first. I thought we ought to before we actually get to it.” 

The astonishment on Oswald’s face was even more evident and Edward couldn’t help but feel rather thrilled on the inside. He had to thank Selina for her advice. Oswald was definitely impressed with Edward’s boyfriend skills now.  

“You want us to talk about…?” 

“Sex. Yes,” Ed nodded casually. 

Oswald swallowed. “Okay. Umm. What is it that you want to know?” 

Edward chuckled. “I know what sex is, Oswald. Just because you’ll be my first doesn’t mean I’ve no idea what’s what.” 

“Of course…” Oswald’s throat seemed rather tight. There were droplets of sweat on his forehead. It struck Edward as odd that during this important conversation Oswald was the one acting more like the nervous youngster than Edward. “What-- what do you want to ask me then?” 

Ed wasn’t sure. Truth be told, he was hoping that once he started the conversation Oswald would know how to finish it. After all he probably had similar conversations before. 

Ed cleared his throat. “Just the usual, really.” 

Oswald swallowed nervously. “I-- I don’t know what the usual is, Ed,” he finally said. 

That was a surprise. “Um. What?” 

“I’m not sure how this conversation is supposed to go. I’ve only had it once in my life and it was after the actual event, so…” 

Edward frowned. He quickly put two and two together but he was still too surprised by the result to be delicate about it. “Oswald… Was Jim Gordon your first?” 

After a very small and rather nervous pause Oswald nodded. “Yes,” he confessed quietly. “I've never as much as kissed anyone before Jim.”  

Ed had to admit he was taken aback. Oswald was in his late 20’s. Closer to 30 than 20 after today. Edward had presumptuously assumed that Penguin had other men in his bed before his blooming relationship with Detective Gordon. Apparently not. 

“That’s rather sweet,” Edward murmured, propping his head on his hand. The food was left to get cold, forgotten. “Tell me more about it. What happened? How old were you then?” 

"Quite old... " Oswald replied, looking down at his plate. 

Was this bothering Oswald? True, most people had their first sexual experiences in their late teens, but it wasn’t  _ that  _ uncommon for people to lose their virginity later in their lives. It wasn’t that big a deal, Edward thought. But to Oswald it seemed to be just another thing that made him different from the norm, different from everyone else. Another thing that made him a freak in the eyes of society. Edward really hated how stupid society was most of the time.  

“That’s okay, Oswald,” he said softly, reassuring. His hand reached for Oswald’s. “You can tell me.” 

Oswald hesitated. His breathing was rather uneven. He was clearly very affected by their conversation. “It wasn’t planned,” he finally said. “I never dated anyone before. I wasn’t interested, and no one was interested in me anyway, so it was the logical outcome.” He swallowed. “Deep down I knew I was gay. But I also wasn’t thinking much about sex. I didn’t want to be with anyone. It didn’t matter to me. There was no one I wanted. Until Jim.” 

_ Homoromantic demisexual _ , Edward decided in his head. Oswald preferred men but he needed an emotional connection in order to experience physical attraction. Knowing Oswald this made so much sense, Edward couldn’t believe he had missed it before. 

“I met Jim in a rather funny way,” Oswald chuckled, a soft smile gracing his face as he remembered the story. “I was working for Fish Mooney at the time. Jim and I saw each other briefly at her club but he didn’t really pay much attention to me until he was ordered to kill me.” 

Ed’s eyes went wide. 

“Harvey Bullock drove us to the pier -- me in the truck of the police car, Jim in the car, completely oblivious as to what was about to happen. Bullock pulled me out and told Jim the rules. Jim was still new, you see. He had to show he was with the program, as they called it. He had to put a bullet in my head to become the same as the rest of the corrupt cops at the GCPD.” 

“But he didn’t kill you.” 

“No. I knew he wouldn’t. I could tell he wasn’t the type.” 

“Too stubborn to follow orders,” Ed muttered under his breath. 

“He was a good man. I didn’t deserve him.” Oswald’s eyes were a little glassy and for a moment Edward regretted he brought up James Gordon. It would appear, Oswald wasn’t entirely over him. “Anyway, he warned me to never come back to Gotham and pushed me in the water while firing the gun into the river. He saved my life.” 

“How romantic,” Ed tried not to sound bitter. 

Oswald chuckled. “Hardly! It was insane. But we live in a crazy city.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

“Of course, I returned to Gotham,” Oswald continued, “I couldn’t stay away. Since then Jim and I had to work together on many occasions. I was helpful to him, giving him information whenever he needed it.” 

“He used you?” 

“It wasn’t-- I owed him my life.” 

“Still. He used you.” 

Oswald shook his head. “Perhaps it started out that way but then it changed. We became friends. Jim was always there for me when I needed him most. We even killed my mother’s murderer together. At some point we-- well, we fell in love.”  

Edward tried to remain calm. He wanted Oswald to talk about these things with him, he didn’t want to scare him off. James Gordon was dead. He was no longer a threat. Ed had no reason to be jealous. “Go on?” he encouraged.  

"My first time was quite spontaneous and unexpected, really. I was shot in the shoulder and I had to flee. Jim thought I was dead. But when he found out the truth he was so happy! He pulled me into his arms and held me tight, saying he never wanted to lose me again. And then we were kissing, clinging to one another desperately. He ran his fingers down my spine… kissed my neck… He whispered he loved me and… Before I knew it I was coming with a cry.” 

Edward’s eyes went wide. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to this. 

“It was embarrassingly fast…” Oswald went on. “I-- I was so mortified but Jim only chuckled fondly and reassured me that it was all good.” 

Silence fell as Edward watched Oswald quietly. 

Seemingly only now realizing what he had said, Oswald cleared his throat. “Anyway, that was my first time. Since you were asking about it.” 

Edward nodded slowly. Yes, he did ask. He didn’t expect such details but he was glad he knew them. It threw new light on Oswald’s relationship with Gordon. So many things suddenly made sense. Now Ed understood better why Oswald was so hung up on the detective. Jim Gordon was Oswald’s first love. For a brief moment Ed felt bad for taking this from him. But then he saw things clearly again. Gordon may have been Oswald’s first love, but Edward was going to be his last. And that was infinitely more important. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The introspection on Oswald's confusion of love and sex, as well as the mention of Oswald's inclination to throw away everything for love, were inspired by [LemonKith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonKith/pseuds/LemonKith)'s lovely comments! Thank you for that :) 


	19. Chapter 19

Oswald winced at his own words.  _ Before I knew it I was coming with a cry? _ Did he actually say that to Edward? Why did he do that? It was such an intimate information, why did he go into so many details? It was enough to just say his first time doing anything sexual was with Jim. He didn’t need to describe it! 

He glanced nervously at Edward. The teenage boy seemed rather uncomfortable, which was not a surprise. Clearly confused about how to respond, Ed ate in silence, eyes cast down at his own plate. Oswald bit his lower lip, hard. He screwed up. Badly. It was  _ so  _ embarrassing! He shouldn’t have said anything! This was just another proof that Edward was too young for him. The reminder was hurtful. 

The atmosphere in the room felt stiff and awkward, and Oswald hated it. They hadn’t had awkward silences in ages. If they weren’t talking, they enjoyed a companionable silence that felt comfortable and cozy. This, however, was a whole different thing altogether. 

“The food is really good,” Oswald muttered, taking another bite of the steak Ed had prepared. His voice sounded too tense at the feeble attempt to fix things. He wished he could make Ed forget, start this conversation from the top again, but what was once spoken could not be taken back. Yet Oswald was nothing if not stubborn. “You’re an amazing chef, Edward.” 

Ed smiled sheepishly and finally looked up. “Thank you,” he replied. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” 

Oswald allowed himself to return the smile, “I’m enjoying it very much.” 

“I wanted us to have a lovely romantic dinner together. It’s a lucky coincidence that it also turned out to be your birthday.” 

“Like I said, I don’t really celebrate it,” Oswald suppressed a sigh. “When I was a kid, I had no one to invite. My mother was the only person who truly cared about my birthday. She would,” a warm smile spread across his face as he got lost in the memories, “she would prepare the cake herself. And all my favorite meals, much like you have done tonight.” 

Ed chuckled, visibly happy to hear that he’d done something the way Oswald’s mother used to. 

“It was all so delicious,” Oswald continued. “Then she would put on her best dress and make her hair look pretty. She always found a nice gift for me, even when we had no money to spare. They weren’t expensive gifts, but they were very thoughtful, and I could tell how much love and effort she had put into them.” A warm tear slid down his cheek. Memories of his mother always affected him greatly, even after all those years. “She made me feel special. She would say: _ ‘Oswald, don’t listen to the other children. You’re handsome and clever. And some day, you will be a great man.’ _ She said that every time…” A nervous little laugh escaped his lips and he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, wiping his eyes and cheeks with it. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to start crying.” 

“That’s alright. You miss her. It’s a good thing.” 

Edward’s voice sounded soft and caring, but his words puzzled Oswald a little. He looked up at the younger man, eyes wide. “Is it? A good thing?” 

“Of course,” Edward smiled warmly. “Oswald, you have a pure and beautiful memory of your mother. No one can take that away from you.” 

“Yes. But those memories are like daggers in my heart now that she’s gone.” 

Edward furrowed his brows. “I understand that it’s painful,” he said. “But the pain that we feel when we lose someone shows how important that person was to us. How loved. And isn’t it good that you’ve experienced that kind of love? Wasn’t it worth it? The pain reminds you of what had been in your life, and what still lives on in your heart. It’s a small price to pay for such affection.” 

Oswald swallowed, trying not to sniffle. Edward had a point. He was surprisingly wise for his age. Oswald nodded. 

“She’d be  _ so  _ proud of you, Oswald,” the young man continued. 

The words washed pleasantly over Oswald’s body, making him close his eyes for a moment and smile through his tears. “Thank you, Edward,” he said out loud, but then he remembered his recent thoughts about his parents and a shadow passed over his face. “But I’m not so sure about that…” His mother would definitely not be proud of him for falling in love with a teenage boy. 

“I think you’re wrong,” Edward said confidently. “You’re being too harsh on yourself. You’re a great man, Oswald. Just like your mother knew you’d be. You’ve always been a great man, it’s just now everyone else can see it too. And she would be very proud of you. I know _ I _ am.” 

Edward reached for his hand and held it, making Oswald’s breath hitch. How did he do that? With one gentle gesture he could take Oswald apart and rebuild him again. It was like magic. 

They were silent for a few beats, but it was no longer the tense awkward silence from a few moments ago. Oswald relaxed, his tears subsiding, as the sadness was replaced by a feeling of tranquility. 

“What else did your mother do for your birthday?” Edward asked softly. 

“Oh,” Oswald chuckled breathlessly, “she would sing, usually. Sing and hold me.”  

Edward’s eyes were suddenly filled with such warmth and affection that it nearly made Oswald cry again. Those beautiful brown orbs held so much love for him, it was spilling out and finding its way to Oswald’s heart, taking permanent roots there. It was in that very moment that Oswald knew he was utterly doomed. He could never let Ed go. He could never reject him, or give that feeling up. He would cling to this with the desperation of a drowning man, hold it close to his heart and warm his freezing soul with the fire of Edward’s love. He needed Edward like he needed air. And no amount of guilt could change that. 

“Come with me,” Edward whispered gently. He pushed his chair back as he stood up, one hand holding Oswald like he wanted to guide him. Mesmerized, Oswald allowed it, following Edward as if in a trans. He had no idea where the younger man was taking them, -- he couldn’t even muster the attention to notice their surroundings, -- but he knew he’d follow Edward to the end of the world if he had to. 

Only when they stopped walking did Oswald realize that they were in the parlor, standing by the piano. It was not what he had expected but a part of him was relieved that Edward hadn’t taken them to his bedroom. It would have been really difficult for Oswald to be smart when Edward got him feeling so warm and tingly on the inside. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to say  _ no  _ to Edward if he asked for physical intimacy at this moment. 

“I love music,” Edward said. He sat down at the piano and opened the lid, running his long elegant fingers over the keyboard and trying out the instrument. “I haven’t played in a long time but…” 

Beautiful sounds escaped from underneath his hands and Oswald watched in awe as the young man started playing an old tune. He hummed along as he played, eyes closed, head tilted slightly and revealing his exquisite neck. He was gorgeous! He was out of this world! 

For a moment Oswald forgot how to breathe, transfixed by the music and the performer. He was transported to a world far away from their reality. A world where Edward was everything and Oswald could just drown in him. A world where anything was possible and sorrow did not exist.  

He was outright gaping at Edward when the younger man suddenly opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on Oswald, expectantly, like he wanted the older man to join the song. Oswald swallowed. He was too dumbfounded to speak, let alone sing. He remained frozen in his place, standing fridgedly by the piano. 

“Sing with me, Oswald,” Ed finally voiced his request. “Unless, you don’t want to…” 

A sudden dread filled Oswald’s chest, vibrating in his stomach. He didn’t want Ed to stop. Soundlessly, he took the seat next to the other man, cheeks burning hot from all the emotions that had flooded his being in such a short time. He probably looked ridiculously flushed but Edward didn’t seem to mind. He only beamed at Oswald and continued to play. His eyes were sparkling and he seemed so happy, Oswald couldn’t help but feel happy as well. This was by far the best birthday Oswald had in years. 

~*~ 

Edward’s heart was beating wildly in his chest. Oswald was close to his side, their legs touching as Oswald propped his head on Edward’s shoulder to listen to the music while singing along. It was slightly surprising that he knew nearly all the words and melodies of the old tunes Ed was playing on the piano. Perhaps his mother used to sing them to him when he was a child. Maybe that was why Oswald’s voice trembled a little every now and then, affected by more memories, no doubt. Edward knew well that Oswald was a man highly driven by his emotions. The fact that Edward provoked such a reaction in the former mayor of Gotham was really thrilling. Edward was happy, truly. Being here with Oswald like this felt so very intimate and perfect, he loved it. 

_ Has Gordon ever made you this happy, Oswald?  _ He couldn’t help but wonder.  _ Has he ever done anything special for your birthday? Did you commemorate the day with him in some way or did you keep it a secret from him too? What did he say about that? Did he let you ignore your birthday or did he bring you gifts anyway? Did he shower you with love and attention when you needed it most? Or did he let you shut everyone out?  _

Oh, Ed wanted to ask all that and more. He wanted to ask about the birthdays Oswald probably spent with Jim Gordon. He wanted to know everything they used to do together. But he also knew that questions like that would only spoil the moment. It was time they let James Gordon rest in peace. The Detective wouldn’t be truly dead until people stopped remembering him. So each time Oswald mentioned the deadman’s name, it was like Gordon’s ghost was right there with them, dragging Oswald away from Ed and back into a dysfunctional relationship. Yes, Edward was positive that Oswald’s relationship with James Gordon was not healthy. Not with the way Oswald worshipped the man more than anything, putting him on a pedestal while thinking himself unworthy of him. James Gordon never helped Oswald’s poor self-esteem. On the contrary. Oswald always felt beneath the policeman, Edward could tell. And it frustrated him further to know that Oswald thought that this was how it was  _ supposed  _ to be. Because Jim was better. Because Jim was more noble. Because Jim could do no wrong. If Ed could change that delusion in Oswald’s head, he would. But for now all he could do was be there for the man he loved and hope for the best. Eventually Oswald would move on from Gordon completely. He would see how perfect Ed was for him and then Gordon would become nothing more than a vague memory from the past. Fading away from Oswald’s heart just like he was out of Oswald’s life. In the meantime, Edward would slowly but steadily build up Oswald’s self-esteem. Together they could rule Gotham. They’d be so strong and powerful that no one would  _ dare  _ judge their relationship. They would all  _ bow  _ to them. That was what Oswald truly needed from a partner, not whatever Gordon was giving him. So, no. despite Ed’s curiosity about Oswald’s relationship with Detective Gordon, he decided against asking any questions about it. It was probably better for him not to know anyway. Jealousy was not an attractive quality. Especially when the opponent was in the grave. 

“You have a lovely singing voice, Oswald,” Ed muttered, closing his eyes and pressing their foreheads together. 

Oswald chuckled breathlessly. “Thank you. And thank you for making this evening so amazing. It means a lot to me.” 

“I want to make every evening amazing for you, Oswald,” Edward promised. 

They pulled away from one another enough to be able to look into each other’s eyes. Oswald’s breathing was a little too loud and shaky. His cheeks were flustered, his lips parted. Ed took in the view, feeling ecstatic that it was  _ him  _ who caused this reaction in Oswald. His gaze fell down to Oswald’s lips again and he smirked a little. 

“Oswald…,” he whispered passionately, tilting his head and leaning in, “I love you.” 

The kiss was slow and lingering. It wasn’t exactly chaste but there was no sex in it, only feelings,  _ lots  _ of feelings. Edward embraced Oswald, mindful not to alarm him with his wandering hands. He wanted to ensure he wasn’t doing something Oswald felt uncomfortable with. It would only set their relationship back instead of moving it forward. He was glad to have Oswald kiss back and move closer to him on his own. The awkwardness from earlier was completely gone. 

It was a tender night. There was no sex, -- which somewhat disappointed Ed since his initial plan was to get Oswald in bed, -- but it was still pleasant to just be with Oswald. To feel him close, body and soul. Edward was so grateful to be able to hold the man he loved in his arms. And it was even more remarkable that Oswald returned the sentiment.  

When it got really late they moved things to Oswald’s bedroom. Both tired from the long day, they just snuggled in bed, Oswald burying his face in Edwrad’s chest and inhaling deeply as if trying to memorize the scent. Edward found it very cute and endearing. It was funny how Oswald -- the terrifying Penguin, mobster king of the Gotham underworld -- could be so adorable. It was so distinctly  _ Oswald  _ to be so formidable yet in many ways so innocent. 

As they were drifting to sleep, Oswald broke the pleasant silence with an unexpected question. “Edward… Is it true you have hallucinations?” No preamble, no warning, the words just tumbled out of Oswald’s mouth, waiting for Edward to provide an explanation. 

Ed swallowed. “Lee told you then,” he said. 

Oswald nodded, head still resting on Edward’s chest. “She was concerned when I ended your therapy.” 

Ed sighed. “It’s pointless and silly to deny facts,” he said resigned. 

“So what are the facts? The real ones not just whatever you told Lee?” Oswald inquired softly. “Do you really hallucinate?” 

Ed took in a deep silent breath. “... sometimes,” he confessed. “Recently I’ve seen Miss Kringle. At least, I thought it was her… in the woods, near the mansion.”

Oswald was very still for a moment. “What was she doing?” 

Ed shook his head with a small shrug. “Nothing. She just… looked at me.” 

“What else have you seen?” 

_ Oh boy.  _

“I used to see a--,” Ed swallowed, “-- a more twisted version of myself. Before.”

“Twisted?” He shifted and propped himself on his elbow to look Edward in the eyes. “How do you mean?” 

“He was me but at the same time he wasn’t. I can’t quite explain it. He was all the negativity I was trying to suppress over the years.” 

“Oh. And do you still see him?”  

A slow head shake. “Not recently. Not since you and I started living together.” He was careful not to call it adoption. They were living together, like a couple, there was no adoption involved as far as Edward was concerned. “It’s like I’m whole again when we’re together.” 

Oswald’s hand was gentle on Edward’s cheek. “You said you were seeing him before. When exactly?” he asked softly. 

“Back when I was-- when my parents were--” 

Oswald nodded, understanding Edward’s meaning before he had to speak the words. Back when Ed’s parents were alive. It was kind of Oswald not to insist to talk about them. Edward didn’t want to talk about his childhood, or his parents. Nor did he want to talk about  _ the other one _ , the  _ twisted  _ one. It was a relief that  _ he  _ was gone now. Or maybe gone was not the right word. Maybe he just became a part of Ed, and he was still living on inside him. Either way, Ed was at peace. 

“I want to help, Ed,” Oswald said, wrapping his arms around Edward’s warm body, and pressing gentle kisses to Edward’s t-shirt clothed chest. “You’re not alone in this anymore. You have me. And I will fight with you. Against anything. You don’t have to worry anymore.” 

Edward smiled and pulled Oswald closer. “I’m perfectly fine when I’m in your arms. With you. That’s when all nightmares, all hallucinations, everything that ever upset me, scared, or hurt me, all of it just disappears. That’s where I’m truly happy, and truly me.” 

Oswald hummed and buried his nose in Edward’s neck. “I feel the same,” he whispered and Ed could feel his eyes fluttering as if to chase away tears. 

It was a confession. One that Edward wanted to cherish for the rest of his life. After a few moments of silence, he muttered into Oswald’s hair, “Maybe next time I’ll get you a special pebble, like certain penguin species do. The best pebble there is. Then you’ll realize we’re soulmates. And we’ll mate forever.” 

Oswald was already asleep, so he didn’t hear those last words. But Edward still felt better for saying them out loud. They were soulmates. And nothing could change that. 

~*~ 

Edward was browsing between the bookshelves of the library when he saw her. A beautiful young woman, dressed in black, her eyes a perfect shade of green. With her skin pale and full lips she was the spitting image of Kristen Kringle. The only difference Edward could spot was her hair. It was blonde whereas Kristen’s used to be red. 

Ed started sweating nervously. This had to be another hallucination. He wasn’t ready for this right now, he couldn’t deal with it. All he wanted was to find a new book and return home, without being tormented by his mind. But she looked so  _ real _ , standing right before him. He took a careful step in her direction, eyes examining every detail as he tried to figure her out. She was skimming through the pages of a book but very soon noticed Edward’s attention. It made her feel uneasy, Ed could tell by the way her breath hitched, startled. 

“Excuse me, is there anything I can help you with?” she finally asked, hugging the book close to her chest. 

Edward nearly gasped. Even her voice was the same! It was uncanny! 

He took another slow step towards her, gaping, unsure if this was reality or another hallucination. “Kristen?” he whispered aghast. “Is that you?” 

The blonde woman frowned. “I’m sorry. I think you’re confusing me with someone else.” She directed her attention back to the book in her hands, clearly indicating that their conversation was over. But Edward couldn’t let it go. Not that easily. 

“Am I?” he said, chuckling breathlessly, incredulous in his confusion. “Then… who are you?” 

The woman took a step back, cautiously, looking at him with suspicion in her pretty eyes. 

“No, wait, please, don’t go!” he spread out his arms awkwardly in her direction as if to stop her but dared not touch her. What if she was indeed nothing but a figment of his imagination? Did seeing things and people that weren’t there mean he was insane? Or what if it was quite the opposite and the woman before him was an actual person? He was scaring her! He didn’t want to scare her. He took a step back and raised his hands in the air. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to frighten you. But you look so much like someone I used to know.” 

The young woman looked at him for a long moment and then chuckled amused. “That’s the oldest pick up line in the book,” she said. Her eyes were gleaming and Edward couldn’t help but think of Kristen again. “It’s such a cliche but you’re still young, so I guess you’re forgiven.” 

Edward chuckled too, amazed. She was real after all!  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I must sound like an idiot to you.” 

“Only a little bit,” she smiled at him, tilting her head. 

“But I wasn’t lying. You  _ do  _ look like an old friend of mine.” 

“Oh? And who was that friend? Where is she now?” 

Ed swallowed, shoulders slumping a little. “She’s dead, I’m afraid.” 

The woman looked saddened. “I’m sorry. It must’ve been really difficult for you.” 

“It was. I really miss her…” 

“Oh…” she looked genuinely saddened. “I feel terrible for reminding you of her and ruining your day.” 

“No, please, don’t worry,” Ed pleaded. “It’s not your fault. And I’m fine. Really. It’s actually a good thing that I saw you.” He made sure to smile to ease her mind. 

“How so?” she asked. 

“Well,” Ed took another step closer to her. They were having a quiet conversation between the bookshelves now. “I got to meet you. That is definitely a good thing.” 

She chuckled, blushing a little. “What is something that is yours but other people use it more than you?” 

Edward’s eyes went wide. Did she just ask him a riddle! 

“Name!” he gasped excitedly. “The answer’s name, and mine is Edward. I’m Edward.” 

“Isabella.” 

They shook hands and Ed could feel electricity pass through them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Isabella. Do you, umm, do you like riddles?” 

“I must admit that I do,” she chuckled sheepishly, eyes sparkling at Ed. “I like all kinds of brain teasers and puzzles. Books too. They’re my whole world.”  

Ed felt elevated. She was so charming! He couldn’t wait to tell Oswald about this! 

“I love them too!” 

“Aren’t they amazing?” Isabella beamed. “Especially books. They’re so much better than reality.” 

“Books are remarkable, I agree,” Ed nodded, smiling at her and unable to look away. “What kinds of books do you enjoy?” 

“Well, I admit I have a soft spot for romantic stories…” she confessed half-embarrassed. “I love those epic love stories where the characters die for their beloved!” 

“Oh, but those are terrible stories!” he grinned fondly. “Such tragic endings! So sad.” 

“Happy endings are so rare,” Isabella said and Ed felt a pang of sadness in his heart at the thought that someone had probably hurt her, too. 

“Yes…” he agreed. “Unfortunately, that is true.” 

“But in books… it’s so much better there. At least it’s all worth it,” she said, excitedly. “If only those worlds were real. Wouldn’t it be amazing to experience a love like that? So powerful that it would withstand all?” 

“Yes,” Ed said softly. “Yes, it would.” 

They talked for hours, sitting on the floor between the aisles. They couldn’t stop talking. It was like they were connected somehow. As if knowing each other for ages. The more they talked, the more Ed realized that Isabella’s resemblance to Kristen was merely in appearance. On the inside they were so different! Isabella did not act like Kristen at all. She didn’t think like Kristen either. She didn’t talk like Kristen, even though their voices were so freakishly similar. Isabella was amazing and Ed clicked with her instantly.  

They were lost in conversation when the librarian warned that the Library had to close in five minutes. It was only then that Ed realized he was late for dinner.  _ Terribly  _ late. Oswald was probably worried sick about him! Ed had recently convinced him to withdraw the bodyguards that usually followed him around -- he felt uneasy being watched all the time -- so now there was no way for Oswald to know if Ed was okay. In his excitement to meet Isabella, Edward had completely forgotten to warn Oswald that he might be late. He quickly checked his phone to find he had 38 missed calls and 5 voicemails. 

“Oh crud!” Ed exclaimed. It made Isabella chuckle at the expression but she didn’t say anything. “I have to call my… Oswald. Excuse me for a moment, Isabella.” 

“Of course.” 

He took a few steps away from her and waited for Oswald to pick up. 

Which he did immediately. _ “Edward! Are you alright? Where are you? Did someone do something to you? I’ll make them pay--” _

Oswald sounded so upset, Ed felt even worse than before. “I’m fine, Oswald, don’t worry, please,” he bit his lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I was at the library and I lost track of time. My phone was on silent, that’s why I didn’t see your messages.” 

_ “You didn’t feel it vibrating?”  _

“It was in my backpack. I’m sorry again,” he frowned. How could he forget Oswald like that? “I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” 

A sigh.  _ “You don’t have to. I’m just glad you’re alive. And well. You are well, aren’t you? Did something happen?”  _

Ed glanced at Isabella who was now checking her own phone. 

“Yes. Everything’s fine.”  

_ “Are you coming home now? Do you need a car?”  _

“No, I’m fine. I’ll take the bus.” 

_ “The bus?”  _ Oswald exclaimed horrified.  _ “At this time of night? Not a chance! I’m sending Gabe.”  _

“Oswald, there’s no need. I’ll be fi--” 

_ “I’m sending Gabe and that’s final. You said you were at the Library?”  _

Ed sighed. There was no use arguing over this. Oswald had obviously made up his mind. “Yes.” 

_ “Stay there. The car will arrive soon.”  _

“Ok.” 

_ “Seriously, Ed, you’re making me regret I removed your security.”  _

“It’s no big deal, Oswald.”  

_ “What took you so long anyway?”  _

He swallowed. “I told you, I lost track of time.” 

His voice must’ve been a little strained because Oswald sounded concerned when he spoke. _ “Are you sure everything’s alright?”  _

“Everything  _ is  _ alright, Oswald,” Ed reassured. “Something happened but it’s not a bad thing. And I’ll tell you more when I’m back.” 

He doubted that made Oswald less worried but it was all Ed could give him at the moment. He glanced at Isabella again. He didn’t want to keep her waiting like that. 

“I’ll hang up now, okay?” he told Oswald.

_ “Umm,  okay. We can talk till the car is th--”  _

“I’ll see you at home, Oswald,” Ed hung up before he could hear the rest of the sentence. “Sorry about that,” he told Isabella apologetically. “Oswald gets really protective of me and I forgot to call him.” 

She put away her phone. “Oh, that’s alright. No worries,” she smiled. “So… who’s Oswald?” 

“He’s, umm, well, he’s my friend. My  _ best  _ friend…” He trailed off. It felt wrong to say that about Oswald when he knew things were different between them. Oswald was his best friend, of course, but it wasn’t just that. Yet Ed couldn’t tell Isabella the truth. He also couldn’t tell her the official story that Mr. Cobblepot was his adoptive father. That just felt wrong. Giving a half-truth was the best option in this case. 

“That’s really sweet of him to look after you like that. It’s not always easy to find such a caring friend.” 

“Yeah… that’s true. And he’s really sweet,” Edward agreed. Obviously Isabella was under the misconception that Oswald was Ed’s age. Ed did not correct her. Did it matter really?  

“Can I drive you somewhere?” she offered. “My car’s parked just around the corner.” 

Crud. Ed could’ve gotten a ride from Isabella instead of standing on the street, waiting for Gabe. “I’m actually… Well, Oswald’s sending a--” a driver? “-- a friend.” 

“Oh. Alright then. But it’s no bother, if that’s what’s worrying you. I can drop you off. No trouble.” 

Ed thought about it. He didn’t want to upset Oswald further after the stunt he pulled today but at the same time he wanted to spend more time with Isabella. A car ride with her sounded much more pleasant than a car ride with Gabe. 

“Yeah, alright,” he smiled after a beat. “I’ll text Oswald to tell his friend not to bother.” 

“Good!” Isabella smiled approvingly. “Follow me, then.” 

Ed grinned and did as she said. 


	20. Chapter 20

The car ride was pleasant and comfortable for Edward. Feeling close to Isabella was thrilling in a strange and unfamiliar way. It was different than what Ed felt for other people in his life, and it stirred his curiosity. Isabella was a very interesting person, not only for her physical resemblance to Miss Kringle. They talked about everything and nothing. He learned more about her favorite books and authors, her opinions and hopes. She returned his enthusiasm in kind, her own questions to him just as eager as his to her. There was a mutual harmony between them that Ed felt enthralled by. They talked in riddles and understood each other so well, it was amazing. Isabella was very intelligent and so delightful to talk to, Ed was in awe of her. It was so rare for him to find someone he truly enjoyed talking to -- someone who wasn’t Oswald -- but Isabella was a lucky exception. 

As they got closer to their destination Isabella let out a small gasp of surprise. “You live near the Van Dahl mansion?” 

“Actually, I live  _ in  _ the Van Dahl mansion,” Ed confessed. There was no point lying to her about it. He wondered if she’d find out his secret now, that the former mayor of Gotham was his adoptive father. What would her reaction to that be? Luckily for him, however, Isabella seemed completely oblivious about current affairs. Her passion was for books and fiction, not news and who’s who in the real world. When it came to that she was clearly ignorant which in this case worked in Ed’s favor. He was reviled he didn’t have to explain his complicated situation to her just yet. 

“That’s such a coincidence! I  _ love  _ this mansion!” she said excitedly. “It reminds me of the gothic romance novels I sometimes read.” 

“It does give off that vibe, I guess,” Ed agreed, happy to witness the excitement on her face as the mansion majestically revealed itself in front of them. She was clearly very impressed. “You can come inside, you know. See if it’s as good as you imagine.” 

“Oh! I couldn’t!” she was quick to blush. 

“It’s really no trouble.” 

“I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone. Perhaps later. When I’m expected.” 

Ed allowed her that. “In that case, I officially invite you to dinner.” 

She smiled. “That works fine for me,” she said and hummed pleasantly. “I come here often. In this area. Just to get that feeling of Romanticism.” 

Ed was a little stunned. “You do?”  

She nodded. “Yes.” 

“How-- how often do you come here?” 

“Once every two weeks, at least.” 

Ed’s heart was hammering in his chest. “Where exactly?”

“Pardon?” 

“Where exactly do you go when you come here?” Ed asked eagerly. 

“Oh, ummm,” Isabella seemed slightly nervous all the sudden. As if expecting Ed would reprimand her for trespassing. “Just close to the mansion. Not-- not inside,  _ obviously _ . Usually I enjoy a nice walk in the forest around it… or a picnic among the trees. It gives such a pleasant atmosphere for reading.” 

Ed relaxed back into his seat, eyes cast ahead of him, his lips spreading into a smile. So the person he saw in the woods, the one who looked like Kristen Kringle, it wasn’t a hallucination after all! It was Isabella! Ed wasn’t crazy! He’d seen Isabella who was quite real and definitely not a hallucination! Words could not describe his relief at that realisation. 

“Edward?” Isabella asked concerned, his sudden silence alarming her. He had to ease her mind. 

“I’m fine. I was just thinking-- all this time, how close we were to one another, yet we never met.” 

She chuckled softly at that. “Yes… It’s-- it’s like a story from a book.” 

He observed her. She was a careful driver, keeping her eyes on the road at all times, not going too fast or too slow. He found it endearing how conscientious she was. She didn’t turn around to look at him, even though she could definitely tell he was staring at her, examining her face. She was something. 

“Thank you, Isabella,” he whispered. 

The smile remained on her face but she frowned a little. “What for?” 

“Just… thank you.” 

They spent the final minutes of the car ride in silence. Then she parked in front of the mansion. 

~*~  

Oswald was pacing nervously in the living room, phone still in hand in case Edward decided to call or text again. The young man sounded strange on the phone and Oswald was worried. He could  _ feel _ something had happened with Ed but he couldn’t fathom what, so he had to wait for him to come home and ease his mind that it wasn’t something catastrophic. However, Edward was taking his sweet time to return. He even refused the car Oswald sent for him. Who could be driving him then? Perhaps Selina? Oswald hated not knowing. He liked to be well-informed about the important things. And everything about Edward was important. Especially if he was acting strange. It was very out of character for Ed not to return Oswald’s calls when only yesterday he couldn’t spend half a day away from Oswald. Hopefully there would be some explanation for this peculiar behavior soon. 

Oswald heard the sound of a car approaching and rushed to the window, curious to get some answers. Face nearly plastered to the glass, he narrowed his eyes in an attempt to see better. It was too dark outside to make out the face of the driver but it seemed like a woman. Yet the hair was all wrong, this was definitely not Selina. Who then? Ivy didn’t drive, Lee was taller, and Edward didn’t have any other female friends. Who was that mystery driver? And why was Edward taking so long to get out of the car? It was at least ten minutes before he opened the door and slid out, smiling as he waved goodbye to the person inside. The car drove off and only then did Ed turn around, heading for the mansion. Oswald quickly ducked down and away from the window. He didn’t want to get caught spying. Nervously, he hurried to his usual armchair by the fireplace and waited for Ed there. His heart was hammering in his chest, he was ridiculously restless and he had no idea why. There was no logical explanation for his weird anxiety, only a strange feeling of inexplicable dread. He tried to normalize his breathing and at least appear somewhat calm before Edward saw him in this state. 

The sound of the front door opening was followed by Edward’s footsteps and cheerful voice, “Oswald? I’m back!” 

Oswald inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for just a second to compose himself before Ed appeared at the door frame. 

“Edward! You’re alright!” Oswald smiled in relief, rising from his chair to give Ed a quick hug. “I’m so glad! I was worried.” 

“Yes, about that…” Ed frowned. “I’m so sorry I caused all this trouble, Oswald. I never meant to upset you.” 

“Pfft, of course not,” Oswald waved it off casually. “You would never upset me deliberately. But tell me, what happened?” 

“Well,” Ed grinned widely, as if he couldn’t quite control the expression on his face. “I met someone.” 

Oswald’s smile froze to the point where it no longer felt like a smile at all. “You met someone? What--what do you mean?” 

“I made a new friend,” Ed elaborated, heading for his chair opposite Oswald’s. He sat down and spread his long legs with a pleasant hum. “Her name is Isabella,” he continued. “And she’s  _ fascinating _ , Oswald! I mean… wow!”

“Oh…” Oswald swallowed. “Tell me more about her.” 

“Well, don’t be alarmed but she looks  _ exactly  _ like Kristen Kringle,” Edward chuckled as if this was a private inside joke to him. 

Oswald frowned, trying to follow Ed’s logic but failing completely since there was  _ no logic there _ . “Kristen Kringle? The one you strangled, that Kristen Kringle?” 

“Yes.  _ That  _ Kristen,” Ed said, wrinkling his nose as if the reminder of how the librarian died was leaving an unpleasant taste in his mouth. 

“How can they look exactly the same? That makes no sense,” Oswald said, taking his own seat opposite Ed. 

“I don’t know,” Ed shrugged, “they just do. She looks like her, she has the same voice, same height. She’s completely different as a person but the physical resemblance is uncanny.” 

“I see… And you spent the entire day with her?” Oswald asked, trying to suppress the hurt in his voice. 

“More or less. I saw her at the library when I was on my way home. At first I thought I was hallucinating Kristen again and I panicked, but then we started talking and… Time flies so fast when I talk to her.” 

“But you’ve only talked  _ once _ ,” Oswald reminded. 

“Well, yes, but what a talk!” Ed chuckled giddily. 

Oswald’s lips were a tight line. He recognized the feeling in his chest for what it was. Jealousy. As much as he hated to admit it, he was jealous. And the sickest part of it was that he was convinced  _ he didn’t have the right  _ to be jealous. Deep down he couldn’t shake off the feeling of shame and guilt for loving Edward. It was that shame and guilt that made him feel like he had no claim over Edward’s affections, that he should not object if Edward preferred someone else’s company instead. In his head, it was only natural that Ed would eventually toss Oswald aside for someone better. And Oswald couldn’t be mad at him for it. Because he considered himself too selfish for wanting Ed. Like he, with his deprived affection, was taking something important from the younger man. Edward deserved someone his own age, someone better, hurtful as that realization was for Oswald. 

He cleared his throat, pushing those thoughts down. “Perhaps they’re related? Did Kristen have a sister?” 

“They’re not related, Oswald,” Ed rolled his eyes a little exasperated. 

“Well, how do you know?” Oswald asked. “What’s Isaballe’s last name?” 

“IsabellAH,” Ed corrected. “And I don’t really know her last name.” 

Oswald arched an eyebrow. “They could be twins,” he said, not commenting on Ed not knowing the woman’s full name after spending a whole day with her. “Is she the same age as Kringle?” 

Ed huffed. “They’re not twins! Isabella mentioned she was an only child.” 

“Well, she is  _ now _ . Her sister’s dead.” 

“Why are you being so difficult about this?” Ed exclaimed, shifting in the chair as if he couldn’t sit still on it anymore. 

“ _ I’m _ being difficult?” Oswald asked incredulous. “I’m merely being cautious here. Doesn’t it strike you as odd that a woman who’s the spitting image of the librarian you once killed suddenly shows up in the library you frequent?” 

“It’s destiny,” Edward insisted. 

Oswald snorted. “Please! Too many coincidences, Ed. I don’t trust her.” 

“Why? Because I enjoyed her company and forgot to text you so now you’re pissed?” Ed nearly cried out, visibly very affected by Oswald’s words. 

The viciousness in his voice caught Oswald by surprise. He hadn’t expected Ed to turn against him like that because of a woman. If things really were that serious, Oswald would only lose if he continued the argument. He needed to placate Ed and remind him of their friendship. 

“Ed, I--” he stuttered, “I don’t mean to upset you. I’m only concerned th--” 

“I can take care of myself, Oswald,” Ed cut him off, still fuming. 

“Of course, you can,” he replied calmly. “But keep in mind who you are. We have enemies.” 

“Who I am?” Ed repeated, arching both eyebrows as he glared at Oswald. He then chuckled bitterly. “And who am I, Oswald? Hmm? Who am I?” 

“You’re my--” The words died in his throat. Why was Edward forcing him to say it? Why was he being so cruel? “You’re close to me,” Oswald uttered shakily. “You’re my son. In the eyes of society.” 

“Is that so?” Edward crossed his arms over his chest. 

Oswald sucked in a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is, there are people who’d want to hurt you to get to me. Because they know you’re important to me, they would use you against me. We  _ cannot  _ trust strangers!” 

“Isabella is not a stranger. I feel like I’ve known her my whole life.” 

This was the last straw. Oswald slammed his fists on the armrests of his chair with a dull thud. “So now, what, you’re just gonna keep seeing that clone?” 

“Don’t call her that! Isabella is not a clone!” Ed insisted stubbornly. His entire body was vibrating with rage. Was he really going to fight Oswald on this? “Don’t you understand?” he cried out. “This isn’t about you, Oswald! Not everything is about you! This is about  _ me _ ! It’s  _ mine _ !  _ My  _ second chance!” 

Silence fell as both men stared at one another, Edward panting from the intensity of his emotions. His hands were trembling and Oswald could see how affected he was by their disagreement. He wished he knew how to make it right but he, too, was just as upset and hurt. 

Carefully, he asked, “Your second chance at what?”  

Was that it? Was Edward dumping him? For Isabelle? That was  _ not  _ okay! Oswald’s own heartbreak aside, this wasn’t good for Edward! Had he left Oswald for someone more age appropriate, it still might’ve been somewhat easier to accept. But this woman, this Isabelle, seemed to be Kristen Kringle’s age, therefore, older than Ed. If Ed was to be in an unhealthy relationship with an older person, it might as well be Oswald, not a total stranger with dubious intentions! 

Edward’s brows were furrowed, lips pursed into a tight line. “I’m not giving up on her, Oswald. I’m not giving up on Isabella. She’s my second chance to make things right.” 

Cold sweat covered Oswald’s forehead. For a moment he couldn’t breath. Face pale, lips parted, he felt like he was about to faint. But he couldn’t. He had to be strong. “To make what right? Ed… Are you--,” he swallowed around the lump in his throat, “are you leaving me?” 

There was a long silence. Oswald felt like he could die in it. His mind was whirling frantically, trying to supply some kind of an exit strategy, some sort of a solution. Nothing came to him. Nothing but dull emptiness and pain in his heart. 

Edward exhaled loudly then ran his fingers through his hair. “Oswald,” he breathed. “How can you even ask that?” 

“Are you going to deny it now?” 

Ed shook his head, eyes fixed on Oswald the entire time. “No. There’s nothing to deny.” In one sudden movement, he sprang up from the chair to kneel in front of Oswald. “I’m not leaving you! I never could,” he smiled fondly, hand cupping Oswald’s face.

“But you just said--” Oswald couldn’t control himself any longer. His voice broke and he could feel the wetness on his cheeks. Fuck! Was he crying? Was he crying in front of Edward? 

“No, no, no, don’t-- please…” Ed wiped the tears from Oswald’s face and bit his lower lip. “You’re cute when you’re emotional.” 

“Shut up, I’m not cute,” Oswald protested but he suspected it looked a lot like pouting. 

It made Ed’s smile grow wider, fonder. “I can be such an idiot sometimes,” he sighed. “I was so excited about Isabella, I didn’t think what it might look like to you. Oswald, I love you. Isabella doesn’t change that. I admit I felt  _ something _ when I saw her, because of her resemblance to Kristen. But that’s entirely different, I swear.” He kept stroking Oswald’s face with gentle caresses. “I don’t think of her like that. I don’t like her, and I definitely don’t love her. I’m fascinated by her, but there’s nothing remotely romantic or sexual in that.” Oswald did not seem convinced so Ed continued, “My first thought when I saw her was that I was insane. Because I had hallucinations again. But then she turned out to be an actual person. An  _ actual  _ person, Oswald!” His face was glowing with joy. “You realize what that means, don’t you? I’m not crazy! When I thought I saw Kristen outside the mansion, it was actually Isabella! She told me so!” 

Oswald pulled away from him with a frown. “Wait. She’s been at the mansion?” 

“A few times in the woods, yes.” 

“She’s stalking you?” Oswald gasped alarmed. 

Ed rolled his eyes, sitting back on his feet. “No, Oswald,” he chuckled. “She isn’t stalking me. She just likes your home.” 

Oswald’s eyebrows were still furrowed. There was something off about Isabelle. Why was he the only one to see it? 

“I know what you’re about to say. You don’t trust her.” 

“I don’t,” Oswald confirmed. 

“But you trust me, don’t you?”  

Oswald huffed. 

“Don’t you?” Ed persisted. 

“Fine, yes. I trust you,” Oswald surrendered. 

“Then trust my judgement. I know what I’m doing.” 

Oswald wished he could believe that. But Edward behaved so strangely when it came to this woman. Oswald wasn’t sure whether that was him being mentally transported back to the time when he was smitten with Kristen Kringle, or something else, but the influence this Isabelle had on Ed was disturbing. And if Edward refused to do something about it, Oswald would. 

~*~  

_ “Boss, I can’t get ahold of you these days. It’s making me nervous. Is everything alright?”  _

Oswald sighed. Nothing seemed alright anymore but he didn’t want to tell Zsasz that. Zsasz had been calling him persistently over the last few days but Oswald kept ignoring him as much as he could until finally he got annoyed enough to pick up. He instantly regretted his hasty decision. Edward wouldn’t like this. 

“I’m fine, Zsasz. Everything’s fine. You need not worry,” he replied, hoping that would settle the problem. 

_ “I wish you would tell me what changed, Boss.”  _ Zsasz said after a small pause. He sounded not like himself. It was unnerving for Oswald to hear the man so genuinely upset.  _ “You just cut me off like that… after we--”  _

“That has nothing to do with it, Victor,” Oswald interrupted. He knew where this was going and he truly hoped they wouldn’t need to have this conversation. 

_ “That’s what I thought too!”  _ Zsasz said energetically, but then deflated. _ “At first… Then you said I shouldn’t come to the mansion anymore, and what was I supposed to think? You send other people to give me your orders, you want me to hand over written reports for you… It’s weird! Is it because of the sex? ‘Cause I liked it, y’know. You have  _ **_nothing_ ** _ to be embarrassed about. I was pleasantly surprised by your--”  _

“For crying out loud, Victor, shut up!” Oswald gasped irritated. “I told you already, this has  _ nothing  _ to do with  _ that _ .” 

He wasn’t really angry at Zsasz. Zsasz was merely coming to the only obvious conclusion a person could reach after a one-night stand with their boss and their boss acting weird afterwards. It was supposed to be harmless and meaningless, and it really was, but Edward reading too much into it and his request to Oswald, made things more complicated than they needed to be. If it weren’t for Edward insisting that Oswald shouldn’t see Zsasz anymore, not even professionally, things would’ve been just fine. That was what truly irritated Oswald. That and the fact that he had been stupid enough to even consider having a one-night stand to get Edward out of his head. 

He sighed. “You’re my top man, Victor.” 

_ “You bet I am!”  _ Victor replied and Oswald could  _ hear  _ his teasing smirk. 

“I mean for work!” He quickly corrected. 

“Huh, that too, I suppose.” 

“And since you’re the best of the best,” Oswald continued, “I need you to work on your assignments, not wasting your time by hanging out with me here.” 

There was a short silence and then,  _ “That doesn’t make much sense, Boss. I’m sorry but it doesn’t. We were fine as we were before. Communication is very important, and it’s even more important in our line of work. There are certain things, certain information, that I cannot put in a report or tell someone else to tell you. There are things that need be said face to face. Not even over the phone but in person. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been avoiding my phone calls too. What the hell is that about?”  _

Oswald rubbed the bridge of his nose. This was going nowhere. “Victor…” He sighed. “Edward saw us. That night. He knows. And he’s at a very tender age. Very impressionate. I don’t want to upset him. I’m his legal father after all. I’m just trying to do what’s right for my child.” 

He felt sick with himself, calling Edward his child like that. But he hoped this would fix the issue with Zsasz once and for all. 

_ “Oh. Yes, now,  _ **_that_ ** _ makes more sense,”  _ Zsasz said and chuckled to himself.  _ “Of course, I should’ve known this was about the kid. He did look at me kinda funny when I bumped into him in front of your bedroom…”  _

“Well, I appreciate that you understand.” 

_ “You’re spoiling him, y’know.”  _

“Excuse me?” 

_ “You’re spoiling that kid too much. He thinks he’s the boss of you. It’s just not right. At his age, he doesn’t know which end is up. He can’t think for himself properly. I remember when I was a teenager, I wasn’t thinking straight. Not that that’s changed much now but it was even worse then. It’s all about hormones and shit in your brain.”  _

“I’m pretty sure there’s no ‘shit’ in Edward’s brain, Victor,” Oswald corrected, mocking Zsasz’s words to mask his uneasiness about them.

_ “Yeah, there is. I can tell you, there is. Just be careful. He’s already very smitten with you as it is. You don’t want to give him the wrong impression.”  _

Oswald pursed his lips, fingers wrapping tightly around his phone. “And what exactly are you implying with that statement, Zsasz?” 

_ “Not implying anything, Boss. I’m on your side, remember? Just giving you a friendly advice.”  _

“Appreciated, but unrequired,” Oswald deadpanned. 

_ “Boy, I sure hope so!”  _

“I don’t like half-spoken threats, Zsasz! If you have something to say, say it or else--” 

Zsasz had hung up on him. Oswald was so surprised he just stared at the phone for another minute before hanging up himself. Zsasz had never before hung up on him! Teasing him, joking with him, yes, but never in a disrespectful way. Never just hanging up on him. Did Zsasz know? Did he suspect there was something going on between Oswald and Edward that wasn’t supposed to happen? 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Edward who knocked on the door and entered Oswald’s study with a cheerful spring to his step. 

"You seem to be in a good mood," Oswald observed. 

“I have a good reason to," Ed smiled back. "I was thinking, what better way to convince you that things are fine with Isabella, than inviting her over? A dinner. Just the three of us.” 

Oswald blinked. “A dinner with Isabelle?” 

“Isabell-AH, actually,” Edward corrected casually, playing with the trinkets on Oswald’s desk. “But yes, why not?” 

“Well… I’m not sure if-- How would that even work?” 

“You leave the preparations to me. All I need is your approval.” 

Oswald did not like the sound of that. Yet he heard himself agree to Ed's ludicrous idea to invite Isabelle for dinner. Victor’s warning to be more firm with the kid resonated in his head but he did his best to push it down. Edward was not a kid. Edward was nearly a man. 


	21. Chapter 21

Dinner with Isabelle. What was he thinking agreeing to that! It probably had a lot to do with Edward and his big brown puppy eyes making it so difficult for Oswald to refuse him anything. Anyway, the dinner was already arranged and it was too late to take it back now. Isabelle was going to arrive at the mansion any minute and all Oswald could do about it was to suck it up. 

In contrast, Edward seemed to be in a great mood. He was vibrating with so much excitement that Isabelle was going to meet Oswald it made it nearly unbearable to be around him for long. Eventually Oswald excused himself and spent the rest of the day locked away in his study under the pretext that he had a lot of work to do. At least there he had some peace. The truth was, just witnessing Edward’s exaltation at the mere mention of Isabelle was becoming too hurtful for him. To Edward having Isabelle over for dinner seemed like a dream come true. To Oswald it felt more like an invasion. 

Finally, the great moment arrived -- or to be more exact, Isabelle arrived -- and Edward pulled Oswald by the hand, dragging him to the door. He wanted them to greet Isabelle together. In his head that looked very couple-like, but to Oswald it was an unpleasant chore. They couldn’t tell Isabelle the truth about their relationship anyway so what was the point in making the situation more awkward? Oswald just wanted to get this whole thing over with. 

“Isabella! Welcome!” Edward exclaimed when he opened the door to find their guest smiling at them. “It’s so good to see you here!”  

Oswald tried not to flinch at the warmth in Ed’s voice. He seemed so smitten with the woman it was painful for Oswald to watch. Whatever reassurances Edward had given Oswald the other night, his sparkling eyes spoke a different story. Was the young man lying when he claimed he had no romantic feelings for Isabelle or was he simply confused about his own heart? Oswald couldn’t tell. The glaringly obvious fact, however, was that Edward couldn’t stop smiling at their guest and it was very annoying. 

To distract himself from Edward’s reaction to Isabelle, Oswald shifted his attention to the object of Ed’s interest instead. It was uncanny! Oswald had seen pictures of Kristen Kringle so he was familiar with her face. Well, he’d seen  _ one  _ picture. The one Edward kept in a box with the dead woman’s glasses. Those stupid mementos! Oswald had cleaned up the young man’s room of those incriminating little souvenirs that same day after Edward confessed to him about killing the librarian. That picture of Kristen Kringle had burned to ashes a long time ago, disappearing completely from existence, but her face remained firmly imprinted in Oswald’s memory. He knew what Miss Kringle looked like and he could swear the person in front of him now looked exactly the same. The freakish resemblance affected Oswald greatly, and he never had any personal history with Kristen Kringle. So he could only imagine how affected Edward must’ve been to see the face of the woman he once loved and killed. No wonder he couldn’t shut up about Isabelle. 

“Oswald, this is Isabella,” Edward introduced her with a giddy smile. 

His voice snapped Oswald out of his temporary stupor and he reached out to shake the woman’s hand. She was smiling at him pleasantly, like she was in awe of him. Which, of course, had to be an act. She had no real reason to be excited to meet him. 

“It’s a pleasure, Mr. Cobblepot,” she said out loud, holding his hand in hers a tad longer than necessary. 

He forced himself to return her smile. “The pleasure is all mine.” 

They showed Isabelle in, Edward acting like an excitable puppy. 

Oswald tried, for Edward’s sake, to be accepting of Ed’s weird friendship with the clone of his beloved dead librarian. Yet, everything about that woman felt off to him. It wasn’t just her inexplicable resemblance to Miss Kringle, it was her entire behavior. As if she was calculating with surgical precision the exact amount of pleasantness, nervousness and excitement that was suitable for her to demonstrate on a first meeting with the former mayor of Gotham. Like it was all part of an elaborate plan to appear likeable. Instead it just seemed fake to Oswald. His instincts were alert and he couldn’t turn them off now. 

“Shall I show you around the mansion?” Edward offered like a true gentleman. 

Oswald’s jaw nearly dropped down to the floor as if he were a cartoon character. Was Edward going to ditch him in the dining room, waiting alone for him and Isabelle to return from a tour around  _ Oswald’s home _ ? What was he supposed to say to that! 

Isabelle chuckled softly. “That’s really sweet, Edward, but perhaps we can leave it for later?” She glanced at Oswald. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for our party of three to separate so early in the evening. Don’t you agree?” 

Ed glanced at Oswald, then slapped his forehead lightly and laughed. “Of course! Where are my manners! I’m sorry, Oswald. I didn’t mean to make it seem like--” 

“It’s fine. Let’s just eat.” 

Oswald cursed himself for sounding like a grumpy old man but hopefully Ed and Isabelle were too busy to notice. He led the way to the dining room, not bothering to wait for them or even look back to check if they were following. 

“Is the mansion living up to your expectations?” he heard Edward’s voice from behind. 

“It’s _beautiful,_ both inside and out,” Isabelle replied softly. 

Ed let out a funny sound that sounded a lot like a giggle and Oswald groaned as he assumed his usual seat at the head of the table. 

“Olga’s probably cooked something delicious for us,” he said, eager to break the moment between Ed and Isabelle by interrupting their conversation. 

“Oh, actually,  _ I _ cooked for us tonight,” Ed said. “I gave Olga the night off. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Oh. No, of course not. It’s fine. I-- You just didn’t tell me, that’s all.” 

“You said I could arrange everything. So I did,” Ed smiled. 

“Of course.” Oswald turned to Isabelle. She chose to sit right next to him for some reason, which only served to irritate him more. “Edward is a very skilled chef. You’re going to love whatever he’s prepared for us.” 

“I’m sure that’s true,” Isabelle beamed at Ed. The two shared a long look which made Oswald inhale sharply through his nose. Then Ed announced he had to bring the salads and disappeared into the kitchen. 

Oswald remained alone with Isabelle which was bound to be awkward. Were it any of Edward’s other friends, he would’ve concerned himself with trying to make a good impression. Luckily for him, however, this was Isabelle so he didn’t give a flying toss about it. He was mentally preparing himself for a few minutes of staring at Edward’s empty chair when suddenly Isabelle grabbed his wrist. 

“Mr. Cobblepot, you need to stay away from Edward," she hissed, her voice low but charged with intensity. 

Oswald pulled his hand away from her surprisingly strong grip and stared at her. She looked so different. There was no trace of the coy young woman Oswald met a moment ago. She was all determination and sharp edges now. 

"Excuse me?" he arched an eyebrow, utterly confused by this unexpected display. 

"He's  _ dangerous _ . You have to trust me on that and cut him out of your life!" 

Before Oswald could reply to her warning, Edward was back with a few plates in his hands. “Here it is!” he sing-songed. “I made sure there are no peanuts since you’re allergic, Isabella.” 

“Thank you, Edward. You’re a darling,” Isabelle smiled warmly at him. “So thoughtful.” 

Oswald gaped. It was like nothing happened. Just a moment earlier she was giving him warnings against Ed, and now she was batting her eyelashes at the younger man. What game was that clone playing! Oswald stared dumbly at her transformation, not sure if he hadn’t imagined it all. Perhaps the stress finally got to him. But the subtle meaningful looks Isabelle was giving him every now and then spoke otherwise. She was not what she seemed! Perhaps Oswald should just arrange a car accident or something to get rid of her permanently… He wondered how would Ed react to that. 

Nothing made sense but one thing -- Isabelle was a liar. Oswald’s head was buzzing. Why did she claim Edward was dangerous? Did she know about Miss Kringle? Had she figured out what really happened to Ed’s father? Was she working alone or for someone else? If so, who was her employer? And what did they want? Whatever the case was, it seemed like Oswald was not a suspect in their eyes. Otherwise they wouldn’t be warning him against his own adoptive son. Ed was right about something the other night -- this wasn’t about Oswald. This really was just about Ed. 

He’d spent so much time staring at Isabelle, trying to read her, that eventually Edward noticed. 

“Is everything alright, Oswald?” he asked puzzled.  

“Yes, yes. Everything’s fine. Only-- Excuse me, I need to…” he pushed his chair back and headed out of the dining room without further explanation. 

“I’m sorry, he’s not usually like that…” he heard Ed mutter apologetically to Isabelle but he couldn’t be bothered with them now. He needed to call Zsasz right away. Victor had a natural skill for obtaining information. He’d find out who Isabelle truly was and what she wanted from them. 

In the sanctuary of his study he pulled out his phone, about to press dial, when Edward sneaked up behind him. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, startling the older man. 

“Damn it, Ed! Don’t do this!” Oswald scolded lightly. 

“Sorry… I was worried about you.” He looked it too. “Are you okay?” 

Oswald exhaled loudly. How could he even begin to explain?  

"It's me, isn’t it?” Ed said, frowning in concern. “I screwed up again. The way I act around Isabella… I’m hurting you." 

Oswald shut his eyes for a moment, biting hard his bottom lip. It was best to just get to the point. "We can't trust her, Ed,” he said with determination, eyes fixed on Edward’s. “She’s not to be trusted.”  

Ed let out an exasperated sigh. "Not this again. It's  _ me  _ you're angry at. Don't take it out on her." 

Oswald lowered his voice. “She said things to me while you were in the kitchen.” 

“What things?” Ed asked but it didn’t look like he believed Oswald much. 

Penguin hesitated only for a second. Then he shook his head. “I can't tell you,” he breathed out. 

“You can’t tell me,” Ed repeated skeptically. 

“You won't believe me and I can't watch you pick her over me,” Oswald tried to explain. “I'll tell you when I have a clearer idea of what's going on.”  

"Nothing's going on!" Edward exclaimed. “You’re being paranoid, petty and jealous!” 

Oswald’s eyes flashed with rage, Edward’s words hitting too close to home. "She can't be trusted and I’m going to prove it to you! Then you'll have to admit I was right." 

Ed snorted. “So that’s what all this is about? You proving you're right?” 

“No! It’s about you being safe!” 

Ed inhaled deeply to calm himself down a little, then he took Oswald’s face in his hands. “Oswald, I love you. You don’t have to feel threatened.” Oswald groaned in frustration and Ed let him go. “I like Isabella, I do. But as a friend. Perhaps I get a bit overly excited about it but that’s because I’m so unused to having friends.” 

“Edward…” 

“That’s all she is, Oswald. A friend. You said it yourself that I need more friends." 

"More friends _your age_ , Ed! I said _more friends your age!_ Isabelle isn't your age. She's a stranger and she's shifty!" 

“Isabell-AH!” 

“Whatever! That might not even be her real name! She’s either a clone or she had plastic surgery to make her look like Kringle! She’s been planted on you and you’re falling for it!” 

“That’s ridiculous! Of all the nonsense you could’ve come up with!” 

“I mean it! We’re in danger!  _ You’re  _ in danger!” 

In a beat Edward became ice cold. “I’m not talking to you when you’re being this unreasonable, Oswald,” he deadpanned. “Do you even hear yourself? You sound crazy.” 

“Crazy… Edward, I’m only trying to protect us!” Oswald cried out desperately but Edward ignored his words. 

“It’s late,” he said, straightening his back. “I’m going to return to our guest now. I suggest you freshen up so that you can be your usual charming self when you rejoin us for dinner.” 

“But--” 

Edward left the door of the study open so that Oswald could watch him walk away. 

~*~  

“I’m so sorry I kept you waiting, Isabella. I had to check up on Oswald. He can be a bit--” he frowned. “Isabella?” 

“Right here, riddleman,” Isabella’s sultry voice came from behind him. 

_ Riddleman? That didn’t sound right!  _

Before he could turn around to examine the situation something heavy hit him on the head, and everything went black. 

~*~ 

When Oswald returned to the dining room he was met with a very unpleasant surprise. There was no sign of Edward or their guest. The only thing he found was a note. 

_ Mr. Cobblepot,  _

_ You’ve been a good mayor and I respect you for it. I couldn’t let him destroy you like he destroys everything he gets close to. Edward Nygma is out of your life for good now. Consider this a friendly act of compassion.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Isabella  _

~*~  

Edward woke up to a headache and a feeling of nausea. It took him a few moments to become fully aware of his surroundings. When he did, he looked around, trying to make sense of things. There were no windows, the only light coming from a meager lamp above his head. There was no furniture around, with the exception of the metal chair he was strapped to. Large wooden boxes were scattered all over the place. Both his hands and his legs were tied, so he couldn’t really move much. But the worst part was the terrible smell of rotten fish. Ed could feel the humidity of nearby water and river tang. He guessed this was one of the old warehouses near Gotham River. The distant sound of a boat horn only confirmed his deduction. 

“Help! Oswald? Isabella? I’m here!” he cried out. It was probably pointless. If he really was held hostage in an old abandoned warehouse at the pier, most likely no one would hear him during the day, let alone at night. He hung his head, desperation suddenly overpowering him. Did Isabella attack him? It was her voice he last heard but… would she really hurt him like that? Why would she? They were friends. He’d been nothing but kind to her for the couple of days they knew one another. She had no reason to be mean to him. Was Oswald right to be paranoid? 

He heard footsteps and his head snapped up instantly. “Who’s there?” he demanded. He may be a hostage but he was not going to demonstrate defeat. “I insist you show yourself!” 

“But I  _ am  _ showing myself,” the familiar voice said, amusement slipping through like velvet. “I’ve been showing myself since the moment we met. Even before that.” 

“Isabella, what’s the meaning of this? I don’t understand.” 

“That’s the beauty of it. You  _ refuse  _ to understand. No matter how glaringly obvious I make it for you.” The footsteps were getting closer. “You know why that is?” She finally came into the light and he could see her clearly. Isabella, her expression cruel and vicious as she spoke to him. “Because you’re  _ stupid _ , Edward Nygma.  _ That’s  _ why.” 

Edward’s let out a small gasp. His heart was hammering in his chest at the unexpected reveal. He was betrayed. For whatever reason, Isabella had betrayed him. Oswald was right. Edward endangered them both.  

“Where’s Oswald?” he growled. “What have you done to him?” 

She laughed. “I must admit I didn’t think you really cared about Mr. Cobblepot,” she tilted her head, examining Ed’s face. “Do you? Or do you simply enjoy having someone so powerful under your sway?” 

“Where’s Oswald?” Ed insisted, ignoring her taunting. 

“Oswald’s fine. Don’t worry about him,” she rolled her eyes annoyed. “I have no beef with the former Mayor of Gotham. If anything, I feel sorry for him. You got under his skin like you do with all your… little obsessions.” 

Ed grimaced, repulsed by her words. “What are you talking about?” 

“You really don’t recognize me, do you?” She asked in awe. 

“I don’t. And I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Whatever this is.” 

“Huh. Perhaps you’ll remember me now…” as she spoke she slowly wrapped her fingers around her own neck,  _ squeezing _ lightly and faking gurgling noises as if she was being strangled. 

Ed paled. “It can’t be…” 

Isabella continued with her charade for another few moments before letting her hands drop to her sides. She laughed. “That’s right. It’s all coming back now, isn’t it?” 

“You’re-- you’re supposed to be--” 

“Dead? Well. That’s half true. A part of me did die that night you killed me.” 

“Kristen…”  

“I trusted you, Ed!” she hissed, taking another step closer and leaning a little to look him in the eye. “I thought _ ‘what a nice polite kid Edward Nygma is. Why is everyone so mean to him?’  _ Turns out, they were right to be mean to you! You’re a freak! A monster! Murderer!” 

“You survived!” Ed whispered more to himself than to her. “How did you survive? I killed you, I-- you were in my arms…” 

She straightened up, hands on her hips as she looked at him with condescension. “You didn’t kill me that night. I passed out. When I woke up you were sleeping on the floor next to me. I was scared… So scared…” She seemed transported back into those moments of her life, her voice shaking a little as if she were reliving the whole ordeal. “I should’ve killed you right there and then! But I was in shock. I just wanted to get away. So I ran. I ran and ran, far away from you! I didn’t want you to find me…” 

“I never meant to hurt you, Kristen! It was an accident. I loved you…” 

“Please,” she grimaced. “You don’t love anyone. You  _ can’t _ love. You get fixated on a person until you slowly destroy them! That’s what you do!” 

“That’s not true! Please, don’t say that about me…” Edward pleaded, tears sliding down his cheeks. 

“Face reality, kid. You’re a poison!” she hissed the words into his face. “And you’re about to pay for what you did!” 

“Very well,” Ed breathed, defeated. “I deserve it! For hurting you… I deserve it. But please believe me when I tell you, I never wanted you to suffer. Never! You meant the world to me and I’m so glad you’re alive!” 

She cast him a deadly glare. “But you wanted to hurt Tom.” 

Ed frowned. “Who?” 

“Officer Dougherty, as you knew him. You killed him.” 

Ed gasped. “I didn’t! I-- There’s been a misunderstanding. I never killed Officer Dougherty. He ran out of town, remember?” 

Kristen sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Don’t deny it, Edward! I have proof!” 

“That’s impossible. Because I didn’t kill Dougherty!” 

Kristen inhaled deeply and then pulled out a policeman’s badge out of her pocket. She shoved it into Edward’s face so that he could see the name on it. 

“W-what’s that supposed to prove?”

“I got this from you. You’re the one who showed it to me, proud of what you did to Tom! You don’t remember?” 

“Remember what?” Edward asked completely lost. 

“The night you strangled me. You don’t remember our fight?” Ed swallowed, sweat beaded on his forehead. “We were talking about Officer Dougherty and you told me that I shouldn’t worry about him anymore because you killed him! You said it like it was something I should be grateful about! And when I wanted to get away from you, you--” 

Ed was pale as a ghost. “No…” he breathed out. 

The memories were slowly returning to him in a haze. Kristen was telling the truth. But why had he forgotten that? Why was something so important shrouded in mist? Why were his recollections so unclear and confusing that he could not make out the memories properly? Why could he not remember? 

He was trembling. This was like a horrible nightmare. But he wasn’t upset because he killed Dougherty. No. He was upset because he  _ didn’t remember  _ killing Dougherty. Not until Kristen jugged his memory anyway. Ed had already made his peace with taking a life but not remembering about it? That messed with his brain and this was what truly scared him. 

“What’s wrong with me…” he whispered, terrified. 

Kristen looked at him like an unforgiving unemotional executionair. “That’s what I’ve been wondering too. What is wrong with you, Edward Nygma? Why are you like this? Why are you such a monster?” 

“Stop that!” he warned, pulling at his restraints. 

“Or what? You’re gonna strangle me again?” she challenged.  

“Kristen!” 

“You’ve probably gotten better at it by now! With all the practice you’ve had!” she continued, screaming at him in earnest now. “You think I don’t know what you’ve been up to? I  _ do  _ know!” 

“Kristen, stop!” 

“James Gordon, right? You like killing policemen, Ed? Is that it? You get some… twisted satisfaction out of killing policemen?” 

“That’s not true!” 

“I saw you, Edward! I was there that night when you disposed of Gordon’s body in the river! You can’t convince me you didn’t kill him! And how ironic. The river is just where I’m gonna dump you too when I’m done with you! For what you did to Tom! For what you did to me! You  _ ruined  _ me! You scared me for life, you, psycho!” 

“Stoooooop!” Ed cried out as loud as he could, rising up to his feet and in a fit of rage swinging the metal chair at Kristen. She screamed in pain and dropped down to the dirty floor like a sack of potatoes. Motionless and silent. 

Edward panted frantically, looming over Kristen’s body. He couldn’t make out what was really happening. He didn’t feel quite like himself. Nothing made sense. He was alone and hurt and scared, and she was down by his feet, bleeding. God, she was bleeding! Edward only now noticed the thick red stream, pooling around her head. 

“K-kristen…” he stuttered, sliding down to his knees next to her. “Kristen, say something!” 

Kristen said nothing. And Edward started sobbing. His sobs turned more violent with each second until he was wailing like a banshee. He couldn’t move, he was hyperventilating, he was cold, and his trousers were getting soaked in Kristen’s blood where he was kneeling. 

“Oswald!” He cried, desperately. “Oswald, help me, please… I don’t want to be alone… I don’t want to be alone… I don’t want to be alone…” 

_ I don’t want to be alone…  _


	22. Chapter 22

He wasn't conscious of what happened next. He knew he was shaking, he knew he couldn't stop crying. He was aware he was exhibiting the usual signs of a mental breakdown, but he couldn’t do anything to actually stop it. He was alone with her body for he knew not how long, until he wasn’t alone anymore. Untied from the chair, he felt gentle arms wrapping tightly around him, pulling him into a warm embrace. He heard a beating heart. Its comforting sound helped him even his breathing and eventually stop sobbing. He knew he wasn't at the warehouse anymore, yet the sound of that heartbeat was ever present, an anchor for him to ground him. There were other sounds too, of course, voices, people talking, the usual sounds of the city. But Edward paid no attention to any of them. Instead he let that familiar heartbeat enwrap him, and surrendering to its hypnotizing beat made him feel safe. At some point he must’ve fallen asleep.

~*~  

Oswald panicked. That note, so ominous with its courteous threat to Edward’s life, would no doubt haunt his dreams for years to come. He needed to find Ed at once! There was no time. Isabelle needed to be stopped!

It was not very helpful that Oswald knew so little about their doppelganger spy guest. The information he presented to Zsasz was really limited, but Victor truly was the best of the best. Less than two hours after Edward’s disappearance, Victor had a lead. Less than three, they were at the docks, barging into one of the abandoned warehouses. They found Edward tied up to a chair, on his knees, in a pitiful state of mind. There was a female body next to him, in a pool of blood Edward himself was kneeling in. The woman was dead when they got there, bled out after an unfortunate head injury. When Zsasz turned her around Oswald recognized her face. It was Isabelle.

It was obvious that Ed was in shock. He was almost unresponsive to Oswald’s questions and reassuring, yet Oswald did not leave his side, not even for a moment. He held the younger man close, stroking his hair and whispering sweet comforting nothings into his ear, hoping some of it might actually help Ed to calm down. They left Zsasz’ men to clean up the warehouse and take care of the mess, while Zsasz personally drove Oswald and Edward back to the mansion. Oswald had a lot of questions for Ed but they all had to wait. Edward’s health was a priority, and Oswald was willing to wait as long as necessary before Ed was ready to talk about this.

~*~

Edward woke up the next day, in the afternoon, to find himself in the comfort of his own bed. He was dressed in his pajamas, he was clean and warm, unlike before when he was shaking, freezing, and dirty. Everything was so peaceful around him for a moment he wondered if what happened at the warehouse wasn’t just a bad dream. Then he saw Oswald, sitting on a chair next to Ed’s bed, smiling at him.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” he said softly. “How are you feeling?”

Ed wasn’t sure how he was. He knew he was confused and slightly dizzy, but beyond that he really had no idea.

“Can you hear me?” Oswald asked, slight concern slipping through his voice. His fingers gently stroke Ed’s hair, then his hand slid down to cup Ed’s cheek.

Edward nodded. “I can hear you,” he tried to say but his voice was so hoarse it hurt his throat.

“Let me get you some water,” Oswald said quickly.  

Edward wanted to stop him, not wanting to lose the feeling of Oswald’s hand stroking his face. Not for the first time, he found himself desperately craving Oswald’s affection and attention. He didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want Oswald to leave him, but he wasn’t fast enough to grab the older man’s hand and keep him there. Luckily, his fears turned out to be ungrounded. Oswald did not leave the room. He only reached out to the nightstand and brought a glass of water to Edward’s lips so that he could drink from it.

Once he got hydrated, Ed started to feel a little better. “Thank you,” he told Oswald.

Oswald put the glass away and returned by Ed’s side, this time on the edge of Ed’s bed. “Do you need anything else?” he asked, tenderly.

Bad as the situation was, or at least used to be, Edward had to admit he loved being pampered by Oswald like that. He relaxed into the pillows and smiled.

“Just you,” he replied. “I just need you.”

Oswald chuckled breathlessly and only now did Ed notice how wet Oswald’s eyes were. He’d been crying. Was he crying for Ed? Most likely. He was probably worried sick about him and all because Edward didn’t listen to him. So foolish!

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, brows furrowed in regret. “I should’ve--”

“Don’t talk about that now. It’s fine,” Oswald reassured.

“No, it isn’t,” Ed insisted bitterly. “I screwed up. Badly. Again.”

“We’re people. It happens,” Oswald’s hand was back on his cheek and Ed leaned into the pleasant touch, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. “Don’t worry about that. Concentrate on getting well.”

“But what about--?”

“Isabelle’s dead,” Oswald cut him off quickly. He didn’t sound sad about it, but he didn’t sound particularly pleased with it either. Just informative. “It’s as if she’s never been in our lives at all. We never knew her. She never existed.”

It was ironic. “She really didn’t exist,” Ed said bitterly.

“Yes. Exactly.”

“No, I mean… She was fake.”  

Oswald swallowed, shifting a little. He was clearly uncomfortable with how curious he was to know what happened with Isabella. Ed could tell his Penguin was torn between asking more questions and waiting for Ed to recover first, so he decided to spare him the misery.

“She was working alone,” he said. “She’s been stalking me for some time, but no one else is in on it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” He swallowed, then added after a small hesitation, “And I know her real identity too.”

Oswald’s eyes went wide with curiosity. “You do?” Ed nodded. “Well, who was she?”

Ed did his best to sound calm when he spoke, “Her real name was Kristen Kringle.”

Oswald gaped. “You mean--?”

“Remember you asked me once if there was a chance that Kristen was alive and well, and I was worried over nothing?” Oswald did not remember that but apparently he had said it. “Well,” Ed chuckled bitterly, “turns out you were right. Again. As usual.”

“Ed…”

“Apparently, it takes longer to strangle a person. I only cut off her oxygen temporarily, making her lose consciousness. In my panic I thought I killed her but she survived. That's why her body was gone when I woke up. She survived me, only to get killed by me for real last night.”

“It was self-defence, Edward!” Oswald insisted.

“I hit her with a metal chair, Oswald. It cracked her skull open and she bled out on the cold cement floor of that stinky warehouse!”

“It was the chair she tied you to! The warehouse she took you to after she _kidnapped_ you!” Oswald reminded. “She wanted to hurt you, Ed. What were you supposed to do? Let her?”

“She said I--” he swallowed, getting a bit worked up at the memories. “She said I killed Dougherty. I don’t remember killing Dougherty, Oswald.”

“She was probably lying. To get to you.”

“No! No, stop defending me!” Ed insisted. He had tears in his eyes again, his hands were clenched into tight fists. He was shaking a little. “I remember it now. She wasn’t lying. I did kill Officer Dougherty. I confronted him about Kristen one night. He was being a jerk again, punching me in the stomach and saying he’d do whatever he pleased with Kristen. So I stabbed him. I brought the knife with me just to scare him off but… Once I felt the blade piercing through his skin, entering him, warm blood gushing from his wound, I-- I couldn’t stop. I kept stabbing him, fascinated, until… until I knew he was dead.”

Oswald was quiet. This was not like the other confessions he’d heard from Edward. This was no accident, or escape from an abusive father. This was an almost intentional murder, and Ed had enjoyed it. He had enjoyed it so much, it scared him and his own mind made him forget he ever did it. Now the memory was back, a door unlocked, gaping darkly into Edward’s soul. He couldn’t close it. He _wouldn’t_ close it. Once again, he had bared himself in front of Oswald, waiting for his verdict. How would Oswald react this time? How long until Oswald ran out of excuses for him? He breathed in and out, deeply.

The silence was getting a bit too heavy, yet Oswald was still quiet. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke, “Ed, I-- I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“What do you want to say?” Ed returned the question with another question, looking so vulnerable it made Oswald wince internally.

“I want to say…” Oswald let out a breath that sounded a lot like a sigh. “I want to say it’s all fine. It’s all good. I’ve killed people too. You know that. And Dougherty deserved it. Like you said before, he was a jerk.”

“Kristen called me a freak. A psycho…”

“Don’t listen to Kristen. She’s too close to the situation, too emotionally involved. She can’t be objective.”

“You can’t be objective either,” Ed noted.

Oswald bit his lips. “A little…,” he admitted. They both knew it was more than just a little. Oswald always found excuses for Ed’s mistakes. But this was the first time either of them wondered if that was healthy. “I was thinking…,” Oswald continued, voice sounding rather weak. “Maybe you should talk to Lee again.”

“You think I’m crazy too, don’t you? You think I’m sick.”

“No! No, you’re neither crazy, nor sick, Ed,” Oswald was quick to reassure. “But all these things… these murders… they affect people, especially someone your age. It might be good to open up about them to someone who could help.”  

“What good can talking to Lee do? There’s no medicine for someone who’s killed four people.”

“Lee is a professional. She’d know a way to help you work through this and eventually--” Oswald suddenly frowned, catching up with Edward’s previous words. “Wait. What do you mean four?”

“What?”

“You said you’ve killed four people. Who’s the fourth?”

“I’m sure I said three.”

“No, you said four. The first one was your father, then Dougherty, then Kristen… twice…” he listed. “Who’s number 4?”

It was James Gordon. Damn it.

“My mother,” Ed said quickly. “I must’ve meant my mother. I didn’t exactly kill her but indirectly I took her life too.”

Oswald let that sink in. “Oh. Yes, right… She-- she died in the asylum, driven to madness by your father’s death.”

“Yes, exactly. I feel responsible.”

Lying to Oswald was no fun. Edward hated it. But he was no fool. He knew he could never tell Oswald he was the man who killed James Gordon. That was the one murder Oswald would never forgive.

Oswald rubbed at his eyes. He looked so tired.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Ed asked, concerned.

“Mno…” Oswald yawned. “I saw Isabe-- Kristen’s note and I instantly called Zsasz. After some inquiries, he heard there was unusual activity by the pier that night. That’s how he found out where she took you. We were there as soon as we could.”

“You called Zsasz…” Ed muttered.

Oswald looked guilty. “I did. I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want me to but who else was I supposed to call? Zsasz is my best man for that kind of work. You know how good he is. He was the only one I trusted with this.”

Edward chuckled weakly at Oswald’s sudden panic. “It’s fine, Oswald. I’m glad you found me. I can imagine what a mess I must’ve been. Also what a scare I gave you.”

Oswald nodded. “I was so frightened!” His voice was shaking with emotions, fingers holding Ed’s hands tightly. “I thought I lost you…”

“You’ll never lose me, Oswald. I’ll always be here. With you.” Ed pulled him closer and kissed him. They rested their foreheads together, just steadily breathing in each other’s breaths. “Come here,” Ed whispered, shifting on the bed to make space for Oswald. “It’s been a long, exhausting night. We can both use some sleep.”

Oswald nodded, and dutifully climbed next to Ed. They snuggled together, Oswald still wearing his suit, and soon they were both drifting to sleep.

~*~

Even though Lee Thompkins was no longer Ed’s therapist, she still called regularly to inquire after his well-being. A part of Oswald dreaded these phone calls, but he’d never admit it out loud. Instead, he’d answer politely to all of Lee’s questions, reassuring the good doctor that Edward was doing remarkably well and seemed quite happy and content with his life. It wasn’t far from the truth, with one small but vital detail that Oswald always omitted. The detail being that Edward was in a romantic -- be it only platonic -- relationship with his adoptive father.

He assumed Lee was convinced that everything was peachy with them, but when he invited her over for dinner at the mansion, she instantly knew something was wrong as if she had suspected it for a while. She didn’t say anything about it over the phone but she assured him that she’d be there and they could count on her. In a way it was good to have Lee close at hand. It made Oswald feel like he wasn’t completely alone in dealing with Edward’s delicate situation.  

He put the phone away and rested his tired head in his hands. Edward wasn’t too thrilled at the prospect of renewing his therapy when they discussed it the day before, but eventually he agreed to at least talk to Lee. It was going to be very informal, just the three of them dining, after which Oswald was going to leave Ed and Dr. Thompkins alone to discuss things.

“Are you sure it’s wise for me to tell her everything about the murders?” Ed asked, not quite certain it was a good idea.

“I think you should,” Oswald replied. “In order for the therapy to work, you need to be completely honest with yourself, as well as with Lee.”

Edward hummed thoughtfully. “And what about us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Should I be honest with her about you and me as well, or is honesty only useful when it suits _you_?”

Oswald’s breath hitched. He looked like he’d just been slapped in the face. “That, that isn’t directly connected to the murders, so I don’t see any reason to discuss it.”

His cheeks were burning hot with shame and guilt, but Edward only smirked at him, completely unfazed. “You’re wicked, daddy. You know that?”

It sounded like he was pleased with Oswald’s depravity, and surely that wasn’t right. The praise made Oswald feel a little conflicted on the inside, a part of him condemning it, while the other part was actually enjoying it. But the feeling soon passed as they discussed what exactly should Ed talk to Lee about. They decided to leave out everything that had to do with the true nature of their relationship, and only concentrate on Edward’s inner world and his unfortunate tendency to kill people every once in a while.

Now, in the sanctuary of his study, Oswald did his best to convince himself that asking Edward to keep quiet about them wasn’t merely an act of self-preservation. Oswald wasn’t being selfish when he made that request, he was doing it for Ed too. It was impossible for Lee to understand how good their relationship was for both of them, so they couldn’t tell her. She’d only judge them and possibly even alert the authorities about them. She wouldn’t understand that their love wasn’t damaging to Ed, like one would expect. If anything it was a good source of stability in the young man’s life. Admittedly, it was rather unconventional, but Oswald was almost convinced now that he was good for Ed. The latest incident with Kristen Kringle only proved that Edward was much better off with Oswald in his life than without him.

A knock on the door pulled Oswald out of his thoughts.

“Come in,” he said tiredly.

A bald head popped into the study, followed by the rest of Victor Zsasz. “Mind if I have a word, Boss?”

Oswald exhaled. He wouldn’t have found Ed without Zsasz’ help, so he couldn’t exactly throw the man out. Besides, yesterday Edward said it was fine. “Yes, of course,” he gestured for Victor to come closer.

The assassin grinned and closed the door and made himself comfortable in the chair opposite Oswald’s. “It’s good to be back. I missed this place. I missed _you_ , Boss. Did you miss me, too?”

Oswald pursed his lips a little. Victor and his constant teasing. “I’m glad you’re here because I wanted to thank you. For a job well done.”

“Oh, _do_ mention it,” Zsasz beamed. “I mean it. Mention it a lot. I live for the praise.”

Oswald chuckled, amused. He didn’t want to admit it, but he partly missed Victor’s unique sense of humor.

“Yeah, anyway,” Zsasz continued. “I’m not here to catch up. There’s something else. Something you may not like to hear but I still have to say it.”

Oswald furrowed his brows. “I’m listening.”

“I know you don’t like me meddling but I respect you too much to pretend I’m blind.”

“I get it, Victor. Come to the point already,” Oswald said slightly irritated. He didn’t have time for games.

“You and the kid, Boss,” Victor shook his head with a tsk. “It ain’t right.”

Oswald’s eyebrows arched up. “Pardon?”

“I saw you. You were… in bed with him.”

“What?” Oswald snorted. “Me and Edward?”

“Now, don’t deny it. I came to his room yesterday to bring more of that broth the doctor said was good for him, and I saw you together.”

Oswald rubbed at the bridge of his nose, exhausted. He did not need this on top of his other worries. “Victor,” he said calmly. “You misunderstood. What you saw wasn’t what _you thought_ you saw. I was merely comforting Ed. Nothing else. Nothing inappropriate was happening.”  

“Well, maybe not now!” Zsasz waved his hands about. “But it’s about to happen! Whatever you decide to call it, Boss, it’s still not right.”

“Victor.”

“And that’s coming from me!” Zsasz continued. “You know I have a pretty high tolerance for twisted things, I'm proud of how kinky I am, but that’s too much _even for me_.”

Oswald lost his temper. No one should talk to the Penguin that way! He slammed his fists on the desk and sprang up from his chair, his bad leg jumping up and down nervously. “Zsasz! I’m warning you!”

“You may think it’s all platonic but I can see what that kid thinks it is. It’s not platonic for him.”

“I don’t want to listen to this nonsense any longer,” Oswald said firmly. “I’m grateful for how well you handled the situation with the kidnapping. But how I raise my son is my own business!”

Zsasz looked like he wanted to say something else, but Penguin’s dangerous glare changed his mind and he restrained himself from any further comments on the subject.

Oswald cleared his throat, relieved that the topic was dropped. “Is there anything else?” he asked pointedly.

Zsasz seemed to desperately search for something, anything, else to add. He clearly didn’t want to leave the study on a bad note. “Um, yeah, actually,” he muttered rather awkwardly. “It’s about that anonymous call that tipped off the GCPD where to look for Detective Gordon’s body.”

“Oh!” Oswald's interest was piqued immediately. “And? Did you find the source?”

Zsasz shook his head. “No. But we have a clue.”

Oswald licked his lips nervously. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “And?”  

“There was this bird sound in the background by the end of the tape. The GCPD didn’t think much of it, they’re idiots. But Alvarez--” Zsasz blushed a little and grinned widely at the mention of the detective. “You remember Alvarez, right? The handsome one…”

“Yes, Victor, I remember your enormous crush on Detective Alvarez. Just get on with it, please!” Oswald interrupted impatiently.

Zsasz cleared his throat. “So Alvarez and I cleaned the tape and listened more carefully. Turns out it’s not a bird. It’s mechanical.”

Oswald frowned, disappointment written all over his face. “Mechanical? I don’t understand. What does that mean for us?”

“It means we know that whoever made the call probably had a cuckoo clock.”

“A cuckoo clock,” Oswald repeated.

“Yeah. Because on the tape it sounds like a mechanical bird on a cuckoo clock.”

Oswald nearly exploded. “A cuckoo clock!” he exclaimed outraged. “That’s all you’ve got? A cuckoo clock!”

Zsasz shrugged. “For now. I mean, it’s not much but it’s a start…”

Oswald suddenly deflated back into his chair. “I was hoping for an ending already, not just a start.” He felt so tired. So sad. Would he ever get closure for Jim? Would he even find the bastard who killed him? “If there’s nothing else, Victor, do you mind…?” he waved to indicated that he wanted to be alone.

“Oh! Yes! I should go. I have a busy schedule.”

“Right,” Oswald nodded melancholically. “And thank you again for finding Edward."

Zsasz saluted him and headed for the door, leaving Oswald with his thoughts.

“A cuckoo clock, really,” Oswald sighed when Zsasz was gone. “Some clue!”


	23. Chapter 23

There was still time before their dinner with Lee, so Oswald gave Olga instructions what to cook and gave her the rest of the night off. Then he went up to Ed’s room to check up on him. Last he saw him, Ed was sleeping peacefully in his bed, so Oswald didn’t want to disturb him. Quietly, he cracked the door open to take a look inside only to find Ed sitting up in bed, back propped against the headboard, book in hand. When he saw Oswald he smiled at him warmly. 

“You can come join me, y’know,” he said with fond amusement. “I’m awake. No worries.” 

Oswald chuckled and walked in. “I thought you might still be asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

“I’m fine. Really. I feel much better,” Ed reassured, giving the bed a few gentle taps. Oswald followed the silent instruction and sat on the edge, examining Ed’s face carefully. He really did look much better than yesterday. Oswald was so relieved. He expected it would take longer for Ed to recover after this one. He was glad he was wrong about that. 

“Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?” he asked, eager to make Ed feel as comfortable as possible. 

“You’re adorable when you worry about me,” Ed cooed and put the book away. He then opened his arms for a hug. Oswald chuckled with an eye roll but did what Ed wanted anyway. They lay down together back to chest, Oswald worried not to weigh too much on Ed, but Ed reassured him it was fine. It was so peaceful like that, just the two of them. Oswald was tempted to close his eyes and enjoy the lovely feeling but he had to discuss something important with Edward first. The sooner, the better. 

“This morning I invited Lee Thompkins for dinner,” he said, taking Ed’s hand in his and appreciating the beautiful long fingers. 

“She agreed to come here on such a short notice?” Ed asked. 

“You sound surprised,” Oswald noted. “Lee cares about you, Edward. Of course, she’d come. She’s a good woman.”

“You didn't think her so good when you were jealous of her,” Ed teased. 

Oswald felt his cheeks heating up. “The circumstances were different then.” 

“Right. The circumstances. Sure,” Ed sounded smug, like he wasn’t buying it but he’d still play along to indulge Oswald. 

Oswald ignored it and snuggled closer instead. Ed felt so relaxed and solid behind him. It was another reason Oswald didn’t want this thing between them to end. 

“We should be more careful,” he said. 

“Hmm. What do you mean?” 

“Zsasz saw us in bed together the other day.” 

“What!” Ed exclaimed, shifting beneath Oswald to gently push him off and look him in the eyes. “What was he even doing in my bedroom!” 

Oswald reached out for him, stroking his chest. “Calm down, Ed,” he said softly. “He was only bringing some broth for your nerves.” 

“And that makes it okay for him to snoop around like that?” 

Oswald caressed him soothingly. “You have every right to be upset, I know, but don’t get mad. Please. It was a one time thing. He won’t do it anymore. I talked to him. Crisis averted.” Ed relaxed only slightly so Oswald leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of the younger man’s lips. He missed this so much! “But just in case,” he said, “we should be more careful in the future. Not to slip up and make it obvious for people that we’re-- you know.” 

Ed’s lips spread into a wide grin. “An item?” he supplied helpfully. “That we’re together? Meant to be?” 

Oswald nearly giggled like a schoolboy. “Yes! Exactly that,” he said breathlessly. “We should be more careful with our secret.” 

It was remarkable how quickly they both had recovered from the recent murder incident. Only two nights ago Kristen Kringle had returned from the dead to take her revenge on Ed for killing her boyfriend and nearly killing her as well. Edward had been in such a shock after the whole ordeal of being kidnapped by her, listing to her story, and committing yet another murder. Yet here they were now, snuggling in bed together, giggling and teasing one another as if nothing had happened. Perhaps it was the joy of surviving it all. The relief of being with the one they truly loved, the one they could always trust and depend on. Ed was recovering so fast because he had Oswald by his side. For a moment Penguin even wondered if they needed Lee at all. They seemed to be doing just fine on their own. 

“I like it when it’s just the two of us,” Edward broke the silence, as if reading Oswald’s thoughts. “We don’t need anyone else in the world, do we?” 

Oswald smiled and hummed. “That’s right. We don’t.” 

Ed shifted again so that he could both hold Oswald in his arms and look him in the eyes as he spoke, “I want you to know, Oswald, that you’re enough. You’re  _ everything _ I need to be truly happy.” 

Oswald melted at the sentiment. “Oh, Ed! I feel the same!” 

Encouraged, Ed leaned in to nuzzle Oswald’s neck. “But I have to warn you,” he said, “I’m very greedy. I like having you all to myself.” His voice was low and sensual as he kept kissing down Oswald’s neck, his ministrations sending shivers down Oswald’s spine. Perhaps Ed needed an outlet for all the stress and pain he felt that night when he was kidnapped. And probably physical intimacy was one way for him to do that. “I love feeling you close, touching you, knowing how badly you want me.” 

His passionate breathy voice went straight to Oswald’s groin and this was becoming dangerous. Oswald had to put an end to it and return to the familiar territory of snuggles, kisses, and caresses soon or else he might do something he’d later regret. But it was getting gradually more difficult for him to resist. The more comfortable he grew with being touched by Ed, the more hungry for it he was becoming. It was like every day a physical barrier between them was slowly being lifted. With each caress Oswald allowed Ed more and more. More to touch, more to kiss, more to feel. The more he allowed, the further they went. The lines between what Oswald was ready to let happen and what he had forbidden himself to do until Edward was at least 17 were getting blurred. He knew, consciously, what was the wise thing to do, but he didn’t want to be wise when it came to matters of the heart. He just wanted to be loved. 

“I need you, Oswald,” Ed whispered into his ear, knowing full well the effect his voice had on the older man. 

Oswald sucked in a shaky breath in one last effort to resist temptation. “Edward, please… It’s not the right time.” 

“But you want this. I know you do.” 

Oswald swallowed. “It’s true! I want you so badly!” It was pointless to deny it when it was so glaringly obvious. “But not yet. Okay? We’re not--” Edward’s hand slithered down Oswald’s body, eliciting a passionate gasp from him. “Mmm -- not ready yet.” 

“Oh, I’m ready! I’ve been ready in a  _ really long  _ time.” 

“Ed,” Oswald chuckled, pulling Edward into another kiss, hoping that its sweetness would distract him from his other urges. 

As they kissed the clock in Edward’s bedroom struck 4pm. 

Oswald froze. The clock in Ed’s bedroom struck 4pm. The  _ cuckoo clock  _ in Ed’s bedroom struck 4pm. 

Oswald pulled away to stare at it. “Where did that come from?” 

“What?” Ed followed Oswald’s gaze. “Oh, the clock? Ivy and Selina got it for me for my birthday,” he shrugged and went on kissing down Oswald’s throat. “Didn’t I show it to you?”

“No. Yes. I mean… I must’ve forgotten,” Oswald said distractedly. He couldn’t stop looking at the clock, inexplicable dread rising deep down from the pit of his stomach. “Or I didn’t notice. Or I didn’t think it was important…” 

“It’s not. It’s just a clock.” Ed’s hands went to Oswald’s shoulders and he started massaging them. “Why are you so tense, Oswald?” he asked, amused. “One would think  _ you’re  _ the virgin here.”  

Oswald felt sick with himself again. “Ed, wait. I need to-- to--” He put distance between them. 

“Oswald? What’s wrong?” Ed asked concerned. 

Penguin opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. He was still very much aroused but his desire was dampened enough from the cuckoo clock in the bedroom to make it easier for him to be smart and leave. 

“I need air,” he muttered, sliding off the bed. “I’m going to take a bath.”  

“But-- Take one with me?” Ed called after him. 

“Later!” Oswald promised, rushing out of the bedroom as if it were on fire. 

~*~  

The sound of the cuckoo clock was haunting him like a terror. At first he wasn’t sure what he was so afraid of. Why did the cuckoo clock in Edward’s bedroom affect him so deeply? Was it because it reminded him of Jim’s unsolved murder? Or was there another, darker reason? The more he thought about it, the more he realized his true fear was that Edward was somehow involved in Jim’s death. The mere idea was ridiculous! Edward would  _ never  _ hurt Oswald like that! He’d never kill someone he knew Oswald loved so deeply. Yet the horrible doubt was eating him on the inside like poison, making unpleasant connections Oswald didn’t want to see. Edward had proven himself to be a troubled young man. He was often inconsistent with his behavior, many times even unstable. Was it possible that he’d done something terrible to Jim and then forgot about it? Blacked out like he did with Dougherty?  

_ If  _ the anonymous call even came from Ed at all, there was another explanation for it too. Perhaps Ed had somehow solved the mystery. He was a very bright young man. He was great with puzzles. It was possible that he solved Jim’s murder, or at least figured out the whereabouts of his corpse. Naturally, he couldn’t just outright tell the authorities he knew where a dead body could be found, it would be too suspicious. Nobody would believe that a 16-year old boy just happened to solve a murder GCPD’s best detectives struggled with. So instead Ed resolved to giving an anonymous tip to the GCPD. That way he was helping the investigation without implicating himself. It was quite clever, Oswald thought. 

He was still rather disappointed that, if that scenario was true, Ed didn’t feel comfortable enough to share his findings with Oswald first. He was well aware that Penguin had his own investigation going. But perhaps Ed was afraid that Oswald would accuse him of murder as well. After all, wasn’t that  _ exactly  _ what Oswald was doing right now? Entertaining the possibility that Edward had killed the man he loved? Even suspecting Ed of it was already a betrayal on Oswald’s part. He felt like a scumbag for doubting Ed like that! And all because of a cuckoo clock! What a ridiculous clue! There were so many cuckoo clocks in the world, it was impossible to tell which one belonged to the murderer. If the murderer was even dumb enough to have made the call from their own home. And, of course, there was also the possibility that whoever gave the anonymous tip wasn’t the murderer at all, but simply someone with information. A witness, perhaps. Was Ed a witness? Why wouldn't he tell Oswald then? 

Whatever the case, Oswald knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go. He couldn’t just forget it, or ignore the doubt in his mind. The best course of action would be to ask Ed and finally have some clarity. But if Oswald’s suspicions were unfounded, if he turned out to be horrifically wrong about this and Ed had nothing to do with the whole thing, then Oswald would only succeed in upsetting the young man. No, he needed more proof before confronting Ed about this, especially in Ed’s current state of mind. It was no good jumping to rash conclusions and hurting Edward in the process. He needed a more reasonable cause than a cuckoo clock before he could broach the subject to Ed. 

~*~   

Lee arrived for dinner just on time, bringing a bottle of red wine for Oswald and some delicious chocolates for Ed. She made sure not to mention therapy or ask anything too invasive before it was clear that Edward was ready for it. Oswald appreciated her tact. He greeted her as an impeccable host -- a role he was very accustomed to by now -- and tried to act normally. That wasn’t easy at all, considering that he felt so guilty about his suspicions that he couldn’t look Ed in the eyes. He had been avoiding him the entire afternoon after the cuckoo clock incident. Luckily, the young man assumed it was nerves. They were so close to actually having sex today that Edward wasn’t surprised Oswald freaked out. Little did he know about the dubious plan that was forming in Penguin’s mind. 

Oswald knew a lot about Ed’s previous murders. The pattern was similar. The victim was a person Ed knew and had strong feelings for (be they positive or negative). The crime itself was more or less one of passion. And, of course, there was Ed’s proclivity to keep mementos. In the case of Ed’s father, it was an old fob watch. In Kristen’s case, it was her glasses. In Doughty's case, it was his police badge. If Ed was Jim’s murderer -- impossible as that sounded -- he would most likely have kept a souvenir. And that was what Oswald was going to check.  

The plan was to sneak into Ed’s room and search for something incriminating. Oswald sincerely hoped to find nothing. The cuckoo clock had to be a coincidence! What were the odds that the phone call to the GCPD came from Oswald’s own mansion! Yet he needed to be certain Ed had nothing to do with this. He couldn’t go on with suspicion in his mind. Going through Ed’s stuff was a violation of Ed’s privacy, but the decision was already made. 

The best time to ransack Ed’s room was when Ed wasn't there. Which meant Oswald had to wait till after dinner when he was supposed to leave Ed and Lee to talk undisturbed, and slip into Ed’s bedroom while no one was looking. He remembered how upset Ed about Zsasz being in his room without permission. Perhaps he had something to hide? With Ed one never knew if it was something as normal for a teenager as a dirty magazine, or something as horrendous as a keepsake from a murder. 

When the time was right, Oswald excused himself and left the dining room. It was his perfect opportunity to sneak into Ed’s bedroom and finally put his mind at ease. 

~*~ 

“I sometimes feel Oswald worries for me too much,” Ed confessed to Lee. They had moved to the couch after dinner, and Lee was already in therapist mode, listening to him with unobtrusive understanding. 

“You think his concern is unfounded?” she asked. 

“I think he goes overboard with it,” Ed corrected. “Take this invitation, for example. No doubt he made it sound like an emergency over the phone, didn’t he?” 

Lee let out a slight chuckle. “He did sound quite troubled, I won’t deny that.” 

Ed grinned. “See what I mean? He made you worry too. So you rush here immediately, but there’s no emergency. No one died. Yet he panics for no reason.” 

“Even so, sometimes we don’t need a bad thing to happen to be concerned. Sometimes it’s a general feeling of uneasiness that makes us act quickly.” 

“You think something about my behavior makes Oswald uneasy?” 

“It’s a possibility.” 

Ed sighed. “I’m not sure what that might be… I guess I’ve been a bit under the weather lately. Not smiling all the time, I suppose. I can’t always be cheerful, now, can I?” 

“Of course not,” Lee touched his hand to reassure him. “You’re allowed to have a wide range of feelings. And mood swings are a natural occurrence, especially at your age. Just keep in mind that Oswald’s concern comes from a place of love.”

Ed couldn’t argue with that. 

“Have you had any hallucinations lately?” Lee asked after a small pause. 

Ed perked up. “Actually, no,” he announced with pride. “And as it turns out, my last hallucination wasn’t really a hallucination after all. It was an actual person. I was worried over nothing.” 

Lee looked at him curiously. “How do you mean? You said you saw your father. Who is dead.”  

“Well, yeah, but I saw a… a man. And he-- he looked so much like my father that I thought I was hallucinating him. But I wasn’t. The guy was a real person, only the resemblance to my father was so uncanny I got confused.” 

“Oh! Wow,” Lee chuckled. “That’s-- that’s very good news, Ed. And you’re sure it’s this man you saw and not a figment of your subconsciousness?” 

“Absolutely,” Ed smiled. “Oswald saw him, too, so it’s not just me being mental.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Lee smiled kindly. 

“I know,” Ed smiled back. “I was joking.” 

“The last time we spoke you were really concerned about this. I’m glad to see this is no longer the case.” 

“Yes. I feel like a new man.” 

“A man,” Lee noted. “You feel like you’ve grown?” 

Ed nodded. “In more ways than just one,” he answered truthfully. “I’ve grown so much over the last year. I’m no longer the pitiful nervous mess I used to be.” 

“You see yourself differently now,” Lee observed. “What do you think provoked that?” 

“Oswald,” Ed smiled as he uttered the name. “I’m pretty sure the reason behind it is Oswald. He-- He changed me a lot. In a good way. He found something inside me and he cultivated it. He helped me open up and embrace myself. I was so repressed before I met him…” he chuckled. “I couldn’t imagine my life without him.” 

Lee smiled. “Sounds like you really love him.” 

“I do,” Ed said, heart hammering wildly in his chest at the admission. “I love him more than anything!” It was so good to say it out loud. 

“I’m glad you found a father figure to love,” Lee said and inadvertently broke Ed’s little bubble. Of course, she assumed what Ed felt for Oswald was the affection of a son. “It shows you’re moving on from your traumatic experience. You’re ready to start anew. Do you think the ‘new you’ you mentioned emerged as a result of you finally being able to close that chapter of your life?” 

Ed needed a moment to think about that. Did he really overcome the traumas from his past? His parents? The bullying? The murders…? Was he truly ready to start a new life with Oswald? And if so, should they stay in Gotham? What was holding them here? They could leave this place forever! They could start a new life somewhere outside Gotham, somewhere where nobody knew them. Somewhere where they would not be father and son in the eyes of society. In a year or so Ed wouldn’t even look like a teenager anymore. He’d be legal for Oswald to take and Oswald would no longer need to feel bad about the age difference, or the adoptive father thing. With forged papers, they might even be able to get married… No one had to know how it all started. The future was what truly mattered and they could build that future together! 

Ed was so excited by that prospect, he wanted to share it with Oswald right away! He could imagine how happy Oswald would be with this plan! Of course, he wasn’t quite sure if Oswald would want to leave Gotham. That might turn to be an issue. Penguin loved this city so much. But Ed hoped that if it came to a choice between Edward and Gotham, Oswald would choose Edward. Surely his love for Ed surpassed his love for the city.  

“Edward?” He snapped out of his happy daydream to meet Lee’s searching eyes. “Is everything alright?” she tilted her head, slightly concerned. 

“Yes! Yes, I’m fine,” he said quickly. 

“You went somewhere just now, didn’t you. Where did you go?” 

“Just… thinking. About your question. About new beginnings.” 

“Something you’d like to share?” 

Ed opened his mouth to speak but then Oswald barged in the room. He was paler than usual, and slightly disheveled. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Why was Jim Gordon’s police badge in your bedroom, Edward?” he asked, voice shaking. As if to present visual aid for his words, he opened his palm to show the police badge lying in his hand, the name  _ J. Gordon  _ visible even from a distance. 

_ Shit.  _

Oswald was glaring at him, accusation and hurt in his eyes. Lee seemed rather confused at first, but the implication of having a deadman’s badge in one’s bedroom was pretty straightforward. Her brows were furrowed in suspicion as she, too, waited for Ed to explain. Ed was surrounded by the two people in this world who loved James Gordon the most. Panic seized him and for a moment he felt like he could faint.  _ Why now?  _ Why did Oswald have to learn about this now? Just when Ed came up with the perfect plan to ensure their happy future together! It was unfair! So unfair! 

“That’s--” he stuttered. “Where did you find that?” 

“Answer the question, Edward!” Oswald insisted, pressing the badge closely to his heart as if embracing it. “Why was Jim’s badge in your bedroom!” 

“I--” Ed had to think fast. “I’m sorry, I stole it,” he lied. He had to lie. What else was he supposed to do? Confess? He couldn't do that. He’d lose  _ everything that truly mattered to him  _ if he confessed. 

“You… stole it,” Oswald repeated, not quite buying it yet.  

“Yes,” Ed bit his lower lip, looking guilty. “I stole it.” Technically it wasn’t a lie. He did take the badge from Jim. True, it was Jim’s cold dead body he took it from, but still. 

“Explain,” Oswald said, coldly. 

“It was the last time we saw him. That evening he spent with us? After he left I saw his badge on the couch. It must’ve fallen from his pocket or something. I should’ve returned it but… I always thought it was such a cool thing! And I knew how much you, Oswald, respected Jim for what he stood for at the GCPD. I wanted to be like him! I wanted to impress you!” Oswald blushed a little, aware of Lee’s presence in the room. Ed continued. “I wanted to give the badge back but I just-- I didn’t. I kept it to myself instead.” He inhaled deeply as if admitting it had lifted a weight from his shoulders. “I’m  _ so  _ sorry, Oswald! I truly am! I screwed up.” 

He hung his head, letting a tear slide down his cheek, hoping his performance was on the level.

There was silence in the room for a long moment before Oswald spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me? When we found out that Jim--” his voice broke and he had to start again, “When we found out about what happened to Jim, why didn’t you tell me?” 

Ed looked up, gaze shifting from Oswald to Lee. “I felt terrible for stealing from him. Stealing from a deadman…” he trailed off and shook his head with regret. “I didn’t want you to know, Oswald. I was ashamed. I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” 

He hoped Oswald would believe the story. It seemed slightly illogical that Ed would freely share with Oswald details about killing people, but feel too ashamed to confess a small theft.  

Oswald looked torn. He glanced at Lee and she took it as her que to weigh in on the matter. 

“People sometimes do things they’re not proud of. Things they’d rather forget ever happened,” she said and Ed nodded. “That said, I’m surprised you held onto the badge instead of getting rid of it. Since you were so ashamed of taking it in the first place.” 

Oswald sucked in a sharp breath loudly. “Oh,” he said bitterly, “Edward likes to collect souvenirs. Don’t you, Ed? I expect he’s already told you about that, Lee.” 

The words stung. But Ed had a more pressing problem to deal with. Lee’s total bewilderment at Oswald’s meaning. 

“I don’t understand,” she said. 

“Didn’t he tell you about the people he killed?” 

Lee pursed her lips with disapproval. “Oswald, I don’t think it’s helpful to phrase things this way. What happened to Ed’s father was an accident, and we were just discussing how he was finally moving on from that trauma.” 

Oswald snorted. “Is that what you were discussing? How interesting!” 

“Oswald… Please, not now,” Ed warned. “We need to talk first. In private.” 

“I called Lee here so that she’d fix your head, Ed!” Oswald shouted, letting his anger out. 

“Oswald! Don’t yell at him!” Lee was quick to Ed’s defense.  

“Did you do it, Ed? Did you kill Jim?” Tears were streaming down Oswald’s face but he sounded so angry, so full of hatred. “Did you kill him like you killed the other ones?” 

Lee sprang up to her feet, standing in front of Oswald to block his view to Ed. “You need to calm down, Oswald. You clearly have some pent up grief you need to work on, but you can’t take it out on Edward.” 

Oswald laughed maniacally in her face. “You’ve no idea who you’re protecting, Lee!” he said. “Ed’s a killer! A real one! He’s killed three people already! And he’s probably killed Jim! Didn’t you, Ed?” 

“Oswald, stop that!” Lee insisted.  

Edward remained quiet during the entire verbal exchange. Lee was doing a poor job at defending him but at least she was standing up for him. However, this wouldn’t be enough. He needed to convince Oswald in his innocence. But how? Would they be able to move past this? 

“How else can you explain the cuckoo clock and the memento badge?” Oswald cried out, his entire body shaking. 

“What cuckoo clock?” Lee exclaimed. “Oswald, you’re not making sense!”  

“I know it was you, Ed!” Oswald went on relentlessly. “You gave the GCPD the anonymous tip! It was you!” He threw himself at Ed and Lee had to physically hold him so that he wouldn’t hurt the teen. 

“Oswald, stop!” she yelled. 

Oswald shook his head desperately. “I didn’t want to believe it at first, but it’s so obvious. You’re lying about that badge. You didn’t steal it. You kept it as a souvenir! After you killed him. That’s how you knew where Jim’s body was. There’s no other explanation.” He sniffled and slid down to the floor, sobbing helplessly. “Please, tell me it wasn’t you, Ed. Please tell me you didn’t kill Jim. I don’t want this to be true. Please…”  

Ed observed with concern the pitiful mess that was Oswald. He looked a mess. Oswald had always been a man with strong emotions and his mistake was that he often let them control him. If only Edward could twist this around somehow. If only he could talk to Oswald privately. If it were just the two of them, he could turn this around. He could convince Oswald in his innocence and they could still have a shot at a happy new beginning. But Lee was getting in the way. He needed to remove her from Oswald somehow. 

“Lee, could you please, leave us alone for a moment?” Ed asked. It was a long shot to expect Lee to go at a time like this, but he had to try. 

Lee looked at him incredulously. She was down to her knees, an arm wrapped around Oswald’s shoulders to ease him out of his mental breakdown. 

“I can’t leave him now, Ed,” she said like it was glaringly obvious. “He’s unwell.” 

Ed sighed. “He’s only having one of his episodes.” 

Lee frowned. “What episodes?” 

“Oswald, he-- he loses touch with reality sometimes. It happens. I think it runs in his family. He told me his mother had it too.” 

“I didn’t know anything about--” 

“He’s lying!” Oswald cried out, baring his teeth at Ed like a wild animal. “He’s lying again! He’s a liar!” 

“See? Even now. It’s like he doesn’t recognize me,” Ed shook his head sadly. He was desperate on the inside, but he had to seem in full control on the outside in order to make this work. If he had to make Oswald look crazy in the process, so be it. The effort was worth it. Everything was worth it to ensure they lived happily together. “All he needs is some rest. I can take him to his room and--” 

“I’ll help you,” Lee said stubbornly. 

“There’s no need. I can easily--” 

“Come on, be realistic, Ed. You can’t drag him up to his room alone,” Lee said and carefully helped Oswald up. 

Ed realized he was holding his breath, expecting Oswald to attack him again, to scream, to shout or growl, anything. What he didn’t expect was for Oswald to just deflate in Lee’s arms like that. Their eyes met and it was at that moment that Edward finally understood. Oswald was completely broken. The realization that Edward had something to do with Jim’s death had crushed him. Jim was Oswald’s first big love, Oswald still grieved for his death, Ed knew that. The realization that he had fallen for the murderer of the man he used to love must have been a huge shock for Oswald. Edward wished he could spare him the pain of this unfortunate revelation but there was little he could do with Lee in the way. He disappeared into the kitchen with a decisive step and returned with a sharp knife in hand. 

“Just try to hold on, Oswald,” Lee encouraged, supporting his weight. “It’ll be alright, you’ll see.” 

“He killed Jim… He killed Jim and I-- I fell in love with him…” Oswald sobbed. 

“What do you mean? Who did you fall in love with?” Lee asked curiously just as Ed came from behind her, quiet as a tiger. Quickly he grabbed her with one hand as he slit her throat with the other. 

Blood gushed from the fresh wound as Lee started to desperately gurgle, waving her hands about in a desperate attempt to cling to life. Oswald gaped with wide unbelieving eyes, too stunned to do anything. After a moment Ed theatrically let go of Lee and let her fall to the floor where she kept bleeding on the carpet. She convulsed a few more times until deadly calmness finally embraced her. 


	24. Chapter 24

“There,” Ed exhaled, putting the knife on the coffee table. He met Oswald’s confused expression and added, “I’m sorry, Oswald, I know you were fond of her, but she just wouldn’t leave! You shouldn’t have invited her. She just gets in the way.” 

A beat of silence, then Oswald gasped, kneeling down next to Lee’s body, checking for a pulse and trying to apply pressure on the wound. 

“That’s really not--” Ed sighed tiredly. “Oswald. Oswald!” 

Oswald looked up at him. He still seemed completely out of it. 

“It’s too late for that now, Oswald,” Ed said. “She’s dead.” 

Oswald shook his head frantically. For a criminal accustomed to murders he sure was very inadequate when it came to the death of people who were close to him. 

“Please, pull yourself together. We need to talk,” Ed hoped his words would divert Oswald’s attention from Lee’s body. “There’s something I want to discuss with you. About our future.” 

Oswald’s wide eyes were shifting from Lee to Ed and back to Lee again. “Why?” 

“Because it’s really important for us both.” 

“I mean, why did you kill her? She was only trying to help…” Oswald’s voice broke. “She was a good woman, Edward. Brave, and strong, and kind…” 

“I wanted to talk to you privately, and she wouldn’t leave,” Ed explained. 

“So you _killed_ her?” Oswald cried out. Some of his anger was back in his voice. Which was a good thing, Edward thought. It was better than being broken. Edward could deal with an angry Oswald. What he couldn’t deal with was a depressed vegetable-like highly unresponsive Oswald. 

Ed shrugged. “You’ve killed for less. Haven’t you?” 

Oswald hung his head, sobbing. 

Ed took a step closer. “You call me a murderer, but you’re no better. You have many sins, Oswald. Or have you forgotten?” 

Oswald shook his head, hand tenderly stroking Lee’s hair. “I haven’t forgotten,” he said quietly. “I know who I am. I just didn’t think that…” he trailed off. 

Edward sighed, sensing the other man’s train of thought. “Don’t worry, Oswald. You haven’t been a bad influence on me. On the contrary. You helped me embrace my true self. This is who I am, who I’ve always been. And I feel so much better for finally being free to be myself!” Despite the situation they were in, Ed couldn’t help but feel invigorated. Things were quite dire at the moment but strength came through adversity, and the strongest steel was forged by the fires of hell. He truly believed that because it was the fires of hell that made him realize his own strength. Well, that and murdering some people. The point was, he was stronger because of his sorrow and misfortunes, he was stronger because of his desire to give himself and Oswald a happy life. “You’re my hero, Oswald,” he concluded in awe. “And I love you so much!” 

Instead of the usual reciprocal _I love you too_ , Oswald let out a scoff. He gave Lee’s hair one last stroke, then carefully stood up and stared at Ed defiantly. “Don’t you _dare_ say you love me,” he gritted through his teeth. “Not until you tell me the truth about Jim.” 

“I already told you the truth,” Ed insisted but Oswald shook his head. 

“No. You were lying. Tell the truth, Ed. Did you kill Jim?” 

There it was. The big question. The one that decided their future. This was the moment for Ed to turn things around. To win Oswald’s trust back. To fix everything between them so that they could arrange their departure from Gotham and start the beginning of their new life. This was _it_ but Ed suddenly felt trapped. He couldn’t lie to Oswald. Oswald would know. Besides Ed didn’t really want to build their future life together on a lie. It was somehow different if he were only lying by omission. It was better when Oswald did not suspect him of anything. But being actually asked the question and outright lie to Oswald’s face? He realized he couldn’t do that. He was suddenly left with only one choice. To tell the truth. And the truth… Well. Ed had trapped himself. He shouldn’t have kept that damn trophy! What was he thinking!

He swallowed. “Alright,” he said, voice soft, resigned. “I’ll tell you the truth. But you must promise me you’ll listen and try to understand. No judgement.” 

Oswald’s face was pale and solemn. “Go ahead.” 

“It’s true. I did kill Detective Gordon. It wasn’t self defense either. I wanted to kill him.” 

“Oh God…” Oswald breathed, the mask of strength crumbling down upon hearing the confession. His legs gave way beneath him and he reached for the armrest of the couch for support. “Proceed.” 

“I followed him on his way home one night. I strangled him with his tie. The one you kept. He put up a fight but I took him by surprise. I was faster than him and he was… emotionally compromised. “Noticing Oswald’s confusion at the phrase, Ed reluctantly clarified, “He saw my face when I attacked him and he was afraid I’d hurt you too.” A silent tear fell down Oswald’s cheek. Ed continued, “After I killed him, I brought his body to the mansion. He was in our basement for a long time before I threw him into the river.” 

Oswald paled more, if that was even possible. “Jim was here?” he gasped horrified. “His-- his body was here? All that time while we were searching for him?”

Ed nodded. “I was going to bury him somewhere remote but you wouldn’t stop looking for him. You-- you needed closure. So I gave it to you. I threw Gordon’s body in the river, gave the anonymous tip to the GCPD where to find him, and… and I waited for you to forget about him and move on.” 

There. The cards were on the table. No more secrets. Ed was completely and utterly bare before Penguin, awaiting his response. Hoping for it to be favorable. 

Oswald was watching him with disgust. He shook his head and took a step back as if he couldn’t stand being around the younger man. He turned his back on Ed. He couldn’t look at him. 

Ed panicked. “Oswald… I did it for you,” he uttered weakly. “Don’t you see? I did it for you! I killed him _for_ you!” 

A bitter scoff escaped Oswald’s lips but nothing more. Ed took a step closer only to have the other man pull away and put more distance between them. 

“Gordon wasn’t good for you!” Ed blurted out, desperate to make Oswald see the good Ed had done him. “He was hurting you! He--” 

“He was _not_ hurting me!” Oswald snapped enraged. He was glaring at Ed again, his entire body vibrating with extreme anger. “He was the _only_ person in this world who wasn’t hurting me! The only one who truly loved me! And you killed him! He’s dead because of you, and all this time we were-- I was-- with you and--!” He looked like he was about to vomit. Concerned, Ed tried to embrace him, calm him down with kisses, but Oswald struggled against him like a wild animal. “Don’t you dare touch me! You betrayed me, Edward!” 

It was like Ed’s worst nightmare had come to life. Oswald hated him! He couldn’t stand the sight of him! He was repelled by his touch! And all because of James Gordon. Even in death that man was a menace! Ed would kill him again, if he could. 

“You betrayed me, Ed,” Oswald repeated, more quiet this time, broken. 

“No! No, I could _never_ betray you! I _love_ you!” Ed pleaeded desperately. “Why don’t you understand it, Oswald? I did this _for you_! You of all people should understand!” 

“How could you do this to me, Edward! How could you!” Oswald sounded so hurt. “ I loved him…” 

“And I love you!” Ed felt something wet on his face and realized he was crying. How long had he been crying without knowing? He didn’t care. “I love you, Oswald. How were we supposed to be together with Jim Gordon in our way?” 

Oswald snorted bitterly. “We were never supposed to be together, Ed! It was a mistake all along!” 

“But we’re meant for each other! You said--” 

“I was wrong!” Oswald interrupted, face twisted in repulsion. “I was _so_ wrong! I should never have looked at you that way! I should never have fallen in lov--” his voice cracked and he inhaled sharply, “-- fallen in love with you. This is my punishment for my feelings for you and I wish-- I wish I never adopted you. I had my life under control before you came along!” 

“Don’t say that! You’re hurting me when you say such things,” Ed was so very upset, but for the first time it seemed Oswald didn’t care. It no longer mattered to him. 

“What is wrong with me anyway?” he ran his shaky fingers through his damp hair and tried to breathe. “I fell in love with the boy who murdered the love of my life.” 

“Gordon wasn’t the love of your life, _I_ am!” Ed cried out, angry at Oswald’s cruel words. Quickly he grabbed him by the arm and turned him around so that he had no choice but to face Ed. “ _I’m_ the one who’s ready to kill for you! _I’m_ the one who’s always there for you! By your side! For better and for worse! _I’m_ the one who’d do _anything_ for you, Oswald! _Anything_ so that you’d be happy! What has Jim Gordon ever done for you? Huh?” 

Oswald pulled his arm out of Edward’s grip. “Jim was there for me! He supported me! He loved me! He trusted me! He was honest with me! He let me take the important decisions in my life without trying to control or manipulate me!” 

Ed gasped in outage. “You think I’ve been controlling and manipulating you?” 

“Well, haven’t you?” 

Ed opened his mouth but nothing came out. 

“I knew you were peculiar, Ed, but I always admired that about you. I liked that you were different. Then I saw how troubled you were and I thought we were kindred spirits because I am broken too.” Oswald shook his head bitterly. “I thought we could heal one another together. Instead we just made each other worse.”

“No!” Ed protested passionately. “No, that’s not true. I’m glad I met you, Oswald. You’re the best man I’ve ever known! The first one who’s ever been kind to me just because he wanted to! Just because he cared… You care, Oswald! You still care about me! You still love me, I know you do.” 

Oswald swallowed, face heavy with sadness. “I am disgusted with myself for loving you. And now I’m disgusted with you too. I can never forgive what you’ve done, Ed. You killed Jim and I-- I can never forget that.” 

The fact that Oswald’s voice sounded so calm when he said it only made things worse. Had he yelled again, Ed would’ve recognized passion. And passion was fickle. Passion changed. The deadly calmness that overtook Oswald showed determination. It showed Oswald’s decision was firmly made. There was nothing Ed could do to sway him now. It was over. And Ed lost. 

“Oswald… please,” he begged. “We can run away together! Leave Gotham and all of this behind us! We can still be happy!” 

“Oh, Ed,” Oswald looked at him sadly. “You really think that’s possible? After all this, you still think we can be together? And happy?” 

Ed nodded frantically, desperate for the answer to be _yes_. “Of course, we can!” he exclaimed eagerly. “I understand you’d need time but we can work this out! We can move past this! Tell me we can, Oswald! Everything I did was for us to be together! Don’t throw it all away!” 

“I don’t want to move past this. I don’t trust you anymore, Ed. I don’t want to be tempted to forgive you the murder of someone I loved!” 

The rejection stung. Ed clenched his hands into tight fists and glared. “You pretend to be all high and mighty, Oswald, but you’re no saint.” 

“I never said I was.” 

“You’re mad at me for killing Gordon, but do you mean to tell me _you_ never wanted Kristen dead? When she came into our lives as Isabella and you felt threatened by her presence? Look me in the eyes, and tell me you never wished to kill Kristen and get her out of the picture.” 

Oswald pursed his lips and Edward could tell he hit a nerve. Perhaps nothing was lost yet. He and Oswald were so much alike, after all. Surely if anyone could understand Ed, it would be Oswald. And with understanding came forgiving. 

“I may have entertained the idea,” Oswald finally admitted, “but I never would’ve acted on it.” 

Ed snorted. “Oh, you’re fooling yourself! You would’ve killed her! If Isabella and I were together like Jim and you were, you would’ve killed her. You wouldn’t have stand to watch us! You would’ve ended it too, just like I did!” 

Something about Edwad’s words inflamed Oswald’s rage again, because he suddenly charged at him with an almost animalistic cry. Ed did not move. He waited for the impact, almost craving it. Oswald’s fists landed on Ed’s chest, hitting him again and again, all the while crying and sobbing and crying some more. It was desperate. It was painful. It was love. It had to be. Somewhere among this wild exhibit of feelings, there had to be love. People did not waste such strong emotions on someone they didn’t care about. Only the ones who mattered could elicit such powerful reactions. 

Edward relished in Oswald’s anger. It was like finding water in a desert. It gave him hope. 

When Oswald finally got a hold of himself, he looked at Ed’s face, then at his own trembling hands, and dropped into the couch, completely exhausted. His face was turned away from Ed as if he were afraid to look at him. Perhaps he was afraid he’d forgive him. 

“Oswald. We’re the same,” Ed said but Oswald covered his ears with his hands and shut his eyes tightly.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he uttered. “Don’t talk to me anymore, Edward. I don’t want to listen to you.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “Go away, or else I’ll kill you.” 

Ed paled. “What.” 

“You heard me. Leave! Or I _will_ kill you. I promise you I will.” 

“But Oswald… you care for m--” 

Oswald jumped from the couch with a sudden jolt and screamed in Edward’s face with all his might. “I said I will kill you if you stay here another second! I’ll take this knife you killed Lee with, and I’ll _plunge_ it through your heart, you lying bastard! So _go_ ! I don’t _ever_ want to see your face again! I want you _gone_! Like you never existed! Like I never knew you!” 

Edward shook his head. “No, you can’t mean that.” 

“I _do_ mean it!” Oswald hissed, glaring at him. They were so close to one another, Ed could kiss him. In fact, he leaned in to try, but Oswald slapped him the moment he realized what Ed was aiming for.  

Ed swallowed. His fingers were twitching frantically, itching for… _something_. He couldn’t let Oswald do this! He couldn’t let Oswald forget Ed ever existed! This wasn’t how their story was supposed to end! Their story was not supposed to end at all! 

Before he could consciously register what was happening, Ed grabbed the knife from the coffee table and drove it into Oswald’s stomach. Oswald let out a surprised cry as the weapon ripped through his flesh and internal organs. Edward stared him in the eye as the other man clenched his wound with cold trembling fingers, then he pulled the knife out and stabbed Oswald with it again. Oswald lost balance and fell down on the floor, breathing harshly. Taking a step closer, Ed loomed over him, observing. Oswald wasn’t dead yet, but he was dying. If no one came to help him soon, he would be dead before sunrise, Ed could tell. He was losing a lot of blood, so it would be slow and painful. Ed felt no joy or thrill at the thought. 

“I didn’t want it to come to this, Oswald, but you gave me no choice,” Ed heard himself say. His own voice sounded foreign to him, distant. He wasn’t even sure if he was the one talking, but there was no one else in the room, just them, and Oswald was in no condition to chit-chat. “I can’t let you forget me, Oswald. I _won't_ let you forget. I want you to remember me, always. I want you to remember our love. And every time you close your eyes, I want you to see my face. Think of me, Oswald. _Long_ for me. And never forget how deeply I loved you. I still do. I always will.” 

Oswald gasped, trying to speak, but failing. Seeing that for once words couldn’t help him, he reached out for Edward with one bloody hand, but the movement only caused him more pain. Edward took a step away, completely out of Oswald’s reach, and continued to watch him. Deep down he knew killing Oswald would change him forever. He could feel something breaking inside him the moment he stabbed the man he loved. He was not prepared to lose him. Oswald was his everything. Ed realized he didn’t want to see him die. He didn’t want to remember him like that -- a pitiful bleeding mess, gasping and growling on the floor. He wanted to remember him alive, powerful and dangerous, charming and alluring, laughing with Edward, holding him in his arms, kissing him. He wanted to remember the good times. The times, Oswald gave up on. 

“You were right about one thing though,” Ed added, wiping his hand on his clothes, “I really did believe we could still work it out.” 

~*~  

Lucius heard a knock on his door. He assumed it was his science magazine subscription, but when he went to check, there was a surprise for him at the doorstep. 

“Edward?” he asked, puzzled. Not that he wasn’t glad to see Ed. Boy, was he glad to see Ed! He missed him so much! But it was unexpected, especially so early in the morning. They hadn't seen one another since that misfortunate day when Lucius confessed his crush on Ed. He wasn't sure he was ready to spend time with him yet, but he wasn't going to ask him to leave either. 

He took a moment to examine Ed's appearance and couldn't not notice that the young man looked quite exhausted, like he hadn’t slept a wink. There were dark circles under his tired eyes, his hair, usually impeccably combed, was now a mess. His clothes were disheveled and his hands were twitching nervously. Everything about him screamed anxiety.

Lucius frowned. “Is everything okay?” 

Ed let out a shaky sigh. “Lucius… I’m sorry, this is not-- I shouldn’t be doing this but can I come in? Please? I-- I need to talk to someone…”  

“Of course! Ed! Of course!” Lucius reassured him, opening the door properly and stepping aside so that Ed could get in. “I must warn you though, my roommate is still sleeping. But we can go to my room and talk there. If that's okay with you?”

Ed nodded and followed Lucius silently. When Foxy closed the bedroom door, Ed looked around and chuckled. 

“What?” Lucius asked with fond amusement on his face. 

“It’s _just_ what I imagined your bedroom would look like.”

Lucius’ breath hitched. Ed had taken the time to imagine his bedroom? Why? 

“Umm, thanks. I think…” Lucius muttered awkwardly. What was he supposed to do? He was still working on getting over his feelings for Edward. And now Edward was right here, in his room, looking so upset, yet so sweet! Lucius was worried about him. “Ed, did something happen?” 

Ed seemed eager to avoid his eyes, busying himself with the posters on Lucius’ wall, or the books on his shelves instead. Finally, after a long hesitation, he spoke. “Something did happen.” His voice was quiet. “But I can’t talk about it. It’s really bad…”

Lucius put a reassuring hand on Ed’s shoulder, but when he noticed the way Ed flinched at the touch, quickly removed it. “What happened?” 

Ed looked down at his shoes and bit his lower lip. “He took advantage of me…” he whispered, shaking. “I trusted him and he took advantage of me. Sexually.” 

“What? Who?” 

Ed looked up at Lucius with tearful eyes. “Oswald,” he nearly mouthed. 

Words could not describe the vicious rage Lucius felt at that moment. He quickly reached for his phone. 

“Who are you calling?” Ed asked concerned. 

“The authorities! He’s going to jail for what he’s done to you!” 

Ed’s hand stopped him with a featherlight touch. “No, please, don’t,” he beseeched. 

“Edward, he hurt you! That’s a felony! He deserves to be arrested for it!” 

“You don’t understand, Foxy,” Ed sighed. “Oswald is a dangerous man. And this between us… it’s not new.” 

Lucius paled. “You mean, he-- it’s been happening for a while now?” 

Ed nodded. “Since day one, almost.” 

“Oh, God…” 

“I don’t want to get you in trouble with him. He could kill you.” 

“I’m not afraid of him!” 

“Of course not. But, Lucius…” Ed’s fingers gently brushed against Foxy’s cheek. Their eyes met. “I worry about you. Please.” 

Lucius felt his heart skipping a beat. There was something different about Ed. He was more… Lucius couldn't even decide what it was. But he liked it. 

“Just take me away from him. Away from Gotham,” Ed said with quiet decisiveness. “He'll get what he deserves, but right now I don't want to be here anymore. And I don’t want to be alone.”  

“But where can we go? What can we do? Gotham is ev--” 

Ed’s soft smile silenced him. “I’m sure you’ll find the perfect solution. You’re so good with solutions.” 

To leave Gotham just like that! Lucius couldn't believe he was actually doing this! He’d never been this impulsive in his life! But this was for Edward. 

He gave a curt nod. “Let me take care of everything, okay?” he said, making sure to sound both comforting and confident. “You just wait here for a bit and I’ll make sure everything’s ready for us. I have a car. I’ll just grab a few things that we might need, and we can be off! Anywhere you want, Edward. Anything you want.” 

Ed smiled at him. “Thank you, Foxy. You’re a real treasure.” 

~*~ 

On the highway, leading out of Gotham, a car with two teenage boys was headed out of town. Lucius Fox was driving, and Edward Nygma occupied the seat next to him. Louis Prima’s _Closer to the Bone_ was blasting from the radio. Foxy glanced at Ed reassuringly. 

"We're gonna start a new life, you and me,” he said. “And I'm gonna protect you, Ed. No one would ever hurt you like that again, I promise. You hear me? I _promise_!" 

As Ed nodded at Foxy with a soft grateful smile, his fingers twitched in his lap. He was ready to feel that heady feeling again, the adrenaline of wrapping his hands around another's throat and squeeze tightly. Yes, Lucius was just the ride out of Gotham. Ed told him that story about Oswald just to get him to do what he wanted, but Lucius wasn’t important here. Oswald was. By the time they found Penguin in his mansion, Ed would already be miles away, and Lucius? Well, like Ed said, Lucius was just the ride. 

~*~ 

Oswald woke up with a start. He gasped for air, eyes wide and searching. “Edward?” he growled, trying to move but a sharp pain in his abdomen made him wince. Pain was good. Pain meant he was alive. 

“You should rest, Boss,” Zsasz said, quick to come to Oswald's aid. “You got hurt pretty badly.” 

“You bet I did,” Penguin muttered through gritted teeth. “Where’s Edward?” 

“I don’t know. He sent me a text, saying you needed me at the mansion. I found you and Dr. Thompkins, bleeding on the carpet. She was dead. You were _nearly_ dead.” 

Oswald pursed his lips. So Edward couldn’t let him die after all. He had to alert Zsasz about it, giving the man time to come and save Oswald. Why would Ed do that? Did he _want_ Oswald to go after him? 

As if from a distance, Edward’s voice sounded in his head like an evocative whisper.  

_I can’t let you forget me, Oswald. I won't let you forget. I want you to remember me, always. I want you to remember our love. And every time you close your eyes, I want you to see my face. Think of me, Oswald. Long for me. And never forget how deeply I loved you. I still do. I always will._

He frowned. Edward got his wish. _Oswald will definitely not forget now!_

Zsasz snapped him out of it. “Did you see who attacked you, Boss? Did they come for Edward, like the dead blonde chick?” 

Oswald grunted and tried to stand again.  

“No, Boss, don’t! You need to recover first. I don’t want you to die on me.” 

“Oh, but I won’t!” Oswald grinned manically. “I have something to live for now!” 

Relieved, Zsasz smiled cheerfully. “Oh, that’s nice. And what’s that?” 

“Revenge!” Penguin replied. “There’s someone I need to hunt down!” 


	25. Another Note

We have a sequel, people! I hope you enoy it :) 

[In Our Language of Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19789861/chapters/46850941)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is it! The end! I can't believe we actually got here! Thank you all for reading, commenting, and being so emotionally invested! Thank you for the amazing experience that was to write this story and read your thoughts and feelings about it. It’s been a privilege! :’) 
> 
> P.S. You can find the sequel to this story here [In Our Language of Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19789861/chapters/46850941) . I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
>  


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